Broken Butterfly

by Cindy Patterson

  The bright colors from the living room throw rug stood out against the dark furniture.

  Mary set the last of the bags on the counter. “The rug was a gift from Rachel.”

  “It’s very pretty.”

  “Jah. And very bright. I had to talk Thomas into lettin’ me keep it. Can I offer you some Shoo fly pie?”

  At the name, Mallory’s eyes crinkled. “That’s so sweet of you to offer, but I’m afraid I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  The pasture’s earthy fragrance drifted through the screened door.

  “Nein, me either. I’ll wrap you a piece for later.”

  “Thank you. I’ve been wanting to try it.” Mallory admired the long, wooden table with enough chairs for ten guests.

  “It will only take me a minute to put these up and then we’ll get going.”

  “I feel bad you have to go back to town on my account. Maybe if you’ll just take me half way. I’ll walk the rest.”

  “Ach, it’ll be dark in no time. I don’t mind. The cool, night air will feel gut. Ain’t so?”

  “If you’re sure it will be no trouble.” She emptied the boxes from one bag, while Mary unloaded the last few groceries and placed them in the cooler.

  The back door opened and a young girl entered carrying a kitten. “Maam, look see. Paws had another boblin.”

  A lanky, dark haired man with a thin beard followed behind the young girl.

  “Jah, a new kitten.” Mary nodded with a full smile. “Take her back to the barn. She isn’t a house cat.”

  The child’s bare feet shuffled against the wood floor. “Yes maam.”

  The man’s deep voice bellowed through the room. “Hullo. I’m Thomas, Mary’s husband.”

  Mallory took his outstretched hand. “I’m Mallory.”

  “She’s a gut friend of Rachel’s.” Mary took his arm.

  He pulled at his short beard. “Paul Fisher’s Rachel?”

  “Jah. I’m going to drive her home. Can you tend to Abby until I get back?”

  The little girl stared up into Mallory’s eyes. Stray strands of soft, yellow curls bounced with each movement. “I’m Abigail Yoder.”

  Bending to her level, Mallory placed her hands on her knees. “It’s nice to meet you, Abigail.”

  “Danki.” She spun around. “Maam made me a new green dress.”

  “And you are lovely. It brings out the green specks in your brown eyes.”

  Abigail’s spray of freckles spread wider across her face with her smile.

  “Ach, Abigail, let’s get the kit back outside to its mother. I can hear her mewing all the way from here.” His reprimand spoke volumes. Had her compliment been too much?

  “Nein, papa. I didn’t hear her.”

  “Mind your papa. Mallory and I are leaving.” Mary kissed Abigail on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

  Mary talked mostly of the Bible Study on the five mile ride back to the Chamberlains. Mallory listened as Mary explained the differences in what she was brought up believing. Mary felt God had brought Rachel to Lancaster County and introduced her to other scriptures in the Bible—to the truth of what salvation really meant. Mallory didn’t understand everything that Mary explained, but her excitement was contagious.

  The sun set over Paradise as the buggy led them down the narrow lanes of Amish country. They turned left onto Strasburg road ten minutes later.

  “Thank you so much, Mary. Leave me here by the path..”

  Mary stopped the buggy. “Gut Nacht, Mallory. I’ll see you Thursday at Rachel’s.”

  Mallory reached the front door of the apartment juggling the shoofly pie in one hand and feeling for the keys in her apron with the other.

  “Mallory,” Andrew grabbed her shoulder from behind. “Where have you been? I searched all of Lancaster County for you. I was worried sick.”

  She dropped her keys, a lump stuck in her throat.

  “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

  “Where’ve you been?” Andrew took the pie from her hand.

  “I was with a friend.”

  “Oh.” He hesitated and his frown deepened. “Well, come with me. Let’s get you something to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.” She sighed. “I appreciate your checking on me, but I just want to go to bed.”

  “There’s no excuse for the way Victoria treated you.”

  Mallory reached for her keys. “She’s right. I don’t belong here.” She, more than anyone, knew how true that was. Andrew grabbed her arm, stopping her from pushing the key into the lock.

  “Don’t ever say that.”

  “I don’t feel like talking about this right now.”

  “You’re wrong, Mallory.”

  “I’m tired and not thinking clearly. I just need to get out of this uniform and into bed.”

  Andrew hugged her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Eric listened to the conversation between Mallory and Andrew only feet from him, unsure of how to respond. Should he keep his presence unknown? What would he say? It nearly broke him when Mallory said she didn’t belong here.

  He waited until Andrew crossed the yard before approaching, his voice low. “Mallory.”

  She spun around. “What are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to check on you, to make sure …”

  She looked toward the house. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “But, I wanted to tell you …”

  “I’m sorry, Eric, I have to go in.” She fumbled with the keys.

  After slipping them from her fingers, he unlocked the door. She started to turn the knob, but waited, her eyes filled with questions—questions he had no answers for.

  He touched her shoulder. “Please, don’t go yet. I waited all night for you to come home.”

  The fear in her eyes exposed against the moonlit sky. He should’ve let her go, but his selfish reasoning stopped him. Mallory hesitated then walked to the other side of the apartment where he’d been waiting.

  Eric understood her anger, but it wasn’t his doing, and he needed to make her understand.

  He joined her on the bench underneath the shade trees.

  “I was worried about you.” His words sounded foolish, but they were true. He had paced the road searching for any sign of her for the last hour and a half.

  She frowned, avoiding his gaze. Obviously, she didn’t believe he would care what happened to her. The pain in her eyes stirred something deep within him, reaching to the very core of his heart. He didn’t know what was happening to him, but he couldn’t keep sitting here, staring at her, not speaking.

  “Your hair, it’s different.”

  Mallory touched it, like she’d forgotten.

  “Rachel colored it.” Her voice was so soft, he barely heard her.

  He wanted to tell her she was beautiful, but stopped himself. “Where did you go?”

  “What?”

  “Before, when you left? I searched the road for you.”

  She hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip. Was she questioning his motives? Her gaze fell, and she placed her hands underneath her legs.

  He tried again. “You left so suddenly.”

  She slipped one hand out from under her leg and covered her chest. “I hadn’t thought about that.” Standing, she stared ahead like she’d forgotten he was there. “What if I no longer have a job?”

  Eric took her hand, the feel of her soft skin against his like a long lost connection. “Mallory, you won’t lose your job.” She turned toward him, and the sudden movement separated their hands.

  “I wouldn’t be so sure.” She sat back down, her shoulders slumped. “I know you’re Rachel’s friend, but you don’t owe me anything.”

  He twisted in his seat. The temptation to take her hand pricked his flesh, but he grabbe
d the wooden arm rest instead. “I’m not here because of Rachel.” He kept his voice controlled and smooth, though he felt neither sitting this close to her.

  Their eyes locked, and she stood again, breaking the trance. “I better go in. You’re Victoria’s boyfriend.”

  Eric started to object, he wasn’t Victoria’s boyfriend, but Mallory wasn’t finished.

  “I don’t blame her. If I was your girlfriend, I wouldn’t like finding you out here this time of night talking to another girl.” She drew her mouth into a straight line. “Thank you for checking on me, Eric.”

  The way Mallory said it and the look in her eyes kept him from telling her the truth. Maybe it was better this way. It was too soon. He needed to talk to Victoria first and set things straight. It would be the honorable thing to do. After all, they had been dating.

  He guided Mallory to the front door, opening and closing it for her before leaving.

  The gravel beneath his shoes crunched with each step he took. He glanced toward the star-filled sky. A light shining from an upstairs window flickered. The curtain fell back into place and the light disappeared. Victoria. What if he’d only made things worse for Mallory? He’d have to talk to Victoria tomorrow. This wasn’t Mallory’s fault. He had hoped to break things off with Victoria, once and for all, so he would be a free man—free to ask Mallory out. Had his actions only complicated everything?

  Fifteen

  Did I really just tell him how I would feel if I was his girlfriend?

  Mallory entered the dark apartment. She leaned against the door for a moment before lifting the blind to peek through the window. Eric’s tall, dark frame disappeared into the night. He had waited for her all that time.

  “Are you all right, honey?”

  Mallory spun at the sound of Nancy’s soft voice. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left the party like that.”

  The dim light from the kitchen burned brighter when Nancy turned it higher. “You’re pale. Are you feeling sick?”

  Her hands flew to her face. “No, I’m fine.” She moved past her farther into the room. “I should’ve waited and got permission first.”

  “I was getting ready to tell you your shift was over and to enjoy the rest of the party. What happened? You disappeared.”

  Her hands trembled at the thought of being able to talk to her friends at the party, Victoria’s party. It would’ve never happened. Victoria hated her. Her harsh words rushed back. ‘Get out of my house. You’re embarrassing me in front of my friends. And your hair is hideous that way. Black suits you much better.’

  “I needed some air and went for a long walk. I ran into Mary Yoder and ended up riding with her.”

  “Oh?”

  Mallory shifted and took a few steps toward the hallway. “We had a great visit. I better get to bed. Rachel’s picking me up early.”

  “All right. Goodnight.”

  Eric had been waiting for her … worrying about her. She forced her legs to the bedroom, climbed under the covers, and prayed for the first time.

  God, if you’re real, I need to know. I’m not sure how to do this, but thank you for this wonderful feeling. Thank you for my new friends, Nancy, Mr. Chamberlain, Rachel, Andrew, Mary, and even Eric. I don’t know why I’m here, why I’ve been given this chance.

  No one has ever wanted me. Have I been wrong all along?

  All Eric wanted was to see Mallory, to be near her. He would have to take things slow—she didn’t trust him. But before he could do anything, he had to talk to Victoria. His mother had called this morning and invited them both to lunch. It would be the perfect opportunity to set things straight. As soon as Mother left.

  Victoria met them at the restaurant. It would make things easier later when they went their separate ways.

  Mother waited until the hostess seated them before speaking. “I hope it doesn’t take the waitress too long.”

  “No, Ma’am, she’ll be right with you.”

  Victoria turned toward the girl. “You could get our drink orders while we’re waiting.”

  Eric wanted to object, but the hostess nodded.

  “Mrs. Matthews.”

  Mother and Victoria ordered tea with fresh, squeezed lemon.

  Eric smiled an apology when the hostess met his gaze. “I’ll have water. Thank you.”

  “I should’ve had her bring the salads, too.” Victoria’s arm brushed against his.

  He scooted to the edge of the seat. The air was suddenly dense, and he couldn’t draw a full breath.

  The hostess returned with the drinks, and he helped her pass them around the table.

  “You should have Victoria over for dinner more often. I’m sure you two will be making plans soon.”

  Eric choked on his water.

  Victoria laughed as if nothing had happened at last night’s party. A knot formed in the pit of his stomach and grew with each minute he sat listening to them speak of their relationship as if he wasn’t sitting there. He should have already handled this.

  “Eric’s so sweet. He’s always putting my needs before his own. He spent the night with me last weekend when we were out of town because I was scared.”

  His mother’s eyes widened. The shock of her statement caused a jerk-knee reaction, and he jammed it into the table.

  Victoria grabbed her hands. “Don’t worry. He was a perfect gentleman. No one’s ever treated me with so much love and respect. I’m a smart girl. I’m not going to let this one go.”

  “Excuse me. I need to use the men’s room.”

  Is she crazy? Maybe I should leave both of them here. Together.

  He wrestled with his thoughts a full five minutes, before returning to the table.

  He found the ladies talking and smirking. He cleared his throat. “I’m back.”

  Victoria slid over and made room for him. He glanced through the window and caught a glimpse of Rachel and Mallory crossing the street.

  She laughed. His gaze followed her until they disappeared from view. How he wished he were having lunch with Mallory instead.

  Ten minutes after they’d finished dinner, they continued to chatter. Eric couldn’t take another minute of the gossip.

  “We need to be going, Mother.”

  Victoria followed Eric as they continued to her car. He waited until he was sure his mother wouldn’t hear their exchange. “Victoria, we need to talk.”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t right now. I’m already running late.” She glanced at her watch. “Can we make it for some other time?”

  “It’s important. It won’t take but a minute …”

  “I’m already late. I promise we’ll get together soon,” Victoria kissed his cheek.

  Stunned, he took a step back. How could he have once again let her slip away without settling this?

  Mallory pretended to be interested in the assortment of Amish items in the store window. But something else occupied her mind—Eric and Victoria. It didn’t surprise her to see them together. She had hoped Rachel was right and Eric had changed his mind about marrying Victoria. But why would he? It was ridiculous even letting the thought cross her mind. Squeezing her eyes shut, she cleared the notion that she would ever deserve him.

  “Hey, are you ready to go?” Rachel broke into her thoughts.

  “Yeah.”

  As they drove back to Rachel’s house, Mallory broached a subject she’d been wanting to all along. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course. Anything.”

  Mallory wasn’t sure her question would make sense, but she had to know. “At Bible study you talk about Jesus … like he’s real.”

  “He is.”

  “How though, I mean, how’s he real? I don’t understand.” A longing to know the truth had faded in and out of Mallory’s thoughts throughout the night.

  “My relationship
with him wasn’t always like this. And it wasn’t easy,” she finally said, her voice quivering. “One of my Bible study leaders told me once she’d been on a date with Jesus.” Her rich laugh ricocheted through the serene moment.

  “What?”

  “I know. I didn’t understand what that could mean until recently.” Rachel wrapped her arms around her torso. “It’s like dating, in a way. When you fall in love, you want to spend every minute with the guy. So, I spent time with him. The more I read his word, the more real he became—the more I fell in love.”

  Mallory picked at a cuticle, fighting against her tears. “I would like to start coming … to church with you.”

  Rachel beamed. “That would be wonderful.”

  “You have a beautiful voice. I loved the song and the skit they did on Sunday. Andrew played his part so well—I almost forgot it was him. I’ve always loved stuff like that. When I was little, groups would come to the center. They would perform, and I always wished I could leave and go with them.” Her face burned. She hoped Rachel didn’t catch her slip.

  “You wanted to leave with them? Where were you?”

  A quiver skipped through her belly. A longing to open up to Rachel coursed through her veins, and she couldn’t stop. “I was living in a children’s home. I wanted to go on stage and do the skits with them. I always sat in the front, hoping one of them would see me and want to take me home to be their little girl.”

  Rachel’s face crumpled.

  “It was a long time ago.” Mallory cleared the lump from her throat. “I even thought about signing up to take some theater classes at the community college.”

  Rachel grabbed her hand. “Did you?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Why don’t you come to our drama practice tomorrow night and you can try out.” Rachel sniffled. “Our leader goes to church with us, too. You would love our team. You already know half of them … Kelli, Andrew, and me. In fact, we’re having a party tomorrow afternoon. We do skits in church, but we also do big productions at the Community Theater Center. This might help you decide if you want to take some theater classes.”

  “I don’t know about coming to the party.”