by Susan Stoker
“I want to. I’m just…nervous,” Erin told him.
“I’m not going to tell you nothing will happen, because I’m a guy, I hope something does happen. But I’m not going to pounce on you in the middle of the night. We’re still taking things slowly. I want you to be completely comfortable with me before we make love. I can’t deny I want to touch you, but we’ll go at your speed. But I absolutely want to hold you in my arms until we both fall asleep. I want to wake up and roll over and see you next to me. I want to brush my teeth, shower, and eat breakfast, with you by my side.”
Erin swallowed hard. “You make it sound so easy.”
“I’m sure there will be adjustments we’ll both have to make. I’m used to living on my own, leaving the toilet seat up.” He grinned at her. “But for the first time in my life, I want to be around someone else. When you’re not here, I’m thinking about you. Wondering when I can see you again, looking forward to it. We don’t have to jump into living together full time. Just every now and then. Please?”
“I guess it would save time in the mornings,” Erin mused. “You wouldn’t have to come all the way to my apartment to pick me up before our runs.”
Conor frowned and he loosened his hold on her. “If you don’t want to, it’s okay.”
Erin quickly put her hand on Conor’s scruffy cheek. “I didn’t mean it like that. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. But don’t blame me when you’re surprised at how awful I look in the mornings.”
“Oh, bright eyes, you couldn’t disappoint me if you tried. And the thought of you with messy hair, a sleepy look in your eyes as you turn over to look at me after waking up in my bed, on my sheets…yeah, awful is the last word I’d use.”
“I have one question before I agree,” Erin said, keeping her face blank of any emotion.
“What?”
“Do you snore? Because if you do, that’s a deal breaker.”
Conor snorted and began to tickle her. “You little snot,” he said.
“Stop! I’m so ticklish!” Erin cried as she squirmed and wiggled to try to get away from Conor’s fingers. She laughed and pushed at his hands.
Before she knew it, Conor had maneuvered them onto the floor so she was straddling his waist and he was under her. He plunged his fingers into her hair and held her head still as he said softly, “I want you in my bed, Erin. Even if all we do is sleep. I love you.”
“I’ll stay,” she told him, holding on to his wrists.
They stayed like that for a long moment. Erin knew it was the beginning of a shift in their relationship. Over the last month, Conor had been sweet. They hadn’t done much sexually since that amazing orgasm in her kitchen except kiss. But somehow, she knew that was about to end.
Conor stretched and put his hands under his head, as if he was completely relaxed. “Touch me,” he said, although it came out more as an order than a simple request.
“Where?” Erin asked.
“Anywhere. Everywhere. You said you hadn’t seen a man before, well, now’s your chance. I’m yours, Erin.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you trying to manage me?”
He chuckled. “Maybe a little. But I figure if you’re comfortable with me, touching me, seeing me naked, then it’ll be easier for you when the time comes.”
“Nothing is going to make it easier to let you see me without my clothes on.”
“If it takes ten years, that’s what it takes. There’s no time limit, bright eyes.”
It was the perfect thing to say and exactly what Erin needed to hear. She wasn’t thrilled at all about having Conor see her—hell, she couldn’t even comfortably look at herself—but she wanted him. All of him. She really wanted him to make love with her. And in order to get that, she had to let go of some of her preconceived notions about what was and wasn’t beautiful.
She decided at that moment to ignore the nasty voice inside her head that said she was hideous and ugly. She’d try to listen to Conor when he said she was pretty and amazing more often. It wouldn’t be easy, but she’d lost over three hundred pounds and she hadn’t thought she could do that either.
Without a word, she placed her hands on Conor’s stomach and ran them up his chest to his shoulders, then back down. She did it several times and, on the fourth pass, moved so her hands were under his shirt when she stroked upward.
His warm skin felt wonderful against her palms. He inhaled deeply as she rubbed over his nipples, but he didn’t move his hands from under his head. On the way back down, Erin stopped at his nipples and began to play with them, as he’d done to her several times before.
His pupils dilated as he stared up at her.
“You like this,” Erin said in awe.
“No, bright eyes. I love this.” He moved then, reaching for the hem of his shirt and arching his back so he could rip it off. Then he resumed his earlier position, his fingers linked together under his head.
Conor lay under her, completely bare to her gaze. Erin almost didn’t know where to look or touch first. She resumed their exploration. She ran her hands over every inch of his chest, learning what he liked and what made him squirm. “What do they call this? A happy trail?” Erin asked, more to herself than Conor as she ran an index finger over the hair visible above the waistband of his jeans.
“God, yes,” Conor moaned as her finger traced the edge of his jeans along his stomach.
She scooted back a bit and marveled at the size of the bulge in his pants. Being brave, Erin put her hand over his erection. “You’ve given me an orgasm, but I didn’t get to return the favor,” Erin said softly, asking permission without coming right out and asking if she could undo his pants.
In response, Conor’s hands slowly moved down his body, and he undid his button and the zipper on his jeans. “Lift up,” he ordered.
Erin came up on her knees and watched with wide eyes as Conor shoved his jeans and boxers down without hesitation. She couldn’t believe he’d exposed himself to her as easily as he had.
His pants were only at his thighs, but he settled his ass back on the floor and looked up at her calmly. “I’ve dreamed about your hands on me, bright eyes.”
Erin swallowed hard. She could feel her pulse beating overtime at her throat and knew she was probably blushing bright red.
“Does it hurt?” she asked softly as she settled back down on his thighs. His cock was bright red and the smooth mushroomed head was shiny with his excitement. It curled upward toward his belly button and the hair around the base was trimmed short. She wasn’t sure if it was beautiful or scary.
“Not like you think. Touch me. Please.”
Erin looked away from his dick for the first time. Conor was watching her closely. She swallowed hard and looked back down his body. She slowly reached out a hand and lightly gripped his dick. He was warm against her palm. She stroked him from the base to the tip and back down again.
Conor groaned.
Erin glanced up and saw he’d thrown his head back and was grimacing.
She loosened her grip on him, but kept stroking.
His eyes opened and he looked up at her. Then he reached down and wrapped his own large hand around hers on his cock. Erin’s heart was beating so hard she had the brief thought that if she looked down, she’d be able to see it pulsing under her shirt. Her thoughts returned to the large, hard man under her when he moved his hand, taking hers with it until they were both stroking his rock-hard dick.
“I’ve never felt anything as amazing as your hand on me,” Conor said softly. “You don’t have any calluses and it’s so tiny compared to mine.”
“My hand isn’t tiny, you’re just…big,” Erin protested.
He chuckled. “Thanks for the compliment. I just meant, I’m used to my own hand, feeling yours on me is a dream come true. I’ve gotten myself off so many times in the last few months, imagining this moment right here, that I couldn’t have held back that moan if my life depended on it. Don’t be afraid when you have your hands on me. Unless you s
trangle my dick or dig your nails in, anything you do will feel good. Holding me this tightly doesn’t hurt, bright eyes. In fact, the only thing I can imagine that would feel better is pushing inside your tight, hot body.”
Erin couldn’t take her eyes off their hands. Conor was squeezing them around him much harder than she ever would have. Each time their hands reached the tip of his cock, he moved her palm over the pre-come leaking out of his body so on the down stroke, his natural lubrication eased their way.
“Use your other hand to caress my balls,” he ordered, not slowing his movements. “But be careful, they’re really sensitive at the moment.”
Erin was glad he was helping her. She wanted to give him pleasure, but had no idea how. She took the fat globes in her other hand and again, was surprised at their feel. They were warm and soft. She gently squeezed them, and Conor’s ass came up off the floor and he moaned again.
Erin didn’t panic this time, just smiled as she did it again and got a similar reaction.
“I’m going to drop my hand,” Conor told her as he did just that. “Keep going. Faster. Yeah, bright eyes, just like that. God, you’re amazing,” he praised as she continued to stroke him.
“I’m not going to last. You feel too good and I’ve dreamed about this so often. Faster, just at the tip. Oh yeah…right there…press against the base of my dick…fuck…yeah…right there, harder…I’m coming,” Conor groaned.
He didn’t need to tell her, Erin could tell. She was watching him carefully and felt his balls tighten up in her palm. She felt the blood pulsing in his cock and she pointed the tip at his stomach right as he started to come.
It was erotic as anything she’d ever seen, much more so than the videos she’d watched online. Conor’s entire body stiffened as he exploded in several small spurts. His nipples were hard little rocks on his chest and as he pulsed in her palm, Erin slowed her strokes. Eventually she just held him tightly as his chest moved up and down and he tried to catch his breath.
His eyes were closed, and while he wasn’t watching her, she let go of his balls and brought her index finger up to his belly. She swiped through his release and brought it up to her mouth. Tentatively, she stuck out her tongue and tasted him. After a moment, she put her entire finger in her mouth and sucked his release off. It wasn’t exactly good, but it wasn’t horrible either.
“Verdict?” Conor asked, the humor easy to hear in his voice.
Erin’s eyes swung up to his face and she blushed, realizing that he’d seen her taste him. She tried to be nonchalant. “It’s not terrible.”
He chuckled, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment, he opened his eyes again and said, “Thank you. That was amazing.”
“Yeah,” Erin agreed. “But now you’re…messy.”
“I need to go clean up.”
“I’ll go get a washcloth,” Erin told him. “Don’t move.”
She was somewhat surprised when Conor didn’t argue. He put his hands back under his head and nodded.
She stood on shaky legs and turned to head down the hall to his bathroom. She grabbed a washcloth and waited until the water warmed to get it wet. Then she headed back to where she’d left Conor.
He was still lying on the floor next to the couch. His pants were still around his thighs and his body was on display. Erin stood above him for a long moment, admiring him. He really was built. From his rock-hard thighs to his flat, muscular stomach and broad shoulders. Conor Paxton was every woman’s dream man—and he was here with her.
His cock was lying between his legs, soft and sated. It looked completely different flaccid, but no less fascinating. The come on his belly glistened in the light of the room and Erin kneeled next to him and hesitated.
“It’s okay. I won’t bite.”
Erin nodded and wiped the evidence of his orgasm away, noting the various scars as she went. Now that she wasn’t distracted by…other things…she could easily see them. A long, jagged wound here, a small circle there. He hadn’t lied, he did have scars.
She realized that she hadn’t even noticed them when he’d undressed earlier. It wasn’t that they were hidden or subtle, they weren’t. But all she’d seen was beauty laid out underneath her. It was somewhat of an epiphany. Would the same happen to Conor when he looked at her body? Would he be too concerned about seeing her boobs and…between her legs…to even care about her scars? They were bigger than his, but after ten years, had faded quite a bit.
While she’d been sitting next to him, the washcloth in her hand, Conor had pulled up his jeans and boxers. He stood and held a hand down to her. “Come on, bright eyes, it’s time for bed.”
Without thought as to what would happen when they got there, Erin placed her hand in his and let Conor pull her upright. He led her down the hall to his bedroom, turning off lights as he went. It was early, but Erin had no problem with going to bed already.
He let her have the bathroom first and Erin used an extra toothbrush she found under the sink, and then washed her face. Conor had given her one of his T-shirts and a pair of boxers to wear to bed. She came out of the bathroom and Conor immediately entered, giving her time to herself to get under the covers.
She crawled into Conor’s king-size bed and waited nervously for him. He came out minutes later, dressed in nothing but a clean pair of boxers. Without making a fuss, he turned out the light and climbed under the covers with her. He gathered her into his arms, kissed her briefly, and relaxed under her.
Erin waited for him to move. To touch her. To do something. But when he hadn’t moved several minutes later, she tentatively asked, “Aren’t we…” Her voice trailed off.
“As I said earlier, just because we’re in the same bed doesn’t mean I’m gonna jump you, bright eyes. We’re gonna take our time, get to know each other physically. If you want to touch me, you’re welcome to. Anytime, anyplace. But I’m not going to force you to do anything. I just had the best orgasm I’ve had in a really long time because it came from my girlfriend. I feel mellow and relaxed. Your touch was everything. I’m gonna lay here and enjoy having you in my arms. Feeling your bare legs against mine, your body heat soaking into mine. I’m more excited than I probably should be that your smell will permeate my pillow and sheets, so on the nights when I can’t hold you, I can still have a reminder of you in my bed. Sleep, Erin. There’s no pressure here. None. Thank you for what you gave me out there. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”
She had no words for that. Erin realized she’d been nervous about what he’d want to do when they got in bed because in her limited experience, she thought that once the line had been crossed of her touching him, he’d want more. She should’ve known better.
Tilting her head, Erin kissed the underside of his jaw. She wrapped her arm around his warm, bare belly, surprised at how comfortable it was to sleep next to someone. Within moments, she slept.
She never felt Conor’s kiss on top of her head or heard his whispered, “I’d walk through fire to fight your demons, bright eyes. I love you.”
15
A month later, they had their first fight.
Erin was supposed to go over to Conor’s house for the night. He was going to call her when he got home to let her know she could come over.
But he’d had a shit day at work. He was grumpy and didn’t want to talk to anyone, so instead of calling to tell her he wasn’t up for company, he sent a short text that merely said, Had a rough day. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Around eight, his phone rang. Conor had been working out in his guest room. He thought about ignoring it, but knew he couldn’t.
“Hello?”
“Conor? It’s me, Erin.”
“Hey.”
“Um…are you home?”
“Yeah, but I’m not in the mood for company tonight.”
“You’re not in the mood for company,” Erin repeated.
Hearing the censure in her tone, Conor answered more brusquely than he’d ever spoken to her befo
re. “Yeah, Erin. That’s what I said.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Conor, I can tell something happened. Is it your family? Are they okay?”
“They’re fine.”
“Then what?”
“I just don’t want to deal with anything tonight.”
“Deal with anything?”
“Yeah.”
“So seeing me would mean you have to deal with something.”
Conor sighed. “That’s not what I said.”
“Actually, it’s exactly what you said.”
“Then it’s not what I meant. I just had a crappy day at work. I’m not in the mood to be sociable. This isn’t about you, and pressuring me to talk about my crappy day isn’t helping.”
Erin was silent for a long moment. “I see.”
He sighed. “I’m just in a bad mood. I don’t want you around me when I’m like this.”
“So every time you’re in a bad mood, you don’t want to be around me?”
“Yes. No…it’s just not a good time, Erin.”
“When that asshole at the bar told me he thought I’d gained weight, and I was miserable about it, I shouldn’t have called you to comfort me?”
“No, I just—”
“When I learned that I couldn’t apply for tenure at the university and was ready to quit, I shouldn’t have told you all about that either?”
“Erin—”
“And when that asshole rear-ended me and I went to the emergency room because my neck hurt, I shouldn’t have told you? I should’ve kept that to myself until I was in a better mood?”
“Dammit, Erin! It’s not the same.”
