by S. C. Ransom
“About five minutes ago my amulet glowed briefly. I think some of the others did too, so I came right over to check everything was OK. Have you been up to something?”
I couldn’t tell where he was so I had to assume he could see my face, which I knew was going red. There was no point denying it. “I might have given the amulet a little test, I admit. But it was only for a second.”
I could hear Callum’s sharp intake of breath. “So it was you? Really?”
“Of course. Why would I lie about it?”
There was a sheepish edge to his voice. “I wasn’t sure if I believed you before, about what happened with Lucas. I thought it was just a coincidence that he disappeared when you pushed your amulet on to his.”
“Callum, I know I can channel the amulet’s power, and I know that it’s going to work, and I think we could do it anytime we like. We just need to decide what we want to know before we try. Would you rather wait for proof or just go for it? After all, Lucas could have been swept away in the river and never found again. We could spend the rest of our lives searching for an answer that never comes.”
“I know,” he sighed. “I’ve been thinking that too.”
“But it’s up to you,” I whispered. “I’m not going to force that one on you.” I reached up to try and find his face but couldn’t. “Where are you, Callum? Let me see you.”
“I’m right here,” he replied in a strangely gruff voice, and I felt a soft touch on the side of my face. “Are you sure about this?”
“I know it will work, I just know it.”
“No, that wasn’t what I meant. Alex, are you absolutely sure that you want me to come over? I’ll have no memories, no money, nowhere to go, so I’ll be entirely dependent on you. You need to really want this to happen, I couldn’t bear to be a burden…”
“Will you stop it! You’ll never be a burden, and we’ll work out the rest when you’re here.” I paused for a second but he didn’t say anything. “Honestly, Callum, I don’t know what else I can do to convince you that it’s you I love, no one else. What else can I say?” I needed to see his face so I grabbed the mirror off the desk and found him beside me, staring pensively out of the window.
“I love you so much, Callum. Let’s not waste any more time like this.”
Finally he turned towards me, the beginnings of a wry smile on his face. “You can be very persuasive when you want to be, can’t you?”
I laughed, relieved.
“So how do we do this?”
“Umm, as far as I can tell, we need only each other and the amulets, and to make sure that the river isn’t too high. I guess that we should check out the tides and the recent weather reports. I don’t think there is anything else much we can find out.”
“Did you ever find out what the inscription meant?”
“Oh yes, it means death of memories, or something like that. I think it just describes the function of the amulet.”
“How did you find that out?”
My heart sank. “I, umm, I asked someone who had been studying Latin.”
“Who was that then?” He smiled at me at last. “Who do we need to thank for that?”
I couldn’t tell another lie, as tempting as it was. “Max,” I whispered.
There was a long silence. “Max?” he said eventually.
“Yes, he’s just done Latin A level,” I blustered.
“You shared our secret with Max?”
“Of course not! I just asked him to translate the words!”
I could see Callum become very tight-lipped, and for a moment I thought he might disappear again. He continued to look at me with disappointed eyes. Finally he spoke. “It’s getting late, and I have to get back to St Paul’s. You must be tired too.” He paused and raised his free hand as if he were about to stroke my hair, but dropped it before he touched me. “We’ll talk more tomorrow, if you want to.”
I really, absolutely had had enough, and the words exploded out of me before I thought about their effect. “Don’t you dare speak to me like that! I’ve just told you – proved to you, actually – that I’ve got the power to help you, and all you can do is whinge about a conversation with someone unimportant when I was on holiday!” I glared at him, but before he could speak I carried on. “I mean, how much do you want this? I thought that you wanted nothing more than to escape. Why are you making it so difficult?”
Callum was staring at me, open-mouthed in shock, and I realised I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I whipped my arm away from his, folding them both tightly across my chest with the amulet tucked out of sight. “I don’t want to talk about it any more now. You come and talk to me tomorrow when you’re ready.” I turned away from the mirror so that I didn’t have to look at him, my heart racing and the blood pounding in my temples. When I glanced back a few seconds later he had gone.
I spent the night pacing the room, worrying about the effect of what I had said on Callum. It was harsh to speak to him like that when he lived in constant misery, and I knew that I shouldn’t have snapped, but sometimes he made it really quite hard. I tried not to think about how much of my mood was down to my feelings of guilt.
It must have been well after three in the morning before I finally stumbled into bed and into a restless sleep. When I woke I automatically reached for my pocket mirror, waiting for the now-familiar tingling sensation in my wrist. I wasn’t going to be the one who called first, but I didn’t have to wait for long.
“Morning,” I said carefully.
Callum sighed heavily and finally looked up, dark circles under his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m behaving like a complete idiot. It’s all just been a bit of a shock, that’s all.”
I reached over, using the mirror to check exactly where he was, and gently touched his mouth, immensely relieved that he was back. “These are the only lips I want to kiss, and I want to kiss them properly as soon as possible. Can I come to the dome later? We can make plans there as well as anywhere, and then we can get on with it.”
He gave me a brief, lopsided smile that didn’t quite reach his darkened eyes. “I suppose I could see what I can do.”
“If you can get the Golden Gallery shut I’ll leave you in no doubt about who it is I love, I promise you.” I stroked his face, feeling the whisper of something insubstantial.
Without another word Callum moved closer and in the mirror I could see he had wrapped me tightly in his arms. As usual I could only just feel it. “Don’t let’s argue,” I said softly, leaning in towards him. “Life is difficult enough without making it worse.”
“That’s true.” I felt his mouth move against my hair. “I’m sorry, really I am.”
“Me, too.” I smiled at him as I sank into his arms, my heart filled with longing and hope.
The dome of St Paul’s Cathedral was the only place where Callum appeared to be real, and then only to me. Previously he had been able to ensure that the gallery was closed for maintenance on each of my visits by influencing the dreams of the guy in charge. I wasn’t hopeful that he would be able to do it at this time of the morning. After Callum left I was getting ready to leave when I spotted the folded sheet of paper on the desk. Who was sending me such strange notes? There was only one way to find out. I reached for my phone and tapped in the number, shutting my bedroom door carefully before I pressed the call button. The phone rang once before clicking to voicemail.
“You have reached the phone of the Reverend Waters. I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, but please leave a message after the tone and I’ll get back to you.”
I snapped it off instantly, dropping the phone on to the futon as if it would contaminate me. Her again! What on earth could she want?
Reverend Waters worked in St Paul’s, and she had spoken to me after my terrible visit to the top of the dome when Catherine had the amulet. I had been in a bad way and she had tried to help, but at the time I wasn’t about to start explaining about Callum to a complete stranger – I’d have been locked up. I had seen her on other visits t
o the cathedral too, but had always managed to avoid talking to her.
How did she know where I lived? And what on earth could she want with me? As I made my way into central London my mind kept circling back to that question until I came up with the only possible answer: she had seen me ignoring the “Closed” signs up to the Golden Gallery and I was about to get into trouble for trespassing. I couldn’t afford for her to stop me, not when I was so close to patching things up with Callum. And after we had talked and sorted out what we needed to do, I was going to bring him over. If she wanted to confiscate my annual pass after that, then I couldn’t care less.
I jumped off the bus at St Paul’s and looked around. There was no sign of Reverend Waters but I didn’t want to risk walking into the building without checking out things properly. I sat on the steps in the sunshine and pulled out my little pocket mirror, ready to call Callum and find out about the dome.
As usual the Dirges were drifting around the crowds, picking up a fresh happy memory here and there. I saw a man with a bright-yellow aura suddenly become the focus of activity. Two Dirges started to converge on him from different directions and there was a brief tussle between them before one of the dark, hooded figures shoved the other out of the way and passed their amulet through the little light. The light immediately blinked out and, as I watched, the man’s expression grew puzzled. Whatever it was he had been enjoying remembering, it was gone forever.
Sighing, I looked away. However unfair it was, there was no way that I could condemn the Dirges for what they did. This wasn’t their choice. It was the only way they could make their existence bearable.
“Hey, that’s a big sigh. Are you OK?” Callum’s arrival was, as usual, preceded by the strange tingling in my wrist.
“I’m fine. Just watching a couple of your colleagues scrapping over a particularly juicy memory. I can’t believe that you have to live like this. It’s all so wrong!”
“Tell me about it,” he said with feeling.
“No luck with the dome?” I guessed.
“None whatsoever. The usual guy is off, and his deputy is much less susceptible to my suggestions. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment. It was going to be much easier to convince Callum that I meant what I said if I could actually hold him close. We were back to square one. I reached for his hand and squeezed. “I can still climb up there. Granted, it won’t be as good as when we’re alone, but we could be together for a little while. Worth a go?” I gave him my best winning smile.
“It’s always worth a go to me,” he said, finally returning my smile. “You ready?”
I hesitated for a second. “I need you to do me a favour first. There’s a vicar in there,” I gestured over my shoulder towards the cathedral, “and she wants to talk to me. I really don’t want to talk to her. Can you see if the coast is clear?”
“Really?” he asked, puzzled. “Why does she want to talk to you?”
“I have no idea but she sent this to the house.” I dug into my bag for the piece of heavy-duty notepaper. “That number went to her voicemail. It’s all she sent.” I could see Callum peering over my shoulder as I looked at the paper with distaste. “It’s a weird thing to do though. The only thing I can think is that she might have spotted me climbing over the barriers and she wants to tell me off, but I’m not sure why she’s being quite so mysterious about it.”
“OK, so we need to avoid her then. What does she look like?”
“Quite old, grey hair, wearing one of those long black cassocks. I’ve seen her on the cathedral floor and at the Whispering Gallery.”
“Why don’t we go in by the crypt entrance and then sneak up the stairs? I can go ahead and check out the gallery before you have to walk around.”
“OK, sounds like a plan. You go and make sure the way is clear and I’ll be right behind you.”
It was a Sunday so the place was heaving with people. I picked my way through the crowds loitering on the steps in the sunshine, listening to all the various languages and accents, and finally made it to the side entrance to the crypt steps. It was cool and dark inside and the long, quiet corridor felt a world away from the noise and bustle just above.
Starting to walk between the café tables I kept my head down and my hair loose to conceal my face. “Is the coast clear?” I hissed as I approached the main part of the crypt.
“No sign of anyone, just keep on going.”
“OK, let’s get through here as quickly as possible.” I had my season ticket ready in my hand as I approached the gate. The guy behind the desk seemed very bored and was about to nod me through when he suddenly sat up.
“Excuse me, miss, can I take another look at your ticket, please?” His hand was stretched out towards me.
“Umm, yes, of course. Is there a problem?”
“Just had a few forgeries through lately, that’s all,” he replied, not looking at me but consulting something out of sight on his desk. “All clear. Enjoy your visit.” He passed the ticket back to me and looked towards the next person in the queue. I grabbed the ticket and hurried through the entrance, not looking back. I walked directly to the bottom of the stairs. Climbing up from here meant that I missed walking under the dome, but it was much more discreet. I didn’t look around for Callum as I knew that he would be keeping away from me. Down in the crypt the influence of the dome on the Dirges wasn’t good: it seemed to magnify the horror and suffering visible on their faces and they tried to avoid going there. So I was surprised when the tingle reappeared in my arm as I started walking up the steps. Callum’s translucent figure was visible walking next to me.
There was an urgent edge to his voice. “That ticket guy made a phone call as soon as you were out of earshot.”
“What! What did he say?” I stopped dead on the stairs.
“Keep walking,” urged Callum. “I didn’t hear all of it, but I’m pretty sure it was about you. He said something like ‘If you want to talk to her you’d better get over here now’.”
“Crap! He must’ve called the vicar. I don’t want to see her, not today.”
“We don’t have to go up the dome if you’re worried.”
I turned to look at him as I continued trudging up the endless steps. Seeing him next to me always made my heart sing, regardless of what else was going on. “No way. I want to get to the top. I’m not giving up the chance of hugging you properly, even if it is a bit public, just because some weird vicar wants to give me a piece of her mind.” The last few words were somewhat indistinct. “Can’t talk and climb, Callum. Getting puffed. See you at the gallery.” He turned and smiled at me, a smile of such longing that for a second I forgot the pain in my calves. Then he was gone. I carried on climbing.
I hurried on up the stairs as quickly as I could manage, pausing only as I got to the landing at the Whispering Gallery level. “Callum?” I called quietly. “Is it OK to go through?” Once I started walking through the narrow little passage to the gallery it was difficult to turn back, and then once I stepped on to the gallery itself it was easy to see everyone and there was nowhere to hide.
“No sign of her,” he announced as he appeared suddenly next to me, his wrist by mine. He stayed with me as I negotiated my way around the gallery, past the Dirges who were sitting in their seats, invisible to all the other visitors. A few of them looked up at me with curiosity, but most of the others shrank away, hiding behind their hoods as Callum loomed behind me. Once safely through the little door that led to the next set of stairs I stopped for a moment, realising that I had been holding my breath.
“Was Olivia there, Callum? I didn’t see her.”
“I didn’t see her either. I’m not sure exactly where she’s got to. Maybe she’ll be up at the Stone Gallery.” He paused for a second. “Are you OK? Ready to go on up?”
I stood up straight and took a deep breath. The next spiral staircase always seemed to be the worst: round and round in tight circles with no features
to tell you how close you were to the end. “Ready,” I agreed, and set off.
As I reached the next level up Callum appeared again. “I’ve checked down from the top. The vicar’s not up here, and I can’t see her on the stairs so we’ll have a bit of time. If she’s old, she’s not going to be racing up here at any great speed.”
“OK, that’s good, so we can relax a bit.”
“Yes, panic over. But no time to waste, eh?” He smiled at me, his hand becoming more solid in mine. I gave it a quick squeeze.
“No, none. Let’s go.”
There was no need to jump over maintenance barriers, as the Golden Gallery was still open. It was a bit of a blow, but seeing Callum in public was still better than not seeing him at all, and the closer I got to the top of the dome, the more excited I was about putting my plan into action. He stayed with me as I walked up through the latticework of wooden beams and iron staircases, and each time I looked at him he became more and more solid.
“Come on, give me a break,” I puffed as we reached a little landing and he strode on to the next stairs. “I normally have a bit of a rest here. Why are you walking with me today?” Normally he met me at the top, which gave me a few minutes to compose myself after the lengthy climb. He was not seeing me at my best, red-faced and gasping.
“Now the others know you are here, I’m not letting you in here alone, not after what happened before.”
“Oh, good point. Do you think that someone else might try to hurt me?”
“I’m pretty sure none of them would dare, not with Matthew keeping watch.”
“Was he? I didn’t see him.”
“He’s had to lay down the law, making sure that they all behave themselves around you. It’s easier now Lucas has gone though; he was always the worst.”
“Was that why everyone was so wary of me back down in the Whispering Gallery?”
“Probably. They’ve been given some very clear instructions about leaving you alone.” His voice was tight, and I knew that he was remembering the fight on this same staircase not long ago, when Lucas nearly managed to get me to take off the amulet. I shuddered briefly.
