Determined not to wallow in self-pity she changed her direction of thought.
Awareness sprang forward once more as the warm water continued to relax her. This was the first sign that maybe she had healed; maybe she could learn to trust again. She would not overlook her sudden fascination with Hank Silver. Although merely a ranch hand, there was something much deeper within Hank that had her paying attention.
Hank carried himself differently, lazy, relaxed, and sexy as all get out. Her nipples puckered at the thought.
Letty glanced down at herself, realizing this was the first time since Eric that she instantly felt a real attraction. "This is insane!" she admonished aloud. "Just thinking about the cowboy gives me goose bumps."
She scrubbed herself hard for a minute then leaned back and relaxed.
Big mistake! Thoughts of Hank Silver lying on top of her, kissing her, and touching her sent her blood pressure to boiling points. What was wrong with her, she'd been around many men that were more suave, more attractive even. But Hank Silver pushed her buttons with a mere crooked smile. One look into his warm brown eyed stare captured something within Letty that astounded her.
She thought about his looks, he was dark haired, dark eyed and his body was almost to the point of graceful when he walked. His smile although crooked was sexy. She'd found him oddly attractive ever since she first noticed him the day he hired on to break some wild horses. Like the wild horses himself, he reeked of rebel. She liked that. He was from the old school of cowboy, she recognized that instantly in him and it attracted her too.
She closed her eyes and let the dream take hold. It was so pleasant, so much coming together, so much erotic touching. She could feel his hands exploring her, his eyes devouring her, and his lips caressing her.
"Get a grip!" she hollered as her eyes popped open. Good grief, she'd just met the man, and already she was having erotic dreams about him. She'd never indulged in such a thing. And yet, her mind began to wander, what would it hurt. After all, it wasn't reality!
She moved the washrag over her breast and closed her eyes as she felt the warmth of his lips caressing the tips and pulling gently. She sighed aloud!
She indulged in the fantasy for several long moments, feeling the gentle swell of arousal, then her eyes flashed open and she shook her head. "This is so outrageous. He's a common cowboy, for God's sake!"
She almost laughed; no one would believe that Letty McKay was still a virgin. Even though Eric had actually tried to rape her, and had deliberately hurt her. He had only physically hurt her. Her soul was still intact; she was still a virgin, as she had never given herself to any man. She deliberately shut out the damage he tried to force upon her. She'd been strong while Eric tried his best to destroy her, but she walked away, untouched.
She never told a soul about the incident. No one. No one knew why she suddenly quit seeing the infamous law student with such promise. There was no one to confide in. Most of the female law students thought Eric was the only man to have. Most of them would have given in to him willingly. But not Letty McKay. She put a higher price on her own head and heart.
Yet despite her victory that night, Eric killed something precious within her too…her trust.
Although Letty gave off the appearance to the world that she was worldly and knew so much more about life, she was still just a twenty five year old virgin. She doubted even her sisters would believe it. But that was the truth and her body seemed to scream it.
My heart has been violated! And it would take a heck of a man to earn her trust again.
And that's how she had handled that night, silently, with dignity. He hadn't destroyed her heart, only her dignity for the moment.
Deliberately she started scrubbing the rest of her body and ignoring the fantasy, thinking it was gone. But it wasn't. When she touched her private parts, her body reacted violently. Without thinking further, she stood up, rinsed herself and got out.
Letty disciplined herself around men, long ago. She had to. Law students were ruthless in the classroom, and just as ruthless in their lives. They usually drank and partied harder than other students.
Eric Atherton was no exception, other than being the most attractive man in the school. Every girl wanted him. And when Letty finally won his attention, the last thing she expected was him forcing himself on her. He didn't have to; Letty was as smitten as the next. Until he'd tried to make love to her and it turned sour. Unable to take no for an answer, Eric became violent, accusing her of being a tease. He'd slapped her around, but he hadn't succeeded in raping her.
Had she been a tease? That question puzzled her for so long. She'd been very attracted to him, wanted his attention. However, she never once dreamed her own rejection of sex would lead him to violence. His hard slap to her face had jolted her from semi-aroused to completely defensive.
Letty often wondered if she did others a disservice by not reporting him.
But she was angry, angry that she had succumbed to his charms in the first place. Angry that she hadn't been able to see it coming, she blamed herself for a long time afterwards. It took the rest of her junior year to try to forget it, to force it to the recesses of her mind. And she never dated again. She concentrated strictly on her studies, determined to get her degree.
Her girlfriends didn’t understand the extreme change in her, and she wasn't about to explain it to them.
Letty resolved never again would a man capture her heart. She'd dedicated her life to starting her own firm. Nothing was going to stand in her way. And yet, even as determined as she seemed, something had gone out of her life that night that Eric hurt her. Like a light being turned off, her passion for justice faded. Her love of man faded, until she met a gracefully shy man, Hank Silver.
Why had Hank changed things? He hadn't asked her out, or been overly flirtatious, and yet she suspected he didn't dally with many women. Perhaps Hank was the balm she needed to survive and get out of her funk.
Perhaps he was her medicine.
Funny how easily she'd let that night with Eric go, after returning home. It no longer seemed important, but she had buried her wounds deeply. Eric wounded her ego and her emotions more than anything. And Letty learned to cover it up. He'd changed the way she saw the world. She'd become harder, more judgmental of men, less trusting.
Most people would think she was crazy, for not pressing charges but he hadn't actually raped her, he'd just slapped her a couple of times before he came to his senses and turned her loose. Maybe she was crazy. But a small voice inside her head told her Eric would get his comeuppance. Besides, he had only destroyed her trust, not her heart; she wouldn't let him ruin her life. She had won that night, and now, in the light of day, she realized her own triumph.
She heard Julie and Kellie come in and decided she had better get out of the bathroom.
Wrapping the towel around her, she unplugged the tub, and unlocked the doors and went to her room.
Wendy was there, sitting on her bed and watching her curiously. "Julie said you were giving up law. Why? You only have another year and you'll be finished, why quit now?"
Letty paused a moment to reflect on that question.
"I don't know." Letty shrugged. "If we are really going to inherit a huge sum of money, there seems no reason to continue with it," Letty said flippantly. "Money was my goal at first, and then I actually began to like the thought of saving some innocent soul. I just found that law was not as sacred as I once thought, and more political than I care to admit. But now, being here, I don't know…it's just not important any more. Don't tell anyone, but I like being home."
"But you are so close to getting your degree…" Wendy insisted. "I can't imagine letting something like that go."
"I know. And I might go ahead and get a degree, I don't know yet. That way if I squandered away the money, I'd have something to fall back on. But coming home sort of changes things, at least for a while. I don't want to think about how grueling school is, or how lonely. I want to enjoy the f
act that I'm home again. I still don't understand Dad's insistence on staying here. It's not like he's here to be with us. And truthfully, I miss him like all get out. But I know one thing, coming home is right; it's where I belong…at least for now. And who am I to argue with fate itself?"
Chapter Two
"Letty," Julie called from the hallway as she stopped at Letty's open doorway.
"Yeah, in here, come on in," Letty invited, moving some of her clothes off the bed so Julie could sit down.
"I wanted to ask you…would you consider being my maid of honor." Julie stared at Letty who was trying on a dress and shaking her head with the distraction.
"Oh Julie, do you mean it?" Letty glanced at her sister.
"Yeah. Of course I mean it." Julie smiled.
"I'd love to." Throwing the dress on the bed, she grabbed Julie and hugged her so hard they both fell over on the bed. "I've never been a maid of honor, for anyone." Letty shrugged back into her jeans and t-shirt when she realized she was over-reacting. Julie couldn't possibly know how much this meant to her. Could she? "Although I've been a bride's maid a few times, I've never been the maid of honor. Oh…this is gonna be so great. Thanks for picking me."
"You are the only one I would ask. I love Sandy and Wendy, but you and I have so more in common these days. I mean, we communicate better…oh you know what I mean." Julie chuckled, watching Letty jump into the tight jeans with a frown on her face.
"Those jeans are killer quality." Julie laughed.
Letty zipped them easily and smiled. "I don't know why I even think of putting on a dress when these are like a second skin. I've really missed being able to dress like this. I don't want to see a dress until the wedding, okay?"
"If I didn't know better I'd swear you were out to get a man, but I do. Being a model, tight jeans must come natural to you. You have such a great figure." Julie leaned with one elbow on the bed.
"Once you get them on, they are so comfortable." Letty laughed. "You know, I don't think about being a model much. It comes kinda natural to me too, I guess. That's why I keep doing it. Of course it will only last a few years and then it will be over, but that will be enough for me, and I can always fit it into my schedule."
"And that gorgeous hunk of a camera man?" Julie questioned.
"Aw yes…Candy Man. Yeah, he's cute. Not my type but cute." Letty laughed.
"I caught Sandy drooling over him the other day." Julie laughed.
"Really? Well, she isn’t alone. Most of the models have tried to date him, but he's a hard catch." Letty looked up at her in surprise. "That's priceless. Candy Man would be a hard one to nail down to a relationship, but well worth the struggle, I'm sure. That is if you were interested. I hope Sandy can handle him."
"Why aren't you after him yourself? I mean, he's gorgeous," Julie persisted.
Letty twisted her head and stared out the window. What would Julie think if she knew who she really had her eye on?
"Candy Man, Mike, is a man of the world, a free spirit type. So you've noticed him too?"
"Too?"
"Sandy was talking to him this morning. Oh, who knows, maybe they will hit it off and he'll be her one and only."
"Well, why not…he's attractive as all get out." Julie laughed.
"I don't know. I just never thought Sandy would go for someone like him. Not at all what I want in a man, although, I've got to admit, he's put together nicely. Anyone can see and appreciate that. I like him, but I learned early on, that in modeling you don't fall for your camera man. Its business and better kept that way."
Julie sat on Letty's bed, pushing back so she could lean against the wall. "Wow, how professional of you. Did you ever date him?"
Letty laughed. "No, I never did."
"Is Candy Man, or Mike, a nice guy?" Julie frowned. "I mean, he wouldn't lead her on and hurt her, would he?"
"Julie, when it comes to men there is no telling. I think the best thing for us to do is not worry until there is a reason to."
Julie nodded.
"Besides, I wouldn't be working with him if he wasn't a decent guy. I trust him as much as any man. And he's great with a camera." Letty smiled. "He could make an old, fat, dried up woman look good with that camera of his."
"Good, then Sandy is safe with her new found interest?"
"Relatively. As safe as a woman can get with a worldly man," Letty remarked. Then, after consideration, she glanced at Julie. "Of course, I don't know how much Sandy has matured over the years. We'll just have to keep our eye on them. He could still break her heart."
"Personally, I wouldn't want a man in that kind of profession myself." Julie cleared her throat. "Seems like it's just asking for trouble."
"Me either!" Letty laughed. "Now," Letty sighed heavily as she threw a gorgeous clingy top over her head, she joined Julie on the bed. "Let's talk wedding. I guess Kellie is on cloud nine now that her parents are shaping up."
Julie looked surprised then smiled. "She couldn't be happier. I only wish I'd come home sooner. I never dreamed things could work out so well. I'd always been so afraid to tell Cade. It seemed unfair, especially not knowing how he felt. I wish I'd come home, talked to him about it."
Letty looked at her sister, and then sat beside her on the bed, looking straight into her eyes. "I've always thought Cade was a nice guy. He's always sort of stayed in the background of Wade, but I don't think it was intentional. I think he must be shy."
"He is shy, and quiet and strong and oh God…I love him. It's really strange Letty, I've never made love with anyone else, and deep down inside me, I know I never wanted to. It took me a long time to realize that. I just wish we hadn't wasted so many years apart."
Letty laughed. "Yeah, but think of all the fun you will have catching up."
Julie let out a giggle.
As they spent the better part of an hour talking about the wedding, Letty suddenly realized how much she envied Julie. Julie had it all, the man of her dreams, a sweet daughter, and soon all the money she would ever need. Still, it was after the effects of the money settled in that bothered Letty the most. Would they all change, become different people?
"So what do you know about Hank Silver?" Letty asked after they had set all their plans in motion.
"Hank Silver, I'm not sure who that is…" Julie repeated the name.
"You had to have noticed him; he's quite possibly the most handsome man on the ranch other than Wade and Cade," Letty explained.
When Julie shrugged, Letty added, "He's the horse wrangler."
"Oh….oh yes. Cade introduced me some time ago. But I really haven't spoken to him much. Don't know anything. Would you like me to find out more?" Julie offered.
"Through Cade?"
"Of course."
"Yes…"
"You like him, don't you?" Julie giggled.
Letty thought about it a moment. "Well….I don't know. I find him a bit arrogant, sure of himself and yet sort of humbling in some ways. I don't know how a man can be both, but he is."
"I'll tell you how, they are cowboys. That's how cowboys are. Its inner bred. Wow, you have noticed this one, haven't you? Well, I gotta admit, he's the last one I would figure you'd be interested in. I mean, he seems too much like Dad. And you…"
"Me what?" Letty demanded. "What am I? How do you see me?"
Julie paused as though thinking about the question. "I don't know, Letty. With your education, and all, I just had you paired with someone in the same field, is all. Maybe even a judge."
"Uh…no! That will never happen, I can assure you. I've never met so many self-absorbed men in my life. In the first place, I've left the profession so to speak. Not officially of course, but in my mind, I have. In the second, there's no real challenge butting heads with another lawyer. I guess it's a matter of too much of a good thing."
"Wow, Letty, you astound me right and left." Julie laughed. "Giving up all that education, and all your plans."
"I do? I never really had that much of a plan, Julie. Ma
ybe that's what is wrong. I didn't have a plan. Yeah, I thought I'd get my degree, open an office and defend every poor drifter that came along. I was going to save the world. But it was delusional."
"I think this is the most interesting development of all, seeing you attracted to a man that you have nothing in common with." Julie smiled.
"You think I have nothing in common with Hank Silver?" Letty asked, as though surprised by the comparisons.
"I don't know…" Julie considered it again. "I'm just now learning how wrong I had you pegged in the first place. It does astound me. It's like I never really knew you at all. You fascinate me."
"Well, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" Letty assured her and got up to twist her bootie and walk out of the room.
She could hear Julie's laughter following her all the way down the hall.
***
"Look Hank, I gotta talk to one of the suppliers today, I don't have time to take Letty and her camera man out to the north pasture for some shoots. Could you handle that for me, please? I'm gonna be tied up at least half the day," Wade asked Hank who was brushing down his horse.
"Yeah, I guess so…boss." Hank nodded as he glanced over at the two who just became his business. "You guys ready to go?"
"Sure…" Candy Man smiled at Letty.
"Exactly where am I taking you, Miss Letty?" Hank asked as he turned around to give them his full attention.
"I thought maybe the north side; there is some beautiful country over there," Letty filled him in as she helped Candy Man stow the gear in the back of Hank's truck. Hank took note that Miss Letty wasn't one to stand around and do nothing; she pitched in and helped like a regular hand. He admired that about her. He admired a lot about her, but she was way out of his league, he was a country boy and Letty was worldlier. Besides, she was probably interested in her camera man.
Ring of Fire Page 2
