by Anne Mather
The stables loomed up ahead, the lights of lanterns showing that someone was indeed there. Tamar stopped the engine and slid out of the vehicle, hesitating before pushing open the doors of the low building, and entering the warmth and hay-smelling atmosphere of the stables. As she entered, she heard Ross’s voice call: ‘Is that you, Pat?’ Tamar frowned. Would that be Pat O’Malley the vet he was expecting?
‘No, Ross, it’s me!’ she said, stepping into the light, and seeing him for the first time.
Still in his dark suit, obviously uncaring of its treatment, he was down on his haunches beside the mare who lay in the stall, while a small, trembling-legged replica of its mother tottered near the rails.
‘Oh!’ she exclaimed, in delight. ‘Oh, Ross! He’s beautiful!’
Ross rose abruptly to his feet, his face dark and sombre. ‘What do you want?’ he snapped, his voice like a douche of cold water.
Tamar twisted her hands behind her back. ‘Shelagh - Shelagh sent me,’ she said unsteadily. ‘Lucy - Lucy wants to see the foal. She refuses to go to bed until she has. Shelagh wants you to go back and deal with her.’
‘So she sent you!’
‘Yes.’ Tamar bit her lip. ‘Is - is something wrong here? Is - is Sable, your mare, all right?’
Ross’s lips twisted. Then he shrugged bleakly. ‘She seems to be feverish. I imagine she’ll be all right, but I’ve sent for O’Malley just in case.’
‘He’s still the vet here?’
‘Some things don’t change,’ remarked Ross heavily. ‘Thank you for the message. I’ll come as soon as I can. Richards, the groom, will be back from his supper soon. When he does, I’ll come.’
Tamar lingered It was intimate somehow, the warm pungent atmosphere, and the miracle of birth still overwhelmingly present.
‘Did you? - I mean - were you here when ...’ Her voice trailed away.
‘I know what you’re trying to say,’ he said wearily. ‘Yes, I was here. It wasn’t a difficult foaling.’
‘You look tired,’ she said impulsively, looking up at him in the muted light.
Ross studied her for a long moment, then said: ‘I’m sure you’re aware that you look beautiful!’ in a harsh voice.
Tamar took a step closer to him. ‘Do I? Do I, Ross?’ she whispered.
‘Tamar!’ he muttered. ‘Don’t play with me! I’m no city gentleman!’
She trembled slightly, as realization of what she was doing came to her Then she turned away, a sob breaking in her throat. Ben was waiting for her at Falcon’s Head; Ben, her fiancé!
But suddenly Ross moved, grasping her shoulders violently, dragging her back against him, his mouth seeking the warm curve of her throat. The heat of his body penetrated the thin clothes she was wearing, and with a cry she twisted round in his arms, seeking his mouth with hers, uncaring of anyone but this man who had become so strangely vulnerable. Her arms slid round his neck, as his mouth explored hers with deliberate expertise, arousing emotions she had not known existed.
‘Oh, God, I want you,’ he muttered achingly, and the passion in his touch was no longer savage but powerfully demanding.
At last, with a jerky movement, he put her away from him, smoothing his hair, rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand, as though to banish the remembrance of the touch of her lips.
‘I suppose you’re happy now!’ he muttered harshly. ‘You’ve succeeded in your mission! At least it seems as though you have!’
‘Ross!’ she cried falteringly. ‘Don’t!’
‘Don’t? Don’t what? Say what’s the truth? Reveal to you what a selfish little bitch you’ve become?’
‘Ross!’ Her voice broke.
‘Please! Don’t cry! That would be the complete height of futility. You’ve tried everything, from angry remonstrances to gentle cajolery. Spare me the tears!’
Tamar clenched her fists. How he could hurt her! How deliberately cruel he could be. She wanted to beg him to listen to her, to forgive her if she had made any mistakes about him, but her pride would not let her allow him to think he had completely subdued her. Instead, she was angry, and as cruel as he.
‘All right, Ross,’ she said bleakly. ‘Have your fun! Make a fool of me! But if you think by doing so you’ll make me change my mind about you, you’re mistaken! When I came back here, I hated you, believe me! That I should have the tables turned on me in such a fashion by you pretending to be the one to do the hating is in itself ridiculous! What have you got to hate me for? Hurting your Falcon pride, perhaps! Showing the village I wasn’t taken in by your little schemes!’
‘What the hell do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean, Ross Falcon. I mean what happened seven years ago, just as you do!’
‘Go on!’ She ought to have stopped then. The icy threat in his voice ought to have warned her that she was not talking to a man used to dominance from anyone, least of all a woman. A woman, moreover, whom he hated and despised.
‘Well, what do you want to know? You know it all, don’t you, Ross? After all, you were the one leading the double life, not me!’
‘Double life? Scheming? Tamar, you’ve obviously taken leave of your senses!’
‘No, I haven’t taken leave of my senses! I’ve just come to them! Do you want me to spell it out for you? I knew about Virginia. About the baby!’
She flung the words at him angrily, and marched to the door. But Ross was there before her, blocking her exit with his body.
‘You knew about Lucy?’ he muttered, with narrowed eyes,
‘Yes! Oh, I was a fool in those days, Ross, easily taken in. It must have been amusing for you, playing one of us off against the other.’
‘Tamar, I’m warning you—’
‘What about? Telling the truth! Isn’t it common knowledge in the village that the master of Falcon’s Head had to marry his bride because she was already pregnant!’
‘My God!’ He fell back a step, staring at her with tortured eyes. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying!’
‘Don’t I? Don’t I just? Oh, give me credit for a little intelligence, Ross. Virginia had never been interested in anyone else. How could she be carrying anyone else’s baby! Besides, Lucy is your daughter, there’s no doubt about that!’
Ross moved away from the door, and when he looked at Tamar there was only pain in his tormented gaze. ‘Go,’ he said heavily. ‘For God’s sake, go! If that’s what you believe of me I never want to see you again as long as I live! Get out!’
Tamar stared at him, faltering a little now. ‘Wh - what do you mean?’
Ross shook his head. ‘I don’t need to give you explanations, Tamar,’ he muttered. ‘But just for the record, Lucy was born a year after our marriage! She had her sixth birthday only a few weeks ago!’
Tamar stared at him, a hand pressed to her mouth as realization of what he had said dawned on her, then with a cry she turned and stumbled out to the station wagon, leaving Ross standing silently in the stables.
CHAPTER NINE
‘But I don’t understand, Tamar,’ exclaimed Ben, shaking his head in bewilderment. ‘Only yesterday you told me you wanted to spend another ten days in Falcon’s Wherry, and I agreed. Why have you changed your mind?’
It was the day after the dinner party at Falcon’s Head, and Ben and Tamar were standing arguing in Father Donahue’s parlour.
Tamar lifted her shoulders uncomfortably. ‘Ben, I’ve just had second thoughts, that’s all. Besides, I’ve decided it’s time I got on with my own life instead of interfering in other people’s!’
Ben looked sceptical. ‘And you’re really sure about this? You’re not going to change your mind later, and wish you’d stayed?’
‘Of course not, Ben. I - when could we leave?’
‘Well, I should imagine Margaret would go today if she could,’ remarked Ben dryly, ‘but failing that, I guess we could arrange a flight for tomorrow.’
“Then arrange it, Ben. I’ll explain to Father Donahue. He won’t mind.’
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Ben sighed. ‘I wish I knew why you were doing this. Has it to do with last night? What did Ross Falcon say to you when you went to the stables? You looked pretty upset when you came back!’
Tamar flushed. ‘I suppose you could say it’s to do with that,’ she admitted truthfully. ‘Ross is never going to take my word for anything, that’s for sure, and as that’s the reason I’m here anyway, I might as well give up now as later.’ She lit a cigarette with hands that were not quite steady, hoping Ben would not notice.
Ben heaved another sigh. ‘Well, I for one will be glad to get back to England. You’ve changed, Tamar, even in the short time you’ve been here. You used to be so interested in your career. I can’t understand the change!’
Tamar shrugged. ‘There’s no change, Ben. Maybe for a while I was sidetracked, that’s all. But it’s over now. I know what I have to do. I shan’t be coming back to Falcon’s Wherry.’
Ben shook his head, still a little bewildered at this sudden change of events, then said: ‘So what do you plan to do today?’
‘Oh, this and that. I’ll pack my things and so on. I shall have to talk to Father Donahue, of course. I shall want him to explain to Mrs. Falcon for me.’
‘Why don’t you go up there and tell her yourself?’ asked Ben curiously. ‘Surely you’re not afraid of Ross Falcon!’
‘Of course not,’ exclaimed Tamar hotly. ‘However, I don’t think any useful purpose would be served by going up there and arguing with her. I know she won’t accept that I’ve failed, and she would try to get me to stay. I couldn’t stand any more of that.’ She drew hard on her cigarette.
Ben studied her thoughtfully. ‘Why? Are you afraid she might win?’
‘Yes, I am ... There’s still Lucy, you see...’
Ben nodded. ‘Okay. Well, what do you want me to do? Stay on here? Or shall I go back and give Margaret the good news?’
Tamar managed a half-smile. ‘Tell Margaret, I think,’ she said. ‘I expect she’ll find some ulterior motive for my changing my mind.’
‘I must admit she was curious that you should suddenly be glad to leave Falcon’s Head last night, after your visit to the stables, when earlier you’d seemed quite happy to stay.’
Tamar sighed. ‘And you, Ben? What do you think?’
Ben frowned. ‘I’m not sure. Look, Tamar, I know you don’t love me, you’ve told me so plenty of times, but this man, Ross Falcon, are you sure you don’t still - well, want him?’
Tamar’s expression was sardonic suddenly. ‘My dear Ben, whether I want Ross Falcon or not is completely immaterial. He doesn’t want me!’
Ben’s eyes darkened. ‘Did he say that to you?’
‘Yes! No! That is - no, of course not! Oh, Ben, don’t ask me personal questions!’
‘But I want to know. I have a right to know. You’re my fiancée now, remember?’
Tamar bent her head. ‘And what if I told you that my feelings for Ross Falcon have never changed? That I only thought they had? That I loved him seven years ago, and I still love him now?’ She looked up. ‘What then, Ben?’
Ben stared at her disbelievingly, ‘You can’t be serious!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because - well, because you said—’
‘I say a lot of things, mostly rubbish, Ben! I’m not a nice person to know. I’ve discovered that of late!’
Ben ran a bewildered hand over his forehead. ‘Is this true? Or are you talking hypothetically?’
Tamar lifted her shoulders, then let them drop. ‘I guess it’s true, Ben,’ she murmured quietly. ‘Is our engagement over?’
‘Good God, give me a chance! I can’t make a decision like that just out of my head! Did you know this yesterday, when we bought the ring?’
‘Not consciously. Subconsciously I suppose I’ve always known it. That’s why I kept the painting of Falcon’s Head!’
Ben looked tired suddenly, ‘Do you want our engagement to be over?’
Tamar felt the tears pricking at her eyes. It was a long time since she had cried. ‘I don’t know, Ben. It doesn’t seem fair to you, in the circumstances.’
Ben ground his teeth together, ‘Oh, Tamar, I love you. When you love somebody, you just don’t stop loving them when they don’t love you in return.’
‘I know that - oh, how I know that,’ murmured Tamar feelingly.
‘But loving you, and knowing you didn’t love me but alternatively not loving anyone else, was one thing, but loving you, knowing you love somebody else, that’s something else again. I need time to think this over, Tamar. But believe me, I don’t want to give you up.’
‘And tomorrow? Will we still travel to England together? Or would you rather I made my own arrangements?’
‘I - I think that would be as well,’ said Ben heavily. ‘I - I’ll ring you - when you’re back, at the apartment.’
‘All right, Ben I - I know it’s inadequate, but I’m sorry,’
Ben shrugged. ‘It’s not your fault, I guess. It could happen to anybody. Don’t I know it?’
After Ben had gone, Tamar felt more alone than ever. Father Donahue was in the church, hearing confession, and on impulse, Tamar left the presbytery and went along the flagged path to the small grey stone church. Inside, it was deserted, and for a moment she thought Father Donahue had left, but after a moment she saw him kneeling by the altar.
Silently she walked along the aisle, admiring the polished wood of the worn pews, and the stained glass in the windows above the altar. There was a kind of peace there, in the stillness, that soothed her aching mind, and she sat down quietly, waiting for Father Donahue to notice her.
When he rose and saw her, he came across and seated himself beside her. ‘Well, Tamar,’ he said softly. ‘Why are you here? Is something troubling you?’
‘You must have second sight, Father,’ she said sadly, shaking her head. ‘I - I’m leaving tomorrow.’
‘You’re leaving Falcon’s Wherry? Tomorrow? But why? I understood from Mrs. Falcon that you were endeavouring to persuade Ross to send Lucy away to school.’
‘I was, yes. That was why I agreed to stay. But it’s no good, Father. Ross will never listen to me. He hates me.’
‘Hate is a strong word, child. I’m sure Ross got over his hatred long ago. What he feels perhaps is resentment, not hatred.’
Tamar stared at Father Donahue. ‘But why does Ross hate me?’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘No, you don’t Nor do I, Tamar. Tell me, truthfully, why did you leave Falcon’s Wherry?’
‘You know why,’ she cried. ‘My grandfather had just been killed. The solicitors sent for my father. What else could I have done?’
‘It was common knowledge that you were very friendly with the young master of Falcon’s Head,’ remarked Father Donahue gravely. ‘Had not Ross discussed a more lasting relationship with you?’
Tamar bent her head, ‘You mean marriage?’
‘Of course.’
‘Well, not in so many words. I suppose I’d taken it for granted for a while.’
‘And so did he!’ exclaimed Father Donahue. ‘But you left!’
‘Father Donahue, Virginia Allen lived at Falcon’s Head, too.’
‘Virginia Allen was Ross’s mother’s second cousin, was she not? Where else would she live when her own parents had been so cruelly killed in that train crash?’
‘Oh, I know that. I know she had to come there. I know she was accepted because of her relationship. But but’— her voice broke, and she had to clench her teeth to stop her lips from trembling. Then she said shakily: ‘Did - did you know that Ross was having an affair with Virginia?’
Father Donahue stared at her in amazement. Then he frowned angrily. ‘You’re making that up, Tamar,’ he said sharply. ‘Ross had no time for anyone but you!’
Tamar twisted her fingers together, ‘You can’t be sure of that!’
‘Of course I can. Sure and didn’t Ross himself complain about her pursuit of him?
His mother might have wanted the marriage, but she was the only one. Besides, young Steven spent more time with Virginia than Ross did. He could tell you there was nothing between them while you lived in Falcon’s Wherry!’
‘I don’t believe you!’ Tamar flushed, ‘I - I can’t believe you!’
‘Why not?’
‘The - the night after my father arrived in Falcon’s Wherry, to decide on my future, Virginia came to see me. She was in a terrible state. She - she told me that - that she was pregnant, and that Ross was the father of her child!’
‘Holy Mother of God!’ Father Donahue crossed himself rapidly. ‘Forgive me, but how could she tell you such a thing!’
Tamar bent her head, biting her lips. ‘She - she told me that she and Ross were lovers. That - that he had used me to keep the village from discovering their relationship.’
‘And why should he want to do that?’
‘I don’t know. She said there was bound to be talk - them living in the same house and so on. She said a lot of things. I was eighteen, Father, eighteen! What did I know about - about anything? I - I had no choice but to believe her. She was so upset, I - I never doubted—’
‘And you never tackled Ross with this new-found knowledge?’
