She should demand they take her home and let Michael take care of himself. That would be the prudent thing to do. Never having done the prudent thing where Michael was concerned, Elinor remained silent as she toyed with the seam of her glove.
Sophia cleared her throat. “What will you say to him, Elinor?”
Elinor shrugged. She had no idea what she would say when she confronted him again. She might strangle him for the trouble he’d caused. Maybe she’d slap his face. There would be some satisfaction in that.
Thomas ran his hand through his hair, causing the dark red locks to stand straight up, “Have you no idea? Perhaps you could tell him how much he has to live for.”
Elinor met his gaze. “Is that what you told him?”
“Yes.”
“And yet he still insisted on the duel?” Elinor wished she could jump out of the carriage and get as far away from Michael and all the things that reminded her of him. Yet, they barreled forward toward the very man who had ruined any hope of her happiness. Idiot.
Thomas straitened his white cravat and fidgeted in his seat. “I see your point. You could tell him how much it would hurt you if he were dead.”
“Mr. Wheel, I appreciate your concern, but you asked me to do this, and I will. Do not presume to tell me what to say.”
He held up a hand, palm out, as if asking for peace. “I apologize. I am sure you will handle the situation to the best of your ability.”
They arrived in an empty field surrounded by trees. The mist hadn’t yet lifted as the sun breached the horizon. Without a soul in sight, panic rose in Elinor’s stomach. Might they be at the wrong field? The idea of Michael lying dead somewhere made her dizzy. She couldn’t bear the thought.
Searching for some sign of life, Elinor saw only leaves swaying in the light breeze.
“To the left.” Daniel pointed to a smudge of something dark moving in the fog.
The driver crossed the field, stopping several yards from the armed men.
As soon as the steps were down, Elinor alighted. She couldn’t make out the faces from twenty feet due to the heavy fog, so she closed the gap.
Four men turned toward her. Two were armed. The others she assumed were their seconds.
Michael stood to her left holding a sword. He rushed toward her. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I—what am I doing? I am keeping you from making a complete ass of yourself, not to mention saving your family from certain ruin. The more interesting question, Michael, is what are you doing?”
“I am protecting your honor.” He stomped his foot.
Could he really believe that? No, she was just his excuse for bad behavior. “My honor is well protected without your interference. You are no longer charged with its protection. You willingly gave up that right.”
“I was not willing.” He spoke softly enough that she could pretend she hadn’t heard him.
She spun and faced the other duelist. “Rosferd Nash, you should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Lady Elinor. Sir Michael issued the challenge.” Nash was as petulant as he had been when they were children. He was a fool who thought more of frippery than anything else in life. He preferred a good neck cloth to good conversation and never spoke of anything of any interest to anyone. Not even a good gossip, he only insulted those who were already suffering and therefore surprised no one with anything he said.
Elinor raised her hand for silence. “You have been insulting me since we were children and still, you do not tire of it. Now you have nearly gotten yourself killed for your foolishness. Had I known it was you whom had insulted me, I would have let Sir Michael run you through. Now get in your carriage and get out of my sight before I do the job for him.”
Rosferd Nash left the dueling field at a full run. He couldn’t have run faster if there were a mad dog chasing him rather than the words of a young girl.
The seconds bowed and removed themselves. “Damned inconvenient,” one man said as he climbed into his phaeton.
“Well done, Elinor,” Sophia whispered from behind.
Michael and Elinor stared at each other. The temperature warmed, and the fog lifted as the sun rose.
Daniel, Sophia, and Thomas backed away and waited by the carriage.
Michael swept the top of the grass with his sword. “You are not at all the woman that I thought you were.”
“No. I suppose I am not.” She pulled her shoulders back, ready to withstand anything he might say.
“You had no right to come here and interfere with my plans.” He wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“You will not kill yourself on my account, Michael. If that is truly what you want, then you shall have to find another excuse. I will not be made to live with that guilt.”
He looked over her shoulder. “Is that why you came?”
“Must you have reasons?” She wanted to slap his stupid face, then kiss away the pain.
“I admit I am curious about this new Elinor. I have no idea why she does or says anything, and it intrigues me.”
“A moment ago you were willing to die, and now you find something intriguing. I should think a suicidal person would find little in the world of interest. Maybe you just long for attention.”
He looked away. “No, it’s not that. I am nothing, Elinor. Don’t you see? I am not even a man.”
“No. You are a fool.” She walked up behind him.
“I suppose I am, but my life is such that I have nothing to live for,” he whispered.
She had to lean in to hear him. “You have a family who loves you, Michael. Your brothers would be shamed if their hero brother died in such a dishonorable way. Did you think of anyone besides yourself?”
“I thought of you.” He looked up.
She met his stare. “You thought what of me. You thought that my life would be better if you killed yourself? Is that what you thought? Perhaps you thought I would find a husband if society knew that you had died rather than marry me. Do you think I would be happier if you were dead? You are the most selfish man I have ever met.”
“Selfish!” He towered over her.
She held her ground, the Elinor who cowered long gone. “Yes, selfish.”
“I gave up all my hopes and dreams so that you could go and have a normal life with a whole man. I wanted you more than anything in the world and worked myself ragged to give you a life you could be proud of. I took that damned last mission because I was promised a title if I succeeded. Everything I’ve done was for you, and yet you stand there and call me selfish.”
“Did you notice how many times you said ‘I’ in that little speech of yours, Michael?” She was angry, but determined to keep her composure. He had abandoned her, and she couldn’t forgive him for that. Their noses were practically touching as they argued. “It made no difference to me if you had money or title. I loved you. You wanted to go off for one last exciting mission. Somehow, you thought that our life together would not be entertaining enough for you. Everything you did, you did for yourself, even ending our future together. I am just glad that I learned of this flaw in your character before I made the mistake of marrying you.” She turned and strode back to the carriage.
* * * *
Michael resisted the urge to run after her.
The angrier she became, the more vibrant the blue of her eyes. Her eyes flashed, and her hair came loose from the chignon. Still his sweet Elinor, that lovely naïve girl, but more exciting and more intelligent than he realized. Magnificent.
He was excited by this new Elinor he hadn’t known existed, stirred in a way he hadn’t been in a long time. Perhaps the doctors had been wrong about the severity of his injuries and their permanence. He wouldn’t be fathering any children immediately, but there was sensation, which he had not experienced in the ten weeks since his injury.
Pain shot through his neck. Searing pain that he tried to ignore as it crept up his skull and into his forehead, where it skewere
d him. The joy from his revelation was gone as he struggled not to collapse from the pain in his head.
Thomas walked over, allowing the carriage to leave without him. “Are you all right?”
“Perhaps I am. I do not really know yet.” Michael held his head. It might split in two. As the pain ebbed, he grabbed Thomas’s shoulder to keep from succumbing to a bout of vertigo.
Thomas grinned like an idiot. “That is a far cry better than you have been, Mike.”
Her carriage disappeared into the mist.
“I have a bit of a headache and need to rest.” Michael knelt on one knee. With his elbow resting on his thigh, he put his head in his hand.
“You are unwell.” Thomas crouched next to him. “Daniel is sending the carriage back for us. I think it is unwise for you to ride your horse in your condition.”
“You may be right, Tom.”
They waited in silence. By the time the carriage returned, the pain had eased to a dull ache.
Chapter 4
Michael ducked behind a group of trees but kept his eye on the road, where many carriages passed. Hyde Park had become his daily stop.
“What are we doing here, Mike?” Thomas asked.
Michael had dragged Thomas out for a ride in the park under the guise of needing the exercise.
“Waiting. She and her mother always ride through the park when the weather is fine.” Michael’s heart pounded.
Shaking his head, Thomas whacked at the bushes with his walking stick. “Do you mean that we are waiting here to spy on Lady Elinor and her mother?”
Not sparing him a glance, Michael kept his eyes fixed so as not to miss her carriage. “It sounds quite tawdry when you put it that way.”
“I believe it is disturbing without regard to my phrasing.” Thomas tugged on his gloves.
“I must see her.”
“Why don’t you just go to her and beg her forgiveness?”
He shook his head. “It won’t work. And besides, I am not yet ready to make that commitment. I am not quite the man I used to be, Thomas.”
Despite their longstanding friendship, they hadn’t discussed Michael’s injuries in detail. His potency was a topic he found uncomfortable. He imagined it would be the same for whomever he shared his troubles with.
Thomas cleared his throat. “I have heard the rumors, Mike. Is it certain you shall not recover?”
“I thought the damage was permanent, but lately I am not so sure the doctors are correct.” No amount of circling the facts would make the topic easier to discuss.
“I realize this is a prickly subject, but I am at your disposal if you need to speak to someone.” Another bruising hit on the bushes, and Thomas leaned on the stick.
Michael had no idea how to respond. Luckily, the Burkenstocks’ open carriage, carrying two lovely blonde women, saved him from having to. He pointed. “There.”
The carriage stopped, and Virginia spoke to a red-haired woman in an adjacent carriage. Elinor stared out the other side of the carriage, seeming to ignore the conversation, leaning her chin against her hand.
She looked sad, and his stomach twisted with the shame that he had caused her pain. Then, realizing his arrogance for assuming her malaise related to him, he shook his head. She was right about him. He was selfish and arrogant, and it was a character flaw. If luck was with him, he would get an opportunity to prove to her that he could change.
When the carriage moved off, he turned to Thomas. “Thank you, Tom. That is generous, but talking will not solve this problem. I am hopeful that time really does heal all wounds. In the meantime, I must pray that Lady Elinor does not fall in love with someone else. Though if she did, I would be inclined to wish her joy. She has endured enough at my hand.”
Thomas fidgeted in his saddle. “I am no gossip, Mike. However, I do have the ear of Lady Elinor’s dear friend, Lady Marlton. From what I have been told, Lady Burkenstock has been working night and day to find a husband for her daughter.”
Rage flashed through Michael, but he quelled it. “I should have guessed as much. The sooner she marries, the more the gossip will be controlled. Her father hates scandal of any kind.”
Thomas said, “My understanding is that Lady Elinor refuses to entertain any suitors at this time. The Earl is furious with his daughter, and her mother is in tears nearly all the time since father and daughter are at odds.”
“Will his lordship travel soon?” A plot tickled the back of Michael’s mind.
Thomas smiled. “I do not know if Lord Malmsbury’s diplomatic work will take him out of the country any time soon. Perhaps you could make some inquiries. You certainly have enough friends in high places and low ones.”
“I will give it some thought. If my health does not improve, there is really no point in pursuing this.” His emotions were a jumble.
The two of them walked their horses along a seldom-used path.
Thomas fidgeted with his reins, starting to speak twice and stopping. “Do you think your… ‘condition’… would matter to the young lady? I do not mean to pry into your personal affairs, Mike, but I should think if she loved you, it would make little difference to her. She is innocent. She might not even notice.”
She had said as much. Her father might have ended the engagement, but it was Michael who drove Elinor away. “She should have children.”
“Perhaps that is not important to her. Have you discussed the matter?”
Michael pushed a hallow laugh through his sorrow. “She has informed me that she would have been happy to raise any child, and it would not need to be her own.”
Thomas clapped his hands together. “See there. There are plenty of children in England who need a good home. She is a capital girl, Mike.”
“Yes, she is, but I will not relegate her to a life with a man who is not whole. I am certain that eventually she would come to hate me and find her pleasure elsewhere.”
“Nonsense. She does not seem the type.”
Michael petted his horse. “Three months ago, I would not have thought she was the type of girl who would stand toe-to-toe with a man holding a sword and tell him what a fool he is. I feel I hardly know her at this point. Who is to say that in five years, when she has tired of me, she won’t find pleasure with a real man?”
Fists on his hips, Thomas stared him down. “You do her a disservice speaking this way about her. She is a fine woman who loves you. It is true, she has changed since you ended your engagement. However, she has shown caring and honor. I have seen no duplicity in her character. Of course, she has been angry, but who could blame her?
“And Michael, it is none of my business, and I would not presume to tell you how to conduct your intimate affairs, but there are many ways to pleasure a woman.”
Anger flared in Michael. He jerked the reins, and the horse sidestepped. “Don’t you think I know that? But until I am whole and can be a real husband, I will not pursue Elinor Burkenstock. Not until I can consummate the marriage. She has been through enough at my hands. I want her to be happy. I know that in my current state, I can give her only misery.”
* * * *
When Elinor arrived at the Skivingtons’ ball, all eyes were on her. It was the first public event she had attended since the demise of her engagement. Some staring at her looked sympathetic. After all, the match with Sir Michael had been a love match, and all of London knew that fact. Others, mostly women with daughters of marrying age, looked triumphant, as if the failure of her impending marriage somehow gave them a leg up. Those small-minded people thought of the marriage mart as a winnable competition.
Elinor did her best to ignore them all, though with little success.
“My word, Elinor,” Lady Dorothea Flammel said. “I hardly recognized you.”
Mother had insisted she attend, and so she was there. She held her head up. She had taken special care to look her best in a daring blue gown. Mother had wanted her to return to wearing the pale pink and white d
resses of a young girl trying to catch a husband. Elinor refused and insisted on dressing in the gowns that she had purchased for after her marriage. The darker blue wasn’t appropriate for an unmarried woman, but she didn’t care. “Hello, Dory. You look beautiful.”
Dory looked down at her pale blue dress. It was flattering, showing off her ample bosom. The fabric fell straight down from just under her breasts in the newest style from Paris. “I am outdone by far, dear Elinor. You are stunning. That dress makes me think that I should go back to wearing a corset.”
Elinor appreciated Dory’s attempt to amuse. “Your mother would be pleased.”
Dory cocked her head and winked. “In that case, I will continue with my current fashion choices.”
They laughed.
The crowd stared, and some commented in hushed tones, making the room drone.
Dory linked her arm through Elinor’s. “Shall we take a turn around the room?”
Once they were away from the entry, they blended into the crowd.
“How are you, Elinor?”
“Fine,” she said.
“Have you heard from Sir Michael?”
Her heart jumped as it always did at the mention of Michael. She quashed the unwanted emotions. “Not since the day of that ridiculous duel. I do not wish to hear from him. He is not the man I thought he was. He has no honor.”
Dory’s eyes widened. “Perhaps we should speak of something else.”
Shaking away her reaction, Elinor forced a smile. “I am sorry. I am afraid the subject of Michael Rollins puts me in a foul mood.”
“Then we shall definitely talk of other things.”
Virginia Burkenstock burst through the crush, dragging a man behind her. The well-dressed gentleman might have been a sack of flour the way she pulled him along.
“Mother.” Elinor had never seen her in such a state of joy.
Virginia had to catch her breath before she could speak. “Oh, Elinor, thank goodness. I want you to meet the Duke of Middleton.”
Elinor was mortified. Not only had Mother obviously dragged this man across a crowded ballroom, but she neglected to introduce him to Dory, who stood beside her.
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