Sugar Rush

by Donna Kauffman

  “She was raised by parents who give new meaning to the phrase old school. Quite often, her views are diametrically opposed to theirs. In this case, I would say almost virulently so.”

  “Ah.”

  “She also doesn’t understand why I decided to stay here and open my own shop. So, there also might be some less-than-fully altruistic advice being given.”

  “I see,” he repeated, still smiling. Anything that made Leilani more receptive to him in any capacity was a welcome thing. “I am sorry.”

  She sent him a considering look, but there was good humor still clear in her voice. “About?”

  “All of this. I know, I’ve said it before. But I have heard everything you’ve said to me. I have. I’ve given it a lot of thought. And you’re right, you know. Shooting here does appear rather ridiculous and over the top now, even to me.” His smile turned rather self-deprecating. “It seemed like such a good idea at the time.” He caught her gaze, held it for a moment, both of them smiling, before turning his attention back to the road. “I should have thought it through better, all the way through.”

  “I appreciate that you get that.” She sounded sincere, and without the irritation that had threaded her words so often up to now. “For my part, I do understand that you didn’t mean any harm, that you thought it was a good thing for all. I know you tend to get focused to the point of being somewhat oblivious to other things, but I also have realized you wouldn’t be half the chef you are, if you weren’t that way. That kind of focus and, at times, blind determination, is what works for you. It’s how you thrive.”

  He glanced quickly at her, the words coming before he could think better of them. “I thought you were what worked for me.”

  “Oh, Baxter.”

  He caught her shoulders slumping a little in his peripheral vision as he looked back to the road. “I didn’t say that to get the pity vote. But I’ve thought a lot about all the things you said, and not just the part about what this intrusion does to the life you want for yourself here. You said I don’t know you, that I have been infatuated with the woman who worked for me, but not the actual woman herself.”

  “Infatuated?”

  “I explained about that.” His smile twitched wider. “I believe I even demonstrated. Perhaps it wasn’t as memorable for you as it was for me.”

  She raised her fingers to touch her lips, seemed to realize what she was doing, and dropped her hand back to her lap. A moment passed. “I didn’t forget.”

  There went that clutch at his heart. He wondered how long it would take before she no longer had that effect on him. He suspected he already knew it would pretty much be never.

  “So ... what are you saying?” she asked. “You realize I’m right, and now that you’ve been around the not-as-delightfully-sweet part of me, you’re not infatuated with the real woman?”

  “No,” he said without hesitation. “I didn’t say that. But it is true that there’s a lot of you I don’t know, Lei. Certainly not as much as perhaps I should have before I turned countless lives upside down just to pursue the part of you I do know.”

  “Like I said, your single-minded bullheadedness is what makes you the successful chef you are.”

  He smiled again, more dryly this time. “Thanks. I think.”

  “Anytime,” she said blithely.

  His smile grew. “Honestly though, I would like to think I’m not so impetuous that I just barge into a person’s life as if I alone know what’s best for all, or use whatever advantage celebrity has given me, and excuse my actions by telling myself I’m helping people in return.”

  “But you do help them in return. To Sugarberry, to the people who live here, you’re a celebrity, sure, but also something of a hero. They’re all excited, bordering on delirium, that you chose to come here, that you’re taping your show on our little island. I’m surprised there’s not talk of a parade, perhaps a tasteful statue in the town square.”

  “Oh, go on, now,” he chided, but was laughing with her.

  “Okay, but I’m serious about the rest. The chamber of commerce and all the merchants around the square are thrilled that their revenues will most certainly go up. Or will when the trucks leave and customers can actually park anywhere near their shops,” she teased, but waved away his attempted explanation. “I’m truly the only one who wasn’t thrilled by this.”

  He slowed as he looked at her again. “You realize, I’m trying to apologize for being an inconsiderate arse, and you’re arguing my side.”

  She batted her eyelashes at him. “I’m perverse like that. Chalk it up to yet another part of me that, had you known, might have saved countless dollars.”

  He laughed at that, even as he shook his head. There were so many more facets to her, than he’d previously known. Even the irritation she’d exhibited toward him, and the heartfelt, emotional confessions she’d made on how his choices were going to adversely affect the new life she’d chosen for herself, called to some deeper place inside him. He was finding himself as captivated by each new thing he learned as by what he’d already known. There was a broader range to her, but greater depths as well. The real Leilani—or should he say, complete Leilani—was definitely more challenging than the soothing, perpetually optimistic, intellectually driven woman he’d come to desire, and whose presence in his life he’d so sorely missed.

  These new discoveries weren’t pushing him away at all. He would miss her more when he left Sugarberry than he had when she’d left Gateau. He wanted to learn every facet, plumb every depth. The more he learned, the more he saw, the more he felt.

  “I’ve done a lot of thinking, too,” she said, breaking into his thoughts. “I know I was a bit short with you behind the shop earlier, but I honestly have tried to be on better terms with all this. At that moment, I’d just finished with Bernard crawling all over my kitchen, while Dre and Alva were packing up the secret weapon cakes for tonight’s poker Armageddon, my father was stomping around trying to be overprotective, and Charlotte popped up, which is great, but was a complete shock. Then we headed out and smacked right into wall-to-wall trailers I didn’t even hear pull in. I want to be a team player. I know that’s for the best. I do. But, to do that, I need to feel like I know what’s going on, so I can be prepared for what’s coming next.” She looked at him and her smile was sincere. “I’m a little blindsided-out, that’s all.”

  “I understand that,” he said, every bit as sincere. “I’m sorry about Bernard, and not having a full brief for you sooner. That was my plan, but we were just figuring out the scheduling ourselves and it proved to be more complex than we’d thought. If I hadn’t gotten tied up in that string of production meetings, I’d have been there to explain everything before Bernard ever stepped through the door.”

  “I appreciate that. I have been listening to everyone on the island wax rhapsodic about the big event since the word got out last week. Plus, Charlotte hasn’t been shy about giving me her opinion on how you mean well and surely didn’t intend all this fallout for me, which you’ve said as well. I guess I’ve always known that. It’s just taken some ... adjustment. If you’d keep me in the loop more, and no more surprises, that’s all I ask.”

  A quick glance showed there wasn’t anyone on the single lane road behind him. Baxter braked the car to a full stop so he could turn and look directly at her. “Lei, I realize nothing else has changed for you, or will, in the aftermath of hurricane Hot Cake. I appreciate that you’re being so generous. It’s far more than I’d hoped for. Or deserve.”

  Her smile turned wry. “I know.”

  He smiled back. “I do plan on keeping you ‘in the loop’ as you say. You know, as much as I like the sweet, even-keel-atall-costs you, I must say, this perverse side is growing on me.”

  “Good,” she replied, then smiled fully, which made her eyes twinkle a bit devilishly by the dashboard light. “Remember you said that.”

  He grinned. “I’m sure you’ll remind me. And Charlotte isn’t wrong, you know.”<
br />
  “Charlotte? About what?”

  “I am a well-meaning bloke. One who has hopefully learned something from all this and will do better the next time he’s tempted by an impulsive idea.”

  She laughed at that. Outright.

  “I’d be insulted”—he smiled ruefully—“but I suppose I earned that.”

  She patted his arm. “Well, at least you’re charismatic with your impulsivity.”

  “Don’t forget well-meaning.”

  “Right. Which is why I’m just as sure you’ll continue to get away with it.”

  Still smiling, he covered her hand before she could pull it away. “Except with you.”

  She glanced at his hand covering hers. “Someone has to keep you humble.” She lifted her gaze to his.

  “I’m very thankful for all I have. I’ve worked hard for it, but I know it’s been a blessing.”

  “Humble and earnest,” she teased. “So ... what happens next?”

  “Are we talking about the show, or—”

  She slid her hand free, but her smile remained. “Yes, the show.”

  He rather liked talking about each other, but he knew that to continue further was treading back into dangerous territory, made ever so clear by how just touching her hand had set his entire body to hoping again. Some parts more than others. “Right,” he said, determined to stay on the professional path from that point onward. “We’re going to set up production, which will take most of tomorrow, then we’ll need a day to test lighting, sound, while we go through and choose all the recipes, test them out, make sure we have the necessary product, then block out how each episode will progress. I imagine we’ll probably shoot the first episode on Thursday, or get it started anyway. There will be a learning curve across the board with that one, then things should progress more smoothly with the other episodes.”

  “How many others?”

  “The plan is for five, if you approve, which would be a week’s worth. Rosemary thinks that will give the viewers a real taste, so to speak, of each town we visit. I’ll have enough shows to really get into the local dessert cuisine, or explore whatever specialty or theme I’m delving into in that particular area, as well as bring something new and different to the town.”

  “And the trucks in the back lot? In everyone’s back lot? They stay the entire time, or do they just unload stuff, then move out?”

  “They stay for the duration. Your fellow business owners were all notified as part of the permit process. Apparently there weren’t any hang-ups there.”

  “That’s good,” she said, but he could see reality beginning to ease back into her body language, and he could hear the tension creeping back into her voice.

  “What are all those trucks for?” she asked.

  “Production mostly, but also makeup and wardrobe, and one is a full utility support kitchen.”

  “A kitchen?”

  He nodded. “We have to do a lot of advance prep for each show, along with a lot of prep as filming is going on. We need a secondary kitchen to handle that as we’re going to be filming in the only other kitchen we have.”

  “Which has more than one of pretty much everything, you know.”

  He nodded. “Oh, I know. Down to how many cooling racks you have and what sizes they are. Bernard is very thorough.”

  She smiled at that. “Good old Bernard.”

  “With all the cameras, lights, crew, etcetera, a lot of the functional workspace other than the part where we’ll be cooking and demonstrating, won’t really be accessible. It’s easier to have a satellite kitchen.”

  Lani nodded thoughtfully. “How many people are traveling with this—”

  “Circus?”

  She matched his smile. “I didn’t say that. But since you did ... how many performers are we talking about, Ringmaster?”

  “Enough to make you feel like there should be three rings involved, but, in truth, we’ll be running at about sixty percent our normal staff, so everyone will be putting in extra time.”

  “For how long?”

  “We have the permits for thirty days, but the schedule right now is designed to wrap things up in ten to twelve days. It can and usually does take a good part of a single day to film each twenty-two minute program, then there’s all the planning and prep, postproduction, and, invariably, delays due to this snafu or that. It’s our first time coordinating everything this way, so we’ve got flextime scheduled in for that. My network has other shows that have gone on location, though those have been isolated instances and not an entire series. We’ve consulted with their teams to get an idea of what we’re in for, what we’re going to need, and will hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls they experienced.”

  “So ... a few weeks here, then you pack up and go to the next town, right?”

  He met her gaze, nodded.

  She held his a moment longer, then glanced toward the passenger side window. “So, are we going to get coffee? I thought you promised me coffee.”

  “Leilani—”

  She looked back at him. “What you said before, about not knowing me ... You know that a few weeks isn’t going to change that, right? Even if it did, there’s not much we could do about it anyway. You’re leaving.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Okay. I just ... you say you’ve come to terms with it, but I do know you. You don’t just give up. I don’t want you to think that because I’m being a good team player, and I might even laugh and enjoy myself while we’re together ... that it means I’m rethinking what I said before. I’m not. And I won’t.”

  “I know. That’s what I started to say earlier.” He shifted his gaze forward, put his hands back on the wheel, and put his foot on the gas. It was easier to talk if he wasn’t looking at her. Wanting to touch her. “Yes, it’s true I thought I’d come riding in on my white steed, storm the castle, and hie off with the lovely maiden.”

  He heard what sounded like a snort, but didn’t risk looking at her.

  “Like I said, I didn’t think it through much beyond that. What, was I just going to keep you like an abducted wench, and drag you cross-country with my band of merry pastry chefs?”

  “Well, Bernard would make a good Friar Tuck.”

  He did glance at her then, but the shadows had grown too deep to see her eyes clearly.

  “Go on,” she said, her tone more sober.

  He liked it better when they were both laughing. “Even if I did come sweep you off your feet ... then what? When we’re done marauding the countryside, leaving satisfied, chocolate-and-powdered-sugar covered smiles in our wake ... the truth is, I have no castle to take you back to. Just a sound stage, an office, and a brownstone in the Village I barely sleep in.” He wound through the narrow island roads, not really paying attention to where he was going, then found himself back out on the loop road again. “I guess what I’m saying is that I’m a man who is fortunate to have gotten everything he could have ever dreamed of wanting and so much more ... yet has nothing to give you. Nothing you’d want, anyway.”

  She kept quiet, and he drove on in silence for several minutes. “I should have thought it through,” he finally said. “All the way through. And I didn’t.” He looked over at her, and let the car slow again. “I get it now. I’m sorry it took a circus and a merry band of chefs for me to figure it out ... but I have. I well and truly have. It’s not about giving up, it’s conceding I should have never entered the field of play to begin with.”

  Chapter 9

  Those were the exact words she’d hoped to hear from him, but had never honestly expected him to say. But now he had. And, what’s more, he truly seemed sincere about it. He’d listened. And he’d agreed with her.

  In all possible ways, it was a far better outcome to this disaster-in-the-making than she could have hoped for since first reading the write-up of his impending arrival in the island paper.

  So why wasn’t she happier about it? Or, at least, relieved?

  Yes, she could be perverse at times, but
not so perverse that she’d want a man pining after her, chasing after her, when she’d made it perfectly clear she didn’t want to be caught. No, she wasn’t that perverse.

  Was she?

  A light throb began in her temples. It was just so ... complicated.

  Intellectually, she was relieved. She could relax now, let her guard down a little and not be so damn vigilant around him. She could be herself, and not worry that her actions would lead him to believe she was doing anything other than being a good sport and making the best of the situation.

  But, emotionally ... emotionally was a much different story. After all, he was still the one man she’d wanted. For a very long time. In every possible way. In fact, though she’d dated other men, and had even fancied herself in love for a brief time when she’d studied overseas ... Baxter Dunne was the first and only man she’d truly fallen for. Fallen for in the ways that mattered, ways that went beyond the butterflies and pheromones. They’d had a natural rapport right from the start that had made communication easy, and at times, was even unspoken. Despite their differences in demeanor and approach, they shared a connection of the mind as well as the spirit, and it bonded them in the way of true friends. She respected him, she liked him ... and yes, there were all those lovely butterflies and pheromones to keep things buzzing along on other, more visceral levels.

  It wasn’t until he came to the island that she knew for certain she hadn’t just had a crush, or started to fall for him. She had fallen. All the way. She loved him. Or had loved him. Past tense, right? Or maybe it was a different kind of love.

  She’d decided, hadn’t she, back in New York, that he wasn’t the one. Couldn’t be the one. For so many reasons, big and small, not the least of which was that he hadn’t even realized she existed as anything other than a pastry chef.

  Then she’d come to the island, and started down a new path, opening a new chapter in her life filled with new experiences, new people, new hopes, and new dreams. It had been the right time to move on, get over her silly crush. It had just been proximity, she’d told herself. Even if time and distance didn’t seem to be working in and of themselves for her to get over him, surely she wasn’t so pathetic as to pine over feelings so completely unrequited, was she?