An apple.
Probably one of the few remaining apples on the old apple tree in her backyard.
Then she heard footsteps. Walking toward her. Slowly, sneakily.
"Ellen?" Alicia called out nervously.
"Ali."
Alicia's heart skipped a beat. "Scott?" She rose from the swing and ran to his voice. "Scott…?" Where was he?
Scott took her in his arms, his powerful, athletic arms.
How she had missed being there.
How she had missed his lips. She kissed him long and hard.
Scott was cold. His body was tense, rigid like a rock. It was like kissing a stone boy. One of his hands felt like a big round club.
"That's one of the things Evan did," Scott said, pulling away. "There's a cast on my hand. The hand that threw the football that hit him in the face. You get my meaning? I came to warn you to stay away from that guy. He's dangerous. He's sicker than any of us ever imagined."
"That's a lie!" Alicia had been so thrilled that Scott had to come to visit her. Why did he have to ruin everything this way? By making up more lies about Evan. The boy who had saved her life. The boy who gave her hope that she might one day see again.
"It's not a lie," Scott said.
Alicia let him talk. She touched his face. She ran her soft fingers over his nose and cheeks — curious, probing fingers that had to substitute for her eyes.
Alicia felt the horror of what had been done. She could barely continue her reading of his tragedy.
Scott had a long, deep gash across his forehead, and a series of pitted lines over each cheek. His nose had been smashed flat. His lips were dry. There were teeth missing. Alicia pulled away with a distraught cry.
"He did my nose and forehead, my teeth, and my hand with the tire iron while you were out cold," Scott said. "I don't know what he did to destroy the rest of my face. I was knocked out by then too. I'm telling you, he's an animal. A very sick animal."
"Did you see him do it?" she asked, fighting back the tears.
"I didn't have to. I know it was him."
"He saved your life, Scott."
"So he could torture me," Scott said. "So I'd have to live the rest of my life like this. Alicia, this is the first time I've been out of the house since they took the bandages off. I can't even look at myself in the mirror without throwing up. And he didn't stop with me. He went after the others too — Boomer… Tiffany…"
"Did you see him do anything to Boomer or Tiffany?"
"I know it was him!" Scott screamed.
"Well, / don't know it was him, Scott. And do you know why? I didn't see him because I'm blind!" Alicia felt her face dampen with tears. "Where were you when I needed you, Scott? You deserted me when I needed you the most."
A car door slammed and the sound of neighbors' voices floated over to Alicia and Scott.
"D-don't you understand? I–I can't be seen like this," Scott stammered. "I don't want your neighbors to see my face. The only reason I can be with you now is that you're blind."
"I don't care about your face!" Alicia screamed. "I wouldn't care if I saw the scars. Scott… it's you I love!" She hugged him fiercely. But his arms hung limply at his sides. Then he broke the embrace and pushed her away.
Alicia reached out to try to stop him from leaving — she needed more comfort. She needed Scott to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. But when she tried to grab him, to stop him, he was already out of reach.
"Scott…?" she cried out.
But Scott was gone.
Scott had deserted her again.
The phone rang.
She stood frozen.
The phone rang a second time.
Don't answer it, she thought. Don't bother. It's probably more bad news.
The phone rang a third time.
I'll let Mom get it.
The phone rang a fourth time. Then a fifth.
"Mom?"
Finally on the sixth ring, Alicia stumbled across the yard and through the kitchen door and around the Formica table — knocking over a kitchen chair — and moved her hand along the wall with fluttering, spiderlike fingers until she found the phone and lifted it from the cradle.
She didn't even bother to say hello.
"Ali?" came Evan's voice, quiet but penetrating.
The phone receiver felt like lead in her hand. "Evan," she said, her voice hollow. Like a voice in a dream.
"Um… the homecoming dance is tomorrow night and I was wondering if you had made up your mind yet. Do you want to go with me?"
He was out of sync, Alicia thought. Inappropriate. He was so kind, so gentle. How could he not realize that this subject just didn't fit?
Why was she so cold all of a sudden? So cold and alone and sad. She stretched the phone cord so she could check the kitchen window. It was open. She pushed it down and it slammed shut.
"Ali?"
"Okay, Evan," Alicia heard herself say. "I'll go to the homecoming dance with you."
Chapter 33
The doors to the school gym wouldn't open until nine, but Alicia was in no hurry. The crowning of the homecoming queen was to take place at ten-thirty, but she was in no hurry for that, either.
She was in no hurry for anything, anymore.
Alicia wore a plain white gown with a ribbon that matched the color of her hair around her slender waist. It was the gown she had made months ago for this special night — a night she had planned to share with Scott…
Evan picked her up at eight forty-five, exactly as he had promised. He presented her with a wrist corsage — he told her it was made of pink carnations (not roses!) and baby's breath. He told her she looked beautiful and politely asked if she was ready to go to the dance. He was so clearly trying to do everything right.
Suddenly, he gave her the creeps.
She had no idea what Evan wore, but it smelled of mothballs. She supposed it was a hand-me-down from his uncle, probably an old tuxedo Dr. Hawke had held onto from his own school days. It probably looked ridiculous on Evan — out of style, hanging off him.
She felt dizzy, hardly able to think of why she had even agreed to go with this strange guy. But she liked to keep her word, and so they set out for the dance.
She and Evan created quite a stir when they entered the gym at quarter after nine. Alicia could hear the voices buzzing as Evan led her to a chair. He sat next to her and wrapped his long, slender fingers lightly around her hand. She didn't pull her hand away. She owed him that much, she felt. She gave his sweaty palm a squeeze that she hoped seemed friendly.
Alicia knew she was on display — like a rare bug in a bottle. She understood that Evan had invited her to show everyone that he could get a date. Of course, the best he could do was a blind girl. A blind date. A blind date. Alicia winced at her own sick joke.
"You're the most beautiful girl here, Ali," Evan said.
When had he started calling her «Ali»? She couldn't remember. "Thank you, Evan," she said softly. She left her hand limply in his. It seemed like too much effort to do anything else now.
The music started up, and it was loud. Alicia felt she could still hear everyone whispering about her.
Was this what it was like for Evan all the time, she wondered. Knowing that everyone was whispering about him?
Evan attempted to be her "eyes." He described the giant throne where the queen would be crowned. He even giggled when he told her it was made of roses. If one rose could make her sneeze — what would a throne of roses do, he wondered. If she were chosen queen, she'd probably detonate right in front of everyone.
Alicia allowed herself a small smile. Why not? As long as she was there, she should try to have a good time.
"I hope we're not sitting too close to the throne," Alicia said, leaning over to Evan, plugging her nose as she faked a sneeze.
Evan laughed loudly. "If you win I hope you can hold your breath for a long time," he guffawed. "But hey, don't worry, I brought plenty of tissues. And th
is time I'm keeping my distance." He giggled more than he really needed to.
The band played a mixture of modern rock and sixties oldies. Alicia realized she was tapping her foot in time to the music.
Almost like a normal girl having a good time on a date.
The band moved into a slow number, and Alicia felt Evan's breath on her ear. "Shall we?" he whispered.
Alicia's heart sank. A slow dance with someone other than Scott. It was a crushing disappointment. But her psychiatrist had encouraged her to get out and try to enjoy herself. Evan led her to the center of the dance floor and took her awkwardly in his trembling arms. She thought she heard some murmuring from the dancers nearby, but she ignored it. After an awkward moment, Evan let both his arms slip around her waist and pulled her closer to him.
She could smell his Aqua Velva. Probably his uncle's.
The murmuring grew louder.
Alicia pressed her chin into Evan's shoulder as they swirled round and round the dance floor.
With her eyes tightly shut, Alicia imagined that she wasn't blind. When the dance was over, she would open her eyes and see all her classmates in their beautiful clothes twirling to the music. She would look into the eyes of her dance partner — Alicia imagined Scott — looking back at her with love. But then her imagination turned cruel, and in her mind she saw Scott's face melt like candle wax on a hot day, remolded into a horrible mask covered with scars and stitches.
Alicia gasped.
"Are you all right?" Evan asked, concerned.
"I think I'd like to sit down now," Alicia answered. She breathed deeply.
Evan led her back to their table. Then he disappeared to get them something to drink. Alicia was grateful to be alone for a moment. Without her sight, she could never be sure when Evan was looking at her — staring at her. Sometimes she felt his gaze wash over her like a burning flame. She didn't want him looking at her now, though. Not while she thought of Scott.
She longed for him now, as she did every day and every night. She imagined his lips near her ear, whispering that he still loved her, promising that they would be together forever. She wanted to feel his touch again. She wanted to see the boy she still loved.
As Evan returned with the punch, the band suddenly stopped playing. A microphone crackled with static as the announcement was made that the homecoming queen was about to be crowned.
Alicia was surprised to feel a surge of energy that overwhelmed her self-pity. She realized how desperately she wanted to be named Homecoming Queen. If for no other reason than to beat Ellen Sawyer. Ellen — her pretend-friend.
Alicia held her breath as the candidates' names were announced one by one. Then she heard her name. A deafening roar threatened to take the roof off the gymnasium. Her eyes filled with tears.
And she had told herself not to cry!
A myriad of emotions rushed through her mind. What if she actually won? The votes hadn't all been cast by the time of her accident. It was possible.
If she got the sympathy vote.
If everyone took pity on her. If everyone felt sorry for her.
The thought made her cry despite herself.
Evan gently dabbed away her tears with a handkerchief.
"Do I look all right?" she asked.
"Everything is fine," Evan assured her. "You're beautiful."
She leaned her head on Evan's shoulder, wishing it were Scott's…
And then she sat straight up when she heard the rip of the envelope next to the open mike. The envelope with the little slip of paper in it naming the winner.
Alicia's heart was pounding so hard it threatened to erupt inside her chest. Her lower lip began to tremble and she couldn't make it stop. Evan squeezed her hand encouragingly.
"Ladies and gentlemen…"
Her knees were shaking.
"Let's hear it for Springwood High's new Homecoming Queen — Ellen Sawyer!"
The crowd erupted with applause.
Alicia felt the instant evaporation of her soul. The last shred of purpose in her life had been taken from her. She couldn't even win if she sacrificed her eyes.
And then an eerie silence settled over the cavernous gymnasium.
"What happened?" Alicia whispered to Evan.
"Ellen's not here to accept the crown. That means if you're runner-up, you'll be the queen," Evan said excitedly.
Alicia entertained that thought — even if she won as runner-up, based on a sympathy vote, it would still be the best thing that had happened to her since…
Suddenly, Alicia felt the table tip and heard Evan yelp in pain. A cup of punch spilled over onto her arm. "Evan? What's going on?" she asked fearfully. She reached out to where he had been just a moment before — but he was gone!
She heard the crashes as tables and chairs were tipped over. Angry shouts filled the gym. Some of the students were chanting: "Fight! Fight! Fight!" She heard a boy yell, "Beat the crap out of him, Murphy!"
Johnny Murphy was fighting, and Alicia knew in the pit of her stomach that it was with Evan. For the first time since she had become blind, Alicia was glad she couldn't see.
She heard teachers' voices and the principal's voice and the scuffle was over as quickly as it had begun. The band started up again, trying to get things back on track. But she still could hear the voice screaming. Johnny's voice, screaming as he was being led away. "You killed Ellen! You killed Ellen, and you're going to pay for it! You hear me — Walker?"
Chapter 34
"Alicia," the principal said, "I'm going to allow Evan to drive you home."
Alicia nodded weakly. She felt sick to her stomach. Sitting outside the principal's office was not exactly how she had expected the evening to wind down. "What about Ellen?"
"She's not here, so you're the official Homecoming Queen," the principal offered. "It's never happened this way before, but that's how we'll officially settle it."
"Don't you want to go back in to be crowned?" Evan asked his date.
Alicia shook her head. "I want to know where Ellen is. Something's riot right. She'd never miss this night unless something extreme kept her away. I feel very nervous."
"She's probably hiding, trying to stand up that ape Johnny," Evan suggested.
"That's enough, Evan," the principal said, his voice less concerned than Alicia thought it should be. "I've sent Johnny home, and I think he's learned his lesson." Alicia could hardly believe what she was hearing. She had always liked this principal, but now she realized that those had been the good old days when everything went right. Now that there were real problems, she was beginning to understand why some of the parents thought he was ineffective.
"Did you try to call Ellen's house?" Alicia asked.
"Yes," the principal answered. "Nobody home. I left a message on the answering machine."
"C'mon, Ali, I'll take you home, and you can try to call her again from there." Evan was standing next to her now, ready to guide her out to the car. "Maybe you'd like to stop for an ice cream on the way home." Alicia's mind was whirling. How could Evan make such a suggestion under these circumstances? He had just been hit and kicked, beaten up at the homecoming dance. Ellen was missing, Tiffany was missing, Boomer was tragically crippled, Scott mutilated, and she was blind!
She wanted out of here. She wanted to be alone. She wished she could escape to another world, even if only for a few minutes.
"C'mon," Evan said again. "You're tired. I'll get you home."
* * *
Alicia's stomach felt feathery the entire ride home, and it only got worse when Evan pulled into her driveway.
Evan shut off the car. Alicia wished she could as easily turn off her doubts, her apprehension, her misgivings about Evan.
She didn't expect what happened next: Evan reached over and tried to kiss her.
Startled, she pulled away. "Don't do that Evan," she said, not intending to sound so shrill.
But Evan tightened his grip on her shoulders and tried to kiss her again.
"Ow… Evan! You're hurting me! Stop!"
"Sorry," Evan muttered and his hands slipped away. Alicia rubbed her shoulders where Evan had squeezed her so hard. For a guy with soft hands, he had a grip of steel.
Evan tried to kiss her again.
Alicia pulled away. She quickly slid across the car seat and banged her back against the passenger-side door.
But Evan was on her again in an instant.
She pushed him away as hard as she could and groped for the door handle.
"Evan — please! Please don't. I–I'm sorry, Evan. But… but I like you only as a friend."
Evan grabbed her arm and tried to pull her to him.
"Evan…" She twisted away, catching the sleeve of her gown on the car door handle. She yanked up and the door unexpectedly popped open, sending her sprawling to the cold, concrete driveway.
She heard the porch light click on.
"What's going on out there?" came her mother's voice.
Thank goodness, Alicia thought as a cool bite of wind nipped her face. She stood up and walked unsteadily toward her mother's voice.
The car engine suddenly roared. Evan tore backward out of the driveway, tires squealing. Then the hearse stopped, shifted to forward, and flew away into the night. She heard the passenger door slam shut of its own accord.
Chapter 35
The next morning Evan called Alicia to apologize. "I'm really sorry about everything that happened last night, Ali. It just seems like no matter what I do, it comes out wrong. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me. I would die for you…"
"Evan…" Alicia broke in. "Don't say things like that."
"It's true."
"Just don't say it."
"Do you forgive me?" Evan asked.
"I forgive you," Alicia said. It wasn't the first time a guy had put the moves on her.
"Can I see you again?" Evan asked.
"Urn… I don't know, Evan. Maybe that wouldn't be such a great idea." Alicia squirmed as a silence lengthened between them. "Evan… it just isn't going to work out. I'm sorry." She realized her voice was shaking. From fear? Fear of what Evan might do to her if he got angry enough?"
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