On the dresser, next to a frame that held a picture of Jack with all the kids, was a plain, wooden jewelry box. Jack peeked inside but he already knew the contents – a simple watch, a charm bracelet that was special to Penny, and the engagement ring she no longer wore. She wore no earrings or rings; Penny just wasn’t a fancy individual. He was surprised, however, Shane never added to her modest jewelry collection with the exception of the engagement ring over the course of their long relationship. Jack spent many an hour over the years analyzing that relationship and had yet to come to any solid conclusion. He was glad Penny had someone but it just didn’t seem like a very lovey-dovey pairing. No romance or feeling. Plus, there was the suspicion of abuse. Still, he needed to check with Shane to see if she was with him. When he replied to Jack’s text, it was a one-word answer – no.
He looked in her drawers and found neatly folded items and when he checked the storage room in the basement, Penny’s luggage was there. She had run away but hadn’t taken anything with her. This troubled him a lot. Back upstairs – the kids were quietly eating their breakfast – he checked the key holder. He already had Penny’s set and his and Crystal’s keys were still hanging on their hooks. One key ring was missing, however. That ring held the key to the cabin. Jack chewed his lip and picked up Penny’s keys. Front door, side door, Mustang, Suburban, Beetle… He checked off each one and found none missing. She had gone to the cabin but how? All the keys were accounted for in terms of Jack’s two vehicles and Penny’s yellow VW Bug she used only when she had to take Ellie somewhere. He went to the door that led to the garage and opened it. All three cars were there so she hadn’t used a spare key.
“Der’mo,” he muttered and went back to Penny’s kitchen desk. Her cell phone was laying on it where he put the towel with the keys and the note. Jack treated her cell phone just like her bedroom but now was not a time for privacy. His worry increased with each minute that passed. Penny wasn’t acting her usual logical and sensible way.
Jack pressed the button on her phone and behind the keypad to enter the code, he could see a silly group picture of his kids. He wanted to smile but the worry wouldn’t let him. Jack didn’t know the code but he knew Penny and when he entered the code he used for his own phone, hers unlocked. He went to her recent calls log. She made a call at 2:08am. When he dialed it, it went to a taxi service.
An hour later, Jack was on the road in his Mustang to the cabin. There was a light snow but the roads were not bad which was a good thing since Jack was pushing the speed limit. When he got to the turn off to the cabin, the lane had not been plowed from the last snowfall but he could see a vehicle had made tracks. He started down the lane and wished he had taken the Suburban as the Mustang fishtailed. He took his own car since he didn’t want to leave Crystal without a vehicle that would fit all the kids in case she wanted to take them somewhere.
Pulling up in front of the cabin, he could see footprints going up the front steps. Penny was definitely there. Jack turned his car off and sat for a minute; he wasn’t sure what he was going to say. You need help, although accurate, just didn’t seem very caring. He sighed and left the warmth of the car and trudged to the front door. Penny had left the key in the lock and this elevated his worry. She was never that irresponsible. Looking through the window in the door, he saw Penny sitting at the country table in the kitchen with her head down. She still wore the t-shirt and shorts she wore while running in the gym.
He opened the door and slipped his jacket off. The cabin was cold and he stepped over to the thermostat. It may have looked like a rustic cabin but it had modern conveniences like heat. He heard the furnace woosh on and then smelled the slight burnt toast smell as it heated up for the first time in a few months. Penny made no motion to move but he could see she was shaking. Jack grabbed the throw from the back of the couch that sat in front of the stone fireplace and approached Penny. As he drew closer, he could hear she was crying. This was a new experience for him. In their long friendship, she had never cried in front of him.
Jack laid the blanket over her trembling back and sat down at the table. The cry went on for many, many minutes and Jack felt so helpless. His best friend was in so much pain and all he wanted to do was help her heal. Jack did not know how to get through to her, however. He may have had a Big Brain when it came to calculus or obscure historical events but his Big Brain was useless in trying to figure out how to break through Penny’s thick wall.
She continued to cry for the better part of an hour until her cries slowed to a whimper and then to nothing. Her breathing became deep and even; Penny had cried herself to sleep. Jack wasn’t surprised; she’d hardly slept in the last few days and now she was emotionally a mess. His heart was pained. Carefully, Jack picked up Penny and carried her towards the couch. It didn’t even wind him as she was so thin. Penny didn’t stir as he laid her down and recovered her with the blanket. He spent the next several minutes building a fire, keeping one eye on his sleeping friend. When the fire was going, he stepped back into the kitchen and called Crystal. She seemed honestly relieved he had found Penny but quickly became angry with his next words.
“I am going to keep her up here for a day or two,” he said. “I need to convince her to go to treatment and I do not know how long that will take.”
“You mean outpatient treatment,” Crystal said coldly. “So she can do her job.”
“Penny needs inpatient treatment, Crystal, and I will not argue about this.”
“Jack…”
“No arguing,” he insisted. “If you need help, Danny said he would lend a hand. This has to be done, Crystal.” Jack disconnected his cell and went to check on Penny. She was still asleep. He figured she was exhausted enough to be in for quite a nap so he quick scratched out a note saying he’d be back and then drove to the small town about three miles away to pick up some provisions.
She had not moved an inch while he was gone and it would be nearly seven that night before she finally woke up. Her mood was very morose. They sat in the quiet for a while with the only noise coming from the crackling fireplace he kept going all afternoon. With the furnace running, the fire wasn’t really needed for heat but it was the atmosphere Jack felt would help.
Penny excused herself to the bathroom. She was gone awhile and when Jack tiptoed to the door, he heard her throwing up. His worry escalated. He returned to the hearth to wait for her. When Penny came back, her face was puffy from crying. Her eyes were bloodshot and he wondered if that was from making herself vomit.
“I’m sorry,” she said without making eye contact and sat on the couch.
“Do not be sorry,” Jack replied and sat next to her. He went out on a limb and put his arm around her shoulders.
“I jeopardized your children. That’s unacceptable.” Penny’s voice was shaky. “I’ll need just a couple hours to pack my stuff up and I’ll go.”
“Go? Go where?”
“I don’t know. Probably a hotel until I find a new job. I won’t ask for a reference; I don’t want you to lie. I did something awful that might create tabloid issues. I won’t try for another nanny position. I’m not good at anything else. I’m not sure what there is out there…”
“Penelope, stop,” Jack said. “You are rambling.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think this through. I shouldn’t have come here. I should have…”
“Penny, please,” he said a little more forceful. “I do not accept your resignation.”
“You’d rather fire me,” she said in defeat. “I’m not surprised. If this ends up in the tabloids, it’ll look better if you’ve fired me. I should be thrown away so what I did doesn’t reflect poorly on you.”
“No, this is not about me looking good. This is about you getting help,” Jack clarified. “I do not accept your resignation nor am I firing
you.”
“But you yourself pondered what might happen…”
“Exactly, might. I want to prevent the might. I want you to get better so my children have their loving caretaker back and I have my best friend back.” Jack pulled out his cell phone and brought up a picture of Ellie and Penny. He had snapped it on a break a few months ago. Ellie was curled up against Penny as Penny read his daughter her favorite book, The Velveteen Rabbit. He showed the picture to Penny. “My Ellie has so many difficulties and tests the teachers at her school every day which in turn stresses Ellie. Her own mother cannot handle her but when she is with you, she is calm and caring. Her heart, which was not damaged fourteen years ago, shines through. You have helped her show love to her brothers and sisters and in those brief moments when she realizes she is different and gets upset, you guide her towards peace. You have helped my special daughter live a life the doctors warned us she may never have. They wanted her institutionalized but because of you, she has lived a happy life under the same roof as her family.
“I will not throw away the person who did that, Penelope, nor will I throw away the person who I rely on to calm me during the most hectic moments of my life. I care too much about you, Penny.” Jack’s voice was low with emotion. Penny started crying again and he pulled her into his arms. She cried into his chest for a very long time. When she was done, she pulled herself away and drooped back against the couch.
“What is the Terrible Voice saying to you now?” Jack asked.
“That I don’t deserve such a good friend as you,” she said. Her voice was dull. “I don’t want to listen to It.”
“Then do not,” he replied. “Listen to my voice, my words. You do deserve to have me, to have people who care about you. You have shared with me a little about your struggle with anorexia and that it evolved from your relationship with your father. I know this will be hard for you to understand and accept but perhaps it is time to stop trying to have a relationship with him.” Jack’s words were a little harsh but he felt they needed to be voiced.
“It’s not just about my father,” she said. “Like I said that day on the roof of your apartment building, it has grown more complicated.”
“I understand but my words are still true. Know that you do deserve people who love you and you do have people who love you. Me, Millie, Danny, my children, the guys in the band and their families, Shane…” Penny snorted when Jack said Shane’s name. “What? Does Shane not love you?” Jack was certain of the answer but he wanted to see how Penny responded. She stayed silent but her sad facial expression spoke volumes. “What does Shane say about your anorexia?”
It took Penny a long time to answer. When she did, her words made him feel sick.
“Seeing my ribs turns him on.” Her voice was so quiet and full of shame. “He likes to have me stand in front of him, without any clothes on, so he can see my bones. He touches himself…” Penny stopped and Jack was glad. He didn’t know what to say. Penny kept talking, however. “You must think I’m a horrible person.”
“No, Penelope, not at all. I think you are a beautiful soul but that soul is very troubled and hurt. You are the strongest person I know. I care for you so much and I want to see you live in peace. I need you to go to the facility in Utah so you can focus on yourself and get better so my family and I are able to have you in our lives for a very long time. I want you to go so you can clear the shadows and see what a beautiful woman you are.”
“What if I don’t go?” she asked and for the first time since sitting down, looked at him.
“Not going is not an option,” he said evenly although his heart raced. He was scared to be so firm with her. Penny looked down at her scary skinny fingers. When she was closer to a normal weight, she had beautiful and graceful hands unlike Crystal who had, according to her, man hands. Jack agreed with that.
“I’m putting your family out. You’re on tour. Who will take care…”
“No, Penny. The only person to think about right now is you. They will survive. Crystal will just need to step up.”
Penny was quiet. The logs popped and snapped and the wind picked up outside. The snow was heavier now.
“I’m scared, Jack,” she admitted and looked at him. Her face definitely matched her fear and Jack took her hands in his.
“I know but you have my full support. I will ask that you have access 24/7 to a phone so you can call me whenever you are feeling weak. If I am unable to answer, I will call you as soon as I can. I promise.”
She nodded.
“Thank you. I will go.”
The next day, they boarded a plane for Utah. Penny spent ninety days at the facility and she and Jack spoke every day and many times more than once. It was a rough transition for those back home but Crystal was, after all, the mother. She and the kids managed to survive.
As a surprise, Jack flew in to accompany Penny home when she was released and he brought Ellie with him. She was the child, next to Little Sofie, who missed Penny the most and it had been a rough three months for her. They arrived the day before and enjoyed the scenery together. It was nice to have the time with his eldest daughter plus it allowed her to get used to a change in her normal routine.
Jack was on a break from the tour. The three months apart, sadly not uncommon when he was on tour, felt like three years considering the circumstances even though he and Penny talked every day. As they waited for her to walk out the front door, he was nervous about seeing her. Jack was aware some people changed in treatment. What if Penny wasn’t his Penny anymore? When he spoke with Millie and saw her a couple times for required family sessions, he saw good changes in his sister but he was still worried in regards to Penny.
Ellie was also nervous and Jack rubbed her back to calm her down.
“Ellie need Nee-Nee… Ellie need Nee-Nee…,” Ellie repeated quietly as she rocked back and forth on the stone bench they sat on. He smoothed down some escaped hairs from her braid and Ellie looked at him. She had tears in her eyes. “Nee-Nee soon, Poppy?”
“Yes, soon,” he said and kissed her forehead. Jack had taken her shopping a few days before, again just the two of them, after Ellie asked if he would buy her a pretty dress to pick Penny up in. Jack could not deny her and she looked so pretty now in the pale yellow dress with blue flowers. The dress reminded him of the dress Penny wore on the day they met. When Jack braided her hair that morning, he tied a yellow ribbon to the end of the braid. Natalya, not so much a stinker then, had given it to him to use since Penny always put a ribbon in Ellie’s hair.
On Ellie’s lap was a bouquet of pretty wildflowers. They were Ellie’s idea and Jack was so proud of her for thinking of them. She also held onto her well-worn copy of The Velveteen Rabbit. No one was allowed to read her the book except for Penny. Crystal tried once a few weeks earlier but Ellie had a major meltdown. Crystal had called Jack; she had no idea what to do and it took Jack two hours on the phone with Ellie to calm her down.
“Poppy?” Ellie asked.
“Yes?”
“Poppy say hi first,” she said, a little unsure of herself and hugged her book. “Poppy say hi first to Nee-Nee.”
“But Nee-Nee will be happier to see her Ellie,” he replied and squeezed her hand. The look of fear increased a little more in Ellie’s eyes.
“Poppy say hi first. Poppy say hi first,” she repeated, her voice rising and worry now crossing her face. Jack didn’t want his daughter to become any more upset so he hugged and appeased her.
“Okay, bubbeleh,” he soothed. “I will say hi to Nee-Nee first.” Ellie could be loud and possibly uncontrollable in public when upset or in an unfamiliar place and Jack took a chance in bringing her with him to pick up Penny. That was the reason he chose to charter a private jet; Ellie wasn’t
the best flyer and he thought she would do better without a lot of strangers around. She had done okay on the flight into Logan, Utah although when the change in pressure bothered her ears, she panicked. Ellie did not like gum of any kind so Jack brought a few lollipops for her and that seemed to help.
Crystal was mad about Jack chartering the jet. She thought he should fly like that all the time for the prestige but Jack just wasn’t that way. He wasn’t a fancy person so commercial was fine with him unless it was a time crunch and there were no commercial flights that would work. He, and the band, would either use Emerson’s jet or contract with a private firm.
“Ellie need Nee-Nee… Ellie need Nee-Nee…,” his daughter continued to say quietly and rock back and forth. They were sitting on a small bench in the sun and it was a warm early spring day. The sky was a perfect blue with a few fluffy white clouds. It was a beautiful day.
Jack’s nerves started to get the best of him and he began pacing. A slight breeze ruffled the flora of the pristine grounds of the facility. Set out in the calmness of the Utah countryside, the place was peaceful, much like Millie’s facility, and peace was what both his sister and best friend needed.
And then there she was. Where he and Ellie were was off to the side and not in direct view of Penny. She looked at her watch and Jack knew she was probably wondering where her taxi was. The director of the facility was in on the surprise and Jack was glad it appeared the surprise was on track. He approached her. His voice was a little nervous as he called out to her.
“Looking for a ride to the airport?”
Penny looked in his direction and her mouth dropped open. She was definitely surprised to see him.
“Jack!” she exclaimed and then gave him her quiet smile. Jack couldn’t believe how much healthier she looked. Her cheeks were full and had color to them and her hair, surprisingly left loose, glowed a rich chestnut brown instead of the dull, stringy hair of the last couple months before he took her to Utah. She was dressed simply in jeans and pale yellow sweater twinset. She wore her charm bracelet that meant a lot to her but she declined to tell Jack the story behind it. For happy socks, she wore simple yellow and white striped ones with a pair of brown loafers.
Aftermath (The Deceptions Trilogy Book 2) Page 17
