After that business was done Theo escorted Valeria up to her suite of rooms which adjoined with his. He opened the door and motioned for her to enter but he stayed in the hallway.
“If you desire to change anything in your room or throughout the house, you have my permission to do so. Only my study would be off limits for your renovations.”
She gave him a soft smile. “Thank you, Theo. You have been more than generous to us. I hope we can talk soon. I believe there is a misunderstanding…”
“I’m sure everything will be fine. Rest now. I asked for dinner to be held back to give you time to rest and refresh yourself.” Theo gave a small nod, tuned to leave, and entered his own suite.
~*~
Theo fell on to his back on the bed. Watkins was quick to remove his boots for him and at his insistence, left him. Theo put his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling with its intricately carved wood border. He glanced over to the adjoining door to his wife’s room and a wave of sorrow flowed over him that he would not ever be able to anticipate her coming through that door to seek comfort in his arms. In his bed. He groaned. Sure. He had never been tempted before and now that he had finally come to want to honor God, temptation would be a part of his daily life.
Unless he left her here and returned to London. Many marriages were like that. But he didn’t want what some had—he wanted what his friends enjoyed. It felt patently unfair that after all he had been through that he would be denied his wife’s body. But those were the terms, and with his lack of experience, it was better this way.
Dinner that evening was just the two of them.
“Have you found things to be to your satisfaction?” Theo asked as he cut his rabbit and tasted the tender meat.
“Your property and your staff have been wonderful, Theo.” She sampled her food.
“I was wondering about Dartanian.”
“What about?”
“I was an only child and found it quite lonely. I would hate to have that happen to him.”
“And you have a solution?” Her face turned a delightful shade of pink.
“I thought we could consider adopting a child. Did you hope to have more children? Would that appeal to you?”
Valeria avoided his gaze and set down her fork and knife. “I have always loved being a mother. I would never want to deprive you of having the children you desire.” She gazed at him with a boldness that intrigued and terrified him. What did she mean by that?
“Adoption would be something you would welcome?”
“There are other ways to expand a family.” She picked up her fork and moved the meat around her plate.
Theo chewed. The only other way he knew was... Now heat rose in his own cheeks. Surely, she wasn’t suggesting…? “As much as it would delight me to father my own children, I am a man of honor and would never go back on my agreement with regards to our marriage. I respect you too highly for that, Valeria.”
“About that ‘agreement’ as you call it. We really did not discuss this at any length and I am unsure of why you assumed I wanted a mariage de convenance.”
“This is neither the time nor the place to discuss such a subject.” Theo set his napkin down and rose to his feet. “If you will excuse me.” He left the room and headed to his study, closing the door. He poured himself a glass of brandy and sipped it. What was that about? He thought he would see if they could expand their family and now she questioned the very foundation their marriage was based on?
In the past she’d offered him the benefits of marriage without the legal ties and he’d refused. But that was before he understood how tragic her previous marriage had been. The fact that she would have even tempted him in that way shocked him. Certainly, she would not desire any intimacy with a man, much less one with as little experience as he had. He knew he would never compare well to anyone. The humiliation of his father and his first visit to a brothel washed all over him again.
But that prostitute had never made him feel the things he’d experienced when he held Valeria in his arms, inhaled her scent, and tasted her lips. He leaned back in his favorite chair and groaned. This marriage would be the death of him yet.
~*~
Enough was enough. Valeria pushed her meal aside and went in search of her elusive husband. She knocked on the door to his study.
“Who is it?”
“Your wife.”
Silence.
“May I enter?”
The door opened.
Theo had untied his cravat and had a drink in his hand. His hair was mussed. If she hadn’t known he was alone she would have suspected him of meeting a secret lover.
He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a frown.
“We need to talk, Theo.” Valeria pushed past him and entered the room. She had not been in his study before and loved the warmth of the burgundy leather chairs and the goldenrod colored wallpaper with soft white pattern. A large painting hung above the fireplace.
It contained a beautiful woman with lighter brown hair, hazel eyes and a sweet smile. Valeria walked over to the painting and observed it for a few moments.
The door close and Theo’s footsteps padded on the rich rug.
“This must be your mother. You resemble her, Theo. She was lovely.”
Theo was behind her. “She was lovely. She would have liked you.” His voice was soft and filled with longing.
“You miss her.”
“Every day.”
“How long has she been gone?” She turned as he sat in an overstuffed leather chair.
“Six years. She was heartbroken when my father passed. He was a hard man, but she loved him completely.”
“Do you share anything good of your father?”
Theo laughed. “His height and his ability to run an estate well. I’m a credible rider and skilled with a gun and sword, but I lack the hard edge he possessed. He always called me ‘soft’.”
Valeria came to sit down, lifted the glass out of his hands, and took a sip. She returned the glass to him. “The one thing I would never say about you, Theo, is that you are soft. Gentle, but strong. You are power held in control. Disciplined and respectful. I gather your father lacked those character traits.”
“He was disciplined. As much as he loved my mother, he could not respect her enough to be faithful. Her heart was broken by him long before he died. I would never do that to my wife.”
“Even if you have no other outlet for your needs?” Valeria asked with both eyebrows raised.
“Even if abstinence kills me, I would be faithful to you. I am a man of my word. When I spoke my vows, I meant them.”
“You promised to worship me with your body yet you withhold it from me.”
Theo stood up, his face turning red and his eyes a steely grey. “Confound it, woman! I do not need to be reminded of what I forfeited by our union. You wanted the protection of my name and you have it, but do not throw in my face what you made clear your boundaries are.”
“I made it clear? What exactly did I say that leads you to believe I would not welcome your touch?”
“You did not desire marriage. Ever. I proposed to you before. I laid my heart at your feet and you kicked it out the carriage door. If that will had not forced your hand you would not have considered me. I was convenient, available, in love with you, and easy to persuade.” He walked over the window and gazed out into the dark night.
“You love me? You hardly know me.” Valeria came to stand behind and to the side of him. Both could view their reflections.
Their gazes met in the glass. “I loved you from the first moment I rolled you off that obnoxious Reginald Fishbottom. I didn’t even know your name, but I loved you all the same.”
“You are telling me you fell in love with an unconscious woman?”
“Ask Marcus, he will tell you he was in love with Josie before he ever knew her.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
Theo’s gaze fell. “My father would agree with your senti
ment, I’m sure.” He took a deep drink from his glass.
“Your father demeaned your masculinity, didn’t he?”
Theo turned to her with his head tilted. “Why would you make that assumption?”
“Damon had the same problem. His father was bigger and stronger and put so much pressure on him. He was evil in his own right, but I wonder how much of that was a reaction to the abuses of his father?”
“You were abused as well. No man who does that can claim honor, regardless of his title or wealth.”
“Honor is important to you, Theo, and I respect you for that. You are the kind of man I wish I’d met when I was younger and newly orphaned and searching for love and protection. I never experienced any of that until I met you.” She placed a hand on his arm and tingles of heat radiated through her body. “You would have been the man I would have chosen then and you are the man I choose now. Rip up the will for all I care. Dartanian might do better without the legacy his grandfather left him—materially and spiritually.”
She turned him to face her so they were looking at each other, eye to eye, nose to nose. She smiled and reached up to run her finger along the bridge of his nose. “You, Theodore, Marquess of Harrow, are who I have always wanted and dreamed of. You are a hero of my dreams. In your arms alone I have felt safe, protected, and cared for. In your presence, I found peace. You are the first man who has made me feel desirable as a woman. Theo. I do not want mariage de convenance. You somehow assumed I did, but it was never my desire.” She ran her finger along the line of his jaw. “Your kisses are the first to ever stir a fire inside of me. A desire for you and no one else.
“You are right that I did not want to marry when I first met you. I was running in fear from my father-in-law. I did not want to bring his wrath on anyone. I could not risk being seen amongst the beau monde.” She ran her fingers through his hair. It was so soft. He smelled of horse, leather, and man. “I no longer have those fears. I am your wife and long to be so in every way.” She touched her lips to his and closed her eyes. He responded to her kiss. Her arm came around his neck to draw him closer.
When she broke the kiss, she stepped back. “I will not force you, Theo. I want you however I can have you, but I would love for this to be a real marriage. To bear your children. To experience the pleasure of making them with you.” She grabbed his glass again, sipped the brandy, and then handed it back. She leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “The door between our rooms is unlocked on my side. It is up to you if you want to walk through it.”
~*~
Theo watched her walk to the door. The sway of her hips, the straight line of her back, all drew him like a beacon. His lips still tingled from her touch and his body longed to go to her. His mind held him back. But why? She was all he ever longed for in a wife, but she was more than that as well. She was experienced. Was it that important to him that his wife be untouched? It hadn’t mattered when he’d first learned she was a widow. It hadn’t mattered at all.
Until he heard the ugliness of what she’d endured at the hands of the Black Diamond, and his son, Damon, her now deceased husband.
She was a treasure and for all she had been through she was soft and yielding and beckoned for him to join her.
So, what held him back?
Fear. Fear of having the same thing happen to him that happened that one time in the brothel that his father berated him for. As much as this woman made him react like no other ever had, would his fear keep him from being able to fully be the lover she longed for? Would he be humiliated once again?
He didn’t know if he could bear it if she was in any way disappointed in that regard. Theo drank the rest of the brandy and headed up to bed. Alone.
Lying in bed he kept looking at the door. Frustrated desire warred with fear and punching his pillow, he rolled over to face away from the adjoining wall to try to find a reprieve in sleep.
The next morning dawned dark and grey with a fog hanging low over the valley.
Theo was restless and not eager to see the disappointment in Valeria’s eyes over breakfast, so he sought refuge on the back of one his stallions. Zeus was bred for speed and endurance and his sable coat glistened in the early morning moisture as he pawed at the dirt while Theo tightened the girth on the saddle.
He mounted and took off down a path that ran along a creek bed. The horse was skittish at a canter so he let him have his head into a full-blown gallop that exhilarated and terrified him at the same time. When the horse finally slowed, they had come to the top of a rise where Theo could view all of his property around him. The neatly thatched huts. The nearby village of St. Neots in the distance. A low layer of haze obscured some of the lower pastures and their farms but above it all he saw a well-kept estate.
Theo dismounted and went to sit on a larger rock that was amongst many that someone had gone through the trouble to pile for some reason or another. Maybe an ancestor had planned to build a grotto up here at one time. As Theo took in the view he thought that perhaps that was something he could see done. It was a perfect spot.
Theo sat for a while. Alone. Always alone. But now he had a wife who’d expressed interest in a full marriage. It was what he’d always wanted. He was making himself dizzy by thinking about this. His bride did not seem to be the kind to humiliate one. He had no clue how to even begin once he walked through that door.
Maybe he needed to start with smaller steps. Touching. Kissing. Talking and getting to know one another better. Instead of forcing it, let it happen when it happened.
As the sun warmed the air, the haze that had hung over the valley dissipated. He had work to do and a wife to woo. He remounted and headed for home.
As he navigated Zeus down a rocky path, a shot rang out and the massive mount crumpled beneath him. Landing on his side the horse pinned Theo’s left leg underneath him. Theo got the right one out of the stirrup and with much effort and intense pain freed his other leg, losing his boot in the process. He checked his mount. The horse was still alive. He crawled around to assess the injury. The stallion stared at him with a wild look, unable to move. Blood poured from his heart, and his eyes glassed over.
Theo pulled out his gun and shot the horse. Now Zeus lay dead on the path and he was at least a mile or more from home. He tried to rise, and his left leg crumpled beneath him. He scanned the area. Was he a sitting duck? Would the person who shot his horse be after him? He crawled, dragging his injured leg a few feet into the woods lining the path. He found a sturdy branch that had broken off. He removed his cravat and wove it around the space where branches had originally split. Using the makeshift crutch and another tree he dragged himself to his feet. Perspiration beaded on his forehead and down his back. With determination, he painfully set off at a slow measured pace toward home.
~*~
The night had been long and lonely. Valeria had thought he would come. Could she have made herself any clearer on the matter? Surely, he did not need her to approach him, did he? He was a man of the world. A man at his station in life had experiences and would not be shy in the bedroom but a gentle and sensitive lover.
Was she repulsive to him? She didn’t think so with the way he’d responded to their kisses.
She left her room and spent time up in the nursery with Dartanian, sharing breakfast and reading some of the books that had been there for a few decades since Theo had been a child. Eventually she descended to the lower regions of the house to meet with Mrs. Brown to see the household accounts and determine menus. This was not foreign territory to her as she had functionally been the housekeeper for Damon when he had been alive. He had often claimed he liked to sleep “with the help.”
When all her tasks were done it was late morning. None of the staff had reported seeing Lord Harrow since he had ridden out earlier on Zeus. She made her way to the stables to investigate. “Hello?” she called out as she entered the shadowed building.
The smell of hay and horse permeated the air but the main corridor between rows of
stalls was clean.
An older man came forward, doffed his hat, and bowed to her. “May I help you, my lady?”
“Murry?”
“Yes, Lady Harrow.” The man was short and lean. He had probably been a jockey in his previous life.
“I’m searching for my husband. I heard he took a ride this morning.”
“Yes, my lady, he rode out on Zeus nigh on two hours hence.”
“Did he say where he was going?”
The man shook his head and frowned. “Not a word. He did not speak with me or my hands but saddled up the horse on his own and was out the door without a word t’ anyone.”
Valeria frowned. “He might be in trouble. Would you and your men be willing to go search for him to ease a wife’s fears?”
The groom nodded his head. “Yes, m’lady.” With that he turned and yelled to the invisible stable hands. They saddled up various horses and took off in the direction Lord Harrow had last been seen.
Satisfied that she had done all she could do she went to the drawing room to sit by the window that looked out on the estate. The horses disappeared into the distance. She prayed that somehow her husband was well, so she could wring his neck and shake him silly, before kissing him again.
Not too much time had passed when the riders returned with an extra person mounted up behind Murry. Theo towered over the small man, even on horseback.
She hurried to the front door and was down the steps before they came to a full stop.
“My lady,” Murry said as he held his horse steady. Two of the stable hands had dismounted and had rushed to Lord Harrow. “We found him walking with a crutch. His leg may be broken.”
“Do not scare the woman, Murry,” Theo barked.
“You have a wife now, Lord Harrow. Let her do her job and fuss over you.” Murry winked at Valeria as the men kept Theo from crumpling to the ground.
“You are hurt, my lord.” She turned to the head groom. “Would you ride for the doctor?”
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