by J. R. Ward
“Michael?” she said softly.
He let out a shout of surprise, then barked, “Go back to bed.”
“What happened?”
“I beg you. . . .” His voice broke.
“Michael, it’s okay if you didn’t like—”
“Leave me.”
The hell she would. Stumbling forward, she put her hands out into the infinite darkness, moving toward the sound of the running water. When her palms hit the spray she stopped.
God, what if she had done some harm to him? Pushed this innocent recluse too far, too hard?
“Talk to me, Michael.” When there was nothing but running water, she felt tears come to her own eyes. “I’m sorry I made us do that.”
“I didn’t know it would feel so . . .” He cleared his throat. “I am shattered. Apart in my skin. I shall never be whole again. It was so beautiful.”
Claire sagged. At least he wasn’t upset because he’d found it unappealing. “We need to lie down together.”
“Whatever shall I do when you leave?”
“You’re not staying here, remember?”
“But I am. I must. And you must go.”
Fear shrunk her skin tight. “Not going to happen. That’s not what we agreed to.”
He shut off the shower, and as the water dripped, he took a deep breath of defeat. “You must be reasonable—”
“I am damned reasonable. I’m a lawyer. Reasoning’s what I do.” She reached out for him, but met only marble tile. Turning blindly, hands in front of her, she searched for him and got tangled in the darkness as surely as if it were vines. She had a feeling he was deliberately staying away from her. “Will you quit ghosting around?”
He laughed a little. “You are so . . . assertive.”
“I am.”
The sound of a towel being worked over a body called her to the left, but the flapping moved as she went toward it. “Stop that.”
Michael’s voice came from behind her. “Were the men who loved you that way, too? Powerful and tenacious? As you were with me?”
“Can you dematerialize or something? How can you move so fast?”
“Tell me about the men who loved you. Were they as strong as you?”
She thought of Mick Rhodes, her childhood friend who was also a partner at WN&S. “Ah . . . one of them was. The others, no. And they didn’t love me. Look, let’s focus on the now, okay? Where are you?”
“Why were you intimate with them, then? If they didn’t return your love?”
“I wasn’t in love with them, either. It was just sex.” In the silence that followed, an odd kind of chill set up shop in her spine. “Michael? Michael?”
“I’m afraid I feel rather foolish.”
“How so?” she asked cautiously.
Somehow she knew when he left the bathroom; it was as if her body sensed his or something. She fumbled her way back out into the bigger space. “Michael?”
“I’ve behaved in a childish manner, haven’t I?” His voice was calm and level now. Horribly so. “To have cried over something that was . . . quite normal for you.”
“Oh, God, Michael, no.” Normal? That hadn’t been normal. Not at all. “I feel like crying right now myself because—”
“So you pity me, do you? You shouldn’t. There is no crime in not feeling as I do—”
“Shut up. Right now.” She wanted to point her forefinger at him, but wasn’t exactly sure which direction to target. “I’m not into pity and I don’t lie. Those other men are not you. They have nothing to do with us.”
So they were an “us” now, were they? she thought.
“Michael, I know this is all so hard for you, and probably throwing in the sex on top of everything wasn’t such a great idea. I can also understand why getting out of here is scary. But you’re not alone. We’re going to do this together.”
She had no idea how it was going to work out or where they would go, but the commitment had been made. With their minds. With their bodies.
Well, wasn’t she a romantic all of a sudden. All her life she had mocked the whole consummating a marriage thing. Sex, to her, was just sex. Now, though, she knew differently. She felt for no good reason that they were tied together. It made no sense, but the bond was there and the physical intimacy had been part of it.
His arms came around her from behind. “It does make sense. I feel the same.”
She held on to his hands and leaned into him. “I don’t know where we’ll end up. But I’m going to take care of you.”
His voice was low, his vow grave. “And I’m going to do the same for you.”
They stayed that way, linked in the darkness, embracing. His body was warm against her back, and when he shifted closer, she felt his arousal. She moved her hips, rubbing against him.
“I want you,” she said.
His exhaled breath shot into her ear. “You would be . . . ready again so soon?”
“Usually the guy is the one who needs to recover.”
“Oh. Well, I think I could do that all night long. . . .”
And as it turned out, he could.
They made love so many times, the sex blurred together into one seamless erotic episode that lasted . . . God, hours and hours. Through the second dinner. Into the night.
Michael’s body was capable of orgasm again about ten minutes after he came and he was driven to explore all the carnal joys of sex. He took her every way possible, and as he got more and more comfortable, that domination strain came out in him to a greater extent. No matter how he started them off, he always ended with her on the bottom, either face up or down. He liked to hold her in place with his weight, and sometimes with his hands, making her submit to him. Especially as he drank from her throat.
And she loved it, all of it. The way he overpowered her, the feel of him thick inside of her, the clamped seal of his mouth on her throat. It wasn’t until the penetrations became painful for her that she could bear to stop him and she was frustrated that she couldn’t keep going. She wanted more of that sweet suffocation underneath his surging body, more of his power.
In some ways, although she hadn’t known it until Michael, she’d felt like a man in a woman’s body. Her attitude, her drive, her edge, all those warrior components of her personality, had never really fit the body she was in, and her interests had never been of the female variety, even when she was young.
But with Michael’s massive body on her, his sex pushed deep into her, his hard muscles straining, she gave way and, in doing so, came together within herself. She was strong and weak and powerful and submissive; she was all the yins and yangs, just as everyone was. And the warmth she felt for him was transformative, changing the way she saw things: those happy, mothering women with baby food on their blouses who she’d never understood? Those men who still got a dopey expression on their faces when they talked about their wives—even after having been married for fifty years? Those people who had so many children their houses were demilitarized zones—and yet who couldn’t wait for Christmas so they could spend time with their families?
Well, she got it now. Chaos and love went hand in hand and oh, the glorious grace of the world because of it.
The thought had her frowning. How would the outside treat him? How would he fare out of this prison? Where would he go during the day? What would he do?
Her penthouse apartment with all those windows was a no-go. She would have to buy them another place. A house. In Greenwich or somewhere close to the city. She would make him a bedroom in the cellar where he could stay.
Except . . . wasn’t that just another cell? Wasn’t she just trapping him in her own way? Because what she saw on the other side was him sequestered away, waiting for her to come to him. Didn’t he deserve to experience life? On his own? Perhaps even with his own kind?
How would he find them?
Michael stirred against her naked body. As he kissed her collarbone, he said, “I wish you . . .”
“What?”
“I wish you fed as I do. I would like to give you something of myself.”
“You have given me—”
“I shall treasure this night always.”
She frowned. “There are going to be others.”
“This was particularly special.”
Well, of course it was. It had been his first time, Claire thought with a heated face. “I think it was, too.”
That was when the final meal came. Breakfast.
Michael got up and brought the silver tray to her. As he set it down, the bedside candle flared, and in the soft light, she watched him run his fingertip over the silver fork’s ornate handle.
It was close to breakout time, she thought. And he knew it, too.
Claire stood, took his hand, and led him into the bathroom. After she turned the shower on, she spoke in a hush.
“Tell me the procedure. What happens when he comes for the women?”
Michael seemed confused, but then got with the program. “After the meal, I go to the corner and secure myself. He checks through the hole in the door. The woman is on the bed, just as she came. He rolls the cart in, moves her onto it, and then departs. Later, I am drugged. He releases the chains. And it is done.”
“What do the women look like?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Are they out of it? How aware are they? What’s their affect?”
“They are still. Their eyes are open, but they seem unaware of their surroundings.”
“So the food is drugged. That food is drugged.” Which was fine. She could pull off the out-of-it thing with no problem. “How do you know when he’s coming?”
“He arrives when I put the tray back out and secure myself.”
She took a deep breath. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I want you to chain yourself up, but leave one of the wrist locks loose—”
“I cannot do that. There are sensors. I’m not sure how, but he knows. Last year one was loose because part of my sleeve got caught in it. He knew it and made me fix it before he came in.”
Damn it. She was going to have to do this on her own, then. Her advantage would be the fact that Fletcher had to come over and pick her up.
Claire waited a little bit longer then shut off the water. After she flapped the towel around in the darkness, she led Michael back out to the bedroom.
She took the silver fork off the tray and put it in the pocket of her robe—then thought better of it. If she were Fletcher, she would count the silverware to make sure none of it would be used as a weapon.
Claire glanced over to the drawing table. Bingo.
She picked up the tray and carried it into the bathroom where she shoveled most of the food into the toilet and flushed. Then she headed back over to Michael. On the way past his table, she took one of his sharpest pencils and put it in her robe’s pocket.
She stopped in front of him and held out the tray. “It’s time.”
His eyes lifted to hers and they shimmered for a reason other than their extraordinary color. Tears hovered at the base of his thick lashes.
She put the tray on the bedside table and wrapped her arms around him, but somehow he ended up holding her. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to take care of you.”
As he looked down into her face, he whispered, “I love you.”
“Oh, God . . . I love you—”
“And I will miss you forever.”
One of his tears hit her cheek as she started to push free in a panic. But then he passed his hand before her face and all went blank.
6
Three weeks later . . .
Claire stared out of her office window at the painfully clear autumn sky. The sunlight was so bright and the air so dry that the hard edges of the skyscrapers were honed to something like optical knives, the buildings cutting into her sight, giving her a headache.
Man, she was tired.
“What the hell are you doing?”
She swiveled away from the view and looked across her desk. “Oh, Mick. It’s you.”
Mick Rhodes, former lover, partner in the firm, all-around good guy, took up the whole space between her doorjambs. “You’re leaving?” When she just nodded, he shook his head. “You’re not pulling out. You can’t walk away. What the hell are—”
“I’ve lost the burn, Mick.”
“Since when? Back at the end of August you were eating opposing counsel for lunch on the Technitron merger!”
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Which was both a professional figurative and a literal truth. She hadn’t had any appetite for the last week.
Mick yanked his red tie loose and shut the door behind himself. “So take a vacation. Take a month. But don’t throw your whole career in the shitter over what is just a case of the momentary burnouts. So Technitron didn’t go through. There’ll be other deals.”
Absently, she listened to the sound of the phone ringing on Martha’s desk just out in the hall. And the talk of other attorneys as they hurried by her. And the bird-pecking sounds of a printer.
“I’ve always loved your name¸” she said softly. “Did I ever tell you that?”
Mick’s eyes popped like she was nuts. Well, natch on that. She’d been feeling nuts ever since Labor Day weekend when instead of working, she’d slept for three days straight.
Truth was, she was worried that she was why the Technitron deal hadn’t gone through. Ever since that lost weekend, she’d been fuzzy. Soft. Anxious and distracted.
“Claire, maybe you should talk with—”
She shook her head. “Except why do you use Mick? I’ve never known you as anything other than Mick. Michael is such a . . . beautiful name.”
“Um, yeah. Listen, I really think you should talk with someone.”
He was probably right. At night, she couldn’t sleep because she was plagued by dreams and during the day she was preoccupied by a depression for which there was no basis. Sure, Technitron had fallen apart, and maybe some of it was her fault, but that just couldn’t account for her prevailing listlessness or the ache in the center of her chest.
Martha knocked and put her head in. “Excuse me, your doctor’s on line two and I thought you might want to know that old Miss Leeds died. Her butler left a message Tuesday that got lost in the system. I only found it now.”
Miss Leeds.
Claire put her hand up to her head as a wave of disassociated hatred washed through her and her temples started to pound. “Ah, thanks, Martha. Mick, I’ll talk to you later. I think Friday’s my last day, by the way. I haven’t totally decided.”
“What? You can’t take off that fast.”
“I’ve drafted a list of my files and clients and the status of everything. I’ll let the rest of you fight over them.”
“Jesus Christ, Claire—”
“Shut the door on your way out. And Martha, please find out the where and when on Miss Leeds’s funeral, please.”
When she was alone, she picked up the phone. “This is Claire Stroughton.”
“Please hold for Dr. Hughes.”
Claire frowned and wondered what she needed to talk to the doctor about. The tests she’d had done yesterday weren’t supposed to be back for several days—
“Hi, Claire.” Emily Hughes was typically to the point. Which was why Claire liked her. “I know you’re busy so I won’t waste your time. You’re pregnant. Which is why you’ve been feeling tired and nauseated.”
Claire blinked. Then rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not.”
“You’re about three to four weeks along.”
“Not possible.”
“I know you’re on the Pill. But the antibiotics you took at the end of August for that cold could have reduced its effectiveness—”
“It’s not possible because I haven’t had sex.” Well, at least not in real life. Her dreams had been hot as hell lately and probably part of the reason why she was so exhausted. She kept waking up in the middle of the night, writhing, covered in sweat and wet between her legs. Try as she m
ight she could never remember what her dream lover looked like, but God, he made her feel spectacular—at least until the end of the fantasies. They always parted at the end and she always woke up in tears.
“Claire, you can become pregnant without technically having sex.”
“Okay, let me be more clear. I haven’t been with a man in over a year. So I’m not pregnant. Your back room must have gotten my blood sample mixed up with someone else’s. It is the only logical explanation. Because, trust me, I would have remembered having sex.”
There was a long pause. “Would you mind coming down and giving another sample?”
“No problem. I’ll stop by tomorrow.”
When she hung up, Claire looked around her office and imagined herself taking down her diplomas from Harvard and Yale. She wasn’t sure where she would go. Maybe upstate. Caldwell, for instance, was really nice. And it wasn’t like she needed to work. She had plenty of money, and if she got bored she could put her shingle out and do a little legal work for private individuals. She was good at wills and anyone with half a brain could close a residential real estate deal.
Martha knocked and stuck her head in again. “Miss Leeds’s funeral starts in a half hour, but it’s private. There’s a reception afterward at the estate, though, which you could make if you left now.”
Did she really feel like driving all the way up to Caldwell? For a dead client who, for some reason, she hated now?
God, she had no clue why she absolutely despised poor, elderly, nutty Miss Leeds.
Martha pushed her sleek silver glasses up on her nose. “Claire . . . you look like hell. Don’t go.”
Except she couldn’t not go. Even though her head throbbed to the beat of her heart and her stomach was rolling, there was no way she wasn’t making the drive. She had to get there.
“Call for my car. I’m going to Caldwell.”
Claire parked at the end of the Leedses’ estate driveway, capping off a line of some fifty cars that stretched all the way up to the mansion. She didn’t use the valets because she wasn’t going to stay long and there was no reason to wait for someone to bring the Mercedes around.
