They had come far again that day. She was pensive as she walked out of the office and drove home. Stephanie realized now that she hadn’t stayed with Bill for all the noble reasons she claimed, but because she was afraid to leave him. She knew it was true. She was making important discoveries for her future life. If she chose to have one. The other option was to bury herself alive, but she wasn’t going to do that. She had already made too much progress to turn back.
Chapter 20
Stephanie felt like a kid as she waited at the San Francisco airport for Chase the next day. He had taken a commercial flight, which he rarely did, but had chartered a jet to take them to L.A. And she wanted to jump up and down, she was so excited to see him. The minute she saw him walk off the plane with his long steady stride, their eyes met, and with no thought for who might see them, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard. He knew he had missed her, but he only realized just how much when he was holding her again.
“I’m so happy to see you,” she said, melting into his embrace. She just wanted to stand there while he held her, but they walked slowly through the terminal and down to the baggage claim area so he could pick up his bag. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, and he kept an arm around her shoulders as they walked. And she was surprised to realize that there was no awkwardness between them. They had talked so much and so often since she’d been home that it was as though they had never left each other.
He had already told her that he had taken a suite at the Ritz-Carlton. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, staying in the house she had shared with Bill, even if he slept in a guest room and they never touched each other. It was wiser this way, he said, and she agreed. In spite of the changes she had made, she still felt Bill’s presence in the house, and there was so much history there. She was glad Chase had thought of taking a suite at a hotel. It was no different from her being at the Hermitage Hotel when she was in Nashville, they could still be together all the time. And they would be together at the Beverly Hills Hotel in L.A. He had booked a two-bedroom bungalow, and a cabana at the pool. But he was still looking forward to seeing her San Francisco house, and discovering her world, just as she had seen his.
She had thought about introducing Chase to Jean while he was in town, but she decided not to. She didn’t want to crowd him, or burden him with friends who would make a fuss over him. She wanted him to herself. And they needed time alone. He had been busy in Nashville when she was there, although he had made time for her. And he would be in L.A. as well. Their four days in San Francisco were going to be pure relaxation and pleasure. And it was a beautiful day when he arrived, without the usual heavy summer fog. She had told him to bring a coat and some sweaters, since it was always chilly in the summer, and he had. And she had promised to take him to the Napa Valley, and anywhere else he wanted to go. All Chase wanted was to be with her.
“Are you hungry? Tired? What do you want to do?” She turned to him as they got in her car. “Do you want to go to the hotel and relax, or get something to eat?” He just sat there smiling at her before he answered, drinking her in with his eyes. He was wearing a dark blue V-neck sweater, faded jeans, and cowboy boots. And as Jean would have said, he looked sexy as hell. Stephanie smiled as she watched him.
“How about we drop my bag off at the hotel and figure it out? Is there a beach we can walk on? I want to see the Golden Gate Bridge like a tourist. But all I really want to see is you. That’s what I came for. The bridge is second best. You’re first.” He had seen the Golden Gate Bridge before, but now he wanted to see it all again with her. She started the car, and he didn’t offer to drive since he didn’t know his way around. And it was only a twenty-minute drive to the city, past the old Candlestick Park, where the 49ers played. They saw the skyline of the city, the financial district, and the Bay Bridge as they drove into town. And they took a turnoff to downtown, so she could take him to the hotel.
She left her car with the doorman, and followed him into the lobby to check in. The manager on duty escorted them to the club floor and his suite. It was one of the best in the house. And they had champagne, fruit, cookies, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and a cheese board set up in his room. He was an important VIP, and they were excited to have him there—but not nearly as excited as Stephanie was to see him. And he mentioned to her that Michael was coming back to Nashville again for the weekend. He went every week now, unless the team had a home game.
“They’re so cute to watch,” Chase said about Michael and Sandy. Stephanie couldn’t wait to see them together.
Stephanie offered to drive him around the city to show him the sights, and then go for a walk to the Golden Gate Bridge, and he ordered coffee for both of them from room service before they went out. They sat down in the living room of the suite to wait for it, and as they were talking, he leaned over and kissed her again. It was like a whisper on her lips. The waiter interrupted them with the coffee, and as soon as he left, Chase pulled her into his arms again. All he wanted was to feel her body next to his. He had his arms around her, and she was pressed against him. They were both breathless when they came up for air.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he said, nestling against her hair, and she looked up at him with all the tenderness she felt. Everything about him felt familiar to her now. It was as though they had always been together, and without a word they walked into the bedroom and lay on the bed, smiling at each other.
“I love you, Chase,” she said softly, and as she said it, he kissed her again and gently peeled her clothes off, and they got into bed together.
“I love you, Stevie,” he said as he began making love to her. It was the most natural thing in the world, and what they had both been waiting for. And when it was over, they lay in each other’s arms. “You’re a beautiful woman,” he said to her softly, running a hand down her body still pressed against his. “What are you thinking?” he asked her, worried that it had been too soon and she’d have regrets.
“That I’m the luckiest woman in the world. And if I hadn’t gone to the Grand Canyon, I would never have met you that day.” They both felt as though they were meant to be together, and had come from opposite sides of the world to find each other.
“That was my lucky day for sure,” he said, and slowly pulled away from her. He walked into the bathroom with his long, lean, athletic body, and ran a bath for both of them. They slipped into it a few minutes later, and lay there at each end of the tub, and smiled at each other.
“Thank you for coming out here,” she said, as he pulled one of her feet out of the water and kissed it, as she giggled.
“I was going crazy without you in Nashville. Even if I didn’t have the meeting in L.A., I couldn’t have held out for much longer. My life is nothing without you now.” And then with a serious expression, he asked her the question she had been asking herself for weeks. “How are we going to work this out? I don’t want to be away from you, Stevie. Do you think you could come to Nashville and spend some time with me? We can figure out a way to spend time here too.” But at least she had no children to keep her here anymore. She was free. But she still felt anchored in San Francisco, for reasons she hadn’t been able to figure out since she got back. She wasn’t working, she was only attached to Alyson and Jean, and yet she felt as though leaving would be running away somehow. But she had so little to keep her here, except a house and the holidays she spent here with her kids. All she had here now was history, and the man she had fallen in love with lived three thousand miles away. “Why don’t you come for a while after your daughter goes back to school?” he suggested. He knew Charlotte was planning to spend a month with her before she went back to NYU, and he didn’t want to interfere with that. But he wanted her back with him as soon as she could.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said softly, and she was determined to try, but she didn’t want to give up everything familiar to her either. Her whole life had revolved around Bill and her children for twenty-six years—now she didn’t wan
t it to revolve around someone else. There had to be a place for her in his world too, where she felt useful and productive and had something real to do. “What would I do in Nashville if I spent time there?” she asked him honestly while they got dressed. He had taken a clean white shirt out of his suitcase, and put it on with his jeans. Stephanie had no other choice than the clothes she’d picked him up in. He knew she’d asked him a serious question, and he tried not to be distracted by her body as he answered her. All he wanted to do was hold her and look at her and make love to her again.
“What do you want to do? You can do anything you want. You can handle PR for me if you like. I always need help with that.” She was a smart woman, and he thought she’d be good at it. She’d already given him several good ideas about how to handle his publicity and dealing with the press. He was unhappy about the PR firm they used, and had been thinking of switching to one in New York or Atlanta. And Stephanie could oversee that. She was toying with the idea, and there were things about it that appealed to her, but she didn’t know what it would be like to work for him, or if it would interfere with what they had. Working for him would make things different. “You can do volunteer work like what you do here. Or something in the music business. I could get you some interviews.” He was anxious to help her with anything he could, particularly if it convinced her to spend more time with him.
“I’m not sure what kind of job I could do if I’m not there full time.” But she’d have the same problem finding a job in San Francisco, if she was going to be running to Nashville all the time. The one thing she didn’t want was to give up her identity and be some kind of satellite to him. She had done that for too many years. Bill hadn’t asked her to, it had just worked out that way, married and with children. And Chase was a far more powerful entity than Bill had ever been. All Bill had ever wanted her to do was be a wife and mother to their kids. That wouldn’t be an issue with Chase. “Do you want more kids?” she asked him, looking worried, and he burst out laughing.
“Hell, no. I did that when I was a kid myself. I want time with you! Not changing diapers, or chasing teenagers around when I’m in my sixties.” They had been careful, and she didn’t want any slips either. She still had to worry, for a few years anyway. And she didn’t want a baby at her age. She smiled to herself thinking how furious her kids would be if that happened.
“I agree with you. Let’s try not to make any mistakes,” she said gently, and he added, “Let’s leave the baby-making to our kids.”
“Not just yet though, please.” She thought her kids were all still too young to have children responsibly. They were still children themselves in many ways. “I’m not ready for that.” And she looked so young that even though she was old enough, he couldn’t imagine her as a grandmother. He was far more concerned that their passion would lead to a pregnancy for her, and it could.
“Maybe you should go on the Pill,” he said, looking worried. “What did you used to do?”
“What we did today,” she said discreetly. “We didn’t need birth control very often. I guess our marriage was in pretty bad shape.” She could already tell that wasn’t going to be the case with them, and she wondered if he was right about her going on the Pill. “I’ll talk to my doctor about it,” she said, as he put his wallet in his jeans, and pulled his cowboy boots on. They were ready to go, and he stood there for a minute, looking at her, admiring her beauty, and desperately in love with her. And she was just as much in love with him. She felt bonded to him now that they had made love. It was why she hadn’t wanted to do it until they both felt ready. It was too important to her to take it lightly, or have a casual affair with him. Their relationship already felt serious to both of them. They still didn’t know how they would work out the geography or the demands of his career, but they were committed to try, and making love had sealed their union.
“Well, I guess we just turned this into our honeymoon,” he said with his sexy southern drawl as they left the suite, and she grinned. It felt that way to her too.
—
She drove him down to the marina, where all the sailboats were, and they drove past it and parked the car next to Krissy Field. They walked onto the narrow beach and watched the windsurfers coming in, and the fog bank roll in through the Golden Gate. It was chilly, and they had both brought sweaters with them and put them on. Chase held her hand as they walked, and she kept smiling up at him as if to make sure he was real.
“Have you ever been to Alcatraz?” he asked her as they looked at it across the Bay.
“Once with Michael, for a report he had to do for school in fourth grade. I’ve never been back since.” But it looked cold and bleak.
They walked all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge at Fort Point, and then wandered slowly back to where they’d left the car, and she offered to take him to the house. They drove there, and she showed him around, but it felt like someone else’s house to her now. And in spite of all the changes she had made and the things she’d moved around, it still felt too much like Bill. She made them something to eat, and they shared a sandwich in the kitchen, and he told her to pack a bag. He wanted her to stay with him at the hotel, and she agreed. They went back to the Ritz at five o’clock and had high tea in the lobby and laughed about it. She felt like a tourist in her own city. Chase had asked the concierge to make them a reservation at Gary Danko, but they wound up in bed instead, and decided not to go out. They lay there, talking, and they watched a movie and ordered room service, which they ate in the living room of the suite, wearing the plush terrycloth robes that were provided by the hotel. It all felt lazy and luxurious and exactly what they wanted to be doing. They were happy they hadn’t gone out. And then they went back to bed and made love again. It was even better as they learned each other’s bodies, and they wound up back in the giant bathtub at one o’clock in the morning, laughing about silly things, and talking about their childhoods, and she told him funny stories about her kids that made him laugh. She had a way of making him happy and just feel good about life, and he did the same for her. He felt like he’d known her all his life, and they were becoming best friends as well as lovers. It was everything she had ever wanted and never had. It was so different from what she had had with Bill, which was more serious and less playful, because that was the way he was. She felt like a different person with Chase, yet still herself.
It was after two a.m. when they finally fell asleep, and when she woke up in the morning, he was in the living room, reading the paper, and he smiled when she walked into the room and sat down next to him with her terrycloth robe open. She felt totally at ease with him, as he did with her. He had his underwear on and nothing else. It was a comfortable domestic scene they were both enjoying to the fullest. He put down the paper and kissed her and asked her what she wanted to do that day.
“I thought we could go to Napa and have lunch up there. There are some terrific restaurants, and some very pretty wineries.” It sounded like fun to him too, and this time he drove, and she gave him directions as they sped along. She put the radio on, and one of his songs was playing, and he sang along in a strong, sexy, clear voice. She knew the song now and sang along with him, and he grinned at her at the end of the song.
“You have a mighty fine voice, Miss Stevie.” He had told her that before, but she was still shy about singing around him. “If you ever want a job with the band, just say the word.” He was teasing her, but he really was impressed by her voice. For an untrained voice, she had power and range. It was a perfect voice for country music, and she loved learning his songs. She paid special attention to the words now, knowing he had written them all.
They visited the Mondavi Winery, and had lunch at Bouchon, and then drove north to Calistoga, and drove past countless wineries on the way, and they stopped for a drink at the Auberge du Soleil on the way back. They sat on the terrace and enjoyed the view of the valley, and then they drove back to the city and had room service again. She loved the time they spent in bed together, cud
dling and making love. She was soaking up his affection and love. She realized now that she had been starving emotionally for a long, long time. She had just never thought about it before. It wouldn’t have changed anything if she had. She and Bill had been disconnected for too many years when he died. And as she thought about it, she realized that she didn’t feel as married as she had before. The bonds that had linked her to Bill were slowly disappearing, and were being replaced by what she felt for Chase, which was pure and clean and very powerful. She had no doubts about what they were doing or how she felt about him. She was very much in love, and she knew that he was too. It was a perfect balance and an even exchange, which was something she had never had in her marriage. She had always given more. But Chase gave just as much to her as she gave him.
On Saturday, they drove to Stinson Beach in Marin County, just past the Golden Gate, and walked the full length of the spectacular white sandy beach, which stretched for miles. They had dinner at a local restaurant, and drove the winding road home along the cliffs, and looked at the lights of the city sparkling in the distance. There was no fog that night, which she said was rare in July. And the view from the bridge, on the way back, was glorious with the city all lit up. They went back to the hotel, and on Sunday they stopped at her house to pack for L.A. They were flying down that night on the plane he had chartered. And when they checked out of the hotel, she felt as though they had formed a new and deeper bond to each other. The past four days had changed everything again. Now she felt like they belonged together, as though nothing had existed before or would come later. Their relationship had been born in those four days, and she could see that Chase felt the same way. He was careful and gentle with her, and found a thousand different ways to protect her and demonstrate his love. And she was excited about going to L.A. with him, and staying in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where the stars hung out, or met at the Polo Lounge for lunch or dinner. Sometimes she forgot that Chase was a big star too. He was something else now to her, the man she loved, part of her private life, and not a public person. But the moment they checked in to the hotel, three people in the lobby asked for his autograph, which brought it home to her again.
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