by Robin Leaf
I did what she asked, chasing it down with my last bite of crust.
“Okay, I ate. Shot taken. What is it that you don’t want to tell me?”
She filled the shot glasses again.
“I drove by The Lit Pub on my way to the store. Brody was outside putting luggage in a truck… girly luggage.” She handed the shot to me. “And his supposed ex was getting in the truck on the passenger side.” After clinking my glass and downing her shot, she delivered the finishing blow. “Then he got in the driver’s seat.”
I slumped back against the couch, tossing the shot straight down my throat, hoping I could blame the stinging eyes on the burn of the tequila instead of the verbal punch to the vagina.
“That means you parked and watched them, creeper,” I joked, trying to blink the tears from my eyes.
She smirked. “I was at a stop sign.”
My smile was not forced this time. “Well then. I’m gonna get my PJs on.”
She grabbed my forearm as I tried to stand. “It might not be what it looked like, Kae. He could still call.”
“I’m not gonna sit around and wait like some little pathetic loser.” I poured another shot. “Friends first, I think we were on season three. Then we’ll spark up the Beyoncè.” Slamming it back, I felt the tequila start to tilt my world. “It’s about to get real up in this bitch.”
***
Dragging myself into consciousness after a night of excess tequila, dancing, and too many M&M cookie ice cream sandwiches to count was never easy, but when the warmth of a strange body next to me in the bed factored in, it kind of made consciousness a bit easier.
I was too tanked to scream, and my head swam too much to jump out of bed like I wanted, so I took a minute to take in my surroundings. I was in my bed, so that was good, and the body next to me was partially clothed, so that was even better. My shirt was off, but my bottoms were intact, so not completely terrible.
But the person was undoubtedly male.
Yeesh.
“Hey, sugar plum,” the voice of my bedmate, our neighbor, Thomas, hammered into my skull. He noticed my wince and lowered his voice. “I guess that answers how you feel. I’ll be right back with some painkillers and a water for you.”
I closed my eyes and nodded once.
I felt him nudge me gently. I Popeyed him, that one-eyed squint one does when they are trying to focus with the hangover to kill all hangovers, and held out my hand for the painkillers. If only I’d had enough saliva in my mouth to dry swallow those damn horse pills. Nope, I had to raise my head to drink the water while he held the bottle.
“Oh, gotta pee,” I croaked, “but my head won’t let me leave the bed.”
“I will do a lot for you, sweets, but holding a pot for you to piss in is where I draw the line. I’ll be happy to help you to the bathroom, but you’re on your own from there.” Soft cloth landed on my chest. “And put this on. I’ve seen enough of your boobs in the last twelve hours to last me for a while. Thanks for offering for me to touch them last night.” I groaned as he helped me find the armhole, and he saw me hang my head. “Don’t worry, I declined, but I will say they are pretty nice, for girl parts.”
“Thank you, I think.”
“How’d you get that bruise?” he rubbed my shoulder blade.
I stood and winced. “It’s not a bruise.”
No, it was the hickey I discovered yesterday, marked by the man who, it turns out, didn’t want me. Lovely.
He helped me stand and guided me to the restroom, where I peed for what felt like ten minutes and brushed my teeth, thankfully avoiding the gagging. When I splashed the water on my face, I remembered flashes from the night before and groaned.
When I emerged from the bathroom, Thomas was stripping the bed.
“Don’t worry, you just fell asleep with one of your ice cream things,” he assured me. “It wasn’t anything gross.”
“Why are all the good men gay?”
“Oh, Honey, if that were true, I wouldn’t have so many issues finding one for myself.”
I sighed. “If I only had a penis…”
“…we would be so happy.” He winked at me.
I walked to him and kissed his cheek. “You, Thomas Holt, are the best man on the planet.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist, raised his eyebrow, and smirked. “Just because I wouldn’t touch your boobs?”
“Not the only reason. But admit it, you totally wanted to touch them.”
He smiled in a way that would make anyone’s panties melt, flashing the dimples under his closely-trimmed beard, and kissed my forehead.
“Ain’t gonna deny that.”
He let me go and gathered the sheets, and I followed him as far as the kitchen, where a rough looking Ruby sat at the table, eyes closed, leaning over a giant cup of coffee, looking as if she was trying to summon the coffee directly into her mouth so she didn’t have to lift the cup.
“Do you want a straw?” I asked, grabbing the pizza box out of the refrigerator.
She groaned and let her head fall to the table. “Why did you let me drink a whole bottle?”
I would have giggled if I thought it wouldn’t be painful. “Why did you let me?”
“Girl, I get why you quit drinking.”
“I quit drinking because I made bad choices and did stupid things, where the digital evidence ended up on tabloid TV and trashy magazine covers.”
Thomas came in and took a piece of pizza out of the box.
“Which is precisely why I had to take both of your phones and stash them at my place.”
Ruby and I both turned our heads toward him.
“Y’all don’t remember?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.
We both shook our heads.
“You came over around eight, saying you watched enough of Friends and you needed a judge for the dance battle. After the Beyoncè fest, y’all started in on the Prince songs.”
My memories of watching Friends, the episodes where Ross and Rachel were on a break, made me shudder. Then, we danced to Queen Bae, and all that was clear. It was when we started arguing who was better at “All the Single Ladies” that we needed a mediator. I even remembered banging on Thomas’s back door.
“I remember everything up until ‘Sexy M. F.’ That’s when it starts to get pretty fuzzy. But why were you at home on New Year’s Eve?”
“My friend Jeff and I had plans to go to his sister’s party, but he got called into work at the last minute. I just didn’t want to go to the party alone.”
“Aren’t you glad we saved your evening?” Ruby teased.
“Y’all were certainly entertaining. The twerking contest was the highlight of my night. And then, once ‘Gett Off’ played, this one,” he pointed his thumb at me, “started with the very impressive stripper moves, while you,” he pointed to Ruby with his half-eaten pizza, “videoed her. When she lost her shirt, I confiscated both phones before the video could end up on either of your chosen social media accounts.”
I put my head in my hands. “Ugh. Why does Drunk Kaelyn always get naked to that Prince song?”
Ruby grimaced. “Yeah, and drunk me probably would have posted it.”
“No,” I argued, “drunk you definitely would have posted it.”
“Ruby passed out on the couch somewhere around ‘Controversy.’ When ‘Purple Rain’ came on,” Thomas continued, pointing to me, “you were singing along, and then you busted out in tears, sobbing about some boy and looking for your phone to see if he called. You kept calling yourself ‘Ross’s copy girl’ and said something about being his ‘boomer-bang.’ That’s when I distracted you with four of those M&M thingies before you finally cratered.”
“How did you end up in my bed?”
“You passed out while crying on my chest. Every time I moved, you groaned and gripped me tightly, so I just decided not to move.”
“See, Thomas? This is why you are the best.”
“I agree,” Ruby chimed in, “but can we get ou
r phones back? I need to call my momma and wish her a Happy New Year before she puts the hoodoo on me.”
He retrieved our phones, and when I awakened mine, I tried to mask the crushing devastation that the five texts and three phone calls I missed were not from Brody.
Sixteen
Brody
“I can’t tell you how excited I am to have you moving so close to us, Brody Joe. When are you officially moving in?” Aunt Mae asked, setting down her water in the exact center of the coaster on the coffee table.
I smiled at her, sitting across from me, perched on the edge of Uncle Collin’s chair. She wouldn’t be sitting long. There was never a time I could remember when I saw this woman sit back and relax. She was always tensed and ready to spring into action in case of an emergency, like if a stray piece of dust landed somewhere in the house. That dust would rue the day it messed with Mae Sullivan.
“I just bought furniture today. You’d be proud that I took advantage of those New Year’s sales. It’ll be delivered tomorrow.”
She fidgeted and frowned. “So you’re staying in a house with no furniture? You know… you can actually sleep in a bed if you stayed here. We have plenty of room, even with Emily here. It’ll be just like when you stayed with us that summer.”
“I couldn’t impose –”
“Don’t be silly. Family is never an imposition. Miles always loves it when you come and stay with us.”
Miles, my thirteen-year-old cousin, sat at the other end of the couch from me and didn’t look up from his phone at the mention of his name. I suspected he was still into games, was starting to notice girls, and probably gave a shit less about his much older cousin staying with them.
As for her offer to stay, I loved the Sullivans, but in no way did I want to stay here with all their craziness, especially now with the wedding less than two weeks away.
“Thanks, Aunt Mae, but –”
“Hey, Brody,” Emily bounded into the living room. I stood so she could hug me quickly. “How’d the proposal go?”
“What proposal?” Aunt Mae asked, looking back and forth between Emily and me.
“He proposed to his girlfriend on New Year’s Eve,” Emily answered, causing Miles to look up from his phone. Emily folded herself on the loveseat close to her brother, and I fell back onto the couch, preparing for the backlash.
My aunt raised her eyebrows and clutched her chest. “You have a girlfriend? How come I didn’t know about this?”
I felt my face get hot. “Well, I –”
“Jeez, Mom, you don’t have to know about everyone’s lives. Brody has been über busy with his job and developing his game, so he doesn’t have time to –”
Mae sat taller and looked down her nose. “We always make time for family, Emily Francis. I think knowing that my sister’s only son,” she waved at me dismissively, “has a girlfriend serious enough to ask to marry is something I should know about.” She narrowed her eyes at Emily. “So why didn’t you say something to me if you know he’s so busy? He stayed with you for a week, and you didn’t think to tell me this news?”
“No, Mom. It’s something I think he wanted to tell you on his own. What if she said no? How would that make him feel?” Emily shifted in her seat to face me, and once she saw my face, she gasped and lowered her voice. “Oh my God, she said no, didn’t she? Is that why you haven’t told Mom yet?”
I saw Miles’s eyes widen. I could swear he was suppressing a smile.
“Um,” I stammered, looking back and forth between the women. “There was a… I didn’t exactly…”
“Well,” Mae grew impatient, “are you engaged or not, Brody?”
If my face wasn’t red before, it certainly was now. I took a deep breath.
“I never asked her. When I came home from California, I walked in on her… with my friend… in my bedroom.”
Emily stood up. “That fucking bitch!”
Miles snickered.
“Emily, watch your mouth.” Aunt Mae grabbed her water glass and took a delicate sip. “Although I have to agree. What a whore.”
Hearing my sweet and proper aunt call Heather a whore made me smile.
“I can’t believe anyone would cheat on a nice boy like you. Does that mean you need a date to the wedding? I can set you up with Annie’s daughter, Julia. She’s the sweetest girl.” Mae stood and walked to the wall where the cordless landline charged.
Miles leaned closer to me and whispered, “Sweet is code for ugly.”
Aunt Mae didn’t hear him, so she continued. “My plan was to set her up with Nathaniel, but since he and Etta are now an item, I can set you up with her.”
“I appreciate that, Aunt… Wait… Nathaniel? As in Slaughter? Etta and Nate Dog are…”
“… finally together, yes.” Emily confirmed, picking up the bridal magazine from the table next to her and casually flipping through it. “And she is talking to me again. It’s a long story.” She glanced in my direction. “I’ll fill you in later.”
“What do you mean, ‘she is talking to you again?’” Aunt Mae asked, phone in hand. She walked back over to Collin’s chair and stood in front of it with her hands on her hips. “When were you two not talking?”
Emily rolled her eyes behind the magazine. “She didn’t talk to me for eight years. She thought she walked in on me and Nate having sex before he left to go play baseball, but I was having sex with his brother, Jake.”
Mae dropped on the seat. “I didn’t know you dated Jake.”
“God, Mom, I didn’t date him. We just had sex the one time, unless you count the blowjob I gave him in the car after he picked me up from UT.”
“Don’t sass me, Emily.” She shakily took another drink of her water. “And oral sex in a car is very dangerous.”
Emily flipped to another page in the magazine and looked it over. “We had to pull over for a storm. We were safe.”
“You know, I was a virgin until I married your father at twenty three.”
Emily laughed and never looked up. “Bullshit. You and dad were having sex before that, otherwise our birthday would be more than six months after your wedding.”
“Gross,” I heard Miles whisper around his phone.
Mae glanced at me quickly and turned pink all the way down her neck. “Y’all came early.”
“Right,” she nonchalantly flipped to another page. “Etta and I were both six pound babies, Mom. We were not early.”
Miles leaned closer to me. “Aren’t you glad you came over, Bro?”
Aunt Mae threw up her hands, looking like she was having a hard time staying seated. “I just don’t understand how sisters who shared a womb haven’t spoken in eight years. I swear. Why does no one tell me anything?”
“Because it wasn’t any of your business, Mom.”
Mae stood up and pointed at Emily. I think she was going for threatening, but Mae was about as intimidating as a Chihuahua puppy. “You are my daughters, and if you are fighting for eight years, it certainly is my business.”
I stood. “I’m just gonna go.”
“Brody,” she turned her pointed finger in my direction. I had to bite my cheeks to not smile. “You sit your ass down on that couch and let me get Julia over here for you to meet or so help me God, I will knock you into next week.”
I sat quickly before she stormed out of the room. I’d never heard my aunt cuss before.
“Quick, Brody,” Miles pushed me with his foot. “Run while you have the chance.”
“I’m a little afraid to move right now,” I chuckled. “I’ve never seen your mom like that.”
“She’s going a little crazy with the wedding planning.” Emily huffed as she closed the magazine and sat it down on the loveseat next to her. “She hates doing it, yet she insists she has to do everything. Tater’s sister –”
“You mean Tater’s smokin’ hot A. F. sister,” Miles interrupted.
Emily shot Miles a look. “Anyway, she offered to help mom plan… ooh, that gives me a great idea
. I can set you up with her. Maybe y’all can hook up during the wedding. She’s a bridesmaid, and we paired you two together anyway.” She started singing the last sentence. “I heard once that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
“Yeah, I think I was there when you heard that.” My sheepish look must have given me away.
“You already did it with someone? What the hell, Brody? It’s only been three days.”
“Yes, and I really liked this girl, and I thought she liked me, too.” I sank into the back of the couch and put my hands over my face. “But she gave me a jank phone number.”
“Dude,” Miles blurted around his phone, “you must have really sucked in bed.”
I yanked his phone out of his hand. “I guess if you’re gonna insult me, you don’t want the surprise I brought you.”
“Holy shit, Brody.” He sat up and looked at me like a puppy begging for a treat. “Is it –”
I pulled out a card with the digital codes for my game. “Yes, it’s an early beta copy.” He lunged for the card, but I pulled it back out of his reach. “However, if you agree to accept the code, I’m gonna need you to play it for a few days and write down any problems or glitches you find with the game. You cannot give the code to anyone else, and you cannot tell anyone about it yet.”
He sat on his knees and bounced on the couch, still reaching across me trying to grab the access card, with word vomit expelling from his mouth pretty fast. “I promise, favorite cousin, who I’m sure is a master with the ladies, you know, except with your girlfriend… and that chick who gave you the wrong number.” He sat back and stopped bouncing. “Wait. Are you sure she did that on purpose? I mean, you were going to ask a cheater to marry you, and since she cheated on you now, she can’t be super smart. I mean, you’re about to be rolling in it. So, obviously you’re attracted to dumb girls. Maybe this time you picked one who doesn’t even know her own phone number, and she –”
“Whoa there, little dude,” Emily chuckled, smacking him across the back of the head playfully. “Quit while you’re ahead.” She stood and snatched the card from my fingers, handing it to Miles. “Go test the game, but promise me you’ll stop when I need you for the fittings.”
