“What?” I asked as I licked the left over strawberry juice from my lips. He shook his head and the side of his mouth turned up in a grin.
“You have no idea how absolutely beautiful you are, do you?” His voice was soft and sensual, desire burning from beneath his full lashes. I felt a blush work its way over my cheeks. I was amazed that Matt could so easily make me feel more than desired, he made me feel cherished. Matt got up and stretched lazily, I enjoyed the view from where I was reclining on the blanket.
“C’mon, I want to show you something.” He had a boyish enthusiasm and my curiosity was immediately peaked. I put my hand in his, reveling in how thousands of little tingles zinged up my arm when he helped me to my feet. Instead of letting go of my hand, he tucked it under his arm and led me to a small dock on the lake. When we made it to the edge he let go of my hand and squatted down and rubbed his hand over an engraving on the boards of the dock. I bent down next to him to get a closer look. The initials MW, HW, DW, and AC were etched into the dock along with the symbol of unity. I ran my hand over the carvings, wondering what they all stood for.
“MW and HW? You and Hunter?” I asked as I ran a finger over each of the letters.
“Yeah, we used to come here as kids every summer before my granddad passed away. Then my dad inherited it and we moved here a few years back.” He had a crooked little smile on his lips, his thoughts obviously on thinking back to all the shenanigans he used to get into each summer.
“And DW? That’s your older brother, right?” Matt nodded his head.
“Daniel,” he answered.
“What does AC stand for?” I asked, my brow furrowed in thought. Matt’s eyes clouded over as he looked down at the initials and his mouth settled into a straight line.
“Someone we all loved, someone we all lost way too early in life,” he murmured softly. My palms felt clammy as I sat there looking at the pain behind his eyes as he gazed at the dock. It must have been someone he loved dearly, I thought. A first love maybe. I reached out and placed a hand on the side of his face. He sighed deeply as he shut his eyes and leaned his face into my palm. He placed a soft, lingering kiss in my palm that made my pulse flutter. We sat there a little longer before Matt started taking his boots and socks off. I smiled, and took my sandals off as well, excited to dip my feet into the water off the side of the dock. It had been a long time since I’d indulged in such a simple pleasure. Matt’s smile widened and his eyes held mine as he began unbuttoning his shirt. I watched for a minute, struck speechless by the sight of his toned chest. He was tanned and his abs were ripped. I could tell he definitely worked outside without a shirt on. My mouth began to water before I shook myself and tried to keep from drooling. His smile turned wicked when he reached down to unbutton the top of his jeans.
“Whoa! What are you doing?” I screeched like a prude. My eyes widened and I backed up a step.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m hot. I’m going to swim.” He nodded to the lake like I was oblivious to the large body of water surrounding us.
“In your underwear?” I asked with a little less shriek this time. Matt lifted his brow and gave me an “Are you serious?” look.
“Are you saying you’ve never gone swimming spur-of-the-moment in your underwear … or even … skinny dipping?” he asked, his voice disbelieving. I broke his gaze and fiddled with the hem of my shirt.
“No ... I’m not saying that,” I muttered under my breath.
“Good. Problem solved then.” He unzipped his pants and peeled them off, revealing a very fine pair of muscular legs and some sexy, black boxer briefs. I swallowed and looked away. Everything was so not okay. How was I supposed to tell him how he affected me and how that any other time before this moment meant absolutely nothing, because none of those moments were with him? “I didn’t think you were this shy,” he said from entirely too close beside me.
“I’m not,” I snapped a little harsher than I intended.
“So, you’re scared then? You wearing your granny panties today and don’t want me seeing them?” He taunted. I swung around, my mouth open to deliver a scathing set down, but it dried up on my lips when Matt winked and launched himself in the air and landed with a splash in the lake. He came up with a whoop and instead of staying mad, I couldn’t stop smiling. He seemed to have that effect on me.
“Come on, Baby, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before,” he taunted with his eyes laughing at me. “I double dog dare ya,” he threw in for good measure. My brow raised at that. The jerk knew I couldn’t walk away from a good dare.
“Alright then.” I pulled my hair out of my clip and let it fall down around my shoulders. Matt whistled and I rolled my eyes. I lifted my shirt slowly over my head and enjoyed the sharp intake of breath I heard from the water. Ah, two could play at this game, and I knew I was no slouch. I was comfortable in my skin, but standing before Matt in nothing but my jean shorts and pink lacey bra, I felt shy. I glanced up, wondering why he had gone quiet. The look on his face erased any doubts I might have been harboring about myself. His eyes burned into me and despite the heat of the day, I shivered. I reached down and unbuttoned my shorts and then shimmied out of them, making sure I took my time.
I turned in a circle and took a bow, much to Matt’s amusement. He whistled and clapped for me and I was giggling by the time I gathered enough bravado to leap into the cold water. The cool water knocked the wind from my lungs momentarily, but the chill didn’t last long. The day was gorgeous and plenty hot enough to have warmed the water in the lake. I began swimming towards Matt, his grin infecting my mood, infecting my heart, making me crazier about him than I already was.
“You look right at home doggy paddling in a lake in your pink panties,” he said with faked thoughtfulness. I splashed him in the face, catching him off guard. He spluttered, wiped his eyes, and then wagged his finger at me. “You’d better behave yourself, Miss Michaels,” he warned. I never was one for taking advice. I heaved an unholy amount of water right into his face and screeched when he sputtered in outrage. I began swimming away as quickly as possible, aware I’d probably just sealed my own doom.
“That was the wrong thing to do, sweet heart,” he called from behind me. I hadn’t stood a chance. I’m pretty sure Matt had had an unfair advantage though, at least I told myself that to soothe my wounded ego when he caught up with me in record time. I squealed when his hands banded around my ankle and pulled me back through the water.
“Time for a payback,” he sang. His arms encircled my waist, pulling me back and turning me around to face him. His eyes were dark, his nostrils flaring slightly from the chase. I only struggled for a second before I realized in doing so, I was rubbing my scantily clad, wet body up against his in the process. I became still and rested my hands on his chest.
“Do you quit?” he asked huskily. His body was almost wrapped around mine, I felt hot all over again, my body singing out so close to his.
“Quit is such a strong word,” I murmured softly, my eyes taking in the droplets on his thick lashes, the closeness of his lips as he spoke.
“How about concede defeat, then?” he spoke against my neck. I groaned and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Defeat?” I asked hazily as I threaded my finger through his messy, wet hair. He kissed the corner of my mouth gently, before repeating the intimate gesture on the other side. He began trailing tender kisses all over my face, behind my ear and then down my neck before he took possession of my mouth in a soul binding kiss that banished all my doubts and fears to the bottom of the lake. I pressed myself into him, unable to get as close as I wanted. He broke away breathing heavily, his eyes darkened with passion. He grabbed my hand and swam for the dock, pulling me along behind him.
Matt helped me out of the water only to grab me behind the nap of my neck and pull me forward into a whirlwind of give and take kisses. My hands wanted to feel every part of him, to touch every single inch of his skin. He kissed me one last time, lingering on
that kiss like it should never end. He rested his forehead on mine, with his hand cupping the back of my neck.
“Not here,” he whispered. “It’s not good enough for you here.” I looked up into his perfect brown eyes and realized just how absolutely wonderful he was, exactly how much he had slid beneath my skin in such a short amount of time. This was exactly the perfect place. I stepped back and grabbed my shoes and clothes. I walked past Matt, and nodded to his pile of clothing and cowboy hat on the dock.
“Better grab those … you’re going to need them … eventually.” I winked and began running toward our picnic area. “Bet ya can’t catch me this time.” I threw over my shoulder, boldly. I almost made it to the blanket before Matt caught up with me. He grabbed me from behind, pulling me off my feet, giggling. He turned me around before picking me up and twirling me around through the air.
“I may have to spank you for that,” he said in a growl. My blood heated up and I melted against him, my arms wrapping around his neck as I reached up on my tip toes to murmur against his lips.
“I don’t mind a little spanking every now and then.” I nipped the bottom of his lip with my teeth and then flicked my tongue out to lick it. He tasted of sunshine and summertime—two of my favorite things. His arms tightened around me and we both crashed to the blanket in a tangle of lips and limbs. His body molded to mine, fitting me perfectly. His hand caressed my thigh, my side, the expanse of my stomach. I quivered, my body on fire, my need to be consumed by him driving me.
I reveled in the way my body responded to his, I was lost to his tender caresses, the way his tongue demanded me to respond to his passion. When he was finally inside me I knew in that moment that I never made love before. Had sex? Yes. But made love? Matt was my first. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he took his time moving in and out of me, his mouth trailing kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. When his mouth closed around my nipple I gasped, nearly coming unraveled. His gaze captured mine as his rhythm began to quicken. We both traveled to the edges of our desire, our bodies and souls joined as one as we reached the pinnacle of our passion. My body arched into his as my orgasm fractured me into a million pieces before slamming me back down to earth and into the arms of the man who’d just stolen a portion of my heart and soul.
laid in Matt’s arms under the shade of dogwood tree with fragrant blossoms all around us and sighed in contentment as he ran his hand in small, soft circles on my lower back. Then the realization of what I’d just done and with whom came crashing down too soon and too harshly. I moaned and rolled away from Matt to search for my clothes.
“Jesus, Matt. I’m sorry. I didn’t think this through very well.” I shimmied into my panties and began fastening my bra.
“What is there to think about?” Matt stepped up behind me and placed a kiss on my shoulder. I shivered, knowing I was one more strategically placed kiss away from ringing the bell for round two. Instead, I shrugged him off as gently as possible and grabbed my shorts and shirt off the ground.
“There’s a lot, actually,” I snapped a bit too harshly. Matt’s mouth straightened into a flat line as he pulled on his jeans and shirt. My body turned towards his to comfort him without even thinking about it. I frowned and stopped myself by pulling my hair back and clipping it up. I felt physically taunt, ready to snap at the least provocation. What was the most disconcerting was the fact that it wasn’t Matt I was angry with. It was me. I hated that I let myself feel so much for someone like Matt. Was it some kind of sick joke that I was falling in love with someone who was religious. My face tingled as the blood rushed from my face. Was I already falling in love with him? I clasped my arm around my waist, trying to sort through all the emotions I was feeling.
“Hey, you okay?” Matt placed a hand on my arm. I pulled my gaze from the ground and stared directly into his eyes and felt as if the earth had tilted on its side. I’d begun to fall in love with someone who could hurt me more than I’d ever been hurt before, with someone who I had no business being with. If he knew how I felt about religion …. I gasped and stumbled backward a step.
“I’d like to go home now,” I whispered, stunned. Matt studied my face with a look of confusion and hurt on his face for so long that I glanced away, unable to stand the pain I’d caused him.
“Okay,” he clipped off. He began gathering all the stuff off the ground and we walked back to the truck in silence. The truck ride back into town was as tense as it was silent. I knew if I said anything I would burst into tears, and the last thing Matt needed was a female who had just weirded out after sex to start weeping ta-boot. The silence was worse than if he had just blown up and began shouting.
We pulled up in front of Jen’s house just as it was beginning to get dark. I wanted to jump out of his truck and make a run for the door, but Matt didn’t deserve that. He deserved better than that. My hand tightened around the handle of his door and I took in a deep breath.
“Jen told me your dad is a Pastor,” I blurted out and then blushed. Matt’s eyes widened in confusion and then anger.
“You have a problem with me because of my Dad?” he growled.
“Yes … I mean … no.” I ran a weary hand over my face and sighed.
“It’s not just that … it’s the whole package.” Matt was staring at me, waiting for me to continue on. “It’s me. Since I was a little girl I swore that I’d never come back to Salem. That I’d never fall in love with someone who made religion an important part of their lives. I’d stuck to those rules and a few others … until you.” I glanced down at my lap and twisted the handle of my purse. I didn’t think he caught my little slip.
“So, you have a problem with our relationship because I go to church and live in a small town?” he asked with disbelief lacing his voice. I nodded slightly. “Why?” he asked softly. I briefly considered not telling him, but I had already opened up to him, slept with him, and started to fall in love with him. I wanted to tell him. I glanced out my window and relaxed back into my seat.
“I had religious parents. Southern, small town, narrow minded parents who used the Bible and God at every turn to tell me lovely bed time stories about hell and how little girls who disobeyed, who didn’t curb their sinful natures, would go there to live and burn for an eternity with Satan and all his demons.” I smiled sadly over at Matt before continuing on. “I remember hearing those stories as early as three or four years old. I wanted stories about fairies and dragons, princesses and frogs, but I never got those kinds of stories. When I got older, I had to try to “purge” myself from all sinful desires, which meant colorful clothing, jewelry, sweets, music, or anything that could possibly cause me to turn from a holy life. The long stick that had spare the rod and spoil the child etched into it that my father used to hit me with wasn’t the worst thing, writing verses to match whatever transgressions I’d committed until my fingers blistered weren’t the worse things either.” Matt flinched slightly, but I continued on, everything flowing forth for the very first time. I’d never even spoken to Jen about all the things I’d endured.
“It was having to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, locking away the real me in a tiny box of never ending darkness for all those years just to please my parent’s god, that hurt the most. The physical scars healed after time, but the ones on the inside, where I buried my personality, my dreams, and my very spirit … those are not so easily healed.” Matt’s hand found mine and he brought it to his lips to place a gentle kiss across my knuckles. A single tear tracked down my cheek.
“Beth, I’m so sorry, honey.” His finger wiped my tear away. I leaned my face into his palm and breathed in the scent of his skin. “So, you left when you turned eighteen and decided to steer clear of anyone who could have serious religious affiliations?” I nodded and he sighed deeply.
“That’s why this could never work, Matt. I’m screwed up. I haven’t stepped in a church in over four years and you’re a freakin’ Sunday school teacher.” I huffed and threw my hands in the air … surely
he could see the problem.
“You know that not all religious people act like your parents do, right? That they took things and twisted them, made horrors of your life in the name of God? It wasn’t right and I’d never do something like that.” His eyes searched mine and I nodded. I knew those things … but knowing and believing are two different things entirely. I never wanted to take that chance before.
“Tell me what you think about people who go to church,” he asked quickly. My mouth answered before I had time to switch the brain-to-mouth filter on.
“In a few words? Narrow minded. Delusional. Hypocrites. Bible thumpers. Hateful, mind controlling jackasses.” I slapped my hand over my mouth, my eyes wide with mortification. Matt’s eyes flashed, but I couldn’t tell if it was in anger or amusement. A bit of both, I’d wager.
“No need to hold back on my account,” he muttered with a dimple flashing. I laughed lightly, glad he hadn’t been offended.
“I just don’t see how we could continue on and not ended up hurting each other or trying to change one another. I can’t alter who I am for anyone because of religion ever again.” I searched his eyes, waiting for the shutters to drop, waiting for him to realize what I’d been saying all along was trues, waiting for my heart to break … but it never happened.
“Before you give up on what we have,” He twined his fingers with mine as he spoke. “Because we do have something amazing between us.” He raised a brow, waiting for me to acknowledge at least that. I nodded. “Let me take you somewhere tomorrow. Just to show you something.” I stiffened in my seat, but his hand squeezed mine and he gave me a knowing smirk. “Don’t worry. It won’t be church.” I relaxed a little and he continued on. “I think it might surprise you … in a good way,” he said with a mischievous grin.
Sweet Contradiction Page 6
