by Mia Villano
Lydia was up and asked to take a shower. She was acting alive and was doing fine at the moment. Jeannie had to help her in the shower, and stay with her so she didn’t get dizzy. Hospice gave them a special chair to put in the shower so she could sit and Jeannie could wash her when she was too weak. Jeannie would help wash her and leave so she could sit under the shower and have the hot water bathe her weakening body. That day, Lydia was strong enough to wash herself.
She heard the water shut off and Jeannie didn’t want to scare her.
“Hey, baby. Are you done?”
“Almost, Mom. Steven is coming over tonight. If I can stay awake, we’re going to watch a movie,”
“That’s great, sweetheart,” said Jeannie.
“I’m feeling pretty good tonight. What are you going to do?” she asked. She looked so tired and sick sitting in the shower.
Jeannie grabbed a big towel and helped Lydia stand up. “Oh, nothing. You know me and my exciting nights. I may watch a movie with Marsha, or read a book. Michael is at Zach’s so I don’t have to worry, and now I’m so excited that you’re going to have fun. I’ll make popcorn and stay out of your hair.” She hugged Lydia tight, getting in as many hugs as she could. She was slowing down a lot, and they noticed she slept more than she was awake. One day would be good, and then the next she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. She had not changed her mind about chemo though Jeannie noticed on her computer, she looked up her brain tumor type several times. That night, made them forget about Lydia being sick. For a few moments, she was a teenager having her best friend over on a Friday night. Those were the nights Jeannie lived for.
The familiar sound of Steven walking through the door was comforting.
“Hi, Gorgies. How’s life going today?”
“Hi Steven, we are doing well. How are you?”
“I’m wonderful. My girl feels good enough to watch movies with me. Life doesn’t get much better. Are you going out tonight, beauty?” he asked Jeannie.
“No, Steven. I’m staying in and decorating for Halloween. You know its Lydia’s favorite holiday, and mine too. I’m making Halloween a big deal this year.” She whispered.
“Where is she?” he asked.
Lydia peaked her head out of the bathroom door. “I’m right here, and I can hear everything you two are saying.”
Marsha yelled from upstairs. “Would you like coffee, Steven?” She always makes coffee when he comes over and loves being with him.
“Yes, honey. I like my coffee like I like my men, you know.” He yelled up at her.
She laughed. “You are a nut.”
“Oh no, you didn’t say nut. Honey, stop.” They both laughed hysterically.
After Marsha had coffee with him and talked his ear off, he settled in with Lydia to watch some horror movie. For a split second it was as if there was nothing wrong. For a moment they were just normal people enjoying a Friday night. After popping her famous popcorn with melted American cheese and butter, Jeannie decided to get busy on decorating. She needed to take the time to unwind and try to relax. Marsha must have read her mind. She walked outside to help Jeannie with the decorations, holding a bottle of Sambuca and two shot glasses. With a remote in her hand, “Piece of my Heart” started playing on the outside speaker.
“You read my mind,” said Jeannie.
“Saddle up, Sally, and let’s forget our troubles tonight. We’re going to enjoy this beautiful evening. Look at the stars and the moon up there. This universe is bigger than we can ever imagine,” said Marsha, pouring their first shot.
Marsha smiled taking the first shot and grimacing. “As Janis would say, you can destroy your nows, by worrying about tomorrow.”
Marsha took more shots while she unraveled the orange and purple lights she put up every year. She had huge animated monsters in her basement she dragged out and flopped on the yard. It looked like they were setting up for a horror movie. She must have had at least ten life-size creatures to put out.
“These are rich people decorations. Must be nice,” joked Jeannie with her best buddy.
“No, a crazy compulsive shopper who can’t say no to decorations. Who needs a half-eaten body that crawls around the floor?”
“Only you, Marsha. This scare the crap out of Michael,” Jeannie smiled.
“I was thinking more of Steven.” Jeannie smiled and sipped her shot glass full of Sambuca.
“What the hell is that? I thought I taught you better. Get that shit down your throat woman,” said Marsha.
Jeannie obliged and grimaced at the sweet burning licorice taste of the alcohol burning her throat.
Marsha immediately poured them another. “That’s what I’m talking about.”
“Not too fast, Marsha. It’s been awhile since I drank and I’ve been on high powered antidepressants, you know. I have to take it easy. What if Lydia needs me?”
“Lydia is okay, and she is with Steven. Take a few hours and quit worrying.”
“I can’t ever quit worrying. By the way, remember the belongings from Vince they gave me at the hospital?”
“I remember. You put it up in the closet,” said Marsha, pouring another shot.
“Well, I charged his old cell phone the other day out of habit. There was a number that came up several times. I called the number back, but no one answered. What do you think?”
“It was a mistake or someone’s calling for work to be done. I’m sure his number is still out there. Why? You don’t think it’s a woman, do you? Why would a woman be calling now? It’s been two years.” asked Marsha.
“I don’t know.”
“He’s not like John, Jeannie. And come on, she would have come out sooner than now,” said Marsha, talking too much.
“Stop it, John wouldn’t cheat on you. He’s in love with you,” said Jeannie.
The fire began to burn out so Marsha stood up to put another log on the fire pit.
“Where do you think he is, Jeannie?” she asked, still standing.
“What are you talking about? He’s on a business trip like he always is,” said Jeannie.
“Yes, like he always is, with another woman he has been seeing for the past ten years. He admitted to the affair, and told me I could either accept her or leave. Yes, my perfect life is not so perfect. On top of that, she had his child five years ago. Should I keep going? Not only did she have his child, but he throws that up to me because I couldn’t have any. If I was smarter, which obviously I’m not, I would have left years ago. I just hate to be alone, Jeannie. That’s what scares me the most. Yes, I don’t have a terminally ill daughter, but I have my problems, too. It’s life, and we have to keep on keeping on.”
“What? This is crazy,” said Jeannie, feeling a little mad. She trusted John and couldn’t see him doing something so deceitful.
“Please, I didn’t want you to know. It’s embarrassing. He’s a wonderful man except for his, indiscretions. I love him to death and couldn’t live without him. I have to share him if I want him,” Marsha said.
Jeannie was speechless even after three shots of Sambuca. Who would have ever dreamed this was the case? Jeannie thought they had the perfect life. The life they portrayed made her envious. She always thought they had everything. There life was a big lie.
Chapter 10
Everyone’s favorite holiday, Halloween, arrived and Lydia spent more time in bed sleeping and staring at the television. The day was not what they had hoped it to be, and everyone held their breath, afraid Lydia may be taking a turn for the worst. Michael planned to go trick-or-treating with Steven, something him and Lydia did every year. Michael was going as a character from one of his video games, but wasn’t excited like he normally would be. Steven, dressed like Tina Turner, was set to take him around the neighborhood. Once they headed out, Lydia woke up.
“What’s wrong, baby? Are you tired?” Jeannie asked, as Lydia stayed in bed with the covers over her head. She had planned on helping her mom hand out the candy to the neighborhood kids. That
was not going to happen.
“I’m tired, Mom, and sad.”
“I know, Lydia. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Is your head bothering you?”
“Yes, it’s hurting, and I have a lot of pressure. My eyes are killing me and my left eye is getting blurry. I’m scared, Mom”
“Is the pain getting unbearable?” asked Jeannie, shuddering at the thought of what was coming. The day was warm, and the house was open letting in a nice breeze.
“I don’t know, my head is hurting bad. Leave me alone. I’m sick of your questions,” she yelled. Her hands went to her head and she pressed her palms against her temples, rolled over, and stared at the wall.
Jeannie didn’t say anther word, got up, and called the hospice office. Snapping at Jeannie was something she hadn’t done before. She called hospice to discuss with them what was happening.
Hooty came right over and had a look at Lydia. She explained to Jeannie that Lydia was entering another stage in her disease.
“Her prognosis is shorter than anyone anticipated. It’s why she yelled at ya’. It wasn’t Lydia talkin’ it was that tumor talkin’. She is gettin’ closer to movin’ on, Miss Jeannie. Her breathin’ is changin’ and she is not awake much. People let go when they are ready. This is her time, so tell her everything you need to tell her. Tell her how much you love her, and we will keep her comfortable. She is ready to move on to see her Daddy and move to another life. She is ready, Miss Jeannie,” said Hooty. Jeannie could do nothing but hold on to Hooty and cry.
A week later, the day Lydia’s condition worsened, Hooty came right away again without any questions. She walked downstairs and noticed Lydia was in a lot of pain. They promised her she wouldn’t have pain, but Hooty didn’t want to start morphine until it was necessary.
“Hey, baby girl. Hooty be here. Tell me what’s wrong,” she said, walking over to Lydia and sitting on the bed.
With as much strength as she could bare, she told Hooty what was hurting.
“My head hurts worse than ever and my left eye hurts me and it’s hard to open. I’m so dizzy, and I’m afraid,” she whispered. Tears streamed down her face through her closed eyes.
“How bad is the pain, suga’?” Hooty asked, taking her hand and holding it in her lap.
“Fifty,” said Lydia, keeping her eyes closed. Hooty kissed her fingers.
“Okay. You know what your options are, right?” asked Hooty.
“Uh huh,” said Lydia.
Last week they discussed how morphine would work, and the box with Lydia. She was aware of everything.
“You know what you want to do, baby doll?” asked Hooty. She had so much experience with patients she knew when to intervene and when they could still make their own decisions.
Keeping her eyes closed and barely getting out a whisper she told Hooty what she wanted. “I want the medicine and my rosaries, please.”
“Okay, we’ll give you pain medicine and the medicine will make you sleep a lot, but baby, the pain will be gone. Is there anything else?” she asked.
Hooty handed her the rosaries that sat on the table next to her bed and Lydia held them against her.
“I want my mom. Can you have her and Michael come her?”
“Whatever you want, baby.” Hooty stood up and walked over to where Jeannie was sleeping. She woke her up and told her what was happening. Michael was upstairs and Jeannie ran upstairs to get him. They both came over to Lydia and sat next to her on the bed.
“I wanted to say bye. I …love you. I’m going and we will wait for… both of you to get there. I love you so much,” said Lydia.
Jeannie was crying as she clutched her daughter’s hand and listened to her say goodbye forever. Michael laid his head on his sister’s shoulder and she tried to reach up and pat his head. He cried and held her other hand.
“Lydia, you are the best sister in the world. I love you too. Tell Daddy I miss him and …” Michael couldn’t get any more out. He was too upset to say anything else. His body shook as the reality of losing his sister took over.
“Lydia, you rest. I love you more than you’ll ever know. You are the best daughter a mom could have. I will be right here with you. I love you so much.”
As she held onto her mother with as much strength as she could muster, she whispered to her. “Be happy.” Through tear filled eyes, Jeannie looked up at Hooty who motioned for her to get up once Lydia was asleep. Marsha had walked downstairs when she heard Michael crying, in bed with his sister.
“Jeannie, come with me to get medicine out of my car. Marsha, can you sit with Lydia for a few minutes?” asked Hooty. Once they were outside, Hooty stopped and faced Jeannie.
“Baby, we have to move on now. The pain is getting too bad for our girl, and her breathing is slowin’.” She is sleepin’ all the time and her body is gettin’ cool,” said Hooty.
Jeannie said nothing, but turned away and kept walking.
“You hear me? We have to start the morphine. I’ll call the office and we will have the morphine started. Now, I need you to be strong for me, you hear?”
Strong? Lydia was strong. Jeannie was a wimp. The day she dreaded most was happening and there was nothing in the world she could do to stop it. The horror was coming whether she wanted it or not.
Jeannie’s legs gave out, and she fell to the ground. The grass was still wet, cold, and hard from the morning. It didn’t matter to her. She wanted to die with her daughter. Hooty rushed to her side to help pick her up off the ground.
Hooty grabbed Jeannie and held her close. “Listen to me. You have to believe the good Lord has a plan for you and Lydia. He don’t do nothin’ out of meanness or because someone done somethin’ wrong. He does it because it’s in his plan. It’s Lydia’s time. She’s ready, Miss Jeannie, and she is tellin’ you in her own way.”
“No, I don’t want to hear that. Everyone tells you to pray, pray, pray. That’s what I’ve done my whole life, and look what happened. I don’t want to hear any more about a loving God and that this is his plan for me. I need more time with her. She’s leaving me too soon,” yelled Jeannie.
“Right now, you don’t want to hear what I’m saying. Look at your daughter. She has faith that can move mountains. A faith I’ve not seen in anyone young or old. Faith is what holds her together and helps her face the worst thing anyone could have to face. She’s the one dyin’ at sixteen and she still has faith and prays. She understands God needs her and her life is to be played out like this,” said Hooty.
“Hooty, don’t take her from me yet. I can’t bear to see her die,” screamed Jeannie. Her face, distorted and her body shook. Marsha must have heard her screaming and came out to the driveway with her and Hooty.
“What’s wrong, Hooty?” Marsha asked, trying to help pick up her best friend.
“It’s time for the box, Miss Marsha. We have to start Miss Lydia on the morphine. Her time is comin faster than we wanted it to,” said Hooty.
“Oh God, no. I can’t breathe. Oh God. Why can’t you stop this? ” screamed Jeannie. She looked up at Marsha. Her face was unrecognizable covered in sadness and despair. She rocked back and forth grabbing at her clothes trying to make the reality go away.
“Jeannie, listen to me. She needs to have the medicine. We promised her we would not let her suffer. She can’t have pain. Lydia’s getting disorientated, and she’s sleeping constantly. She needs peace and we have to help her through this next part of her journey,” said Marsha. Marsha was on the ground now holding and rocking her once again like she did in the hospital.
Jeannie screamed and pulled at her hair and the grass, still rocking back and forth.
“I want Vince. Why can’t he be here with me? Dear God, I can’t handle this,” she screamed.
“Jeannie, if this keeps up I’ll have to have her transported to our hospice facility. You cannot be carrin’ on like this. She needs you to hold yourself together. You have to stop this! You hear what Hooty is sayin’ to you? I don’t wa
nt to take her out of here. If I have to, I will for her sake,” said Hooty.
Marsha agreed. “Jeannie, I love you to death, but I have to agree with Hooty. You have to get yourself together.”
“You know I gave birth to her. I gave her life. I’m not prepared to see her life leave. I’m supposed to be with her on her first date, her prom, and her wedding. She won’t be able to have a baby or love a man or go to college. This is so unfair. Why? Why?” yelled Jeannie.
Grabbing her arms and trying to hold her still so she would not hurt herself, Hooty told her,
“You have to look at it like this. God gave you this angel for a short time. She was a gift to you from him ‘cuz he loved you. He knew when he gave you Miss Lydia the time would be a short one. She was sent down here to be with you while you made it through the horrible time with your husband. God knew you needed her, and now, he needs her back, Miss Jeannie. He loves you so much he done gave this angel to love and take care of even though the time hasn’t been long enough,” said Hooty. Marsha wiped the tears from her eyes.
“You have to take comfort in knowin’ she’ll be with you, and one day, all of you will be together again. I know it. I have seen too many miracles at death. People almost passed seein’ loved ones and talkin’ to them. Like givin’ birth to Miss Lydia was a miracle, bein’ with her while she passes to the other side is goin’ to be a miracle, too. She needs to be at peace when she goes. She needs to not be in pain so she can transition to the other side peacefully. It’s inevitable, Miss Jeannie. It’s happenin’ faster than any of us thought. Now we have to get our butts back down there and give Miss Lydia her morphine and be with her through this like strong women. She’s the lucky one, don’t you know? Soon all her sufferin’ will be over and she will be in the glorious arms of Jesus. You ready?” asked Hooty.
Jeannie sat there and looked up at Hooty. With tears still dripping down her red cheeks, she nodded.
