“You have a strange influence on us. You’ve stirred us up.”
“You don’t like it,” he said again.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“I’m not sure. I just don’t know. Too many things have happened … Too quickly…” I was trying hard to find the right words.
He stood up abruptly. What I couldn’t miss was the disappointment on his face. He turned around to leave. I quickly followed him.
“Will you stay?”
He stopped walking. Slowly he turned around.
“Only if it’s alright with you.”
“I wouldn’t be asking otherwise.”
“I’ll be right back.” Leaning back against the wall, I closed my eyes. He was the last person I had expected to see today, yet he had found and brought home my drunken brother.
I wanted to think with my head, but my heart was stronger and louder.
Lorcan came back five minutes later, carrying a small suitcase. Without saying anything, I showed him to the other guest room. Before I could change my mind, I wished him good night and left him alone, closing the door. It was the only sane thing to do.
It was no wonder really that sleep evaded me. I had slept through the whole day and almost half of the night. I was also feeling guilty that I had disappointed my brother so much that he had been drinking all day and half of the night. The fact that Lorcan was only across the hallway didn’t help either. I missed him. My body missed him.
I got up. There was no point in lying in bed, tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling. I decided to check on Harry. I needed to know if he was all right.
I went down the hallway and opened Harry’s door. He still lay as he was when we’d put him into bed. I sat down and swept his hair from his sweaty forehead.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and kissed him on the cheek. He didn’t move, just sighed in his sleep. I left his room, tiptoeing out, although he was sleeping deeply. Not even a machine gun would have woken him. I was sure of that.
I made my way back to my room, unable to keep my eyes from the guest room door, knowing that Lorcan was on the other side. I struggled with what to do. For a moment, common sense prevailed and I went to my bedroom door. I stood there for a few moments, but then something made me turn around and I opened Lorcan’s door instead.
The curtains were not drawn together so the full moon was shining through the window directly onto the bed. Lorcan was lying on the right side of the big bed, sleeping. The moon’s rays were shining on his back. He was only half covered, as the night was warm.
I thought he might fall off the bed because of the angle at which he was lying. As he was motionless, I entered the room and closed the door quietly. The desire to be close to him drove me to do things I wouldn’t have otherwise done. Carefully, I went closer and lay down on the bed.
Almost at the same moment, he turned around. For a few seconds, I forgot how to breathe. I was afraid I’d woken him up. He must have been tired from travelling and searching for Harry. He continued to sleep soundly.
I was relieved his eyes were still closed. Slowly I calmed down, watching him. I was able to see him clearly as the moonbeams were falling directly over my head on to his face. His black, slightly curly hair was circling his face, while his long dark eyelashes lightly brushed his cheeks.
How long I watched him, I didn’t know. After a while, I started to feel sleepy. The moon made its way across the sky and left the window. I turned from his handsome face, thinking about it and, unable to sleep, I listened to his quiet breathing.
I was halfway into the land of dreams myself, when I suddenly felt an arm pulling me closer to that warm and masculine body. I had opened my eyes afraid that he’d actually woken up. I was afraid to move. As there was no change in his breathing, the way we lay was definitely something I liked. Finally, I fell asleep myself.
I was woken up by the sound of the morning traffic. Opening my eyes, I noticed that the window was slightly open. Carefully, I slipped out of bed and slowly left the room. A quick glance at Lorcan showed me he was still sleeping.
Since I knew Harry didn’t keep any food in the apartment, I needed to go out and buy supplies.
Luckily the nearest bakery with freshly baked croissants and the store where I found butter, eggs and bacon were not far away, and I managed to get everything for breakfast and something to help the nasty headache I was sure Harry would be suffering from when he woke up.
The apartment was still silent when I came back. I brought the bags to the kitchen and turned on the stereo. I needed some background sound. It calmed me down. I was surprised to realise that it was tuned onto BBC Radio Two. Obviously Harry did miss home.
When I turned around with the plates in my hands, I almost dropped them on the floor as I saw Harry standing by the entrance to the kitchen. By the look in his eyes, I knew he was dead tired.
He nodded at me.
“Good morning, Sis.” He had a hard time talking.
“Good morning,” I greeted him and put the plates back down on the counter. I knew what Harry needed. I took a glass of fresh grapefruit juice and a cup of black coffee and put both in front of him on the table.
Slowly he sat down.
“You’re cooking?” I nodded. I hadn’t forgotten what he had told me a few weeks ago and I was breaking his rules.
“How did I get home?” he finally asked.
“Lorcan brought you home. He’s asleep in the guest room.”
It was best to tell him the truth right away, although I wasn’t sure about his reaction. Harry stayed silent. He stirred the coffee, collecting his thoughts.
Waiting for him to say something, I took the plates and continued making breakfast. Finally he spoke again.
“It was nice of him to take the trouble, although … How did he know where to find me? I can’t even remember where I was.”
“You called him on his mobile. He found you in La Cirque.”
I didn’t turn around to face him.
“You didn’t call me.”
“I was angry,” was his short explanation. I nodded. I knew that. The conversation wasn’t flowing easily between us this morning. I didn’t like it that way.
Soon the eggs were cooked and the fried bacon done. I knew this had been Harry’s favourite breakfast years back and that he still liked it. I took his plate and put it on the table in front of him. I wasn’t surprised to see him push it away. His face became paler and paler.
“Should I take it away?”
“Yes, please. The smell itself is upsetting my stomach.”
Harry jumped up and ran to the bathroom, almost knocking down Lorcan, who’d just come out of the guestroom.
The sounds coming out of the bathroom were indescribable. Poor Harry. I felt sorry for him but I couldn’t help.
“Good morning,” Lorcan greeted me from the kitchen door.
“Breakfast awaits,” I answered and took the second plate from the counter. When I turned around I crashed into him, not realising he was now standing very close behind me.
I managed to hold on to the plate but almost dropped it when he kissed me, deeply. I was frozen in time.
“Good morning, my love,” he whispered and I blushed like a teenager.
“Good morning.”
He smiled.
“What did I do to deserve such a feast?”
“You brought Harry home yesterday,” I answered. Another roar was heard from the bathroom.
“He’ll live,” Lorcan said and sat down.
I sighed, knowing he was telling the truth.
“Is it safe?” he winked at me just before he took his first bite.
“I’m not quite sure…By the sounds my brother is making…”
Lorcan laughed.
“I’m sure it’s not the food you cooked, my love. I can see his plate is untouched.”
Harry returned when we’d already cleaned the table and the kitchen. Lorcan had proven to be very handy in the kitchen too. We bo
th saw the same pale look on Harry’s face. He still felt sick. I wondered how much he’d drunk but didn’t dare ask him.
Harry’s eyes were red when he looked up and saw Lorcan standing next to me.
“Oh, Lorcan.” he murmured when he saw him.
He came into the room and took the nearest armchair. He leaned back and closed his eyes.
“Thank you for bringing me home. Quite some time is missing from my memory…”
“I believe you. Is there anything you want to know?” Lorcan said.
Harry slowly nodded.
I took two aspirins from the cabinet and a glass of cold water.
“Here you go. I’ll leave you two alone.”
“Wait.” Lorcan took my hand. “I have a proposal…” Seeing not only my astonished expression, but Harry’s too, he continued.
“It’s an idea and I’m sure you’ll agree. Both of you.”
Harry looked at me. We hadn’t forgotten what the cause of our argument had been.
I didn’t have the slightest idea what Lorcan had on his mind. He stepped away to the windows and stared outside.
Finally he turned around and smiled.
“So, my proposal is…”
Less than half an hour later Lorcan and Harry left. Although I asked Harry to stay, he decided to go to the office anyway.
“I’m fine now,” he insisted.
At the door, Lorcan turned, pushed Harry away, stepped back to me, took me into his arms and kissed me deeply. I managed to forget the world around us.
When he finally lifted his head, I felt dizzy. The world around me cleared again.
“I love you, lovely. Don’t forget that. Ever!” When I looked at Harry his mouth was open. Lorcan passed him by and said:
“Close your mouth.” I did as he said. Only after I leaned on the closed door did I realise that those words were not meant for me. I hoped Harry did what he was told.
I ran to the balcony and was there just in time. Lorcan looked up. Seeing me there, he waved goodbye. I watched him get lost in the traffic of Paris.
Going back in, my mind was made up. We would accept the invitation. There was no doubt about it, although that meant I would have to return to England.
My mobile rang. I picked it up and was not surprised to see Harry was calling me.
“There’s nothing I can say is there?”
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“Your mind is set, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” There was silence on the other end.
“Harry?”
“I’m here. Are you sure this isn’t an act?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, right!” The line was broken.
Before I’d put the phone down, it rang again. I didn’t check who was calling.
“What it is now?”
“Are you going shopping today or tomorrow?” I heard my brother again. I didn’t know what to say.
“You know you need a new wardrobe. You don’t have anything appropriate for the co-owner of a fashion house. You’re coming back to life.”
I was left speechless. Was that Harry’s intention, to bring me back to the world?
“Are you sure it’s time?”
“Yes, Desiree. We’re on thin ice. It’s now or never. You know what you have to do.” Before I could answer, the line went dead.
My hands started to shake. I wasn’t sure about this. I had started to love the anonymity I lived in. Bringing me back to ‘life’ meant opening my closet. I knew skeletons were hiding there .
The voyage over the Channel was calm. We were halfway over when the cliffs finally came into view. The sky over England was different tones of grey and the white of the cliffs was seen even more intensely. It was picture perfect. It was long time since I’d last seen those white cliffs, perhaps, too long.
When we approached the Port of Dover, I felt a little sad. The calmness that the sea had offered me was gone.
I started to ask myself if the path I had chosen was the right one to take. Impatience could cost me so much. I might be losing not just one, but two people I loved. But somehow I knew it was too late.
Driving behind Harry was dull. When had he become such a careful driver? I got my driving licence as soon as it was possible. Not long after, Harry took me to Germany for a BMW Safety training course. In the end, we spent two whole weeks there and took several different courses. He booked every area of training possible for me to learn how to be safe on the road and in different situations. I think this put Harry’s mind at ease around my driving. Our parents’ fatal accident left deep scars on him. I was prepared for every eventuality.
I really had gained so much confidence behind the wheel.
“Perhaps too much,” Harry had said. I enjoyed being behind the wheel enormously and especially on open roads.
It occurred to me that perhaps Harry was driving the way he did because he wanted to delay our arrival as much as possible, hoping I would change my mind.
According to the navigation we were getting close to our final destination. Big hedgerows hugged the open entrance gate. Harry drove up the gravel driveway and I followed. I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the big iron gates start to close. We were expected.
The long driveway was lined with old oaks.
When we reached the house, I was speechless; it was my fairy-tale house, built from grey stone and clad in ivy.
We parked near some cars in front of the house. I recognised Lorcan’s immediately. The other cars were top of the range and I now understood Harry’s decision to buy a Jaguar.
I checked my appearance in the rearview mirror before I got out of the car. It was me again, but I was not sure for how long. Harry approached and watched me very carefully. Concern was written all over his face.
“I’m alright.” I tried to calm him down. Before he spoke, the front door opened and a man came outside.
“Oh. My. God. A butler?” I whispered. Harry gave me a serious look. He seemed afraid I would say something inappropriate.
“Good afternoon,” the man greeted us. “You must be Mr Dame and Miss Hart?” Harry nodded.
“Well, you are the last of the guests. Will you follow me?” He turned and went back to the entrance to the house. Harry and I looked at each other and, when he opened the trunk, I whispered again,
“Have we travelled back in time?” Harry gave me a warning look. After taking his suitcase out and handing me mine,, he closed the boot very loudly to cover his voice.
“Behave!” I had to turn around so that the man who was waiting for us at the front door would not see me laughing. We were both nervous and, although Harry looked calm, I knew inside he was a wreck. And although I looked happy, the reality was I was a wreck too.
The house was as beautiful inside as it was out. Everything was in its place. I turned around in a circle in the entrance hall to see what was there.
“We prefer a more modern style,” Harry said. I didn’t look at him as my eyes were locked on two big chandeliers, which stood on either side of the large staircase that led to the upper floor.
“Speak for yourself,” I murmured. Looking around I almost tripped on the first stair, and Harry took my arm. The butler turned and faced me as I was halfway up the stairs.
“If you ask Mr Crest, he will take you around the house. He is very proud of it.”
“He should be,” I answered and in return received a smile from him. I’d managed to win him over by admiring the house. Obviously the place meant a lot to him.
Coming down the hallway, Tom, as he introduced himself, opened the door to the first room and motioned for Harry to enter.
“Please, come with me, Miss. Your room is just down the hallway.”
Harry looked at me and said quietly, “‘Behave!”’ I understood him. I was in control. At least I thought I was.
The room Tom opened for me was big and bright, with high ceilings.
“I think
you will like it. If there is anything…”
“I love it. Thank you,” I interrupted him. He nodded and left me alone, closing the door behind him.
I put my suitcase down and went straight to the window.
I opened the door of the balcony and stepped outside. Beneath the balcony was a terrace. Three steps, just as at the entrance, led down to the grass. On one side was a flower garden. To the left there was nothing else but green, green grass.
But something was not quite as it should be. There were no people. Not in the house, nor outside.
I decided to explore a little. The grounds looked very inviting.
Sneaking past Harry’s door I ran down the stairs. The floor we were on was not the top one. The stairs led down to the second floor, but I decided to check that one later.
Finding the big parlour was easy as it was immediately below the stairs, and I knew it led outside to the terrace. I went out through the open door.
Coming down the stairs, I removed my shoes because I wanted to feel the grass beneath my feet. It was cold but felt good.
I’d seen the flower garden from my room, so I chose to explore the left side of the garden a little more. Here, as in the front of the house, there were big old oaks and willows. The willows really looked as though they were weeping with their long branches descending to the ground.
Suddenly I came to a high hedge and followed it away from the house. I wanted to see how big the garden actually was. But when I came to the end of it, I saw that what looked like the edge of the garden only appeared to be the end. The seven foot tall wall of what looked like evergreen cypress trees turned into hedgerow that continued for at least another two hundred feet perpendicular to it.
I was following the hedge and, reaching the next corner, I realised I was walking round a labyrinth and, from what I had already seen, not a small one. I wanted to find the entrance to it.
On the third wall, away from the house, was an entrance. I looked around to see if there was anyone watching me, then I looked inside and saw a path that led two ways.
I was just about to go in, when I heard children’s laughter and voices. I looked around but could see no one. I wasn’t entirely sure I’d actually heard children’s voices and was just about to give up, when I saw a blonde head watching me from behind a big willow tree. He was standing behind branches that were almost touching the ground. No wonder I hadn’t seen him before.
All That the Heart Desires Page 17
