by Amy Lillard
It was the invitation he’d been waiting for half his life. But it was also the one he couldn’t accept.
He set her from him, jarring that desirous look from her face. She didn’t know what she was asking. He couldn’t be the one to take advantage. “I don’t think you should be alone tonight, Jessie. But I can’t stay here. Why don’t you go out to the ranch and spend the night?”
Her expression snapped back to attention as if she had realized where she was, who she was with, and all the events of the last few days. She shook her head. “No, that was silly of me to ask.” She scoffed, letting out a sad little laugh that was more derisive than anything else. “I’ll be fine. Really.” She turned away from him and faced the sink once again, flipping on the water as if the last moments between them had never happened.
“I’d feel better if you went to the ranch, Jessie. That way, you’ll be there if you need anything.”
She didn’t bother to turn back around as she answered, “I won’t need anything, Seth.”
“Jessie, I—” He was always messing up where she was concerned.
“I said I’ll be all right.” She scraped all the previously washed silverware into the sink and tipped in a dollop of dish soap.
As far as he could tell, it looked clean, and he couldn’t imagine the ladies’ auxiliary leaving her anything to do. But he knew how she felt. If she sat down the memories would come. It was always that way.
Her back was stiff, her posture brittle. Only her pride kept her upright. And if there was one thing she had, it was pride.
“Jessie,” he started again.
“Hmmm?” She didn’t turn around to face him.
“What are you going to do?”
“I told you, Seth. I’m going to do these dishes, then take a nice long bath.”
“No. What are you going to do?”
She stopped washing the silverware but didn’t turn to face him. “Meemaw had a reverse mortgage. The bank will take over the house and I’m going . . . somewhere.”
He moved closer so he could see her face, possibly read her expression. “Where?”
She shrugged and continued washing dishes, sparing him only the briefest of glances. “Somewhere. I don’t know.”
“So you’re still leaving town?”
“There’s nothing for me here.”
I am, he wanted to shout, but he couldn’t say those words. He understood her reasons for leaving even if he hated them.
“If you change your mind about going out to the ranch, let me know. I’ll drive you.”
She nodded but didn’t turn around.
“And if you need anything, you know where to find me.” He reached out to her but stopped short of making contact. She wouldn’t change her mind. And she wouldn’t call.
Not quite Chase’s girl. Not his either.
Seth exhaled the remaining tension in his body, then blew a kiss toward her back and let himself out of the house.
* * *
Two weeks passed in something of a daze. Jessie went through all the motions: work, home, shower, repeat. Seth came by the diner every day to check on her. Every day she lied and said she was fine. Well, it wasn’t really a lie. She would be fine one day, real soon.
She finished applying a touch of mascara and gave her reflection one last critical look. One day at a time, wasn’t that what they said? She scooped her hair back into a ponytail and left the bathroom. She had twenty minutes to get to her shift at the Chuck Wagon.
One day at a time and one day real soon. Her mantra. For now she would live one day at a time. Then one day real soon she was going to pack up everything she deemed worthy and head out. She still hadn’t figured out where she was going. Away from Cattle Creek. And for now that was enough.
Away from Seth.
Her heart gave a painful thump. The worst part of leaving Texas would be leaving him behind. He had started to mean so much to her. He came by every day to check on her, to see her, make sure she was all right. Oh, how she would miss that. Miss him.
She wasn’t sure exactly when the shift occurred, when her feelings for Chase had become something less than romantic. Or had she ever really loved him like that at all? Maybe she had simply been in love with the idea of Chase. He was larger-than-life, an American hero, a legend in his own time. Yet one day it just seemed as if all she could think about was Seth. Where he was, what he was doing. Instead of being strange, it felt as natural as the sunshine on her face. Since the funeral he had been her rock, her solid, the one person she knew she could depend on. The last two weeks had been eye-opening. When had Seth become so important to her? But the answer to that was always. He had always been there, always watched over her. Always. But only recently had that become clear.
She turned toward the calendar, as if checking to make sure it had only been fourteen days, but what she saw instead was the little flower reminder sticker she used to mark when her period was supposed to start. She gasped. She was late. Not for work. Late late. For her period.
Her stomach fell.
Probably end up pregnant. Wasn’t that what Meemaw had said?
Jessie closed her eyes, thankful that her grandmother wasn’t around to see this.
Wait. Just because she was late didn’t mean she was pregnant. Lots of things caused women to skip periods. Stress, pressures, unprotected sex with cowboys in the cabs of their trucks.
Her eyes flew open. She had to be wrong. This couldn’t be happening. Just when she was so close to getting out of this town. This couldn’t be her fate.
She refused to believe that she was pregnant. Only one way to find out. She grabbed her purse and started for the door.
* * *
Jessie walked into the drugstore with her chin high. Act natural. But her knees wanted to lock up on her and her hands trembled. Maybe she’d be better off going to the clinic and taking her chances with Shirley. The front desk receptionist wouldn’t know patient confidentiality if it bit her on the behind. No, she was better off here.
She turned down the aisle of unmentionables. There was a chance if anyone saw her that they would think she was buying tampons. Best grab what she needed and get on out of Dodge. She snatched up the first pregnancy test she saw. The longer she stayed, the greater the chance that someone would spot her and say—
“Hey, Jessie.”
She whirled around as Millie Evans neared. It took all her self-restraint not to shove the box behind her back. How was that for suspicious behavior?
“I thought I saw you come in. How are you?” Concern filled Millie’s voice.
Even though two weeks had passed since Meemaw’s funeral, Jessie still had to endure all the looks of pity and sympathy. It was tough enough to know that she was alone in the world, but to be constantly reminded of it was more than one person should have to suffer.
“I’m fine. Thanks. Seth treating you okay at the jail?”
“I couldn’t ask to work for a nicer man.” Her gaze dropped to the box Jessie held. She could only hope that her fingers were wrapped around it in such a way that Millie couldn’t read it, but the size and shape ruled out anything other than what it really was. Maybe Millie was looking at something else. It wasn’t like Jessie could ask her.
“Well, I guess I should be getting back.” Millie held up her sack with the receipt stapled on the outside. “Have a good afternoon.”
“Yeah,” Jessie murmured. “You too.”
She watched as Millie walked away, wondering if she’d been better off taking her chances with Shirley.
* * *
Seth.”
He took his feet off his desk and sat up straight as Millie came rushing into the jailhouse. “What’s wrong?”
She looked from him to Dusty, then over to the holding cells. Johnson Jones hadn’t managed to wake up yet and find his way home even though it was after
two o’clock in the afternoon. She slid into Dusty’s chair and rolled close, her knees bumping Seth’s as she swung near. “I just saw Jessie at the drugstore.”
He nodded coolly even though his heart gave a hard pound. “Did she look okay?” He’d been doing his best to give her some time. He called nearly every day to check on her and made sure that on her off days, either his mother or his grandmother paid her a visit. He wanted to have her at his side, but he knew that her goal was to leave Cattle Creek. As much as the thought saddened him, he knew he couldn’t make her stay.
“You could say that.”
“Quit talking in riddles, Millie,” Dusty groused. Though Seth thought he was more upset about her sitting in his chair than her manner of speech.
Millie glanced over to Jones, then eased in a bit closer. “She was buying a pregnancy test.”
“You don’t say.” Dusty took off his hat and slapped it against one thigh.
“It didn’t take you long to get back into the swing of small-town life.” Seth said the words even as his heart jumped into his throat. A pregnancy test? But that would mean . . .
“Is that all you have to say?” Millie asked.
“She told me she was on the pill,” he whispered.
But she hadn’t. Jessie never said those four little words. Just dodged the issue. And he had let her.
Millie shot him a gentle smile. “So was I.”
He looked from one of them to the other, realizing in that moment that they both knew he was responsible.
A pregnancy test!
The words sank in. “Jessie’s pregnant?” He was on his feet in an instant. “I need to get over there and—”
Millie’s hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks. “Hold on, cowboy. First of all, you don’t know that she’s having a baby, only that she bought a test.”
“But—” If she bought a test, she had to suspect she was pregnant. And if she was pregnant . . .
“There are a number of things that can cause a woman to miss her cycle.” She rolled her eyes. “Gawd, I can’t believe that I’m talking to you about this.” She shook her head and continued. “Just look at all the stress she’s been under. That alone would be enough to throw her off schedule. And second of all, you wouldn’t be so careless as to not use protection . . .” She stopped and turned questioning eyes to him.
He cleared his throat, a surer sign of his guilt he couldn’t imagine, unless it was the heat he felt rising up to his hairline.
“She’ll tell you when she’s ready,” Millie quietly continued. “If you go over there now, like this—” She waved a hand in front of him. He was poised for flight, every muscle in his body tense and ready to move. His jaw was clenched, his fists tight. “You’re only going to make it worse.”
“But—” He turned to Dusty for help, but his chief deputy only shrugged.
Millie placed one hand on his chest and gave a little shove. Seth fell back into his seat. “Give her some time,” she suggested. “A week, maybe two.”
“She’s got three days.”
“Seth,” Millie started in protest.
“Three days,” he repeated. That was plenty enough time to take the test and come tell him what she had found out. And plenty enough time for him to go out of his mind wondering if he was about to be a dad.
* * *
It was the longest three days of his life. Aside from the fact that he had to be patient, Jessie had stopped taking his calls. She didn’t have a cell phone, so he had left messages at the house, but not once had she picked up or returned his call.
“I’m going over there.” Seth crammed his hat on his head and started for the door.
“You could at least wait until she gets off work,” Millie said. She had her back to him as she filed papers and cleaned through the mess of a system he had devised when Nancy went on leave.
He checked his watch, as if he hadn’t already done that twenty or so times today. Jessie didn’t get off work for another half an hour and he didn’t think he could wait until then.
“Seth.” Millie’s voice was ripe with caution.
“I’m going over there,” he said again, and pushed his way out of the station before she could convince him to wait. Or physically make him.
The heat greeted him like a slap in the face, the rain from two weeks ago a distant memory now. He waited for two cars to pass, then crossed the street to the Chuck Wagon.
“Hey, Sheriff,” Sheridan said as he walked through the door.
“Where’s Jessie?” he asked, then caught himself. “I mean, hi, Sheridan. Is Jessie around?”
The fortysomething blonde shook her head. “Chuck let her go home early.”
Worry filled him. “Was she feeling okay?”
“I think so. She said something about an appointment at the bank.”
“Right.” He gave a nod. “What time did she leave?”
“About an hour ago.”
Which would give her plenty of time to take care of her appointment and get back home.
“Can I get you something to eat?” she asked.
“Nah, thanks anyway.” He tipped his hat and headed out into the sunshine.
Seth loped back across the street and popped into the office long enough to grab the keys to his service vehicle and tell Millie and Dusty that he’d be out for the rest of the afternoon. Then he started toward Jessie’s house.
Damn, it was hot. He turned the air up a notch and thought about Jessie walking home in this heat. And pregnant. Possibly pregnant, he corrected. But somehow he knew. The question was if she bought the test three days ago, then why hadn’t she been by to tell him the good news?
There were only two possible answers. One, she didn’t think it was good news and had no intention of telling him. Or two, there was no news to tell. But he knew that wasn’t the case. She should have talked to him by now.
His anger mounting by the second, he pulled the truck to a stop and got out. The house looked the same as it always did, run-down and sad. But Jessie was never going to fix it up. She was leaving town.
Leaving without telling him that she was having his baby.
Steam fairly billowed out his ears as he took the porch steps two at a time and knocked on the door with more force than necessary. “Jessie,” he hollered, propping his hands on his hips. “I know you’re in there.”
He raised his fist again but didn’t connect with wood.
Jessie wrenched the door open, her expression as annoyed as he felt. “What’s wrong with you?”
He pushed past her into the house and took a deep breath to control his emotions. She was pregnant. He had to remember that. Feeling marginally in control, he rounded on her. “When were you going to tell me?”
She shook her head. “Tell you what?”
“About the baby.”
She blanched. “How did you know?”
“Millie.”
“Of course.” Jessie eased down onto the hard-backed chair next to the front door. “I don’t know,” she finally said.
Seth resisted the urge to scoop her into his arms and kiss away all that hurt and confusion. It was better by far if he stayed angry, at least for now. “You don’t know when you were going to tell me?”
She shook her head. “I chickened out.”
“What?”
“I didn’t take the test,” she said, louder this time. “I got nervous and couldn’t go through with it.”
“Where is it now?” he asked.
“In the bathroom.”
He gave a quick nod and hauled her to her feet. “Let’s go.”
“Go where?”
“To the bathroom. It’s time to find out if we’re going to be parents.”
* * *
Dumbfounded, Jessie allowed him to lead her through the house. He pushed his way into
the small powder room that she used. The incriminating box was sitting on the counter, the test nestled inside, just waiting to show her how stupid and irresponsible she had been.
Seth picked up the box and handed it to her. She snatched it away from him, her fingers trembling so bad she couldn’t get the darn thing open.
“Give it.” Seth took it from her, but she noticed his fingers were shaking even more than hers. Finally he ripped open the box and the bag inside. “Here.” He handed her the wand and started reading the instructions. “You need to, uh . . . pee on that and we wait two minutes to see if a pink line appears.” He looked up and pinned her to the spot. “Well?”
“I hope you don’t think I’m going to pee with you in here.”
“Jessie, I—”
“Out.” She planted her hands on his back and somehow managed to get him on the other side of the bathroom door. With a decisive click, she turned the lock and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the sink. Once she took the test, there was no going back. And once she found out the truth, then everything would change.
Blowing her hair out of her face, she told herself to quit stalling.
She jumped as Seth knocked on the door. “You okay in there?”
“Fine.” At least the anger had leached from his voice.
With a sigh she moved to the toilet to take care of business.
“Are you finished? I heard the toilet flush.”
“Almost.” It hadn’t been the easiest thing, peeing with Seth just outside the door, but she’d managed. Now the last thing she wanted was him standing over her while she waited for the results. They waited for the results. Like it or not, they were in this together. At least until she outlined her plans for him.
“Almost, hell. Open the door, Jess.”
She glanced into the wand’s little plastic window. It hadn’t been thirty seconds and already the line was visible. Maybe Seth read the directions wrong. She opened the door and Seth barreled inside.
“Are you sure a pink line means a baby?” She swallowed hard.
“It’s positive, isn’t it?” He looked over to the wand and paled under his tan.
