He turned with a cup in each hand and caught her staring. He stilled. And grinned.
She blushed to the roots of her hair, hoping her thoughts had not been readable, and suddenly took great interest in cutting up the rest of her pancakes.
Only a moment later he set her coffee next to her plate, grabbed a chair and turned it around so he could straddle it backwards, and then set his own cup on the table next to her. He folded his hands over the top slat of the chair. All the while she could feel his watchful study.
He leaned so close that his shoulder pressed against hers, and he spoke low. “I think I liked the look that was on your face just now.” The warmth of his breath brushed her ear and heated her face.
She pretended naiveté. “I had a look?”
“Mmmm, you know you did.”
She scrambled for an explanation and couldn’t help a grin and a coy dip of her lashes. “Must have simply been giddiness at the prospect of having my caffeine addiction fulfilled?” She didn’t meet his gaze.
His low chuckle warmed her to her core but she had to know the answer to the question that had been whispering at the back of her mind all morning. “When are you and Jalen heading back home?” She forked in another bite and held her breath.
Justus glance around at the other occupants of the room, then looked back at her and said quietly. “Take that walk with me and we’ll talk?”
So he had had another motive when he’d asked her earlier. She nodded and set to work finishing her pancakes.
A few moments later after they’d grabbed their coats, Justus held the door to the back patio open for her and she stepped out into the Pacific breeze. The sun was shining, but the icy wind took her breath away.
“This is too cold for you to be out walking in.” Justus looked concerned.
“No, it’s fine” She tightened the strings of her hood. “I’m bundled up. And it will really feel good to stretch my legs a bit.” She tipped her head for him to follow and headed toward the path that cut along the hillside down to the beach.
They walked beside each other, quietly taking in the beauty of the sun shimmering off the undulating waves below them and the white crests where the surf bubbled onto the shore.
She was suddenly feeling shyer than a ninth grader on her first date. She studied the ground near her feet. He hadn’t made any sort of comment to her change of mind about the date. But maybe he had changed his. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to talk to her in front of the others because he planned to let her down easy. Tell her it had all been a mistake from the get go. And she was too chicken to be the first to speak.
But if he was backing out, what had all that flirting been over breakfast this morning? They left the firm rocky soil of the path and stepped onto the soft sand at the edge of the beach. The tide was out and Justus led her to the firmer ground of the wet-packed sand, but still held his silence.
She chanced a peek at his expression. So serious and thoughtful.
This was silly. She should just take his hand, look into his face, not fall over a piece of driftwood, and ask him what he was thinking. But just as she tucked her lower lip between her teeth and casually reached for his hand, he shoved both his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. She rolled her eyes and almost giggled. Was this the right thing, anyway? She wasn’t really sure.
He stopped and tipped his head to something further down the beach. “Look.”
She followed his gaze. Mrs. Murton was walking toward them, a long wool coat cloaking her from neck to mid-calf and a bright red scarf wrapped around her neck and over her grey curls. Her Pomeranian had his ears back and looked like he’d rather be walking anywhere other than the windy Pacific coast.
Mrs. Murton stopped. “Oh, hello. I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to intrude on any private time.”
“No. No.” Dakota hurried to assure her. “We were just stretching our legs.”
“Okay.” Mrs. Murton didn’t look convinced. The elderly lady’s gaze flitted to Justus standing by Dakota’s side, then she smiled and took in Dakota’s lack of crutches. “I’m glad to see you are…moving along a little better.”
The woman was referring to a relationship with Justus, and Dakota knew it. She wondered if Justus recognized it too. How many times had Mrs. Murton prodded her to get into another relationship? She chose to pretend ignorance. “Yes. I’m doing great. I haven’t needed the crutches since Saturday.”
A twinkle lit Mrs. Murton’s faded blue eyes. “I meant your relationship with this young man, and you know it.”
Justus chuckled and shuffled his feet.
A burn started at the base of Dakota’s neck and washed up into her scalp. “We’re just friends.”
“Mmmm. That’s what Jason used to say about you and him.” Humor glimmered in her wise old eyes. “I’ve watched you for years, Dakota. There should be no guilt for you in moving on.”
The burn dissipated and left in its place a cold wash of guilt.
Justus settled one hand at her back and leaned close. “I’ll wait for you up the beach a ways. Talk to her.” With that he turned and strode away.
For a moment as she watched him leave, irritation surged through her. And then she thought of how good it had felt to talk to Riley about it and was reminded she’d been putting this off for far too long. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her coat and doodled her toe across the sand in front of her. She opened her mouth, but shut it again, unsure how to begin. Swallowing, she closed her eyes.
Two hands softly gripped her shoulders.
Dakota dared to look. There was so much understanding and compassion in Mrs. Murton’s soft blue eyes that she took a breath.
“I’m sorry you lost Jason so young. But really, moving on is healthy. Good. What God – and Jason – would want you to do.”
Dakota shook her head. “Mrs. Murton, there’s something—”
“—Gladys, please!” The woman squeezed her shoulders again.
“Gladys…” Dakota licked away the dryness on her lips. There was nothing for it but to just say it. “Jason’s death was my fault.” Like a tight band had just been unbuckled from around her chest, Dakota felt release.
Mrs. Murton blinked. “No, dear!”
“Yes,” Dakota whispered. “I talked him into that ride that day.”
Her expression softening, Mrs. Murton tipped her head to one side. “Is that why you’ve been so tense around me for all these years? We used to have such an easy relationship.”
Dakota swallowed and nodded.
The old wrinkled hands slid from her shoulders to her cheeks. “Darling, you were a young girl in love with my grandboy.” Her voice choked, but she recovered quickly. “You may have done the asking, and while the choice you both made to get on that bike that day was unwise, I don’t blame you any more than I blame him for giving in to you when he knew he shouldn’t. Or poor Nate Saunders who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Still…” Tears filled Dakota’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, darlin’.” Mrs. Murton pulled her head onto her shoulder and stroked her hair. “I’ve known the whole story for years.”
Dakota lifted her head. “You’ve known?”
Mrs. Murton nodded. “Your mother told us while you were still in the hospital. I should have known that’s what’s been bothering you. I’m so sorry we didn’t talk about this sooner. I forgave you a long time ago, and now you need to forgive yourself.”
“I just don’t know if I will ever be able to forget. That memory’s ingrained so deep it’s become a part of me.”
“Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting, dear. Sometimes one of the hardest things God asks us to do is to live with the consequences of choices and at the same time offer forgiveness – especially to ourselves. But that doesn’t mean we forget. It means we choose grace, and mercy, and to offer second chances, because after all, where would any of us be if God didn’t give us that first second chance, and that second second chance, and t
he third, and on and on?”
Dakota nodded and dabbed at the moisture in the corners of her eyes.
Mrs. Murton turned Dakota by her shoulders to face the ocean. “Look at all that water. Could you move it?”
A frown furrowing her brow, Dakota shook her head.
“Of course not. Where would you put it? Now study the waves, and you try and figure out a way to make them stop. What could you do to prevent that next swell from rolling in?”
Dakota pictured herself wading in and trying to keep the waves from hitting the beach. The image almost made her smile. She wasn’t quite sure where they were going with this but decided she’d play along. “Nothing.”
“Now shut your eyes and listen.” Mrs. Murton closed her own and tipped her head back. The wind played with her gray curls on her forehead that had escaped the red scarf.
Dakota watched her for a second more and then closed her own eyes. Far above them one gull called to another. Her feet crunched in the sand as she found her balance. And behind them the beach grass whispered together. But the biggest sound was the shushing of wave after wave crashing onto the shore.
“Oh Dakota dear, there’s a song the surf sings. It’s constant. Ever moving. Pounding. Relentless.”
Eyes still closed, the older woman fumbled for one of Dakota’s hands until she pulled it out of her pocket and wrapped the bony, cold fingers in the warmth of her own.
Mrs. Murton continued. “It’s a song of grace and mercy, because the ocean is exactly what God’s grace and mercy are like for us imperfect people. Always there. Unmovable. Unstoppable. A constant noise begging for our attention, but so repetitive and invariable that it’s easy to overlook.” Opening her eyes, the woman cast around on the sand before her and then bent and picked up a shiny pink and white pebble. “It’s ready to clean and polish and heal. It rubs us up against others to remove some of the roughness of this abrasive world. Takes off all the rough edges and polishes us up.”
She returned her attention to the waves and directed Dakota to do the same with one crooked finger. “All we’d have to do is wade in to revel in the power of it. Forgiveness is grace. Forgiveness is mercy. But it’s never forgetting. Because it is in the remembering that we learn how to make better choices and decisions the next time.”
If she had felt like a band had been released from around her chest earlier, now she felt like ten thousand of them had been loosed. She wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness. The song of the surf. Dakota offered a knowing smile through her tears. “Thank you.”
Mrs. Murton squeezed her hand. “Now.” She tipped her head toward Justus sitting on a driftwood log down the beach. “You go down there and you tell that young man that if he breaks your heart Spartacus and I will be coming after him.”
Dakota laughed. “I’m sure he’ll be terrified.”
Two grey eyebrows arched. “He ought to be.”
“Thank you, Gladys.”
Mrs. Murton gave her cheek one more pat. “Go on now.” She turned and resumed her trek in the opposite direction from Justus.
Dakota headed over and sank down next to him, tucking her hands into the pockets of her coat to keep them warm.
He cocked one brow. “Feeling better?”
She nodded, even at that moment realizing how much better she really did feel. Her hair blew into her eyes and she reached one hand up to swipe it away. “She said for me to tell you if you broke my heart she and Spartacus would be coming for you.”
He laughed outright and shuddered exaggeratedly. “A threat I would never take lightly.” His expression turned serious as he studied her.
She bit her lip and reminded herself to breathe.
He broke eye contact and rubbed his palms together. “What did the pastor have to say this morning?”
She sighed and filled him in about LoriMay, and Riley’s desire to buy the house from the church.
“She has that kind of money?”
Dakota shrugged. “Apparently.”
“I wonder why she didn’t just get a place of her own rather than applying to live at House of Hope after…” He let the words that didn’t need to be said trail away.
Dakota watched a seagull dart across the sand and considered. “She mentioned that she was in a daze and with Marie and I both urging her to come live at House of Hope, that seemed like the easiest solution at that moment. She needed the companionship and understanding and a place to just land where she didn’t have any responsibilities for a while. She’s been through a lot and has just been in survival mode. I hardly heard more than two words out of her the whole first week she moved in. I’m so glad God brought her to us.”
“It still hasn’t been that long. Do you think she’s going to be okay?”
“Riley is one of the strongest people I know. Especially now that she’s surrendered to God, I think she’s going to make it. But I still worry about her.”
He leaned his elbows onto his knees and looked over at her. “So what will you do now?”
She hunched her shoulders again. “Not sure. Look for a job, I guess. I’ve heard the high school is looking for a guidance counselor. And there’s always the option to be a grocery bagger down at Thrift and Save.” She grinned.
Instead of laughing with her as she’d expected him to, he reached for a stick in the sand by his feet and broke it methodically into small pieces as he studied the horizon before them.
He looked so serious. Like the weight of the world rested on him. She wanted to ease at least one part of that. She pulled one hand from her pocket and rested it on his forearm. Then slid her fingers over the cool black leather sleeve of his jacket until she found the warmth of his palm.
He stilled and returned his attention to her.
“Justus, I’m sorry. I should have just asked for your story the other night. I hope you can forgive me for doubting you. I grew up pretty sheltered. Learning to relate to people who have lived a…rough life can be a little daunting.”
He turned his hand palm up, and slid his fingers between her own, then rested his other hand on top, cocooning her fingers in warmth. “How much did you hear the other day in the hospital?”
She tightened her fingers gently around his. “Enough to know that you’ve always had a good heart.”
A muscle bunched in his jaw. “I’m not entirely sure that’s true. Only knowing God can make a heart good.”
Tilting her head, she said, “Okay then, enough to know that I didn’t need to fear going on a date with you. Enough to be thankful that God gives us all second chances.” She closed her eyes. “Mrs. Murton was just reminding me about that.”
“Dakota…” He dropped his head down and gripped the muscles at the back of his neck. Pain etched his features when he angled a look up at her. “I’m going to be honest…I’m not sure this”—he swung a finger from himself to her and back again—“can go anywhere. I probably shouldn’t have…” He pulled in a breath and studied a cloud floating above them. “The situation with Treyvon took a lot out of me. Sapped my energy for ministry. I was weary and considering quitting my work at Deschutes Rejuvenation and maybe moving here. But…” He shook his head. “God’s not going to let me do that yet. Dealing with Remington Ross the other day reminded me of why I do what I do. I have to go back.”
Pain lodged like a solid fist just under her ribs. “I see.”
She couldn’t bring herself to let go of his hand. And he didn’t let go either.
“So…” She let her thumb trace over the rough skin of his knuckle. “When do you go home?”
Wind lashed down the beach, sending sand skittering before it. Dakota angled her back and curled her shoulders against the force of it.
“Come here.” Justus opened one flap of his jacket and leaned close, wrapping her inside the extra layer of warmth.
Every cell of her body sang with awareness of his nearness as she slid her casted arm behind him; between the warmth of him and the black leather. Her o
ther hand fell to rest just over the rapid beating of his heart. The length of his leg pressed against hers, and his arms clasped together behind her back.
She tilted her head up and looked at him. Blond stubble coated his firm jaw, melding into sideburns that in turn melded into golden wind-whipped curls. A tiny scar angled across his right temple. Blond eyebrows hung low over blue eyes that had almost silver accents.
Those eyes in turn were studying her. His gaze swept over her forehead where her stitches had mostly dissolved away, met her own briefly and then dipped down to pause on her mouth.
She swallowed and licked her lips. He hadn’t answered her question. But she suddenly didn’t care if he was leaving within the hour – there was no thought for all the complications it would raise if they let this go further…she just wanted him to kiss her, with every fiber of her being.
She curled her fingers into the front of his shirt and tugged gently, tipping her face toward his.
“Dakota,” the word was a gravelly whisper as he brought one hand to her face to stop her. His thumb caressed her lower lip and he looked deep into her eyes. “It might be better for both of us if we stop this before it starts.”
She kissed his thumb, she couldn’t help herself. Her own words emerged low and raspy. “Once I decide I want something, I’m pretty hard to deter. I’m also pretty good at long distance relationships.” Her lips trailed to his palm and she dropped another kiss there.
His eyes fell closed and he swallowed visibly. “I might be really bad at them though.”
She quirked an eyebrow and teased him with a kiss to his jaw line. “Then it will be a good thing you’ll be far away, because I won’t be able to kill you.” His stubble prickled her lips and tantalized her with the hunger for more.
A chuckle rumbled from his chest and, as she leaned forward to drop another kiss along his jaw, he turned his head and pressed his lips to hers.
Song of the Surf (Pacific Shores Book 3) Page 15
