Matt received eight stitches for the gash on his temple and a bottle of pain pills for the nasty headache he had as a result of his lost fight with the log. Matt’s mom was not near as hysterical as I thought she’d be when we showed up at her house with a stitched up, drug-hazed Matthew and our bedraggled group. Hunter pulled her aside to tell her what had happened as I helped Matt get into his bed. Matt was out the moment his head hit the pillow.
“Sleep well, babe, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered into his ear as he snored. I left the room quietly once I was sure his breathing was regular. I pulled the door shut quietly behind me. Hunter, Jen, Pastor and Mrs. Wright were all standing in the hall when I emerged. I ran a hand through my tangled hair and grimaced.
“The doctor said to wake him every few hours to check on him since he’s had a head injury,” I said softly. I held the pill bottle they’d given me out with a shaking hand for him out for his mom. Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, holding back tears. The floodgates opened and I felt myself sway as the enormity of what I’d gone through, of what had almost happened finally clawed its way up from the back of my consciousness. In a split second I was wrapped into Mrs. Wright’s arms and I was unable to hold back the tears any longer.
“Oh, my sweet child. What did we do to deserve someone as wonderful as you in our lives?” She held me and rocked me as I cried for everything I hadn’t realized I’d had and everything I’d almost lost that day.
was finishing off a bowl of apple jacks when Jen walked into the kitchen the next morning. She was all dressed for church in a pale blue floral dress and white cardigan. She sat her purse and Bible down on the kitchen table and grabbed a fruit bowl from the fridge.
“Maybe I should stay home with you today,” she said. She looked torn, but I knew she went to church every Sunday, I knew Matt did too, and I didn’t want to be the person to hold any of my friends back from being true to their own faith, their own selves.
“No you shouldn’t,” I answered sternly. “I am a grown woman and I don’t need you here.” She opened her mouth to argue but I cut her off. “I won’t allow it, Jen. I’m fine and I’m so very glad Matt wasn’t hurt worse yesterday. I think I’m going to go and do some thinking alone today anyway. I need to think.” Jen searched my face and sighed.
“I’ll be home right after and then we can talk.” I nodded at her and reached over to squeeze her arm as I went to wash my bowl. I stood at the sink and gazed out over Jen’s backyard. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and I knew just where I needed to be that morning.
After Jen left half an hour later, I dressed quickly and hopped into my old truck and made my way out to the river where we’d been the day before. I was surprised that I didn’t feel any anxiousness as I walked over to our picnic area and then to the spot where I’d been when the little boy, Billy, had fallen into the water.
I kicked off my flip flops, pulled the hem of my sundress up to my knees, and sat down on the grassy embankment where I had been sunbathing the day before. I let my feet dip into the cool water, leaned back on my hands, and let my head fall back until the sun shone down directly on my face. I breathed in as I closed my eyes. The water rushing by at my feet, the birds singing their tunes in the trees, and the scent of nature on the light summer breeze calmed me like nothing else could. Out here I felt more in my element, more spiritual and at peace than I did anywhere else. I cleared my throat and sat up. I ran my fingers along the water, loving the coolness against my skin.
“I’m going to feel like such an idiot for doing this,” I muttered beneath by breath. I glanced around nervously before laughing at myself for being such a goon. “So I’m just going to throw this out there,” I said softly as I watched the water rushing by. “I’m not here to make peace. I’m not here because I really believe in anything in particular.” I snorted. “I really have no idea what I’m doing or what I believe. I just felt like this was something I needed to do.” I shrugged and continued on. “It’s just that yesterday when I thought that Matt was going to ….”
I stopped and took a deep breath as those moments replayed themselves with eerie clarity in my mind. “When I thought he was going to die, some things became very clear to me. First of all that I have been focusing all my hate into one thing, and that was God and religion. I realize now that I don’t hate you. It’s not your fault my dad is a twisted idiot who uses religion as an excuse to terrorize and manipulate. For me to lump all Christians and all religions into one heap because of my experiences isn’t fair. It isn’t fair for me to judge a whole group of people just because of one man. But more importantly, it isn’t fair for me to allow this cloud of impending doom to hang over the relationship I have with Matt because he believes in you. It’s okay with me that he believes in you. I know that Matt isn’t my father and what makes him amazing isn’t the fact that he believes any certain thing or that he lives any certain way. What make him so amazing is who he is deep within his soul. And my soul recognizes his on a level I don’t even fully understand, and I don’t want to screw up what I have with him because of my fears and prejudices.” I watched as a bird swooped up onto a branch close by and eyed me suspiciously. I grinned, poor bird probably thought I’d gone a bit loopy.
“Anyway, I’m not saying you’ll see me in church or buying a Bible any time in the near future or … well, ever. But, I’m willing to lay aside my differences and keep an open mind if it means I can be more at peace with Matt’s spirituality,” I whispered. A voice didn’t ring from the heavens, lighting didn’t strike me down, and I didn’t start an apocalypse, so I figured I’d take that as a good sign. I kicked my feet in the water and sat there listening to nature’s melodies with my heart feeling just a little lighter. A long while later, I slipped my flip flops back on and climbed into my beat up pick up and made my way slowly back home with my window down and the wind whipping through my hair.
When I pulled up to the house, the sun was already starting to set. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten and Matt’s truck was sitting in front of the house. I jumped out of my truck and hurried to the house. I swung the door open and found Jen, Matt, and Hunter all standing in the living room. Matt was still dressed in black slacks, black boots, and a white button up shirt from church that morning. His sleeves were rolled back and a few buttons were undone at his collar. He rushed over to me and grabbed me by both arms.
“What’s going on? What’s happened?” I asked, my eyes searching the stressed faces around me. Hunter groaned.
“I told you, Matt. I told you she wouldn’t just leave without saying anything.” Jen sat down tiredly on the sofa. I met Matt’s gaze and frowned.
“You thought I’d skipped town?” I asked. Matt’s eyes were wide, his mouth in a thin line. He’d been worried I’d just up and left him … even after the day before. I put a hand on his cheek and sighed deeply. I pushed the hair away from the stitched gash on his temple. His hands still held me in a tight grip. “I’d never do that to you, babe,” I murmured softly. A vibration went through him as he relaxed. He pulled me roughly to him and kissed the top of my head.
“I’ve never been so afraid of losing someone,” he grumbled. I looked up into his worried gaze.
“You’ll never have to worry about me getting scared off again,” I said from my heart. The truth of it echoed in my words. “How could I leave behind something I love so much?” I whispered. He sucked in a breath, his eyes wide in wonder. His smile warmed me straight through and his lips showed me exactly how much hearing those words meant to him. When we pulled apart, Jen and Hunter were looking anywhere but at us. I blushed.
“I can’t believe you thought I’d leave town before we heard about ….” I flung a hand towards Jen and her eyes widened and she shook her head in a quick, jerky movement. I clamped my mouth shut. Hunter narrowed his eyes and glance between Matt, me, and Jen, his narrowing into dangerous slits.
“Before you heard about what?” he asked in a low, dangerous tone.
&n
bsp; “Nothing,” Jen said quickly. “It’s not important.” Matt cleared his throat and shuffled uncomfortably. He didn’t like to keep things from his brother.
“How about a cold coke?” I asked the room.
“Sounds good, I’ll go with you to get them,” Matt answered. As I left the room I mouthed I’m sorry to Jen from behind Hunter’s back. She waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Tell me what’s going on Jennifer.” I heard Hunter growl as I walked to the back of the house. Awe crap, this wasn’t going to end well.
“Where did you go today then?” Matt asked as he pulled two cold cokes out of the fridge and popped the caps off on the edge of the counter. I leaned up against the counter and took one from him.
“I went back to the river,” I answered softly. Mat’s brow rose and he came over to stand in front of me.
“What made you do that?” he asked softly. I shrugged lightly and took a sip of my coke.
“I just needed to be alone and the river seemed like the perfect place to be. Had a little heart to heart while I was out there, too.” His eyes sparkled as he put his coke down and then placed both his hands on my hips. I sucked in a breath and put my coke down next to his.
“Did you now?” he murmured against my ear. I nodded as a shiver raced up my spine and heat pooled in my stomach. His hand skimmed up my arm and then hooked gently into my hair. He buried his nose into my hair, caressed my jaw line, and then the sensitive skin behind my ear. His teeth nibbled on my earlobe and the next thing I knew he had lifted me onto the counter and fitted himself between my legs.
“Tell me again why you wouldn’t leave me,” he whispered huskily against my neck. I groaned and smiled saucily at him through my lashes when I answered.
“Because I love you, Matthew Wright.” Matt growled and captured my lips with his and I melted into him. Matt pulled away reluctantly when we heard the front door slam. He kissed me once more on the lips before grabbing me and swinging be down from the counter top.
“I love you too, Elizabeth Michaels,” he whispered. “Now, I better go and get my hot headed little brother to calm down.” I nodded. I’d need to check on Jen too. We walked together back into the living room. Jen was still sitting on the couch, her eyes riveted on the carpet. “I’ll see you both later,” Matt muttered. He kissed me quickly before heading out the front door. I came around and sat next to Jen on the couch. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Jen, it was a stupid thing to do.” Jen shook her head.
“It’s not your fault. I should have told him before, I just don’t want people to worry in case it’s nothing.” She cleared her throat. “And if it is something, I don’t want to be treated like I’m dying,” she said fiercely.
“You’re not dying, Jen,” I said gently. “You’ll see when we get the test results. You’ll see,” I repeated. Jen sighed sadly.
“I’ve been so tired lately,” she whispered so softly that I barely heard. “I thought it was just all the stress of the funeral and stuff, but, it’s getting worse, not better. When my mom ….” I made a sound of distress. “One of the first things she went through was extreme fatigue,” she breathed.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I said gently. “It could be anything.”
“You’re right, and we’ll find out either way tomorrow, so there’s no need in worrying over it.” She exhaled.
“Exactly. So, let’s take this coke and turn it into an ice cream float,” I said, yanking her off the couch with me. Jen grumbled as I pulled her through the house.
“I swear I’m going to gain a hundred pounds with you living here.” I laughed and swatted her butt. She squealed.
“You could use a few more pounds anyway. Now, get the ice cream out and I’ll grab the glasses.
“Aye-aye, capt’n.” Jen saluted.
Ice cream was an effective distraction from all the worries that were plaguing us—a welcome one.
en and I kept busy all day, waiting for the phone call we both wanted and dreaded at the same time. We cleaned the house, even though it wasn’t really messy. A full out spring cleaning ensued as we pulled curtains down, emptied out closets, and reorganized the entire pantry. When Matt showed up at two o’clock that afternoon, we were both worn out. We were supposed to all meet at the house as a show of support and strength for Jen. Jen’s eyes searched behind Matt, but Hunter hadn’t come with him. Her eyes flashed with hurt before she could slip her unaffected mask back into place. Two hours later, Matt was probably wishing he’d stayed at work after Jen had him rearrange furniture in the living room and the guestroom.
“We should make some food,” Jen suggested.
“I could use some food right about now,” Matt grumbled. I smiled and went to wash my hands off in the sink. Jen pulled out the stuff to make some burgers.
“Should I make enough for Hunter?” She asked nonchalantly. Matt glanced over at me before quickly looking down at the floor.
“Matt?” Jen asked quietly.
“He’s gone,” Matt blurted. I blinked several times and saw Jen out of the corner of my eye place a hand on the counter for support.
“What do you mean he’s gone?” I asked in confusion. Matt rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, looking very uncomfortable.
“I mean … he’s gone. He packed a bag last night and left town for a while.” Jen’s face paled and I walked over to her to put a hand on her shoulder. I really hadn’t realized how much Hunter actually meant to her. What a friend I was turning out to be. “I’m sure he won’t be gone long,” Matt said reassuringly. Jen didn’t even look at him.
“Did he say when he’d be back?” She spoke softly. Matt’s jaw clenched and he shook his head no. “Well, then burgers for three,” she said matter-of-factly. I glanced over at Matt and raised a palm. What the heck? He only shrugged and looked as miserable and uncomprehending as I felt.
We enjoyed almost half our meal when the telephone rang. We froze in our seats, our food completely forgotten in our hands. Jen stood mechanically and walked over to the wall and stared at the phone as it rang several more times. I stood up and walked over to her and put a hand lightly on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and placed a shaking hand on the receiver before picking it up to answer.
“Hello?” she answered. “This is Jennifer Collins speaking.” I stood there with my heart beating a tattoo in my chest, listening to Jen make noncommittal sounds and answers into the phone for what seemed like an eternity, but could have only been moments. She placed the phone back in its cradle and then walked back over to her seat and sunk into it without looking at either of us. I walked over next to her and then glanced over at Matt to try and find out what I should do. He looked just as lost as I felt. Jen bowed her head and tears began running down her cheeks. She started crying in earnest, letting giant sobs wrack her body. Oh no.
I knelt down and began rubbing her back in small circles. My heart nearly broke in two, but I couldn’t be weak, Jen needed me more than ever at that point.
“I’m so sorry, Jen.” I gasped out, trying to hold back my own tears. “Don’t worry. We’ll get the best doctors, look into the best treatments, whatever it takes. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” Jen made a horrible sound in the back of her throat before she broke out in hiccupping cries. Then, I heard her laughter. Matt stood up from the table, clearly at a lost as what to do with a hysterical woman crying and laughing in the room. His forehead crinkled up and he ran a hand roughly through his hair. Jen began shaking her head back and forth. I didn’t know what to say, I was at a loss for words.
“I … I’m … fine,” Jen blubbered. My hand froze and I straightened up.
“What did you say?” I asked with a gasp. Jen smiled through her snot and tears and grabbed my hand tightly in hers.
“I don’t … have … cancer,” she hiccupped. She doesn’t have cancer, I thought with my mind reeling. Matt was grinning from ear-to-ear and Jen was alternating betwee
n laughs and sobs. My heart stood still for a second before her words truly sunk in. I whooped and threw myself at her. We held each other tightly, laughing and crying from our happiness. Jen pulled up the hem of the apron she wore and wiped her face off.
“The doctor wants me to come in for some blood work and tests because of the fatigue and such to rule out other serious things because of my family’s medical history, but cancer has been ruled out.” She blew her nose and smiled broadly through her runny mascara. I hugged her again before Matt helped me up off of my knees.
“We should celebrate,” I announced. Jen barked a laugh.
“Let me guess … will it have to do with ice cream?” Jen asked sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at her and shrugged. Ice cream made everything better, everyone knew that. Matt cleared his throat. His face was both overjoyed and terrified at the same time. My forehead crinkled. What had I missed now?
“I was going to wait to do this, but since we all have so much to be thankful for and so much to celebrate about ….” He knelt down on one knee and Jen gasped out with an “oh my god” escaping her lips and her eyes bugging out of her head. My head felt fuzzy and I could swear my fingers went numb with shock. He pulled a ring out of his back pocket and held it up as he took my hand in his.
“Beth, I know we haven’t known each other long. I know things haven’t been perfect and I can’t promise you that they ever will be, but, what I can promise you is that I will love you until the day I die and even beyond that.” Tears spilled over my cheeks and my heart skipped a beat. “I never knew how incomplete my life was until you came strutting into it, bringing your sunshine along with you and shining it into my heart and banishing the emptiness that had been there before my soul danced with yours.” I smiled and placed a hand on his cheek. I’d never know what I did to deserve the man that was kneeling at my feet. “I guess I said all that to ask this simple question: Beth, will you marry me and make many, many little stubbornly beautiful baby Beths with me?” I laughed as I leaned down to place a soft kiss on his lips.
Sweet Contradiction Page 12
