by S. C. Ransom
“The memories – any memories – can’t change your personality, but they can modify your reaction. I had been an addictive person, I’m sure of that, and that didn’t change; I still am. But with Daniel’s memories I was able to change the focus of that addiction, to channel that into a wish to repent and pay back my sins. Daniel didn’t deserve to die, and I have spent the rest of my new life trying to make up for that.”
“So what did you do?”
“After training in the Church I was assigned to a parish in the north, an inner-city area with a great many problems. I think that I was able to help some of the troubled people there, and I believe Daniel would have approved. Of course, back then there were no women vicars, so I was more of an assistant than anything else, but that changed in time. And then, when I retired, I decided to devote whatever time I had left to trying to help the Dirges. I couldn’t join the staff at the cathedral. It’s far too competitive to get into one of those roles, but it’s possible to become a Friend of St Paul’s, a volunteer who helps with all the visitors.
“I had first gone back to St Paul’s when I was discharged from the hospital. It was strange, returning to the place. I wasn’t sure what I would feel, if there was going to be any evidence of what I had been through, but it was just like any other church. I tried to make myself known to the Dirges, but I have no idea if I was successful. After the time spent in the hospital I no longer looked much like I did when I was one of them, so I guess they didn’t recognise me. And of course I look even less like my twenty-something self now.”
“I’ve not heard anyone mention you, except as a master at stealing drunken thoughts,” I admitted. Veronica nodded sadly, the cloud of purple above her head thickening.
“That’s what I thought,” she agreed. “I knew that I had a futile task, but I had to try, to be there, just in case. And then you turned up.” For the first time in about ten minutes she looked straight at me. “You turned up and I knew that my waiting had been worthwhile. I just had to be a little bit more patient.”
“What do you mean?”
“When I came back over, when I got my life back, I learned something. I learned how to save the Dirges, to set them all free.” A huge smile lit up her face as she reached over and grabbed my hands. “Together with you, and the amulet, we can release every last one of them from their suffering.”
My heart almost stopped. She knew what had to be done, how to rescue Callum and bring him to my side! He could be with me after all. It was all I could do to stay in my chair. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t realised that she would be able to help.
“You can do it too? Catherine said that she could, but then she lost the memory. She says she wrote it down, but if you know how then I don’t have to try and find her!”
“I’ve been waiting to do it; that’s why I wanted to talk with you. It’s time the Dirges went home.”
“But, Veronica, that’s fantastic!” I couldn’t help exclaiming, then lowered my voice as I saw other heads in the café turn to watch us. “How would it work? What do I have to do? When can we start? Catherine wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“Well, it’s pretty straightforward really. We just need you, the amulet and me, and all the Dirges gathered together.”
“And then what?”
“Well,” she started, leaning over the table in a conspiratorial fashion, “we all form a huge circle: the Dirges, and you and me. We’ll have to be next to each other, then when you and I touch you can channel the energy from the amulet around the line. With both of us there it will be like making an electric circuit.”
We both looked at the amulet for a moment, its rich colours glinting in the halogen spotlights of the café. I could almost feel its potential. “Is that all I have to do? Push the energy? We don’t need anything else?”
Veronica nodded enthusiastically. “No; between us we can do it. My waiting is done; I can finally set them all free.”
Her enthusiasm was catching. “That would be brilliant! I mean, it will take a bit of explaining, all these people suddenly appearing in the river, and we’ll have to make sure that there are enough lifeboats around so that no one drowns, but I’m sure I can work out a way to do that!” My mind was racing with the sudden and exciting possibilities; Callum could be here with me in days. I was almost breathless with my excitement as I quickly thought through all the various logistical problems we would have to overcome. I was smiling to myself as I thought of being there on the riverbank when Callum came ashore in one of the lifeboats; the kiss we would share…
Veronica’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “Alex, I don’t think I’ve explained this very well.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, still smiling.
“When I said that we could release them, I mean, well…”
“Yes?”
“It will allow them to finally die,” she sighed gently. “What we have to do is kill them all.”
My heart sank as I realised what she meant. For a moment she had given me hope that there was a better way out for the Dirges, but the crushing disappointment was back.
“Look, Veronica, I’ve worked out for myself how the amulet can kill them, but surely there’s a way to save them all instead?” I sat back, folded my arms and glowered at her, my excitement ebbing away. Why was everyone so convinced that the only way out was death?
“Well, there is another way,” said Veronica, “but we don’t have a chance of making it work.”
I looked at her through narrowed eyes. “Why not?”
Veronica looked down at the table, shaking her head. “We need Catherine. She’s the only person who can bring them over alive. And she won’t do it. She made that very clear.”
I knew it! “I really hoped that you weren’t going to say that,” I said. “Are you sure there’s no way that I can do it?”
“You have the power, Alex, with the amulet, but you will kill them. You’ve already tried, haven’t you?”
I felt a shiver run down my back. “You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I have been trying to talk to you, if you remember.” Veronica couldn’t quite keep the exasperated tone from her voice.
I felt myself slump. “I saw the paper: I know I did it. You’d better tell me what else you know.”
She quickly explained: she had been reading the police reports and had seen the news of the body in the Thames, but as the person had been tortured she had dismissed it as unrelated to the Dirges. It hadn’t been until a few days later when she was reading another report that she had come across the photo of Lucas.
“That shocked me, I can tell you, seeing my old enemy scowling out of the paper like that. It was the last thing I expected. So I started to do a little digging. And then I found the report in the Evening Standard, and I knew that you and the Dirges needed to see it. I waited until I heard that you were back in the cathedral, and left it somewhere where it wouldn’t go missing, but where it would be spotted by the Dirges. They obviously found it.”
I nodded once. “Matthew spotted it while I was up at the top with Callum. I had no idea that I had done that to him, none. I was just trying to stop him from hurting Rob, that’s all.”
“You don’t need to explain to me, and neither do you need to worry,” she said, leaning forward and dropping her voice. “No one can possibly connect you to that.”
“But there’s a murder inquiry, it said so. The police will be checking out everything.”
“I can assure you that they won’t. The investigation has already been wound up.”
“How do you know that? And why would they stop?”
“I know because I have friends in the police, especially the river police. I’ve made it my business to get to know them all. They’ve stopped because no one really understands what happened to him.” She paused for a moment as a young couple struggled to get their double pushchair past us, smiling automatically at the two chubby little babies sleeping peacefully inside.
“Do
you know the details?” I prompted, as she seemed lost in her thoughts again.
It took her a second or two to refocus on me. She sat up a little straighter in her chair. “Well, it seems that he was found alive in the river, but suffered some sort of cardiac arrest – or heart attack – when they were trying to help him. He was covered in a network of black lines – scorch marks – which they think mean that he must have been tortured. But it was after he died that the strangest things happened. He was on the ambulance trolley, covered in a blanket, when he spontaneously combusted. The fire was brutal, and although there were plenty of people to hand, within minutes there was almost nothing of him left. He was identified by his dental records.”
The cold sweat of fear that had started to creep up my back threatened to overwhelm me. Burned! I had tried to do that to Callum. He too could easily be lying on a mortuary slab as a blackened pile of bones and teeth. I bit back a sob, hiding my face in my hands.
“There was even worse, though. It was clear from the old dental records who it was, but it didn’t tally at all with the report from the guys at the lifeboat station who dragged him out of the water. They described him as a man in his twenties, otherwise fit and healthy-looking, with an identifying tattoo. The teeth and the tattoo matched the missing person’s description perfectly, but the man who was missing would have been well into his seventies. They can’t work it out.”
“So he didn’t get old?” I peered out from between my fingers.
“No, he just went up in smoke.”
“Oh, don’t, please!” I begged. “I can’t listen to any more!” I pushed back my chair and made for the nearest exit, hoping that the fresh air outside would help to clear my head. It didn’t help much, but at least I wasn’t looking into those pale-blue eyes, eyes that knew far too much. I circled around for a few minutes before finding a shady pillar to lean against. Why had she told me all that hideous detail about how Lucas had died? What was the point? If she wanted me to help her to kill them all, she was going about it the wrong way. I was pretty sure some of the Dirges would hesitate too, once they knew what was involved. I knew that I couldn’t keep it from them; it wasn’t fair.
If Catherine was the only one who might be able to bring them over alive it was clear that I had to find her, and persuade her to help. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I never wanted to see her again in my life, and now I had to go begging to her. But before I could do that I needed some proper answers.
When I returned Veronica was still sitting in the nearly empty café, waiting patiently as if she knew I’d come back. I sat down opposite and put my hands on the table. “OK, Veronica, we clearly need to work together on this. But I don’t think you’ve been entirely straight with me. I want to know three things.” I started to count them off on my fingers. “One, how did you know about me and Callum? Two, what do you know about Catherine? And three, if we could persuade her to help us, what does she need to do?”
For the first time Veronica looked uncomfortable, but I pressed on. “Come on then. How did you know? How did you find me, and how could you possibly tell what I was going through?”
“I didn’t,” she admitted with a little shake of the head. “It was all a huge stroke of luck. I didn’t even realise that it was possible for the Dirges to speak to the humans. One day, when you went to St Paul’s to meet with Callum, I happened to see that.” She gestured at the amulet. “It’s not the sort of thing you forget, not when you have one welded to your wrist for decades. You were behaving very purposefully, going straight up the stairs, so I followed you. I took the lift so I was up at the Whispering Gallery by the time you got there, and I saw the way you walked carefully around, as if you were trying to avoid a long line of invisible people. I knew you could see them, I just knew it, so I followed you up to the Stone Gallery. You were gone when I got up there, though, as I was a bit slow up the stairs. I searched all round and asked the staff at the exit if they had seen you, but they didn’t remember seeing you go down. So I searched again, and realised that the only place you could have gone was up, past the closed sign for the Golden Gallery.
“So I followed. It’s a long way for someone who’s not as young as they were, you know, so I took my time, praying that you weren’t already coming down the other side. When I finally got to the top I stayed behind the door and listened. I could hear your conversation – just the one side of it, as if you were on the phone – but I knew that you were talking to one of them. The things you were talking about, the problems, the need to discuss everything with Matthew, it all fell into place. I knew that you were going to be my link. So I made my way downstairs and waited. And waited. What were you doing up there all that time?”
My cheeks flamed as I remembered. Kissing had been pretty high on the agenda for most visits. “Oh, well, you know,” I started to mumble until I realised she wasn’t waiting for an answer.
“Eventually you came back down and I stopped you to look at your ticket. Do you remember?”
I shook my head. “If I had just spent the afternoon talking to Callum I wasn’t likely to remember anything else.”
“Well, your season ticket has your name on it, and a reference number, so I could find out where you lived. There was no phone number though, and you’re not in the directory so I couldn’t just call. At that point I just needed to be sure that you would be back to the cathedral as often as possible. I needed to force you to come, so I thought I would try and make you a bit afraid, so that you would be back to talk to the Dirges about it.”
“What did you do?” I asked suspiciously.
“I broke your window.”
“That was you?” I exclaimed, almost jumping out of my chair, remembering the cold early morning air rushing into my bedroom and the mysterious note that I had found wrapped round a golf ball.
She looked at her shoes and nodded mutely. “It was the only thing I could think of, to get you back up to London as quickly as possible. I wanted to confront you somewhere where I knew we could find a large gathering of the Dirges, to talk to them at last.”
I was speechless. Why would she do that? I had spent weeks worrying about who had thrown that ball, and my list of potential suspects had been quite large enough to not have to wonder if there was someone else involved. I realised I was sitting there with my mouth open and snapped it shut. I sat back and folded my arms. “That was a mean thing to do,” I said eventually, “and your timing was terrible. There were three people falling over themselves to make my life miserable already; I didn’t need anyone else.”
“I’m so sorry; I had no idea at the time. I just wanted to finally implement my plan, make everything all right again. I was so excited; I had thought that with Catherine turning me down I had lost my chance, but there you were, and the whole thing was possible again.”
“So if you were so keen to confront me in front of the Dirges then why the secrecy now?” I asked. “Why can’t Callum be listening to this?”
Veronica leaned forward. “Whatever you did when you took on Lucas, it made the amulet much more powerful. I wanted to talk to you first before the Dirges knew that, knew what had happened to Lucas, otherwise they’d never have left you alone. It would’ve given them such hope, you see. You and I need to decide what to do for the best, especially if you want to involve Catherine.”
“OK – Catherine. Tell me about her. You said earlier that it was the conversation with you that turned her against me. I deserve to know what all that was about.”
Veronica tucked a stray strand of her steel-grey hair behind her ear before she spoke, her eyes fixed on the table between us. “When I came round after stealing Daniel’s memories, I couldn’t remember how I died because I think I was probably too drunk to notice. But I did have one shiny new memory, one startling new fact; I knew the way to put all the Dirges out of their misery. It gets given to all of us who are resurrected.”
“How can you be sure of that then? That it comes to all of you?”
&n
bsp; “Because I asked Catherine, and she has it too, but she refused to help me,” Veronica answered eventually, looking out of the window. “I was so excited when, a month or so ago, I saw that police report about a girl who had been pulled out of the river but who had no memories, and I knew that the time had finally come. As I said, I went to the hospital and confronted Catherine. She absolutely refused to help. In fact, I’ve rarely seen someone angrier with life. She clearly thought that draining someone of their memories would kill her, and she was horrified to find that it actually propelled her back into life. I tried to get her to see sense, that none of the Dirges deserved the existence that they have, but she wasn’t to be swayed. She refused to tell me where I could find the amulet so I was back to square one again until I caught the glimpse of the amulet on your arm in the cathedral.”
“So let me get this straight,” I said as it all slowly sank in. “You and Catherine both knew – just knew, as if by magic – that if you could find the amulet you could release all the Dirges?” She nodded. “And knowing this, Catherine still stole the amulet from me to try to sell it?”
Veronica nodded. “She’s really not nice, that girl.”
“And you knew all this time.” I sat back and folded my arms, exasperated. “Why did you leave it so long?”
“I know, that was … stupid of me, I admit. I just didn’t want to frighten you with my plan until I was sure that you would see my point of view. You seem pretty balanced, and I can’t imagine that you will sit idly by and let them continue suffering.”
“You knew all this when you first stopped me in the cathedral, but you didn’t say a word.”
“I know, and that really horrifies me now; we could have prevented so much anguish.” She was pressing her hands together as if in prayer. “And then the next time – well, by then it had already gone.”
I was still taking in that I hadn’t been alone, that there had been someone who would have understood. I stared down at my cup, shaking my head as she continued.
