Broken Butterfly

by Cindy Patterson

  Without a glance in Rachel’s direction, she ran upstairs and grabbed an outfit, her body convulsing in quiet whimpers before she made it safely behind the restroom door.

  Turning the hot water on, her chest tightened—her lungs heaving against the reality. She slid into the tub and wrapped her arms around her legs. The water splashed against her with a steady stream as she rocked back and forth, the haunting truth settling in.

  She wouldn’t be here to see Rachel and Paul get married. Nor to see her precious Brianna. It had become a daily routine to share breakfast with her. She loved the little girl and had planned to have Mr. Chamberlain bring her to the drama. It would be too dangerous now.Eric’s face came to mind, and Mallory held a hand against her throat in an effort to prevent the pain from suffocating her. She wouldn’t even be able to tell him goodbye. He wouldn’t let her go if she did. He insisted on driving her everywhere now. Though he hadn’t told her why, Mallory knew. He wanted to protect her and would never let her out of his sight if he found out she was planning to leave.

  Scrubbing with soft strokes, her strength gone, she cried out to God.

  Why? What did I do to deserve this? Why won’t you set me free?

  She swept her outstretched fingers through the flowing water. I can’t do this anymore. Hot, steamy water burned her skin and she accepted the stinging torture in anguish. After wringing her hair, she stepped from the shower and stared at her reflection in the foggy mirror. I’ll be leaving soon. I have to get control of myself.

  Slipping from the bathroom to Rachel’s room, she refreshed her make-up quickly, fighting against the ache in her chest. Eric would be coming soon.

  Mallory was sitting by the fireplace when he arrived. All despair was driven out at the full smile filling his face. His familiar blue eyes gave a melting sensation when she got lost in them. All that mattered was spending these last few precious moments with him.

  He slid in next to her, causing a longing to hold onto him and never let go. She kept her gaze on his neck, the small portion of skin revealed from above his sweater. When he placed his other hand on her face, compelling her to meet his gaze, she gave in. Thoughts of leaving him were like a serrated edge driving through her side.

  “It’s opening night. Don’t be late.” Rachel’s singsong voice rang with laughter.

  Eric turned his attention to Rachel. “We’ll be back in time.”

  Mallory focused on Rachel escaping his hypnotizing stare. Taking her hand, Eric led her outside to his truck, but stopped when he reached the passenger door. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” He gave her a gentle lift as she stepped up onto the railing and took the passenger seat. With a tender smile, he closed the door.

  Shards of fear crept in, threatening to shatter her control. Bitter air swept through her clothes, matching her thoughts, as he opened his door and took the driver’s seat. He pulled a spare coat from the back seat and placed it on her lap. He didn’t speak as he pulled the truck onto the highway and turned down the narrow lane that led deeper into Amish country.

  When they crossed the Conestoga covered bridge, he pulled the truck to a stop on the other side, but left it running. The snow had started to fall again, and tiny crystals reflected off the headlights.

  He placed his hand on top of hers, the heater warming her face. Still he hadn’t spoken, but a sickening wedge tightened through her middle. What did he need to talk to her about?

  “Mallory, I need to tell you something.” He paused taking both of her hands. “You see, my mother …”

  Her nerves crumbled. “I love your mother. Rachel took me to see Mary the other day for a quick visit.”

  “I have to be honest. I’m surprised you two are so close.”

  “She’s such a sweet woman.” Mallory’s gaze fell, thinking of how her own mother had abandoned her so many years ago and hadn’t once tried to find her. “Why would you think that? You’re so lucky to have a mother like her.”

  Eric watched her, his gaze intensifying.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He took her hand. “I’m glad you two are friends. She seems to think the world of you. I’ve never seen her like this. She’s different. You’ve been good for her.” Eric gazed off for a long moment before he faced her. “I bought you something.” He turned, grabbed a large, wrapped box from the back seat and handed it to her.

  Mallory took it too stunned to move.

  “I wanted to get you something. Think of it as an early Christmas gift.”

  “What is it?”

  Eric’s smile widened. “Open it and see.”

  A warm glow expanded through her body, replacing the cold, icy blood rushing through her. She carefully removed the paper. Her mind whirled with confusion as she peeked inside.

  She lifted one from the box. “Skates, you bought me ice skates?”

  “I thought we could go ice skating. Try them on. There’s a patch of ice below the bridge. I checked it out earlier.”

  “You want to go skating right now?”

  “I do, unless you’d rather not.”

  “No, I mean, I’m just surprised.” Mallory slipped her boot off and pulled the skate on. It fit perfectly. “How did you know what size I wear?”

  “I had Rachel check for me.”

  “Thank you, Eric.” Moisture filled her eyes and she kept her gaze lowered. “I love them.”

  He grabbed his skates from the back, and opened the door to put them on.

  He walked around and Mallory grasped his hand. “I’ve never been ice skating. I don’t know if I’ll be able to walk in these.”

  Eric wrapped his other arm around her waist and lifted her from the truck. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you go.”

  They reached the small patch of ice, and he took Mallory’s hands into his and twirled around. The snow covered ground and icicles hanging from a weeping willow glistened in the moonlight. Mallory swayed against Eric as he pulled her closer, sweeping her across the ice in short, jerky movements. Heat of passion raged within her, and she wanted to be closer. She drowned in her thoughts of lying in his arms, safe, secure, loved forever.

  “You make every moment of my life worth living. I want to be with you forever.”

  Her throat swelled. With slow deliberation, he stopped and pulled her closer. Mallory’s heart hammered as she replayed the words Eric had spoken. You make every moment of my life worth living. I want to be with you forever. They were the same words Dragonfly said only weeks before he disappeared. She raised her gaze allowing her eyes to meet his.

  He knew.

  Thirty-Five

  “Butterfly.”

  The simple endearment caused Mallory to slip on the ice. She grasped Eric’s arm tighter and pulled him down beside her. He held her, their breath leaving a hazy trail in the air. Gaining traction with the blades of his skates, Eric pulled Mallory to her feet, led her off the ice, and back up the slick hill to the truck. She held her arms tight against her lap after settling into the seat, his warm, familiar scent filling the cab. Flutters winged through her belly, and her breath came in short gasps.

  Eric twisted in his seat and faced her. “I never wanted to leave. You have to believe that. I’ve never stopped thinking of you, wondering what happened to you. I thought about going to North Carolina to try to find you, but I couldn’t. I was too young.” A battle raged in his eyes. “And then when I was old enough, I figured I’d never find you since I didn’t even know your name. I gave up on the idea of ever seeing you again. But I prayed for you every day.”

  A surge of blood rushed to her face. She took several, slow deep breaths.

  “There was a spring dance. I told my mother I planned to take you. She asked all kinds of questions. I told her everything about you, and she forbade me to see you. Of course, I ignored her.” He smiled tentatively. “She’s always been eccentric,
thinking herself better than anyone else, but I wouldn’t allow her to stop me. After a while, she stopped asking questions. I thought I was getting away with it.” He stared off into space for a long moment. When he turned back to face her, a gentle smile filled his lips. “One of her friends saw us snow sledding that day in my neighborhood and told her. A month later I came home from school to find a moving company loading all of our things. We left early the next morning. I didn’t know how to find you—we weren’t supposed to meet again until Monday. I begged her to take me back, but she wouldn’t listen and kept going. I didn’t speak to her for days.”

  Looking through the window, Mallory studied the grass peeking through the snow, the sound of his deep voice revealing what she’d longed to know for years.

  He didn’t want to leave.

  Tears flooded her eyes. “How long have you known?”

  “The moment I looked into your eyes at Rachel’s house the day we met. Then your head tilted to one side and you bit your lip, like you always do when you’re nervous.” He brushed his gloved finger across her cheek. “I couldn’t believe it was you. I’ve dreamed of seeing your dark brown eyes so many nights. For the first few weeks, I told myself it couldn’t be.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t know how. It was a miracle I’d found you again after all those years.” He took her hand. “I was too scared you wouldn’t be able to forgive me.”

  After backing out of the parking space, Eric drove across the bridge, heading toward Rachel’s. He held her hand tightly, focused on the slushy road.

  Tears blurred her vision until the silent sobs grew in strength and shook her body. “Don’t go to Rachel’s. I don’t want them to see me like this.”

  He squeezed her fingers. “We’ll meet them at practice.”

  The lump in her throat swelled. She couldn’t imagine spending a day without him. How would she ever be able to leave? She had no other choice. Jake would never allow them to be together. He almost killed his best friend because of a simple misunderstanding—he’d almost killed her along with her unborn baby.

  Eric pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex an hour before practice was scheduled to start. Shifting, he turned to face her. “Are you all right?”

  She nodded, wiping her face with her fingers. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Nothing mattered now but spending time with him. She had to make every moment count.

  He guided her inside of the apartment he shared with Paul and pulled her close. “I wanted to tell you that night after Victoria’s party, but I was afraid you’d never speak to me again.”

  “We were only children. You had no control over what happened.” The shame on his face twisted a knot through her middle. “Your mother showed me the quilt … the one you always brought to our shelter when it was cold.”

  “I had no idea she’d kept it.” Eric stared toward the living room. “I went to our place, when I was in Charlotte.”

  “Really?” Mallory whispered with a tear-filled voice. She’d never been able to go back.

  “It’s still there. Everything was just as I remembered, only smaller. Do you want something to drink? I have some Kool-aid, or Pepsi.”

  Mallory twisted her hands by her side. She wanted to touch him. Slowly, she brushed a finger across his cheek. His gaze deepened as he trapped her face between his fingers. A force pulled them together until their lips mingled in a tender kiss. He had kissed her before, but it had been different. Things changed when their lips met. She pulled her fingers through his hair, as his hands fell to her waist. The kiss grew intense—more urgent with each second.

  Eric pulled away, breaking the spell. “We can’t do this, Mallory.”

  She stepped back, stunned by her racing blood. She begged him with her stare to love her completely, fully. They wouldn’t have another chance. His eyes were warm, intimate as he took her hand and led her from the apartment. She dodged his rejection and took a full, deep breath and followed him to his truck.

  Eric had almost let things go too far. The desperation in her eyes gave him an escape. He prayed as they drove toward the auditorium, his hand tucked inside hers. She deserved so much more than a rushed night of pleasure after all she’d been through. He wanted to spend the rest of his life loving this woman and vowed to God he would do anything to maintain a perfect relationship before Him. Neither of them spoke. There was nothing he could say to make things easier.

  He pulled the truck into the parking lot, but stopped her before she could open the passenger door.

  Catching a glimpse of her tear-stained cheeks, Eric brushed a gentle finger across her face. “I love you, Mallory.”

  She said nothing for several, long moments. “I love you, too.”

  Mallory stumbled through the dressing room, her heart racing. Maybe if I tell him the truth, he will come with me? No. She couldn’t take that chance. There was no guarantee he would be safe—no guarantee he wouldn’t find Jake himself. Pulling the dress over her head, a rush of remembrance gushed through her stomach. Lifting her hand to her face, she stared at her reflection.

  He loves me.

  The long, off-white dress settled around her ankles, and she pulled her hair back into a bun.

  Mallory smiled, but her heart ached. Where would she go? She wanted to stay with him—to marry him, to share a life with him, all the good, bad, and everything in between. Folding her arms, she hoped the memories they’d made would last her a lifetime.

  Thirty-Six

  An hour later, Mallory stood backstage among her friends, her fingers wrapped tight in Eric’s. All props were in place, waiting for the characters to bring the set to life.

  “This is it. Everyone ready?” Jonathan checked his watch, and Mallory glanced at the clock above her.

  Taking a deep breath, Mallory stepped on stage, her book in hand, as the piano arrangement of Dawn played in the background. There was no audience, only Elizabeth in a story of love, hope, and understanding. Mallory came into her character as she approached Rachel, her beloved sister. Though it was only a play, Rachel was the truest likeness of what a sister could be. How she wished things were different! Mallory shook her head, pushing away all negative thoughts.

  As she spoke her lines to Andrew, a deep ache settled in the pit of her stomach. She had to talk to him tonight. There would never be another chance to let him know how much his friendship had meant to her. She would find a way to persuade him to take her to the airport.

  An hour later, in the final act, Mallory sat across from Mr. Darcy, her Dragonfly. Time stood still as he spoke his last line and placed his hand on the back of her head. Their lips met in a slow, tender kiss before the entire audience. Moments later, the cast bowed as everyone exploded in applause.

  How could she leave and never see these precious people again? Would she be able to return one day? No. Things would never be the same. There was no other way—she would leave and never return. Only now with the help of her friends was she given the strength to go through with this. Nancy and Rachel led her to a relationship with Jesus and no matter where she ended up she would have her heavenly father.

  I will survive.

  Eric’s hand brushed across hers. “I’ll meet you later.”

  He disappeared through the crowd before she could stop him. Mallory rushed to the dressing room, her stomach wrenching in knots as she pulled off her costume and changed. Time was running out. Her bags were already packed and hidden in the trunk of her car. Each moment that passed seemed like an eternity. Rachel followed her toward the men’s dressing room and Andrew stepped out.

  Mallory peeked over Andrew’s shoulder. “Where’s Eric?”

  “I haven’t seen him.” Andrew followed her gaze. “I thought maybe he was going to take you out in his costume.”

  “What do you mean? He never came back here?”
She said the words out loud, unintentionally. All thoughts of talking to Andrew vanished.

  Rachel’s phone rang, and she answered it. “Hello.” She paused, her gaze intensifying. “Eric, is that you?”

  Mallory gasped. “Is it him? Where is he?”

  “He hung up.” Rachel’s voice was low and bleak.

  “What?” Mallory wanted to take the phone from Rachel, but stopped herself. “Call him back.” Rachel didn’t answer immediately, but stared off into space for a long moment. “What is it? What did he say? Where is he?” Her lungs constricted, cutting off her air.

  “He said he loves you, and he’s going to take care of everything.”

  “No, we have to go. Call him back. I don’t have much time.” Mallory’s sharp voice turned the heads of those standing close by, and the few cast members looked at them with confused expressions.

  Rachel grabbed her arm. “He’s going to meet us at the house.”

  Mallory yanked from her grip. “No, we have to find him first.”

  “He’s already left.” Rachel threw up her hands. “There’s nothing we can do.”

  “No, he hasn’t. He wouldn’t leave me.”

  The words left a trail of brokenness as she remembered that day ten years ago when she had waited and he never showed—ever again.

  Thirty-Seven

  Mallory froze as the truth of what happened slammed into her reality. Jake stood in the audience, staring at her as the house lights came on. And Eric had seen him. There had been unmistakable recognition in his eyes.

  “Paul will take us.” Rachel took Mallory’s hand. “We need to go so we’ll be there when Eric comes.”

  “Jake … he was there. I saw him at the end. What if Eric …”

  “We need to go.” Rachel’s confident voice repressed the fear climbing through Mallory’s stomach.

  Andrew and Rachel guided her to the car, and she climbed into the backseat.