by P. A. Wilson
“Just don’t bully her.” Simon’s face was serious the usual teasing absent from his tone.
“Come with me,” Madeline said. “Help me convince her, them, really. I think Jode will need to agree to this too.”
“Okay.” He paused. “Do me a favor?”
“What?”
“Remember they were my friends too. I feel like shit. I’m willing to tell you that, but others won’t. Don’t use me as the reason we need to have this wake.”
Madeline reached over to hug him. “I forgot they were part of your band. I’m sorry. In such a short time, you made friends here and now they are gone. You’ve integrated so well. We’ve been here just over a week, and you have already lost people you love.”
Simon hugged back, and then drew away wiping his tears with the back of his hand. “Yeah, well. I guess I’ll be okay. Just be sensitive to people’s feelings. If you go home, we still have to live through the aftermath of this damn quest.”
Before Madeline could approach Arabela to discuss the idea, the camp was called back together to commence the afternoon leg of their journey. Simon and Madeline mounted and moved their horses forward until they rode on either side of Arabela.
“Arabela, do you know where Jode is?” Madeline didn’t want to jump into the discussion too quickly.
“I believe he is traveling with the musicians,” Arabela said. “If you wish to be with him, drop back and I’m sure you’ll find him there.”
“I would prefer it if he joined us here.” Madeline gestured for Simon to drop back and bring Jode to the front. “I would like to discuss something with both of you.”
“If you cared for him, you would allow him to be with them. He needs to be with people who understand the loss he feels. The dead ones were his friends.”
“I know, how could you think I didn’t know that?”
“I’m sorry,” Arabela said. “I am sure you know all you need to know about Sir Jode.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Madeline swallowed her rising anger, recognizing it as a form of grief. “I spoke without thinking. I may not have known Asla and Yorr very well, but I did like them. I do feel their loss.”
“It is too bad you will not be here for the celebration of their lives.”
“Why?”
“It seems to me you have decided to leave us when your part of the quest is over. It would be better to send you back as soon as that is done.”
“Why do you think that?”
“You do not seem to want to talk about anything beyond the quest.” Arabela turned and looked at Madeline. “Everything you do is focused on understanding what you need to do to finish your task as soon as possible. You do not even want to discuss what your life could be like if you stayed. You make Sir Jode court you with no expectation of success.”
Madeline was shocked at the anger in Arabela’s voice. “I’m sorry you think that,” she said. “I don’t like to think too much about my options because I want to concentrate on what I have to do for you, for the quest.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Consider this.” Arabela looked behind them as if to make sure no one would be able to hear her words. “You may not wish to consider your options because you are afraid of the possibility you might want to stay here, that you are afraid to take such a large step into a new life. That you are willing to settle for a familiar life in your old world rather than a strange life here.”
“You don’t know me well enough to say that.”
“True, but whose fault is that?” Arabela seemed to deflate, the anger that drove her to speak so plainly evaporating. “If you choose to let us know you, perhaps you will come to know us.”
Madeline started to answer, but heard the sound of two horses approaching. Her heart squeezed in her chest at the sight of Jode. He looked faded, his skin gray, and his blue eyes sunken behind large dark circles. His tall frame somehow diminished as he slumped in the saddle.
“Okay, we’re all here.” Simon nodded to Madeline as they rode alongside.
“You wanted to discuss something with us?” Jode asked.
“Did you sleep last night?” Madeline didn’t expect him to say yes.
“I sat vigil for the departed,” Jode said. “It is our belief that the spirit does not go until the fires burn out. Someone must watch to ensure the fires stay lit until the last of the remains have burned to ashes.”
“Is that part of a ceremony?” Madeline asked thinking that it was as good a place as any to start the discussion. “If you were not here, on the road, with a deadline, would more be done?”
“Yes,” Arabela answered. “We have ceremonies for the departed. People sing songs about the life of the dead friend. The ceremony is different for each of the people. Eldmen chant the dead to the next life creating a magical protection for them. The Fay wail for days, fasting until the official mourners all become too weak to cry. The Sylph sit in silence for two full days, meditating on the departed life. The goblins hold a feast to celebrate the person’s successful completion of this life.”
“So, none of the people here would normally just carry on after the fire?” Simon asked. “Death is a significant change regardless of what your belief is.”
“No one is arguing that,” Jode said. “This is not a normal situation. We have no time for two days of silent contemplation, or fasting and wailing.”
“If we don’t do something we won’t get any further than the camp tonight,” Madeline said. “Look around you. People are sleepwalking. They have no heart for the quest. They are sad and discouraged.”
“What do you suggest?” Arabela asked.
“We need to hold a wake tonight,” Simon said not waiting for Madeline to answer.
“What is that?” Jode asked.
Madeline picked up the conversation, “It’s a celebration of the lives of friends lost. People tell stories about the departed and there’s crying and laughing. Often there is significant alcohol consumption but we don’t need it. In fact, it would probably be better if people weren’t suffering hangovers tomorrow.”
“And, you think that one night will get people back to normal?” Arabela’s tone was disbelieving.
“No, not back to normal, but at least on their way to living their own lives again,” Simon answered.
“I can’t think of a reason not to try, my lady,” Jode said his voice low and thoughtful. “It can do no harm. Look around you, as Madeline suggested, there is no hope in the people. Without hope, how can we defeat Sayer Goddard? Without hope, how can you protect those under your rule?”
Arabela looked around at the others and sighed. “What will we need to do? How much will we need to prepare?”
“It’s not difficult. Please, let me talk to Blu and we’ll work it all out. All you need to do is gather the people when we stop for the night,” Simon answered.
Arabela agreed to her part and Simon dropped back to talk to the priest.
Sitting beside Jode waiting for the wake to begin, Madeline reflected on how easy the arrangements had been. Four Eldmen had stepped forward and said they would mourn their companions the next day. The rest of the camp sat in small groups around a rough circle. The remaining members of the band sat together across from Madeline and Jode. Simon was talking quietly to them.
Blu stepped up onto a platform and the quiet murmuring of the crowd stopped. He held his arms out in front of his body and bowed to the band.
“It is time to say goodbye to our friends.” Blu’s voice carried despite the distance between him and the waiting people. “I will start the evening by expressing what I will miss about Lady Asla and Sir Yorr; perhaps others will come forward to share stories as well. We will continue the evening until all who wish to have had a chance to speak.”
Madeline expected to recognize the tune as the musicians started to play. She was surprised to find that the somber notes were unfamiliar. The tune was of this world. The oboe and bassoon played sounds that seeme
d to weave around each other, and as Blu started to talk, the music formed a song of his words. Wakes she had attended back home lacked the layers of sorrow and beauty that she heard tonight.
“I did not know these two before we were brought together by the quest,” Blu said. “That does not mean I did not grow to love them as companions. I have listened to the sounds of the new music that Lady Asla sang each evening on the journey, and I will remember that sound for my life. Each time I hear the new songs, I will think of her voice floating on the night air.
Sir Yorr has been a faithful companion to me as well. I know that his music was important to him. What you may not know is that he also rode alongside me most days. We discussed philosophy and tradition. His company has made the journey enjoyable.”
Jode patted Madeline’s hand and rose to stand beside the platform. Blu bowed again to the band and stepped down. Madeline watched Jode step onto the platform. He stood for a few minutes, it seemed like an eternity to her, as she saw him take control of his emotions. He bowed to the band as Blu had and cleared his throat.
“Many of you know me,” he started. “You know me as a man of sword and armor. Few of you know me as I once was, as a youth, someone who was committed to becoming a bard and a troubadour.”
Madeline blinked with surprise. Jode seemed so fitted to being a knight. He was such an ideal knight, tall, blond, handsome, that it hadn’t occurred to her that he was ever destined for something else.
“When my older brother died, I was bound by duty to put aside my own desires and take his place as my father’s heir. I put aside the music that filled my heart with pleasure and learned to love the arts of war and battle instead. It was Lady Asla and Sir Yorr who reminded me of other choices. This life of a knight did not mean I could not live my other life. They were unyielding in their efforts to sway me to become a troubadour. I will always thank them for that. I will miss them every time we perform.”
Jode bowed again and returned to Madeline’s side. She took his hand and held it in her lap, wanting to keep him close during the evening, not wanting to leave him alone in his sorrow.
Simon spoke about the talent of the two departed friends. Other members of the band followed one after the other. Then each of the Fay members of the camp stood and spoke of Asla’s virtues, and the goblins of Yorr’s.
Madeline felt her tears flowing and heard others sobbing as the evening proceeded. The sorrow of the group was evident and the first steps to relieving the pain were well underway. Finally, there was no one standing at the platform waiting to speak. It was time to get the laughter bubbling, time to start the second part of the process, remembering the two friends as people not as idealized paragons. She hoped when the laughter started, the healing would begin. It was vital that tomorrow morning dawned with the camp able to look forward, and not just inward to their sorrow.
She nodded to Simon. He turned to the band members and said something to Zora. The music slowly faded. Madeline walked toward the platform and the band started playing again, this was something she recognized, not cheery by any means, but definitely not a dirge. Simon had directed them to play Con Te Partiro.
Madeline stood on the platform and bowed to the band. She looked around the circle of people and smiled. “I feel your sorrow as well, but I know that Lady Asla would not wish us to cry overly long. Although I did not know either of them well, I was looking forward to becoming friends with Lady Asla. She had agreed to become my chaperon. I thought it would be helpful to become friends with her if she was to fulfill that role. On our first day, she helped me to tease Sir Jode into blushing. I will miss her, but I wish to celebrate her now, not mourn her passing. She has gone to her next life. We should go on with our current life.”
Madeline stepped off the platform and a goblin woman replaced her. As Madeline walked towards Simon, she heard a story about how Yorr had carried out a long and involved prank on the leading family of the goblins.
Looking over at Jode who was sitting watching the woman tell the story, she saw a small smile on his lips as though he was anticipating the ending. Madeline needed to talk to Simon. She was feeling lost. There was something bigger that she was mourning, and he would know how to help her.
“Okay, guys,” Simon said. “Play what we talked about and I’ll be back soon.”
He followed Madeline to a patch of grass just behind the group of people. They were still in the camp, still under the protection of the sentries, but had a modicum of privacy with everyone’s attention on the speaker.
“Okay, what’s up?” Simon asked, as they settled on the grass. “I liked your speech. It seems to have started people feeling better.”
“Yes, that’s going according to plan.”
“So why aren’t you cuddled up to Sir Jode?”
“Everything people have talked about, the way they felt about Yorr and Asla, it is the way I was starting to feel about them. It has made me think.”
“About your life? Yes, that usually happens at a wake. You know that.”
“That’s why I need to talk to you. I don’t want to make my decision with all of this emotion weighting it down.”
“I get that.” Simon shrugged. “So, what do you need from me?”
“What do you think people are saying, or will say about you, when they realize you won’t be coming home?”
“You mean if they have a wake for me?”
“Yes, I guess that’s what I mean, like we’ll be dead to them back there. At some point, they’ll realize we’re gone.”
Simon thought about the question. “I hope people will miss me for a while, I guess. You know I had lots of friends there, at least I thought they were friends. Now, I’m pretty sure they were acquaintances. The people here mean more to me already than the people I’ve known for years.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yes, since I’m staying. I think the people at work will figure I took off, and then they’ll move on. It will take about a week.” He laughed.
“Really, and it doesn’t bother you?”
“No, my friends probably will fight over who gets my winnings from the Survivor pool and then forget about me.” He brightened. “Hey if you go back will you contact them?”
“That’s the thing,” Madeline looked down and picked at the blades of grass. “I don’t think I am going back.”
“Jode is going to be really charged about that.”
“Don’t tell him.” Madeline heard the panic in her voice. “I haven’t completely decided. I don’t want to get his hopes up. It’s just that listening to all the things people said about Asla and Yorr, made me wonder what will people say about me. People back there.”
“The office.” Simon took her hand to stop her picking the grass completely bare. “They will miss you because of the clients. They don’t care about you. I’m sorry, but they don’t.”
“I figured you would say that. I know it’s true, and I think I should feel hurt. I just kind of feel relieved.”
“What about your friends?”
“I don’t have any,” Madeline said. “I was too busy to keep up friendships. I don’t have any family, before you ask.”
“So why are you even considering going back?”
“I don’t know.” She threw the broken blades of grass over her shoulder. “That’s what I realized. I don’t know why I want to go back. It’s like I spend so much time thinking about back, that I haven’t really thought about forward.”
“So, start thinking about staying here.”
“I shouldn’t be staying here just because I have no reason to go back. It’s not fair to anyone.”
“Yes,” Simon said. “I think you need to figure out what you are going to do with Jode. If you don’t love him, or if you aren’t going to commit to him, it will be hard on both of you if you stay.”
“It’s not that I don’t love him.”
“Do you want my advice, or just my ear?”
“Tell me what you think.” S
he laughed, “I’ll ignore it if I don’t like it anyway.”
“Ha, you ignore me whether you like what I have to say or not.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, what do you think I should do?”
“Stay.”
“That’s it? No advice on romance, no career ideas?”
“Hey you have time to figure that out if you stay. Start with the decision to stay and figure out the rest.”
The music was becoming more cheerful and Madeline could hear people laughing out loud. She stood and pulled Simon to his feet. “It sounds like your band needs you. I’ll think about what you said. Thanks, it helped to talk with someone who doesn’t need anything from me.”
“Yeah, I need to sing a few songs before the night is over.” They walked towards the crowd. Simon returned to the band, and Madeline crossed the field to join Jode.
“Madeline,” Simon called. “If you go I will miss you. I think of you as a friend. You aren’t alone here.”
“Thank you. I would miss your friendship too. Who would have thought that, hey?”
Smiling, Madeline returned to Jode’s side as the band started the next song, Michele Ma Belle. He wrapped his arm around her as she sat and she felt the warmth of his body seep into hers.
“I would like to talk with you, Madeline.”
“Yes, I’d like to talk with you too. Let’s go somewhere more private.”
“No.” Jode held her back as she tried to rise. “We have no chaperon. We must talk here, where people can see us if they choose.”
“Really? I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking with all these people about.”
“They are concerned with their own business at the moment. It is important that we maintain our reputations. Do not worry; no one will listen. Look, they are starting to dance anyway.”
“Okay, I’ll trust that we have some privacy in the crowd.”
“This evening has made me think about more than just our friends,” Jode started. “My heart is sore at the loss of people I cared for, but I am willing to have it hurt again so that I can start to heal all at once.”
“What is it that will hurt you?” Madeline thought she knew the answer, but wanted to make him say the words. It might give her time to think of what to say.
