by M. S. Parker
It was only freshly dark outside. The streets were probably still warm from the day’s sun, and I knew I shouldn’t be going to bed so soon. But I didn’t want to be awake anymore. I just wanted quiet. From everything. From her. From myself.
I was a good lover, or at least I’d always thought I was. So why did I feel so inadequate all of the sudden? Why couldn’t I just give her what she wanted? She was my dream girl, the one thing that made sense to me in this cruel, crooked world. And I couldn’t even please her.
Because I’d fallen asleep impossibly early on Monday night, I woke up impossibly early on Tuesday morning. Five a.m. to be exact. I went out into the living room, not wanting to toss and turn on the silken sheets anymore.
The moon hung low over the sleeping city. Though I supposed the city of The Angels never really slept. The lights from the skyscrapers tossed a burnt glow onto the ever-present smog, making it look like a coppery mist.
I settled onto the sofa and pulled out my phone. I’d had it off almost the whole time we were here, not wanting to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to know who wanted to talk to me either. It seemed easier just to block out the whole world.
But as I turned on my phone and it flooded to life, I felt a surge of pleasant warmth in my chest. Delaney had been sending me long ass messages about how things in her life were going, apparently unbothered by the fact that I hadn’t replied to any of them. Derek sent funny memes, which was his way of trying to make me feel better. And my twin just sent me a call when you can message that I scowled at for long minutes.
I replied to the texts from my mom by saying that things were good, but I planned on resting in LA for a bit longer, and Jinx was taking good care of me. She had to be in contact with Jinx, too, I knew, because otherwise, the texts from her would have been way angrier about my lack of checking in. I told Delaney I’d read her messages and would respond soon. To Derek, I just sent a funny meme back. As for my twin, I wasn’t feeling better yet and wasn’t ready to call. I left it at that.
I heard Jinx stirring in her bedroom a couple hours later and quietly went into my room to change into some shorts from the bag of clothes Jinx had brought, then grabbed a bottle of water and hit the pavement. I couldn’t face her, not after last night’s spectacular crash and burn. What must she think of me? A complete failure.
My run took me through the winding hills, past houses that I was surprised I could afford to even look at. The ground was dusty but solid, and adrenaline pushed me miles ahead of where I’d been when I woke up. Nevertheless, I wasn’t ready for Jinx yet.
She was by the pool when I came back. Because of the house’s precarious hillside placement, the pool was at a lower level, on a ridge that seemed to drop off into nothingness at the end. There was a little pool house beside it that I earmarked for hanging out in later, after she’d come back up to the house. I couldn’t spend the whole day in my room, but I wasn’t planning on spending it where she could come find me either.
Jinx came into the house with a towel around her head. She flipped it up and smiled at me. “Hey, where’d you go this morning?”
“For a run.”
I could barely look at her. I walked around to the fridge and grabbed another bottle of water, preparing to head out on another run if necessary.
But Jinx didn’t push me. She walked through the living room and disappeared into her bedroom to get changed. As soon as she was gone, I headed down to the pool house and made myself at home on one of the loungers on the far side, facing nothing but the sky and the hills.
42
Jinx
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew when I was being ignored, and it wasn’t like Drew tried to hide that he was avoiding me. It hurt more than I let on, but I kept my focus. This wasn’t about me or my feelings. This was about making him better. Making him whole again. I could hardly stand to see him like this, when only a few weeks ago he’d had a spark of light in him that I thought the world could never snuff out.
And here he was, skulking around the house in an effort to not draw my attention.
So I let him. For the first day, at least. All of Tuesday, he either went out and about the neighborhood or hung out in the pool house, which is presumably where he felt safest from me. Either that or he was just really dedicated to getting a tan and wanted to do it in private.
I took my phone into my bedroom on Tuesday afternoon and dialed Rhett’s number. He picked up immediately, already yammering into my ear.
“How is he? Are you guys like back together now or what? I miss you so much!”
I’d texted Rhett to tell him that Drew and I had sex, but hadn’t yet told him about all the other issues we’d been having in the meantime.
“Uh, not really sure I can answer all that in one go,” I joked.
Rhett chuckled. “Of course. My bad. Go ahead, and I’ll just listen.”
I started telling Rhett about everything that happened but choked when I got to the sex part. I found it hard to explain to Rhett why it had been so difficult for us to connect, and yet I didn’t want to tell him the nitty gritty details of it. It felt too personal. Too raw.
I settled on, “He just didn’t seem into it.”
Rhett sighed. “He’s been through a lot. It can affect us down there.”
“No,” I quickly corrected. “I mean, he was into it. But he wasn’t really there mentally.”
“Right.” Rhett took a moment to think. “I wish I could help you on this, but I’m not sure how your man ticks.”
“Neither am I,” I muttered.
My nail polish had all but chipped off. The fire engine red now looked like little pin pricks of blood all over my nails. I started to pick off the remaining fragments as Rhett updated me on how things were going back in North Carolina. Now that I’d gotten a little distance from the small-town life, it felt nice to be able to listen to it but not be a part of it anymore. I’d cut my ties with that town, and as far as I was concerned, that meant I was back to being a big-city girl.
I ended my call with Rhett but didn’t feel better about things by the time we said goodbye. What had been missing last night and why was Drew so obviously miserable about it? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. He’d seemed so into it for those few fleeting moments with the riding crop, and I’d thought things had been going well during the sex, but then he just rolled over and was done with me.
What had I done wrong? What could I do to make things better?
What I badly wanted to do was to call Maddox, but that seemed like a bad idea. Asking an ex-boyfriend about current relationship problems seemed like a recipe for disaster, no matter how good things we’d left things between us.
Pulling on my big girl panties, I decided to seek out the source himself and went back into the main area of the house to find Drew. He wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, nor was he in his bedroom. I figured he was out at the pool house, but I couldn’t find him there either. He’d all but disappeared. Another run, I supposed.
Dammit.
Disheartened, I went to bed early that night, hoping that Drew would come tapping on my door before the morning.
He didn’t.
Drew was out again on Wednesday afternoon when Dallas called. I was so anxious to talk to anyone with Mikelson blood that I picked up right away and clung to the sound of Dallas’ voice. It was almost like Drew’s.
“Hey there, Jinx,” said Dallas. “How’s Humpty-Dumpty doing?”
I scowled into the receiver. Dallas could be a dick sometimes when it came to his brother.
“That’s not nice,” I said.
He laughed. “And that’s why you’re better at this shit than I am. I asked Drew to call when he was feeling better, but since he hasn’t called, I guess I’m supposed to take that to mean he’s not feeling better.”
“You could put it that way.”
Dallas must have picked up the weight of my tone. “What’s going on with you two?”
I so badly wanted to spill everyt
hing to Dallas and have him tell me what to do. He knew his twin better than anyone, so he could surely help me troubleshoot this. But it seemed highly inappropriate to explain my failed BDSM exploits to my boyfriend’s brother.
So I went a roundabout way.
“I’ve been trying to get Drew to open up with me more. In fact, I’ve been trying to get him to react and show some aggression,” I explained. “I thought I had a breakthrough, but he crawled back into his shell, and I’ve barely seen him since.”
Dallas whistled through his teeth. “Sounds like Drew alright.”
“Is this something you’ve got experience with?” I asked.
He laughed. “Oh, hell yeah. I’ve made it my life’s work to get a reaction out of him when he tries bottling himself up like that,” he said. “I like to think I’m a bit of an expert at it.”
Relief made me sag onto the couch, clutching the phone to my ear like it was my last lifeline to hope in the world.
“Please tell me what to do.”
“Drew is the type who needs to be pushed until he breaks,” Dallas explained. “If you don’t go far enough, there’s always room for him to double back and seal himself up again.”
“But what if I go too far?” My brow creased with worry. Was I supposed to keep doing what I did until he completely broke? That sounded dangerous. Not physically, but to our relationship at least. And to his mental well-being.
“You won’t,” Dallas said with complete confidence. “If it’s something he needs, and he knows deep down that he needs it, there isn’t a too far. He’ll break, and you’ll know when he does.”
A shiver crept down my spine. Sounded explosive. Also sounded kind of arousing.
Dallas obviously took my continued silence to be deliberation. “Listen, when we were kids, Dallas hated running. He was actually kinda chubby, which you would never believe when you look at him now. The only thing he hated more than running was feeling like a failure and coming in last at the track meets always made him feel like a failure. I pushed him. I dragged him out of bed in the morning to go practice. I threw sticks at him when he wasn’t running fast enough. And even when he was cursing at me, I didn’t let up.”
I was starting to appreciate being an only child. “What happened?”
“Well, one day he just completely lost it. Something changed in him, and he started getting up to practice before me. He started winning races when I’d just been trying to not make him come dead last.” He chuckled. “It might not be as applicable to your situation, but I figure it’s at least something.”
It wasn’t entirely applicable, but it was good to know that I could throw stuff at him, and he would find it motivating.
“Want to know the best thing about that whole debacle?” Dallas asked.
“What?”
He chuckled. “He stopped caring if he won or lost. Developed a true love of running, especially running races. Just to see how much he could push himself.”
43
Jinx
The stage was set.
Drew had gone out for another run, and I’d taken over the pool house in his absence. I had the whole works: candles, sexy lingerie, and a menagerie of whips, cuffs, and other toys for him to use on me if he felt so inclined. This was going to work, no doubt in my mind.
I waited for some time, knowing that he’d come out here again after he’d had a shower and some water. He left the book he’d been reading open at the page he last finished, and I learned that he liked to come read by the pool at sunset.
My nerves were zipping with energy. I was excited, but also more than a tad nervous. If this didn’t go well, things between us would only get worse. But it was going to work, and that was that. Still, I couldn’t stop the anxious fluttering of my heart when I heard his shoes slapping against the poolside pavement.
He rounded the double sliding doors a second later, hair still wet and tousled from the shower. I was lying on the small bed, hands brushing over the swell of my breasts.
“What are you doing?” Drew asked.
That was the last thing any woman wearing lingerie wanted to hear, but I’d prepared for it.
“What you won’t do,” I muttered, dipping my hands lower. “I decided to come over here and see what all the fuss is about. It’s nice, but I wouldn’t say it’s nice enough to barricade myself in for any extended period of time.”
His face darkened with a frown. “You can leave then, if you want.”
I pushed up onto my elbows and shot him a sardonic smile. “Make me.”
“I’m not playing this game with you, Jinx,” Drew said, shaking his head. He looked so good in his tight t-shirt and basketball shorts, like a casual, homespun god. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on him.
“No, you’re not playing any games with me,” I replied. “I’m well aware.”
“So you’re here to rub that in my face?” His tone had a bite to it that told me I was on the right track.
I smiled and leisurely rose to my feet. “Maybe I am. Does that make you mad?”
“You know it does.”
“Then do something about it.”
Drew’s features grew taut as he studied me, eyes roaming freely along my exposed skin. I knew how much he wanted me from the way his cock started to bulge through his shorts. But whether he was willing to take what he wanted was another matter.
“I’ll fuck you if you want me to fuck you,” he said. “But I’m not going to play your games while I do it.”
“Why does everything come down to a game for you, Drew?” I pushed myself up on my knees so I could look him in the eyes. “Being in a relationship isn’t a game. Life isn’t a game. It’s about getting knocked down and getting back up again, that’s the only way a person can get stronger.”
His lips curled into a vicious sneer. “See? This is exactly what I mean. I don’t want to talk about it, Jinx. You don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand what? Having my dream pulled out from under me?” I argued. “So make me fucking understand, Drew. Cause right now your pity party is only big enough for one, and there’s no way you’ll ever move on with your life if you carry on that way.”
His nostrils flared. “You’re trying to make me angry.”
“I’m trying to make you be honest.”
And there was nothing more honest than the hot, unbridled lust flowing between us right now, despite the fact that we were arguing. The way his pupils grew large and his hands twitched, itching to reach out and hold me. Grab me. Hell, maybe even spank me.
“I’m as honest as I’ve always been.”
“Bullshit,” I shot back. “You’re no more honest with me these days as you are honest with yourself. You’ve lost control, but you won’t do anything about it.”
Something dark flashed in his eyes. He gripped my chin tightly, drawing my face closer. “You wanna bet?”
“I do.”
A low growl came from his throat. “Don’t mess with me, little girl.”
“Make me stop,” I challenged. “Show me that you’re in control, Drew.” My pulse was racing, and I knew we were on the edge of something. “Show me.”
Suddenly, his mouth crashed into mine, bruising my lips against my teeth. As he held my chin, there was no doubt in my mind that he was very much in control. His other hand went to the small of my back, holding me in place. He speared his tongue into my mouth roughly, pulling a gasp of pleasure from my throat.
And then he pushed me away. A second later, his hand reached out and ripped the front of my teddy, exposing my breasts. I gasped and looked down at the ripped lace, but he merely smirked, stepping back to admire his work.
Damn if that didn’t make my nipples harder.
But we weren’t there yet.
“Is that all you’ve got?”
His smirk faded. He crossed the floor and grabbed at me, ripping away the rest of the sheer fabric, letting it fall in scraps to the floor. I should’ve been pissed, but I couldn’t bring mys
elf to care. I wanted him too much.
Then he threw me onto the bed, covering me in the next instant with his hard body, his clothes rough against my bare skin.
“Is that all I’ve got, she asks.” The words were a growl as he nipped along my neck and collarbone. “Dangerous waters, darling.”
The heat between my leg transformed into a full-blown throb of lust. God, I loved seeing him like this. He was so virile and powerful that it made me want to put my arms and legs around him and go wherever he took me.
“Show me.” My words came out in a gasp but Drew heard me. I couldn’t form any new words, that was for sure. All thoughts in my mind had basically been erased.
He moved off the bed, circling over to where I’d stacked up all the goodies I bought for us. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs and a switch, testing it against the palm of his hand.
My body quivered with anticipation.
“Stand up,” Drew commanded.
I did exactly as he said, sensing that he was close to that breaking point. I just needed to give him a little more of a push. Just a little.
“On your knees.”
I dropped obediently to my knees in front of him. There was something very erotic about how I was completely naked, and he was fully dressed, though his cock complained bitterly as it struggled to get out of his shorts. My legs felt like Jell-O, and I could already tell I was soaked. This was turning out to be one of my better ideas.
He stared down at me as he stroked the switch absentmindedly, stalling. This was where I needed to push him again. He was starting to over think things.
“I love it when you dominate me,” I said. “I’m so fucking wet for you.”
I wasn’t much of a dirty talker, usually leaving that to the men in my life, but fuck if it didn’t work like a charm. his eyes sparked with lust, and he remained clothed only long enough to shackle my wrists together behind my back and bend down to press a rough kiss to my mouth. Then his clothes were gone, and his dick was in my face.
