Her husband was a complex creature. Even as an inexperienced girl, Felicity had known that. The question was what state was he in, now he was home. And what were his plans for life after the army? For himself, the estate. And his wife.
Could she and Lord Canforth establish a life together after so long apart? She’d been so young and naïve when they’d married, and they’d only had two short weeks together before he embarked for Portugal with his regiment. In most ways, they were strangers yoked together for life.
She reminded herself to let this day be sufficient unto itself. There was plenty of time to sort out the future. Every decision needn’t be made the instant her husband arrived home.
“Your leg must be hurting. And it can’t be good to rest your knee on those hard flagstones.” She stepped forward and spoke calmly, now she’d regained some vestige of control. “Let me help you up.”
Felicity waited for his pride to reject her offer, but he let her assist him with reasonably good grace. She knew despite his discomfort, he did his best to keep his weight off her. Digby didn’t make it easy either, winding about his master’s legs and threatening to trip him.
She gripped Canforth’s hand to keep him from falling and frowned down at the shiny skin that covered his fingers. More scars. These looked like burns. The pain must have been unimaginable. She bit her lip against more tears. With every moment, it became clearer that he’d been through a hell even worse than the one she’d pictured. And he’d never thought to confide in his wife about any part of it.
“Young Master Edmund!”
The quavering voice took Felicity by surprise and made her look toward the entrance to the pantry. Digby’s whimpering had masked any sounds of approach.
Canforth turned so fast, he almost overbalanced. “Biddy!”
“Oh, Master Edmund.” The old woman burst into noisy tears and flung herself at the earl. “Your poor, poor face. What have those wicked Frenchies done to you?”
“It’s all right, Biddy.” He patted her shoulder and returned her embrace. “It’s all right.”
“But look at you,” she sobbed. “I can’t bear it.”
“I was never very pretty, so no great harm has been done.”
“What nonsense is that?” The old lady wrenched away and placed her hands on either side of his head so she could inspect him. “I always thought you were a handsome lad. And my lady agrees with me.”
Canforth gave his old nurse a lopsided smile. “My lady was just being polite. She didn’t marry me for my looks.”
“Of course she did. And your good, kind heart. She was smart enough to love you.”
Felicity was blushing like a tomato. “Biddy, give the poor man a chance to take a breath. He’s only just walked through the door.”
“And needs feeding up, I’ll warrant.” With visible reluctance, she released Canforth and mopped at her streaming eyes with her apron. “Don’t mind me. I’m just a foolish old woman. But it’s a red letter day indeed when the master comes home at last. A red letter day.”
He smiled at her. More of that easy kindness that Felicity had first noticed when she’d met him in a London ballroom eight years ago. She’d feared this sweetness might be an early casualty of the violence on the Continent. But miraculously, she already saw that it remained essential to the man she’d married.
“You’re not foolish at all, Biddy.” He laid a scarred hand on her shoulder. Both hands were burned, Felicity noticed with a pang. “And I’ve missed you like the devil.”
Biddy smiled through her gushing tears. “Oh, get away with you. I’m sure as sure you hardly gave me a thought while you were off teaching Boney a lesson. But heaven has answered all my prayers when I see you home now.”
“Back to stay, I hope.”
“I’m glad you’ve had enough of strange foreign parts. The Earl of Canforth belongs at Otway.”
“Indeed he does,” he said.
“Now get away out of my kitchen. This is no fit place for your lordship. Or your ladyship, come to that. Although I have to say there’s no airs about your countess, Master Edmund. You brought home a treasure there. While you’ve been away, she’s run this estate almost as well as you would. A fine wife you caught for yourself.” She made shooing motions. “But listen to me, rattling on. When you two haven’t seen each other in a donkey’s age. Go on upstairs and find out all that’s happened while you’ve been apart. And I’ll make a veal and ham pie for supper. That was always your favorite.”
Canforth leaned in and kissed Biddy on the cheek. Felicity couldn’t help but compare the affection flowing between him and the old servant with his constraint toward his wife. After the long separation, some awkwardness was inevitable. But in this case, the awkwardness between the earl and his countess dated back to their wedding.
“If you knew how often I dreamed of your cooking when I made do with stale bread and salt beef, on some freezing peak high in the Pyrenees.”
“Not right, just not right.” The old lady clicked her tongue in disapproval. “And look at you now, you’re too skinny. I swear you’re like a piece of string, you’re so thin. Leave it to me, and I’ll get some meat on your bones. You haven’t been looking after yourself. Anybody with eyes in their head can see that.”
He laughed. “I’ll be as fat as a prize pig by spring, Biddy. I promise you.”
A confident step on the staircase down from the great hall heralded the arrival of Joe, Biddy’s husband, stout and gray-headed and taciturn. At the sight of the new arrival, a rare smile creased his lined face. “Your lordship, by God, you’re home. This is a great day indeed.”
The old man, less demonstrative than his wife, embraced Canforth, but Felicity caught the shine of tears in his eyes as he drew away.
“Joe, will you please look after his lordship’s horse?” she said. “It’s out in the stable yard, if it hasn’t bolted.”
Joe bowed to her. “Aye, my lady. Although begging your pardon, but there’s no fear of that happening. No horse ever bolted that Edmund Sherritt rode. Putty in his hands, they are. Always have been.”
Once, women had been putty in his hands, too. Before his marriage, Canforth had had a reputation with the ladies. Felicity had been surprised that he’d been so diffident when he’d come to her bed. Since then, she’d struggled to avoid the thought of him being anything but diffident in some pretty senorita’s company.
So many years away, and a man would get lonely. After all, it wasn’t as if he loved his wife back in England.
Since he’d left her, she’d slept alone. But then, she loved her husband and always had.
Chapter 2
Felicity was pleased to see Canforth moving more easily, now he was out of the cold. Her silly, worried self wanted to fuss and question, help him with the stairs. But she made herself precede him slowly up to the great hall, so he wouldn’t be too self-conscious about his limping progress. Digby struggled after them even more slowly. It was clear he had no intention of parting from his master. Doggy panting accompanied them all the way. Felicity couldn’t help contrasting the easy conversation downstairs with the silence that now descended.
“Shall we go into the drawing room? Joe lights a fire in there each evening.”
When Canforth didn’t answer, she glanced back. He leaned on the doorway cut through the carved screen, and if she didn’t know better, she’d imagine him unchanged from the man she’d married. The gathering dusk hid that vicious scar, and his casual posture belied the way he favored his leg.
His expression wasn’t casual at all. Avidly his eyes took in every detail of this vast room, the heart of the medieval building around which the rest of the manor had grown. She read such a range of powerful reactions in his face. Love. Sadness. Joy. Relief. Curiosity.
“It’s just the same,” he said in disbelief.
“Of course it is.” Poignant emotion threatened to choke her once more. She’d better gain control of herself soon, or abandon any pretense that she and Canforth
shared a dispassionate marriage.
“It’s mad, I know.” He paused, and she knew he battled for composure. “But through all the bloodshed and destruction, I’d think back to this house as a site of perfect happiness, until I was convinced it couldn’t possibly be as I recalled it.”
His intense tone made Digby whine and bump his grizzled head against his master’s hip. Canforth laid one elegant, scarred hand on the dog’s neck and looked around. “You’ve even put up the kissing bough. Did you guess that I was coming home?”
Stupidly Felicity blushed. During her honeymoon, kisses had been infrequent. In fact, she and Canforth hadn’t acted much like a honeymoon couple at all. He’d treated her with respect and kindness. And she, so young and inexperienced, hadn’t known how to ask for more. Especially once she reached the conclusion that Canforth had no argument with a temperate marriage.
“I held a party for the staff before I sent them off to their families for Christmas.”
He cocked an eyebrow at her. “So did you kiss a handsome footman or two?”
She affected an airy tone. “Oh, these days, the grooms are prettier than the footmen.”
He laughed and stepped fully into the room, Digby at his side. “You’re warning me about the competition?” He stopped under the colorful ball suspended from the ceiling. “Shall we, wife?”
Puzzled she looked at him. “Shall we what?”
He pointed up at the woven ribbons and mistletoe and holly. “After nearly eight years, a kiss doesn’t seem too much to ask.”
Heavens, she hadn’t blushed this much since she was a new bride. “You want to kiss me?” she asked shakily.
He rolled his eyes. “Flick, you’re my wife, and it’s been a long, cold road since last I saw your pretty face. For charity’s sake, give me a kiss. On my honor, I’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt.”
That was the second time he’d called her pretty. Despite telling herself it meant nothing, warmth flooded her veins. “I’m sadly out of practice.”
“I should hope so.” He stretched out his hand. “But I think we’ll manage the basics.”
With hesitant steps, she approached Canforth and took his hand. The shock of contact zapped through her like lightning.
“You’re trembling,” he murmured in surprise, as he drew her closer.
“I told you it’s been a long time.”
He positioned her under the mistletoe bough and placed his hands on her slender shoulders. “There’s no need to be frightened.”
Except it wasn’t exactly fear she felt. She was nervous and keyed up, but not scared. She avoided his eyes, not wanting him to see her tumultuous reaction. Logic had told her that the end of hostilities in Europe meant her husband’s return. But as the months went by, with Canforth posted from one capital to another, she’d started to think he might stay in the army. True to the impersonal tenor of their letters, he’d never mentioned his long-term plans.
When nothing happened, Felicity made herself look at him. The sight of that vile sword cut made her want to scream and rage.
He winced under her stare. “The surgeon who sewed it up said it will fade with time. Give me another twenty years or so, and I’ll be back to the dashing devil you married.”
Self-disgust ripped through her. He made a joke of it, but she saw that he’d interpreted her anger and compassion as revulsion. “Oh, Canforth, you mistake me,” she cried, daring to move closer. “I hate to think of you being in pain.”
The flash of uncertainty in those deep-set gray eyes told her that he didn’t quite believe her. “I got out pretty lightly.”
“But I can’t bear it when someone I…” Love. “..care for suffers.” Her hand hovered over the raised flesh. “Does it hurt to touch?”
He watched her with a strange fascination. “No. Not now.”
She bit her lip, hoping she wasn’t breaking the unspoken truce they’d always operated under. But she couldn’t let him think she found his appearance repulsive. “Will you trust me?”
“Only if you can bear it.”
She saw the bone-deep weariness beneath his happiness to be home. The years had been hard for her. How much harder must they have been for him, far from everything he loved? She didn’t count herself in that list. Love had never been part of their marriage, even if she’d loved him from the first moment she saw him, tall and commanding in his scarlet uniform, across a crowded ballroom.
“Oh, Canforth,” she said, her heart breaking anew. Gently, she laid the tip of her index finger at the top of the scar.
At the contact, he recoiled, then stood still and tense beneath the mistletoe. She blinked away more tears and slowly traced the slashing arc. For some reason, she expected the scar to be cold, but the puckered, shiny skin was warm. Just as much part of him as the rest of his face.
He closed his eyes, thick russet lashes fluttering on his prominent cheekbones. She’d always loved this hint of softness in such an overtly masculine being. Under her fingers, he remained as taut as a violin string. How could a man who had withstood cannon fire fear a woman’s touch?
“If he’d cut an inch higher…” she whispered.
“I was lucky.”
“So was I.”
His eyes flashed open, the enlarged pupils turning the gray irises smoky. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course I do.” She frowned in bewilderment as she lifted her hand away. “How could you think otherwise?”
Her brain advised resisting the impulse, but her heart made her lean in and place a fleeting kiss where the saber had sliced deepest. The clean outdoors scent of his skin invaded her senses and made her heart skip a beat.
“I haven’t been much of a husband,” he muttered, as she drew away.
“You did your duty to your king and your country.” She swallowed to shift the painful emotion jammed in her chest. “You’ve made me proud.”
“Really?”
“Really.” Her voice was husky. “You’re a brave man, Lord Canforth. And if you don’t think I’m overjoyed that you’ve come back safe…”
“If a trifle battered.”
She managed a twisted smile. “If a trifle battered. Then that saber cut has affected your mind.”
She was close enough to hear his long exhalation of relief. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel.”
“That’s natural.” Fighting the urge to fling her arms around him and tell him that she loved him, she stepped back. She’d already ventured too close to revealing her feelings. Such a kind man would hate to know that she suffered, loving him when he didn’t love her. And her pride revolted at the idea of his pity. In that, they were alike. “After so long apart, we need to rebuild our friendship. You’ve only been home an hour.”
His lips quirked. “At least give me until dinnertime to feel like I’m back to stay.”
She made herself smile again, although she remained closer to weeping than laughter. “Before you know it, you’ll be ordering me around and demanding your claret and tobacco and slippers like a real lord of the manor.”
“First, we have unfinished business here under the mistletoe. I’ve waited a devil of a long time to kiss my wife.”
The sudden purpose in his expression sent sensual awareness rippling along her spine. Her lips burned from the brief kiss, however chaste, she’d given him. She was blushing again.
Blast this odd situation. She was both wife of eight years and bride of a couple of weeks. There was no solid ground beneath her feet.
When gentle fingers tilted her chin up, she caught her breath. He brushed his lips across hers in a kiss that was over almost before it began. She’d braced for something more passionate, which was absurd when he’d never shown her anything but the most delicate handling. The few times he’d used her body, he’d treated her as if the slightest roughness would damage her.
It hadn’t been enough then. It certainly wouldn’t be enough now. She was eight years older than that naïve girl. After Canforth left, she’d learned the mea
ning of longing.
The kiss was like a whisper. But even such brief contact turned her knees to water. Instinctively she reached toward him, to bring him closer.
Before she could touch him, he stepped away, leaving her floundering. “That was a fine welcome,” he murmured and gave her a brief bow, as if they’d only just met.
She remained poised under the mistletoe, lips tingling, although it was clear there would be no more kisses. “I’m so glad you’re home, Canforth.”
Her sincerity seemed to surprise him. He subjected her to a searching inspection, before giving her the rare, sweet smile that always turned her blood to honey.
“I’m glad, too.” Then just as powerful currents threatened to crack the veneer of politeness, he looked around. “Will you excuse me? I’m covered in travel dirt, and I’d like to change into some clean clothes before dinner.”
The shift to practicality jarred after that vibrant instant, when she felt they’d hovered on the brink of some profound revelation. “Everything is just as you left it when you went away. Is there luggage coming?”
“I left a few things in London. I’m sure I can make do with whatever’s here.”
Over the years, Felicity had learned to put away deep and painful emotion and play the efficient chatelaine. “I’ll have hot water sent up. Do you mind if dinner is early?”
“Not at all. I’m famished. Shall I see you in the drawing room in an hour?”
“That will be lovely.”
She needed to go downstairs and make arrangements for the evening with Biddy and Joe. A different man and a different woman might rush from greeting to bed. Passion long denied would find quick and furious release.
But she and Canforth had never been wild for one another. More was the pity. Her bed had been a cold and lonely place since he left. Apparently after doing his duty with no particular urgency on their honeymoon, he’d returned from the wars no hungrier for her body. Her husband was back, and she felt lonelier than ever.
Mistletoe Wishes Page 29
