Not dead. No colour. Not a colour. But not dead.
Meemaw is not dead but now I am here. Here is Ruth’s house. House of upstairs and downstairs and Max a cat who is black. Max is soft and stroke him Danny.
I like Max. His tail is a question. Green eyes.
Today came a woman Kate. It is all of people now we don’t know.
All is too much of looking at me. And words. I go away.
This one Kate came. She sitted with Ruth telled me of Meemaw in the hospital. I knowed it. She telled on on and drawed of crayons.
Kate asked of Meemaw and Karen and hitting. I didn’t say. I drawed a T-Rex. His two claw hands.
She asked of my bot I thinked shut up. It is private parts. It is not for saying. But here come poos knocking but never out. Not here.
After the Kate woman was gone Ruth taked me to the park. Not our park. It is a big park of flatness and too much dogs. I go in the car.
I like it better coming back. I like it the high up seat of the car and watching. Then it is the black white of Ruth’s path I know. And inside is Max. Max and Lego.
But no Meemaw ever. Never she has came here. It is in a world of no Meemaw.
In all of every day now I must make spells. I thinked of this today. Sometimes I look close as close at Spiney and I see he has a live eye now. He looks his live eye in my eye. We can spell things together.
Here we must do it all of every day. Then Meemaw will wake up. We will go home maybe maybe go in the world.
I have Spiney now and never ever will I lose him again. A bad mistake. If I had not lost Spiney we would not have gone in our flat again. We would have gone away in the world and never been catched by Karen.
Meemaw not have smash hitted her head and the tooth flied out. Her head is too hurt I think. I don’t know if Meemaw can wake up or be asleep a hundred years. But Meemaw is not dead.
Best of things is Karen gone away. She is in a place far Ruth said. A special hospital and locks. There are locks.
Sometimes I think here of the other dinosaurs. I think about their world. I have ruined it probably of wee. The lady of round boobies in the centre will want all back. It is a library and things must go back. They are not mine and I have ruined their world.
Meemaw telled every time to understand all things must go back in a library. They live there. But one time Jane gived me Walking with Dinosaurs book to actual keep. Jane is in the library. Meemaw is in the hospital.
Ruth telled today this actual day of day five that they will take away the machine of breathing and Meemaw can wake up we hope. I don’t hope. I am today in this house going to the bathroom wall. I am counting with Spiney. It is the best spell of good counting. It is four hundred and seventy nine without halfs. I do the halfs at the end. Two halfs make one. We are spelling Meemaw to well again.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The beach is yellow yellow. Sky is blue blue. All colours here are such brightness they shine more than the brightest of Meemaw.
Here I forget to look for the Meemaw colour. It doesn’t matter. Meemaw’s colours are there I know it. All colours there so it doesn’t matter to look.
Orange orange juice is called naranja. I ask in the bar then Joaquin laughs.
Morning times Meemaw cleans the rooms. I am allowed at the little pool and in the garden with Spiney. I am patient. It is Meemaw’s work.
I get big naranja from Joaquin. A straw in a bit of actual orange. Grey the ice cubes. All frothy.
Meemaw waves. Meemaw shouts to me from the balconies. She is high and the sky such brightness.
Hola, Danny!
I wave back.
First when we came I had to stay in our room when Meemaw was doing her work. I was not safe because I couldn’t swim of no arm bands. Dangerous by the pool. Meemaw said I could learn swimming.
Every day I did it. I learned.
I do it like Meemaw no arm bands. Meemaw telled it is a great achievement. It is flying in the water. I like it under best. Like the ichthyosaur discovered of Mary Anning. I am a powerful hunter in the deep.
Spiney sinks down but Meemaw gets him. Meemaw goes to the bottom. Holding her breath. She saves Spiney every time. Every time.
The water goes to little silver beans on her dark Meemaw hair. On her eyebrows. I see the place of the cut. Pinky purple now. Not so bad.
After Meemaw came out of the hospital and I had the awfullest poo in the world things getted better. Ruth telled I could go home. Meemaw taked me.
But we didn’t want to be in the flat of before and Karen. That was a trouble. We went to see housing but not a help. Not a help at all Danny.
That was when Mick came. Mick getted actually up and shoes on. He walked out of his house of smelly and mess. He came to Burgess Hill on the train. He sitted in a café by the station of cheese scone. But not nice as the ones of me and Meemaw.
Mick bringed Meemaw a envelope. Not her mummy bracelet envelope but all fat of twenties. Meemaw cried. I didn’t like it Meemaw crying but Mick said
It’s all right, wee man.
It was.
Meemaw telled later in all whispers of going away. It was not allowed to go away because of appointments. Still to see the Kate lady and the Job Centre.
Not Karen at the Job Centre. Karen was given a sack and gone away. Far away. There are locks.
Meemaw telled me this is the first stop in the world.
Here is not appointments. Here is work for Meemaw of clean the rooms. Then money from Jorge who is the boss and Meemaw’s actual cousin. I never knowed of a cousin for Meemaw. Meemaw telled she has lots of cousins. I don’t have cousins but Meemaw will share.
Meemaw talks Spanish. I can of little bits too.
Spain is lots of cats. I liked Max cat I miss him but not Ruth because too much watching me.
I think of the other dinosaurs too and their lost world. We taked them back to the centre. Meemaw gived money to the round boobies lady because the ruined world was throwed away. The lady wasn’t cross of us. She said
Maybe we’ll get them a whole new one, eh? Or they can just run wild.
She laughed.
Every week Sunday new people come. Nearly always children from England. One week came a bigger boy Leo. He was six and nearly good at swimming like me. His trunks were T-Rexes on lots and lots. He knowed of the Cretaceous of how the meteorite came and caused a mass extinction.
We played dinosaurs and spies. We did spies on Joaquin and writed down all things. One day he was dancing in the bar. It was funny. We laughed.
Leo had two mummies. One mummy of spikey hair. I thinked of Karen. But she wasn’t Karen. She was Bella. When it was time to go Bella bringed Leo to our room with a piece of paper of their address on for writing letters.
Leo cried because of missing me. I love Leo even though he is gone away now. Meemaw telled that’s a great thing the loving.
Sometimes it is not sunny days. Meemaw lies sideways in the chair like our flat. She reads books of space too but maked of Spanish words. Meemaw telled she needs to brush it up. I looked but I couldn’t read it. I was cross of Meemaw.
You can’t read it Meemaw you can’t!
Danny White! You’re not the only little sparky kid there ever was, you know? I could read two languages fluently by the time I was five!
No.
Yes I could. You will too. Look…
I think Meemaw is cleverer than ever I knowed before. But not as clever as me.
One day Meemaw says we will go back to England. First I was scared. I thinked of Karen there.
You can’t live your whole life running away, Dan.
Are we running away?
Only a bit.
If we went back Karen would find us.
There are locks.
She wouldn’t be looking for us, love.
She would find us.
No. She’ll be with someone else now.
Someone else.
Yes. She’ll never stop eating people up.
The
re are locks. Please there are locks.
When it’s getting dark me and Meemaw sit on our balcony with the smelly candle. We see Joaquin come for evening shift. Sometimes Meemaw tells stories of the mountains.
The mountains are browny velvety. In the mountains lives Small Black Bear. He is a great palaeontologist. Meemaw says he is of renown. He goes hunting in the sunny days. Hunting of fossils with friends. Grey Dog. White Rabbit. Ratty Rat.
Do they find them Meemaw? Lots of fossils this day?
Oh, they find so many, Dan. Great bones of dinosaurs.
Which?
What do you think?
They find coelophysis fossils.
They do. And, you know what, Danny? They can imagine those coelophysis come to life and running on the mountains.
They have good imaginations Meemaw.
They surely do.
Meemaw smiles then. I can see the little dark space in her mouth where her tooth used to be.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My thanks to Lauren Parsons and all the team at Legend Press. Also to my agent, Veronique Baxter, for her unstinting support.
I am grateful to friends who advised on matters as diverse as speech patterns, experiences at the Job Centre, procedures in emergency foster care and terminology in the field of domestic violence. You know who you are!
Thanks to my writing group comrades for being in it for the long haul and to all my family and friends for their encouragement.
Thanks to Pearl and Leo for showing me the great wisdom and intensity of the age of four. And thanks to Dani for seeing that with me.
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Tale of a Tooth Page 22
