by Hope Ramsay
“Okay, we can get that ball rolling, but we need to have a plan about the cat.”
Timmy frowned. “A plan? What kind of plan? The cat can’t come to the parish house.”
“I know, that’s why we need a plan.” Mike was extemporizing.
“I thought we had agreed that you needed to find the cat a home.”
“Or maybe you could sign up for allergy shots.”
“Allergy shots don’t work. I’ve tried them,” Timmy said, and then promptly sneezed.
“You have, really?”
He nodded and sneezed again. He blew his nose and then said, “The cat has to go. I thought you were trying to find a home for it.”
Right. “Turns out I haven’t done anything about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because Rainbow is pretty attached to the cat. So…”
“Mike, if you can’t find a home for it, then the cat needs to go to the shelter.”
“No, we can’t do that.”
“Why not? It’s just a cat.”
“Haven’t you heard about the animal shelter? I mean it’s in a bad way. That’s why they’re having the auction.”
“Okay, maybe Charlene will take the cat.” Timmy sneezed again.
“No. Charlene already has three cats.” Which was a problem in and of itself. Mike needed to deal with Tigger and Winkin’, Blinkin’, and Nod. He needed time. So he brought out the big guns. Timmy always deferred to Andrea on matters pertaining to Rainbow, so he invoked the therapist’s name. “Andrea thinks Tigger is important to Rainbow’s recovery.” That was true. Mike and Andrea had discussed Rainbow’s dependence on the cat at great length.
Obviously Timmy had not, because he said, “Oh?” as if he’d never heard of Rainbow’s dependence on the cat.
“So I think we need to give Rainbow a few days to get used to this idea. It’s like what I do when it’s time to go to camp. I put on a timer.”
“A timer? What are you talking about?”
“Rainbow has trouble separating from the cat. So every time we go out, I set the kitchen timer and give her ten minutes to snuggle, and when the timer goes off, she’s usually ready to make the transition to something new. It works. I’m telling you, I’ve avoided a lot of tantrums this way. So we kind of need to set a timer on the cat.”
“Okay. What did you have in mind?”
“Let’s say a week.” That would get him past the auction. He really needed to step up his game and get Timmy to volunteer and Charlene to buy him.
“Okay, that seems reasonable.”
“Good, so I’ll call the lawyer, okay?” Mike said.
“If you like.”
Good. Now Mike was in charge of the scheduling, and he could make sure the meeting took place later rather than sooner.
Timmy stood up. “Okay, I guess we’re set then.”
“Yup, all set.” Mike gave Timmy his best poker-player smile.
CHAPTER
18
Tim sat in his office Monday morning staring out his window at the church’s side lawn, which had been overtaken by a group of Bible campers. The children were stretched out on the grass with their eyes closed. No doubt the counselors were having the children commune with nature.
Right now Tim was communing with his own nature. Now that he’d made up his mind he wanted to move forward. The delay bothered him.
So he called Andrea, and to his astonishment, she’d endorsed Mike’s cat plan. She even praised Mike for being so creative. She also warned that it might not be so easy to separate Rainbow from her cat.
She suggested that it might take more than a week.
“He won’t stay longer than that,” Tim said.
“He might surprise you.”
“He’s a gambler. He loves money too much. There’s a passage in Ecclesiastes that says it best. Whoever loves money never has money enough.”
“You think he loves money?” Andrea asked.
“Of course.”
“Hmmm. Could have fooled me. I got the impression that he loved Rainbow.”
That stopped Tim right in his tracks. “Then why is he giving her up?”
“That’s an excellent question, Tim. Maybe you can help him figure that one out.”
After she laid that bombshell on him, she had the temerity to tell him that her next patient had arrived. She hung up, leaving him alone to ponder her question all on his own.
He was brooding about it when Wilma Riley came striding into his office. She dropped into the chair facing his desk. “Pastor Tim,” she said in her gravelly voice, “it has come to my attention that you have not volunteered for the Allenberg Animal Rescue Committee’s gala fund-raiser next Saturday. I’m here to sign you up.”
Oh, boy, he needed this like a hole in the head. “Are you talking about the bachelor auction?”
“I am.” She reached into her oversized purse and pulled out some papers. “Here are the entry forms.”
“I’m not participating in a bachelor auction.”
“Why the hell not?”
He scowled at her. “Really, Wilma, we’re in a church.”
“Oh, sorry. Why the heck not?”
“Because it’s…” He didn’t really have a word for it.
“Oh, come on, Pastor Tim, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed?”
“No, that wasn’t the word I was looking for. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a clergyman to participate in something like that.”
“Something that’s raising money for animal welfare? I’ve noticed you don’t have any pets. Are you antipet or something?”
Guilt had his face growing hot. Hadn’t Mike gotten all over him last night when he’d suggested that Rainbow’s cat should be taken to the shelter?
“No, I’m just allergic. Violently allergic to cats. Which reminds me, I need your help finding a home for Rainbow’s cat. I don’t want her to end up in the shelter.”
“You’re going to take the cat away from the child?”
Oh, boy, everyone had an opinion, and it seemed that they all agreed with Andrea. It was the first time that he and Andrea hadn’t seen eye to eye on something. But then, she didn’t understand how it felt to be that allergic. “I have no other choice. I can’t be in the same room with a cat. They make my eyes weep, and I sneeze, and sometimes they trigger an asthma attack. So I need a plan for the cat, Wilma. Not a lecture.”
“Oh, you poor thing. I’ll talk to Angel and see if he has any ideas. But your allergies notwithstanding, we still need you to step up and help. You’ve heard about what the county is planning to do to our shelter?”
He shook his head, which was a big mistake because Wilma launched into a tirade about Dennis Hayden and all the little kittens and puppies that were being euthanized. And then she leaned in. “Pastor Tim, can I be frank?”
He nodded. He’d never known Wilma to be anything other than ruthlessly frank.
“I think participating would be good for your image,” Wilma said.
“My image?”
“Yes. I’m afraid you are widely regarded as something of a bore.”
“A bore?”
She cocked her head and gave him her “give no quarter” look. “I’m afraid so. You’re putting people to sleep with your sermons, and you aren’t ever going to find a wife if you don’t spruce yourself up some. You’re a good-looking guy, but kind of dull.”
“I’m happy being dull.”
“No, you’re not. In fact, you’ve become much sexier now that Mike Taggart has arrived. I’ve heard all about how you rushed down to the county building to protect the little girl yesterday. That’s very seductive stuff, you know, especially since you aren’t really a pet person. Everyone thinks you’re going to make a terrific father for Rainbow.”
He had no idea what Wilma was trying to say, but his patience had officially been tried. “I’m not going to participate in the auction, and I don’t see why there’s any connection to Mike and Rainbow and this event.”
Wilma heaved a big sigh. “Look, Tim, I hate to tell you this, but it’s all over town that Miriam Randall said that something magical is supposed to happen to you at the auction.”
“Magical?”
“Okay, maybe I should say matrimonial. So you can’t sit this one out. You’ve got to go and meet your soulmate, especially since you’re about to become a daddy. I’m not much of a believer in marriage, but I do think that every child should be brought up in a home with a momma and a daddy. So you need to go find Rainbow a momma. And that’s especially true if you’re planning to take away her cat.”
Finding a mother for Rainbow would be a good thing, but he doubted that he’d manage that at a bachelor auction. He was about to tell Wilma this when his phone rang. He opted to answer the phone rather than continue his argument.
Big mistake. “Pastor Tim?” The voice on the other end of the line was unmistakable.
“Elsie. What can I do for you?”
“You can sign up for the bachelor auction,” she said.
“Did you plan this with Wilma?” he asked.
“No, has she called you about this?”
“She’s right here in my office.”
“Really? I guess that’s because she’s an animal lover. But look here, Pastor Tim, Miriam Randall says you’re going to find your soulmate at the auction. So you need to be a part of it.”
Tim cast his gaze out the window toward the campers lying in the grass. He wished mightily that he could escape out there like those kids. But no, he was stuck here in his office where every busybody in his congregation would be stopping by to urge his participation in the AARC fund-raiser.
He didn’t believe in what the folks in Last Chance said about Miriam Randall. But that didn’t make one iota of difference. If the female members of his congregation believed that the Lord wanted him to participate in this auction, then he’d better darn well do it.
“You tell the Altar Guild I’m in,” he said on a long breath.
“Oh, good. I knew you’d see the light.”
But later, as he was filling out the form, he began to second-guess himself. What if some hussy with loose morals purchased him? How would he ever live it down?
He bowed his head and prayed like he had never prayed before. Maybe the ladies of the Guild were right and the Lord had a plan for him. Otherwise this had disaster written all over it.
On Tuesday afternoon, Angel was having a latte at the Garden of Eatin’ when Elsie Campbell marched into the place and sat down at his table. “We have a problem,” she said.
Angel had many problems at that moment, most of them involving Dr. David Underhill and whether he should buy him at the auction scheduled for Saturday night, but he doubted that Elsie’s problem corresponded to his.
“What is it?” he asked as he took a sip of his drink.
“Pastor Tim hates cats.”
“I am sorry for him. But what do you want me to do about it?”
“Don’t tell me that you haven’t heard the news.”
“What news? I have been preoccupied with caterers and florists.”
“Miriam says that Pastor Tim and Charlene Polk are destined to find love at the auction. But someone left three kittens on Charlene’s front steps. And you know how allergic Pastor Tim is to cats.”
Angel almost choked on his coffee. “Miriam says Pastor Tim and Charlene Polk are soulmates?”
Elsie nodded, joy in her eyes. “Yessir, that’s what I’ve heard. So we need to get busy and find homes for all those cats. Although I don’t think the little girl wants to give up her cat, bless her heart. But she’ll be getting a mommy and daddy, and that’s better, don’t you think? And I’m ready to murder the person who put those kittens on Charlene’s front steps. Their timing could not have been worse.”
Angel put his cup down. “Oh, boy,” he muttered.
Elsie frowned at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Elsie, I am afraid that I am the one who delivered those kittens.”
“You?”
“Me. I thought they would be good for Charlene. Her cat died a little while ago, and she has been having trouble moving on. She needed a little kick in the behind.” He also thought they might distract her from the pain of realizing that Dr. Dave was gay. But telling Elsie that would be like tweeting the news to the entire population of South Carolina.
Elsie gave him a look that could kill. “I guess I can understand your motives, Angel, but Charlene needs Pastor Tim and Rainbow more than she needs three kittens. And I say this as an animal lover. Where did you get them?”
“Daniel Jessup found them in the barn on the old Carpenter place. Their mother had abandoned them, or met her fate under the wheels of someone’s car. Anyway, he called me when he found them.”
“We’ll just have to find other arrangements for them.”
“Elsie, have you talked to Charlene about this? I think she loves those kittens.”
“That may be, but they’re standing in the way of her happiness, and since you’re the one who left them on her doorstep, you’re the one who needs to set things right. Every Methodist in town will thank you for it.” She stood up and folded her arms across her chest. “And while you’re at it, we need a home for the girl’s cat, too. This is really important, Angel, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it, seeing as our animal shelter is not exactly up to snuff.”
“I will do what I can,” he said.
Elsie left the Garden of Eatin’ in a hurry. Angel took the time to finish his latte. Then he headed down to the Knit & Stitch, where the Purly Girls would soon be gathering for their weekly Tuesday charity knitting meeting.
Most of the girls had already arrived by the time he strolled into the shop. Charlotte Polk, Luanne Howe, and several other ladies had come over on the Senior Center bus. And as he had hoped, Miriam Randall and her niece Savannah were both there as well.
Pat Canaday, the shop’s owner, was busy pouring sweet tea and handing out red velvet cupcakes when he arrived. Once the refreshments were disbursed, Angel made himself useful by helping the old ladies cast on their latest project—hats for the Hatbox Foundation, an organization that gives handmade hats to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy.
“So,” he said, once everyone had settled into their knitting, “the Methodists are all excited about the news that Pastor Tim is about to fall in love.”
“Who told you that?” Miriam said.
“It is all over town that you said it was going to happen at the auction on Saturday,” Angel said.
Miriam stared at him through her rhinestone trifocals. Savannah gave him an equally sober look. Oh, boy. Once again the church women of Last Chance had, perhaps, misinterpreted something Miriam had said. “This is not so?” he asked.
“I don’t remember saying anything about Pastor Tim or the auction.”
“No?” He cast a glance at Savannah, who had turned toward her aunt with a little frown. Miriam looked particularly frail today, her gaze a little cloudy. It made Angel sad to see the dementia setting in. She was not the woman she had been a year ago, when Angel had first come to town.
“Aunt Mim, I do think you spoke with Pastor Tim’s brother. Dash said he came by the house a week ago or so,” Savannah said.
“I don’t think so. Dash must be mistaken.”
Savannah let out a big breath. She leaned in toward Angel and whispered. “I think she did speak with Mr. Taggart. But I don’t have any idea what she might have told him.”
“What is she supposed to have said?” Pat asked.
“Elsie Campbell seems to think Pastor Tim is going to fall head over heels in love with Charlene Polk at the auction on Saturday,” Angel said.
“What?” This from Charlotte. “There is no way my niece is marrying a Methodist minister. My father would spin in his grave. My family has been Episcopalians since we were Anglicans.” This made no sense if you did not already know that Charlotte was a proud member of the DAR.
&nb
sp; “Charlotte, I am not sure it would be a good match for other reasons. Pastor Tim is allergic to cats, and Charlene has three of them,” Angel said.
“Oh, that’s not good,” Miriam said, shaking her head.
“What? She’s marrying cats?” Luanne said. “That’s unusual, isn’t it?” Luanne was more senile than the rest of the girls.
“No, Luanne, she’s marrying a Methodist, and that’s practically unheard of,” Charlotte said.
“You know,” Angel said to no one in particular, “I am starting to wish I had never come up with this idea of a bachelor auction. It is all getting very complicated.”
“Of course it is,” Savannah said.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means your soulmate is closer than you think. You just have to force the issue a little bit.”
“Savannah, hon, are you taking over the family business?” Pat asked.
Savannah blushed. “The truth is I sometimes get feelings about things. And Aunt Mim tells me that I should listen to them. And about the auction, Angel, I’m starting to think that it would be a mistake for you to sit on the sidelines this Saturday.”
“So do you have any feelings about Charlene?” Charlotte asked. “And please tell me they don’t involve any Methodists.” Thank God Charlotte asked this question before the girls realized that Savannah had just suggested that one of the bachelors was gay.
Savannah gave Charlotte a hard stare. “I don’t have any feelings about Charlene one way or the other. But I do believe that Pastor Tim may be about to fall in love. And I get the sense that she’s involved in medicine. So maybe that’s where everyone came up with Charlene.”
“So you think I should help Charlene find homes for her cats?” Angel asked.
Savannah shook her head. “I don’t really know the answer to that. All I know is that this auction of yours has created opportunities for things to happen. We just need to nudge them along. That’s especially true in your case, Angel. I feel very strongly about that.”
Pat, who was one of the few nonsenile women in the room, turned and gave Savannah a speculative glance. “Okay, this has me wondering. Which bachelor?”
Savannah held Pat’s gaze. “That’s entirely up to Angel, Pat.”
