“Ohhhh- Oh!”
Yet another orgasm crashes over me and he comes right along with me, groaning and thrusting as he spills himself inside of me, the sensation of his hot spend filling me sending me to a whole new plane of pleasure.
After a moment I start to come down and my breathing slows. He pulls me into a deep, passionate kiss, and I can’t help but smile against his lips and sigh when he pulls back.
“I needed that.” I say with a smirk, planting a playful kiss to his cheek before I stretch my arms above my head. “Thank you.”
He lets out a huff and smiles, shaking his head.
“Can’t say I’ve been thanked for sex before, but, you’re welcome.”
I giggle and kiss him again before shuffling out of his grasp, rolling onto my side and taking a shaky breath, looking around the room. Discarded clothes and a bumped night stand make me smirk, and the distant sounds of Jade baking away in the kitchen bring a warmth to my heart that I can’t even begin to describe. I’m perfectly happy and content in this very moment, but I know that it won’t last. It can’t.
I feel the mattress dip behind me and Ashton’s lips brush my shoulder, his arm coming to rest on my hip. I sigh with a smile before I sit up, leaning over to grab my clothes.
“Hey,” He says softly, sitting up as well. “What’s wrong? A minute ago you’re thanking me and now you’re looking like I shot your dog.”
“I don’t have a dog.”
“Okay, well, you know what I mean.”
He slides over next to me and brushes my jaw with his thumb, tilting my head to look at him.
“Talk to me, Emily.”
How was I supposed to do this? Sure, he’s right. We both want each other and that’s all fine and good but what about everything else? I’m fire and he’s gasoline. We don’t mix well.
“Ashton, it’s just that… I don’t know.” I huff, standing up and stepping into my pants. “It just can’t work. Us, I mean.”
He gets up and gets dressed, shaking his head as he walks over to me and pulls me in, his grip on my waist both firm and reassuring.
“And why the hell not? I want you, you want me, and we’re both amazing in the sack,” He adds with a smirk, shrugging. “I don’t see the issue.”
“That’s the problem. You don’t see the issues that are very much happening, even now, already.”
He shakes his head with a scoff and refuses to acknowledge any of it, of course. I gesture between us, brows raised, as my temper starts to course through me.
“This, right now, exactly what’s happening. We fight too much and we’re not even… I don’t even know what we are. We’re two people in very different places in our lives, and while we may want a lot of the same things, we’re not a good fit.”
“And why the hell not?”
“Because of exactly this. We’re at each other’s throats constantly, and the last thing that Jade needs in her life is a man who adds stress to our situation.”
The second the words come out of my mouth I can see the hurt—and irritance—on his face. I sigh, shaking my head.
“So I’m just added stress, that’s it?”
“No, that’s not what I meant and you know it. I just mean that Jade needs a stable environment and I don’t know if you and I can give her that.”
“Well I do.”
“How do you figure?” I ask, trying to keep myself calm and collected but I’m already feeling the heat. “What could you possibly know about raising a child?”
“Her and I had a great time today, she had a ball! I know there’s a lot more to being there for a kid than picking them up from Grandma’s and baking cookies, but I think I did a pretty damned good job.”
I can tell by the look on his face that it’s not an act and that he really wants this, and it surprises me. Sure, I didn’t think he was using me or only showing interest in Jade to get into my pants, but I didn’t think he cared quite as much as he seems to.
“Yes, you did, and she adores you already, which is part of why I’m so nervous, Ashton. I don’t want to dive into something and have her get attached only for us to realize that this will never work.”
He steps closer to me and closes the gap between us with a frown, cupping my cheek and holding my gaze as he takes a quiet breath.
“Why are you so determined for us not to work out? I want things to work and I think we can. No, I know we can.”
He really does want this and to be truthful. So do I. But I can’t sacrifice Jade’s stability and happiness for my own selfish needs and wants, as much as I may be tempted.
“Ashton, it isn’t that I don’t want us to work out, but come on; we’re both workaholics and we’re constantly on each other’s nerves.”
“And you’ve decided to leave the firm, which means we don’t work together. Problem solved.”
His insistence is both endearing and infuriating, and I pinch the bridge of my nose with a sigh, taking a breath and then resting my head against his chest.
“Look, Ashton, I know what you’re saying and I appreciate it, and God I want it, but I just don’t think that-“
I stop with a gasp as a large crash rings out from the kitchen and I hear Jade cry out. Instantly Ashton and I both look at each other wide-eyed.
“Jade!”
I tear out of the bedroom and Ashton is only a step behind me. My heart pounds in my chest as I race towards the kitchen, calling out to Jade, praying that she’s okay.
22
Ashton
We rush into the kitchen and I see glass shattered on the floor. A wave of relief washes over me when I realize that the sound was just a bowl being dropped. My relief quickly turns to worry, though, when my gaze slides over to Jade, curled up against the counter and shaking as tears stream down her face.
It’s just a broken bowl, and she doesn’t seem to be hurt, but I quickly realize why she’s so upset. I know the signs of a panic attack all too well. I used to get them as a kid and, while I’ve got a pretty good handle on them now, that didn’t happen overnight; it took me years to get control of my emotions and sometimes I still get them. Having them as an adult is one thing, but when you have one as a kid? It’s one of the scariest things in the world, especially when you don’t have someone to help you with them, or you’re too scared to ask for help.
I quickly dart over to her and kneel down next to her, giving her a warm smile and gently placing my hand on her shoulder. She’s shaking like a leaf and my heart breaks for the kid, so I try and be as positive and calm as I can.
“Hey kiddo. You’re alright.”
I slump down onto the floor next to her with my back against the counter and I give her shoulder a squeeze. She looks up at me with a quivering lip and eyes brimming with tears, whimpering.
“Hey, it’s just a bowl, alright? I know this sucks and I know you’re scared and that’s okay, you’re allowed to be, there’s nothing wrong with it.”
She takes a shaky breath but is clearly still shaken, so I carefully drape my arm over her and when she looks at me again, I smile, nodding.
“It’s all good, kiddo. Here, look. Watch me, okay?”
She nods and whimpers softly and then I take a slow, deep breath, grinning at her and then nodding, squeezing her shoulder.
“Okay, now you’re going to take a deep breath, and you can just follow along with me. We’ll do it together, okay?”
She nods, taking a couple of quick shaky breaths, and I smile, nodding.
“Shhh, it’s okay Jade. Nice and slow. Follow my lead, alright?”
I inhale very slowly and watch as she does the same. Then I exhale slowly, eyes lighting up when she mirrors the movement, then takes another deep breath.
“That’s it! You’ve got it. You’re alright, see?”
I nod over to Emily, who’s leaning against the wall, looking at me with curiosity. She smiles at Emily, nodding.
“Your mom and I aren’t going to let anything bad happen to you, Jade. You’re
safe here. It was just a bowl, and I can clean it up, no problem. Then everything will be back to normal. No big deal.”
She takes another shaky breath and gives me a weak smile. She’s still crying, but it’s not nearly as bad as she was before and her breathing has leveled out. I start to feel relieved and she leans against me with a sigh. Emily looks at us in complete bewilderment.
So I give her one last squeeze, and nod at Emily, playfully nudging her shoulder with my own.
“Why don’t you go over to your Mom and I’ll clean this up?”
She gives me a shaky nod and a smile before standing up to go to her mom, wrapping her arms around her middle as Emily whispers comfort and praise into her ear.
“It’s okay, baby. Let’s get those cakes into the oven, hm?”
I watch the two of them get the pans in, then Emily walks her out of the kitchen towards the guest room. I grab the broom to start cleaning up the glass. I make a mental note to pick up some plastic mixing bowls for when Jade is over next—which she will be, because I’m not done fighting for her and Emily—and within a couple of minutes my floor is spotless again. Well, mostly spotless, other than the dusting of flour on the other side. I notice it with a smile and quickly sweep it up just in time for Emily to come back in without Jade.
“I convinced her to take a nap in your guest room. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course.”
She tilts her head and looks at me for a second, then she walks over, shaking her head with a gentle smile. She takes my hand into hers.
“I’ve never seen someone understand Jade the way that you just did…most people don’t know how to handle it when that happens. She’s had them since the car accident.”
I frown, sighing.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t even know that you’d been in an accident. What happened?”
She looks nervous about my asking, but then she takes a breath and shrugs, shaking her head.
“It was completely preventable, and that’s actually why my first marriage ended.”
Marriage? I’m learning all kinds of things about her today.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were married before.”
“Yes, well,” She sighs, averting her eyes. “That’s because my ex treated me like an embarrassment, and he never even wanted to be seen with Jade or I.”
Okay, so clearly her husband was a douchebag, and while she said the reason they split up was the accident, it’s abundantly clear to me that his treatment of her had something to do with that as well.
“Well, he was obviously an idiot.” I say gently, taking her hand into mine.
“Any man worth anything would be a fool to not want to show you off, so he didn’t deserve you anyway. And Jade is way too cool of a kid to have to be around someone like that.”
She gives me a gentle smile and I can see tears welling up in her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, but then she stops, shaking her head with a wavering sigh.
“I really appreciate that, Ashton, but it’s just that…”
She trails off and takes a deep breath, shaking her head.
“Look, it’s too close to the dinner party to be talking about this. We both need to be at the top of our game, and I won’t be able to do that if I’m focusing on shitty things that happened in the past, okay?”
I wasn’t trying to upset her but clearly I had. I nod, offering her a gentle smile. She reaches over the counter to grab her purse and keys, then nods toward the door.
“I’ve got to go to my apartment to get a dress and get ready. Can you make sure that Jade is alright while I’m gone?”
I walk over to her and nod, a reassuring smile encompassing my face as I speak. I want to tell her how sorry I am for bringing it up and upsetting her, but I also know that she’s right about the party. We need to focus on that for now.
“I’ll make sure that she’s safe and happy, Emily.” I say with a casual shrug, grinning. “I promise.”
As soon as I said it, she actually starts to cry, then gives me a nod and mumbles out a ‘thank you’ before she darts out the door, shutting it behind her too quickly for me to even say anything.
So now I’m standing here in my kitchen, confused and wondering how I managed to make her cry twice in such a short period of time. Was promising to keep Jade safe for her the wrong thing to say? It couldn’t be, but it doesn’t change the fact that, while I know I want to make things right, I’ve got no idea how I’m supposed to do that yet.
23
Emily
Driving through the city streets is always nerve-wracking. Even more so with painful memories attacking me. Tears make street signs blur, but I know where I’m going. I’m having a hard time keeping composed as I try to comprehend what just happened.
Jade had an anxiety attack. They’re not as common as they used to be, thank God. But even so, when they happen it’s hard to settle her back down. Ashton made it seem so easy.
One of the biggest reservations I have is that he won’t stay around. I’m damaged, and so is Jade. Gerald taught me that the world doesn’t care about broken things.
Thinking of my first husband causes my heart to seize. How he can still affect me like this, I will never understand. I thought the divorce would effectively cut him out. But the pain of his words and actions will forever haunt me. Maybe I deserve that.
There was a part of me that knew I should leave the first time I saw him truly drunk. We went out while dating, but it wasn’t until we were married that I saw the beast behind the mask. When Gerald got drunk, he got mean. He was a functioning alcoholic, or at least that’s what he claimed. I stayed with him, though, believing at first that he just needed help. But after a few years, it was because I had nowhere else to go. He had effectively cut me off from my friends and family. I was thoroughly under his control, that is, until the accident.
I was at work that evening. It was later than I normally worked but it couldn’t be helped. I remember calling Gerald to pick Jade up from the babysitter’s. He was angry at me because it meant that dinner would be late. He was always angry though. I tell myself that’s the reason I couldn’t hear the way his words slurred.
The next phone call was from the state police. Gerald had lost control of the vehicle and veered into oncoming traffic, ran off the road, and into a barrier. The speed of the car caused it to flip, landing on its side. Crews had to use the Jaws of Life to get Jade out of the backseat.
I almost lost my baby that day. Jade had so many injuries that she had to undergo several surgeries to her face and arms. The only reason she survived was her carseat. Gerald was unscathed, other than a couple cuts and bruises. He was booked in jail with a DWI charge.
That damn accident caused so much pain, but it also gave me the strength to leave that asshole. It helped me to see that I had the strength to protect my baby. It didn’t take long for a judge to approve a restraining order against him either. When I finally found my voice, it was because the most precious thing in the world to me was threatened. I will do whatever it costs to protect Jade. Even if that means pushing Ashton away.
Walking into my house, I stand in the quiet of the living room. Closing my eyes, I take a moment to breathe. It’s strange to know that Jade is at another man’s house. The memory of Ashton promising to keep Jade safe makes me tear up again. Gerald had always told me to figure out some other way to take care of our daughter if I didn’t trust him with her.
Looks like I have, asshole, I think, grabbing the box of tissues off the side table and blowing my nose. Shutting that man out of our lives was the smartest thing I had done in a while. Am I really ready to open us back up to that?
I toss my purse on the couch and head to the bedroom. Opening my closet doors, I grab a few of my more elegant dresses and lay them out on the bed. Stripping out of my daywear, I cross to the bathroom, still wrapped up in my thoughts.
I’m confused by my feelings towards him. After what I went through with Gerald, I made it my mission
to be a strong independent woman. I want to prove to Jade that she doesn’t need a man to take care of her needs. I never want her to feel like she has nowhere to go. At the same time, I know that is all emotional baggage from my failed marriage.
In the bathroom, I work on my makeup. I usually go for a more natural look when I’m in the office, but tonight I want to look much more than a PR Rep. I’ll be like the classic bombshell companion to his James Bond. I grin at my transformed luscious red lips glistening in the mirror.
Well, he isn’t exactly James Bond. His treatment of women seems to have improved since we began this fling, or whatever it is. I remember watching him in the kitchen with Jade earlier. I’m already half in love with the man. The physical attraction is obvious, but seeing him with my daughter? Another nail in the coffin.
Pinning my hair up stylishly, I let one strand hang close to my face. Using my curling iron, I turn it into a beautiful ringlet curl that frames my face.
Ashton has surprised me at his sudden willingness to take care of me and Jade. His actions today showed an interest in supplying what we need, emotionally and physically. He did it all without discussion or nagging on my part. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he actually cares and thinks about our happiness and wellbeing. But then again, I thought Gerald cared too.
My love for Jade’s father was so naïve. I’d been blinded by this idiotic idea of love. At eighteen, I was barely legal, but it was enough for a much older man like Gerald. He had been a friend of my parents and was showing signs of a promising government career. My parents had said it was a good match, even with the age difference; his career and finances would surely support me. I loved Gerald, but it wasn’t the kind of love in fairytales. It wasn’t love at all.
Stop it, Emily. Ashton is not Gerald. Hasn’t he proved that to you already?
He has. Oh, in so many ways. Even in the office, he challenges me on a personal level exactly where I need to be challenged. I guess Jeremiah was right after all. Maybe he is someone that fills in the gaps I am missing. This love is different than anything I thought I felt with Gerald. It’s so much deeper and passionate. It’s also blatantly honest and infuriating.
Office Fling (Manhattan Bad Boys BWWM Interracial Romance) Page 12
