“Maybe if things had been different, with you, in bed.” He shook his head. “I hate disappointing you, Jess, but honestly I could do things with Aja that I couldn’t do with you.” Again, he wouldn’t look at her and his eyes seemed to be focused on his beer.
“Scott, that’s a lame excuse and you know it. I’m not a prude.” She stood up, wanted to use her stature to her advantage and walked over to his chair. She looked down at him. “You just don’t want to take responsibility for your side of this mess. Yes, I will own my part in this fiasco. I should have confronted you ages ago. Now, we’ve got to make it right and break-up.”
His jaw tightened as he pondered her words. “Agreed,” he finally admitted. “I do own my part of this. I’m just not sure I’m willing to let go of you. We have a good thing going here.”
“A good thing? Is that what you’d call this? Do you want me to live the life of a nun, while you’re out screwing around or do you prefer we each take lovers and continue this farce?” She couldn’t do it to herself. There was no way she would stay stagnant, giving away the best part of her life, when Lincoln waited for her. She needed that opportunity for happiness.
Scott shrugged. “Yes.”
Her hands tightened into fists. “No! I won’t do. That chemistry is linked to the heart, one the best parts of a passionate connection. I want to be made love to. I want to be fucked. I want to be wooed and adored and loved, and most of that I want with my clothes off!” She paced the room. “This engagement is over. I’m sorry I let it get this far. I don’t want you and you don’t love me, so we’re done.”
He stood. His hand crushed the empty can and tossed it toward the kitchen-recycling bin. It missed and crashed on the floor a foot and a half away. “Be careful, Jess, or I might take you seriously. We love each other.”
“As friends! I don’t want a relationship based on safety. I want passion that rocks my world and love that makes me feel…like I’m going to die without the seeing or holding or being with that one soul who cherishes me in return. Can you give me that?”
He stared at her blankly.
She laughed, one of those tittering sounds that was on the verge of a break-through or a breakdown. “You don’t know what I’m talking about, because you’ve never experienced real love.” Pointing at her heart, she said, “I have. I know what it means now.”
“J-girl. Listen…”
“It’s Jessa. J-E-S-S-A. That’s my name. Why, the fuck, can’t you say it properly?” She screamed at him, all the anger that had built came pouring out. “We were friends once. I don’t know what we are now, but I wouldn’t treat my friend this way.” She walked over to his bags, kicked the pile. “Take this stuff, and anything else you want, and get out of here. The lease is in my name, and this is my home. We’re done here.”
His posture changed and turned away. Then, he paused and looked back at her. A strange smile played across his lips. “I know about him. That passionate man…”
The wind immediately flew out of her sails as her anger changed to shock. “Who? How?”
“Someone saw you on the beach. It went through the grapevine.” Scott gestured matter-of-factly. “A SEAL, that’s so cliché. Don’t you think?”
She would have agreed at one time, but not now. Lincoln was everything to her, every hope she’d dared to dream wrapped in one man and one life-completing relationship. “How…how do you know it was me?”
He cracked his neck and walked over to his gear. He leaned nonchalantly against the wall. “I didn’t know for sure, not until just now.”
His words were like a slap in the face. He had gotten her to admit the truth, but hadn’t she already done that…told him she loved another. She spat the word that lingered in her brain. “Jealous?”
“Yes.” He admitted. “I won’t let you go. Not today, and not for all the tomorrows to come. This…works.”
“No, it doesn’t. It’s a boat with no engine and one person is rowing in circles. Time to abandon ship, Scott.”
He shook his head in denial
Like hell I’m going to live another day in this lie, she thought. She didn’t like the look in Scott’s eyes. His posture had changed, too, as if he were sizing her up.
Now she wished Lincoln had come with her. What was she thinking trying to face Scott alone? He was SWCC, and a lethally trained weapon.
She held his gaze. Knowing he would sense any weakness.
They stared at each other for what seemed like ages. She could feel a cold sweat trickling from under her breasts and down her spine. This was a battle of wills that she would not let herself lose. Too much was at stake.
“I’m going to win this one, Jess. I will have the ideal vision that I’ve pictured in my mind. No one is going to take that away from me.” The evilness of his words struck her. This was not a man who could hear reason. How had she missed his ability to compartmentalize, to shut doors so easily and lock away simple humanity?
Angry tears welled in her eyes. She needed to slam this door closed. She couldn’t allow Scott access to her emotion wellbeing in any way. He was dangerous.
“I could take you if I wanted to. Mark you as my lady, so that no other man would want you.” He stalked toward her, his eyes flashing darkly. She didn’t like what she saw there.
Scott pulled her roughly into his arms. He whispered into her ear. “If we made love right now, it would change things between us. I’d sink my seed in you and bind you to me with offspring.”
She loved kids! The fact he made that statement in the way he did absolutely disgusted her. She wanted children with a man she loved so those babies would grow up in a loving and supportive household. Bringing them into this mess would be untenable.
Jessa pushed Scott away, her heart thudding against her chest. Taking several steps away from him, she shook her head. “Let me go, Scott.”
“Do you love him?” He snarled at her as he asked the question. His body towered over hers.
“Yes,” she said boldly. “I love him. And, more importantly, I love whom I am when I’m with him. Nothing will ever change that, not even you. That’s why…you should let me go, because there is a part of me you will never own.”
“Bitch! You don’t know what you have in me. I’m going to show you.” Scott’s lips pulled into a thin line. “Jessie!” He yelled, like a battle cry gone violently wild, and then he punched the wall behind her with the full force of his temper.
She shrunk away from him, hands over her head to protect herself from the falling debris, but he grabbed her, pushing her toward the couch. He ripped off her shirt and then pinned her down with the weight of his own frame.
Her fight instinct was in full gear. She hadn’t known this part of him was buried in his personality, and she had never expected him to go this far. A knee connected with groin as she yelled at him. “Stop! Scott, get the fuck off of me!”
Chapter Eight
‡
The front door burst open. Like a scene out of a thriller movie, Lincoln stormed in and pulled Scott off of her. Their fists were connecting faster than she could track. She knew it was bad news. These two men could easily kill each other, and she didn’t want that.
“Stop!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “Please, stop.”
Sirens sounded in the distance. In less than five minutes, the police would be here and nothing about this situation would end well.
“You’ll lose your jobs. Get booted from the Navy. You’ve got to go.” She stepped in between the two men and they froze. Fists that had been poised to punch each other froze in mid-motion. Neither of the men was willing to have her as cannon fodder. “The cops. One of my neighbors must have called them. You need to stop whatever you are doing and get out of here. Both of you.”
“I’m not leaving,” said Lincoln. “I shouldn’t have let you come here alone in the first place. My instincts told me this was going to be a shit-storm and I was right.”
She placed a hand on her chest. “You hav
e to leave. I won’t allow you to get booted from the Teams, because of me.”
“How about I go stand in the bedroom and make sure this coward leaves and everything goes smoothly with the cops?” Link lifted his eyebrow. “I promise to be on my best behavior.”
Jessa trusted Lincoln completely. Truthfully, she did want him here. Even if it was to make sure that Scott didn’t manipulate the cops.
“Before your ‘hero’ stays, ask him about the rumor?” Scott crossed his arms and said, “Why is everyone whispering about the fact that pretty boy here has nailed the Leopardess?”
Jessa’s eyebrows shot up. She looked sharply at Lincoln.
He was calm, too reserved in her estimation. He knew there was a rumor.
“So, you nailed me on what…a bet?” She put her hands on her hips. She changed her target from Scott to Lincoln.
“No,” Link said. “I wouldn’t do that. How can even think that about me?” The pain in his eyes was palpable.
“I don’t know what to think.” She didn’t know what to contemplate. Jessa felt like her whole shit-detector was off-line. Her ears picked up the sound of police cars turning onto her block. “You guys need to go. Leave by the fire escape.”
Lincoln shook his head. “I’m not leaving. Not this way.”
“You don’t have a choice,” she stated firmly. “The possibility of hot water is not worth it. Get out. Now!” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Scott, we’re done. If I find it in my heart to forgive and rebuild our friendship, I will let you know. In the meantime, don’t contact me.”
Scott nodded. Then he grabbed his gear and headed out the back window and down the fire escape. It was a point in his favor that he left, though she had a lot of mental baggage to wade through before she was anywhere near forgiving him or herself.
Lincoln touched her shoulder. “Jessa. Just talk to me.”
“Why? Why do you want me?” Her heart hurt. The pain was akin to someone stabbing her again and again with a sharp knife.
“I can give you a million reasons why.” His eyes searched hers. “I love you.”
“That’s not enough. What made you go from sleeping with me to loving me.” She needed to know, couldn’t move forward without hearing his reason.
“It was the day the plank owners of ST-1 came in. Two of them were really struggling to even move around, and you stopped what you were doing and went to them. You didn’t even know these men and yet you stopped your whole world to find them chairs and water and to make them comfortable and to help them. You didn’t even think twice about it. And, then you went another step farther and showed them some exercises for their arms and upper body they could do sitting down. I saw you, I really saw you in that moment.” His posture was earnest and his words were plainspoken.
“I wasn’t heroic. That wasn’t anything special.”
“It was to me, and to them. That action was a single glance into your soul, an example of who you are as a person and I couldn’t stop seeing all those generous and loving parts of you after my eyes were opened. You are an extraordinary soul and the way we are together is greater than any vision I ever had of my future with another human being.” He reached for her.
Jessa cringed. “Don’t. I can’t…talk about this right now. I…need some time. Please. Please, just…leave.” Her head was whirling with conflicting versions of herself and her life with Goody and her experiences with Lincoln. She needed to sort through all the particulars and figure out what it all meant.
He stared at her for several breaths. “I don’t like leaving things like this. Not with you being so upset. I want to take away your pain.”
She shook her head. “I need my pain. I have to fight through it and get to the other side. Please…”
The cars outside screeched to a halt.
Lincoln’s eyes cut to the front door, and then went back to her. His lips straightened into a long thin line, he kissed her tenderly, and then he walked to the window, stepped out on the balcony, closed the windows behind him and disappeared down the fire escape.
Her heart felt like it was breaking. She’d needed him to leave, and now that he was gone she was angry. Not at him, but at herself for getting into this mess. She had to tackle the emotional deluge and find her heart’s truth.
As the sound reached her, of policemen climbing the many flights of stairs, she waited for relief to come, but it never did. Ever the protector, she knew she had saved both of those men’s careers tonight; and now, by herself she was left all alone to deal with the aftermath of these confrontations and the mountain of frustrating pain.
Taking several deep breaths, she steeled herself for the upcoming chat with the cops. She was not looking forward it. Jessa knew she’d be using every feminine wile she had to get them to leave, because she would never give up the names of either man. Maybe this was her penance for making so many missteps. Whatever it was, she would be eating a large slice of humble pie.
Glancing at the clock, she noted the time. It was 01:57 in the morning. She sighed, realizing that this…was going to be a very, very long night.
Chapter Nine
‡
The skin under her eyes felt like too blue purses that were sagging with overuse. Her skin was blotchy and instead of trying to make her hair behave, she’d pulled it into a ponytail and wound the ends into a bun. She didn’t even put lipstick or blush on; instead she was going to work looking like a zombie that didn’t quite understand it needed brains to survive.
Jessa flashed her ID at the gate and pulled her car into its usual parking spot. Nothing was assigned, but everyone tended to pretty much take the same places every day.
Her hands squeezed the leather steering wheel, almost unwilling to let go and face the day. She didn’t know what consequences awaited her; that was the main reason she was at work two hours early.
The cops had rattled her with warnings that if she didn’t give up the intruder’s names that they would come back and everything would be more violent. One of them had even waited around until the super arrived to fix the lock, and another was parked outside her door when she came down in the morning. It had seemed like overkill, but there had been several break-ins in her apartment complex. Maybe they would chalk her event up to that.
She could be proud of the fact that she kept the men out of trouble, and that she had evaded providing any information pertaining to them or her love life. She hated having other people muddle around her emotions. Perhaps that’s why she allowed the engagement with Scott to go on so long. She had thought Goody…was benign. But, he was…as wrong for her as she was for him. Being out of the entanglement was a relief. And, Lincoln…well, she loved him more than she had a right, too.
How could she have put him in this position? That wasn’t a loving thing to do. Could he forgive her? Would she forgive herself?
Finally, she released the steering wheel and got out of the Mustang. She beeped the alarm in place as the locks secured the car. With one foot in front of the other, she walked toward the gym.
“Morning, Grainger.” The voice took her by surprise. So engrossed in her own thoughts, she hadn’t even realized another person was close by.
Jessa looked up and into the eyes of Executive Officer of ST-7, XO Warren Kare. The man was a mountain. She didn’t feel intimidated; rather she was just spent and tired.
“Do you have a moment?” His posture was tense and he did not look happy. Great! What’s going on now? She hated to consider the problem.
She pursed her lips and nodded. Her stomach felt like she’d swallowed a brick.
He jumped right in. “Ah, there are a few rumors flying about and we need to address them…”
Her heart sank. Seriously, this is the discussion we’re going to have! She didn’t want to hear the rest of what the XO was going to say, but she stood there like a good consultant and took it.
Kare flexed his arms. After changing feet twice, she knew he didn’t want to have this talk either. “I want
you to know that Tyler is a good guy.” That comment startled her.
She put her hand up. “Wait! Why are you saying this to me? This is…personal.”
Kare stilled. “I wouldn’t normally intrude, but I arrived at the base and Tyler was outside my door, waiting. He told me that he wanted to delay his opportunity to run…with Dev Group. His ‘preference’ is to get his family in order.” The XO was back to his usual manner, which like his gaze was direct and pointed. “I know his folks are fine. I saw them at a function a few weeks back. Tyler has connections to family and to the Teams. So, that only leads down a single path toward a mate. It had to be you or someone on this base. There isn’t time in his schedule for another possible candidate. You’re the only one that has had intense one-on-one contact with him, and so I made the leap. Tell me that I am wrong?” He stopped speaking abruptly. He waited for her to speak, to admit the truth. If his intensity was an indicator, he wasn’t going anywhere until she spoke.
Finally, she nodded. “It’s me. I’ve never…” She found it hard to breathe for a few seconds. “I’ve never done this before. Fallen for someone.” This was as bold as she could be. It felt like she was ripping open her chest and showing him her heart. Kare could reach in and pluck it out if he wanted.
His lips were set in a grim line. “I know. We all know. It’s one of the reasons Base Command is so fond of you, Grainger. You can give these men guidance, and a ‘what for’ ass-kicking like it’s no one’s business.” He scratched his head. “So, that got me thinking. Ah, why did you choose Tyler?”
“Did he say that, that I chose him?” Her breaths were coming in short bursts. “I believe we choose each other. I can’t really explain it all, other than to say, that he’s changed something in me, and my life. I didn’t know that I could feel this way with anyone. Link shook up my entire world. I cannot figure out how to go back. And I don’t want to.” She was on the verge of tears. She didn’t want to leave her job or the life she’d built for herself here. This was the happiest she’d ever been and it would break her to give it up.
Hot Alpha SEALs: Military Romance Megaset Page 5
