by Mel Sherratt
‘What?’ Carla looked at her in horror then reached for Lisa’s hand.
‘The woman – Shelley – died the following day. It had a big impact on the women in the house. The residents on the street, who were always trying to get the refuge closed down anyway, took a long time to stop complaining about us. Even more, it had a massive effect on me. I should have saved her.’
‘You can’t save everyone! Not from something like that.’
Lisa held up a hand. ‘I know. Eden mentioned that on average people get attacked fifty times before they report their first incidence of domestic abuse. I went through a down patch but I got out of it with the help of some very kind souls. People like Eden and Josie, and some of the mothers from SWAP got me through.’
Carla went to speak, then changed her mind. But Lisa had noticed.
‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘Do you ever wonder if your husband will find you again?’
Lisa nodded. ‘All the time. I know he moved out of the area, but I never stop looking over my shoulder for him when I’m out and about. It’s like living with a ghost, isn’t it?’
Carla nodded. ‘Does he know you’re here?’
‘Yes, I think so. But he seems to have moved on now. I know some other unfortunate woman might be at his beck and call. I just hope he met his match and someone gave him what I couldn’t. In the form of a backhander.’
Carla smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She knew what it was like to want to retaliate but thinking better of it because the punishment afterwards would be too much to bear.
‘How about you?’ asked Lisa. ‘I can tell you’re worried about something. You haven’t been yourself for a few weeks.’
Carla wondered whether to share her concerns, despite her preference for secrecy. But while Lisa was a work colleague, she was also a friend, and someone who could understand her fear.
‘Ryan’s recently got out of prison. I’m afraid he’ll come after me.’
Lisa pressed a hand to her mouth. ‘Does he know you’re here?’
Carla thought back to the day in the cemetery when the sound of his voice had sent chills through her body. ‘I’m not sure, but I do know wherever I’ve moved to during these last nine years he’s found me. I’m on tenterhooks he’ll come creeping out of somewhere, but what else can I do but live my life?’
‘Maybe he won’t find you again. It might have been a game he played to scare you while he was in prison. Now he’s out, he might go straight.’
Carla raised her eyebrows. ‘You really think that?’
‘Just trying to make you feel better.’ Lisa reached across and squeezed Carla’s hand. ‘You know any time you feel in danger, there’s a room for you here. I don’t care if I spend months on the sofa, I’m not sure what I would do if he got to you and I could have done something to prevent it.’
‘He said he would always find me, no matter where I went. And then he told me he would beat me to a pulp, take me to the nearest quarry and bury me so that no one would ever find me.’
‘Oh, Carla. What a bastard.’
No, what a bastard he was to do what he did to Chloe. That was what she wanted to say. But she had said that once and look at the trouble it had landed her in. She changed the subject. Lisa didn’t have to know everything.
‘Will Tanya be okay?’ she asked.
‘I hope so.’ Lisa glanced at her watch and got to her feet, sweeping both mugs up in one go. ‘I’ll always find room for her too. I can’t let anyone down, no matter how many times they leave and come back. She’s a nice woman, underneath, I think, if only she could escape his clutches.’
As she sat with her thoughts, Carla hoped nothing would happen to Tanya, but she knew even if she did get free of her husband, it wouldn’t stop the memories flooding back – again and again. Every time she heard a story on the news or in real life about domestic abuse, things that Ryan had done to her came back into her mind. No matter how hard she pushed them away.
What would happen if Ryan turned up here and came after her? She would hate to have it on her conscience if he attacked any of the women to get to her. And she didn’t think she’d be strong enough to continue working at the refuge. It would be too painful.
More importantly, he’d threatened to kill her when he did catch up with her. Vic getting into the refuge today had shown her just how vulnerable she was too.
Chapter Twenty-One
Eden was preparing that evening’s food while going over everything that had happened during the day. Apart from the teenage girls who’d been set upon last year before the trial of sixteen-year-old Deanna Barker, she had never dealt with a case where three women were attacked in one week. Was it the same person? The cases were different in one sense – one woman raped, one badly beaten and one attacked – but did it all equal the same thing? If the attacker hadn’t been interrupted, or had been given the opportunity, would he have gone on to sexually assault Alice Clough and Christina Spencer as well? And was Becky Fielding’s attack a fortnight ago his first attempt? Were there four victims in total?
There had to be some link they were missing. Hopefully, as evidence came in and forensics were processed, they could find something overlapping. At the moment, all they had to go on was that all the victims were young females out alone at night.
Eden had also been told about Vic White turning up at The Willows refuge. She couldn’t believe that he’d do that – well she could, but didn’t want to. He was such a bully. All the women in the refuge would be worried now, and she couldn’t blame them. She hoped Tanya had listened to her advice before running back to him like she usually did.
Now it was just after 6 p.m. Joe was coming over straight from work and Casey was due in any moment after having netball practice after school. All their family had been good at games, with their long legs and thin statures. Casey was talented at most sports, but Jess wasn’t interested in anything sporty, which surprised Eden. Her niece had that competitive streak about her, and it was a pity that she couldn’t use it to let off some steam. Laura was always worrying about her, unlike with Sarah. Her eldest niece was a darling.
Eden was halfway through cooking the mince when she heard the front door open. Casey came into the kitchen like a whirlwind, seeming to make as much noise as she could. She pulled her earplugs out as she got to Eden.
‘Hi, Mum,’ she said. ‘What’s for tea?’
‘Spag bol. That okay for you?’ Eden knew it would be. Over the last few months, Casey had turned into a fussy eater but pasta was her favourite food.
‘Perfect. Is Joe coming over?’
‘Yes, about seven.’
‘So we’re all eating at seven, or can I have mine before?’
‘You can have yours before.’ Eden gave the mince another stir. ‘It’ll be ready in about half an hour.’
‘Great! That will give you and Joe time to be alone.’
The emphasis on that last word made Eden smile. Casey never missed a trick.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she asked.
‘He doesn’t seem to be coming round as much lately. And it’s not like him to miss out on Sunday lunch at Laura’s, is it?’
‘You’d make a great copper with this,’ she said, putting a finger on the end of Casey’s nose. ‘When you get to my age, you’ll realise that sometimes love isn’t as straightforward as you’d like it to be.’
‘But if you tried harder—’
‘Since when did you give me advice on my love life?’ Eden cried. ‘It should be the other way around.’
‘Oh please.’ A raised palm. ‘I’m only sixteen. I’m not interested in boys yet.’
Eden almost snorted at the comment.
‘Just kidding!’
Eden gave her a quick hug. ‘As long as you find someone to love you when you’re old and grey, that’s the most important thing.’
There was a pause. ‘Did you ever think that you and Dad wouldn’t be married when you were old and grey, M
um?’
‘No one really knows if forever means forever, darling.’
‘But you miss him, right?’
Eden turned the question around so that she didn’t have to answer it. ‘Do you?’
‘Yes, but I also think he’s a bastard for walking out on us.’
‘Language, Casey!’
‘Sorry.’ Casey blushed a little. ‘I just wish I could see him and tell him how much I hate him.’
‘No, you don’t.’
Casey raised her eyebrows, showing Eden a flicker of anger that she knew people had seen in her own eyes many times. ‘Do you want to bet?’
Eden changed the subject. ‘Do you want to get out some garlic bread for me? I think there might be a couple of slices of that cheap but gorgeous gooey stuff.’
Hearing a car pull up outside, Eden’s stomach lurched. Joe waved as he let himself in the front door.
‘Hi.’ He came through to the kitchen, waggling a bottle of wine about in his hand. ‘Thought you might like this if we’re in need of a chat.’
‘Oooh.’ Casey was suddenly all ears. ‘On second thoughts, I might be able to join you for something to eat after all.’
‘Never you mind, lady,’ said Eden. ‘Up you go and get changed.’
Once Casey had left them alone together, they smiled at each other then stood looking at one another, each unsure of the other and what to do next. Finally, Joe took off his coat and went to hang it up in the hallway, and Eden opened the wine.
Try as she might to smile and laugh and joke and chat with him, to Eden it all seemed so false. She could tell by his demeanour that he felt the same way but, in the end, she left it up to him to start the conversation.
‘Everything okay?’ Joe asked as he watched her playing with the spaghetti.
Eden looked up and smiled. ‘Yes, fine thanks. It’s just this case at work, that’s all.’
‘If it isn’t this case, it’s the one before or the one after.’ He put down his fork. ‘People told me being in a relationship with a copper would mean I’d always come second. I should have listened.’
‘Meaning what exactly?’ Eden’s tone was sharper than she had intended.
‘Your mind is always on the job, the case you’re working on, regardless of whether it is or not. It’s just an excuse, isn’t it?’
‘Oh, so that’s what this is all about.’ Eden put down her fork and slid her plate away from her. She hadn’t been hungry when she came in, and now she had lost her appetite completely. ‘Me and you time.’
‘Well we hardly get any now, do we?’ Joe sulked.
Eden sighed. It was about the fifth time Joe had brought her job into the equation, saying that she put it before him. The truth was he was probably right. But then again, she and Danny might not have lasted as long if that were the case. Danny had hardly ever complained that she was out of the house for long hours, just accepted it was part of the job.
‘I don’t want to have this conversation again,’ she told him.
‘Neither do I,’ said Joe. ‘But it’s been playing on my mind for weeks now and, well, maybe we should take a break. Cool off for a while and see what happens.’
‘You think time away will improve anything?’ Eden gave him a weak smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings by saying that it was probably for the best.
Joe shrugged. ‘Yes. No. I don’t know. But I do know that I can’t keep doing this. You. . . you’re still in love with him, aren’t you?’
Eden looked at him sharply. ‘No, I don’t think I am,’ she replied.
Joe huffed. ‘Even the way you reacted shows me that you are.’ He reached across the table for her hand. ‘It’s okay, I get that you haven’t had closure. But I need you to move on, and if you won’t commit to me after nearly a year, then I’m not sure you’ll ever commit to me.’
Eden opened her mouth to speak but he urged her to stay quiet as he continued.
‘It’s heartbreaking because I love you so much. But I won’t play second fiddle to anyone, least of all someone who walked out on you and Casey.’
Eden could feel her skin heating up. Joe was right about some things but not everything. For a moment, she sat in the silence that had dropped. Then she looked from behind her fringe at the face she’d woken up to on a regular basis for the past twelve months.
‘Do you want to cool off for a while?’ she asked him.
He pushed the question back to her. ‘Do you?’
She couldn’t answer because she wasn’t sure how to reply. But to Joe, saying nothing spoke volumes. He stood up and reached for his coat.
‘I can’t do this any more,’ he said as he pushed his arms through the sleeves. ‘It’s hurting you and it’s hurting me but for very different reasons.’
‘Wait, Joe!’ He was almost at the front door before she caught up with him. ‘Don’t go. Let’s sort this out.’
She’d surprised herself the minute she had said it. Was her heart telling her that she did want to make things work with Joe, or did she feel sorry for the pain she was causing him?
Either way, it wasn’t enough to stop him leaving.
‘I’ll call you,’ he told her. ‘Perhaps in a week or so. See how you’re doing.’
He couldn’t look at her as he left the house. She wondered if he was crying. She was sure she’d seen his eyes watering.
Eden ran a hand through her hair before bursting into tears. A break from Joe might not be a bad thing, to see if she could put her feelings into perspective. Because right at that moment, she couldn’t decide. Was it him? Or could she really still be in love with Danny?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Carla parked the car and switched off the engine. She had just made it in time to her doctor’s surgery. She’d had a recent flare-up of eczema that she hadn’t been able to control so needed a prescription for her usual cream. The traffic had been terrible – trust her to make an appointment during the morning rush hour.
She got out of the car and ran across the road, dashing into the reception with a minute to spare.
The waiting room was full, the smell of damp coats and hair filling the room, but there were two chairs free. She sat down next to a woman who had a young girl sitting on her knee. The girl wore her school uniform underneath her coat, her cheeks red and blotchy. Her worried mum was trying to console her.
‘We’ll be going through in a minute,’ she soothed, wiping a hand over her forehead. ‘You’re very hot.’
Carla threw her a sympathetic look, a lump forming in her throat. Memories of Chloe came rushing forward so fast that she felt breathless. She recalled when she had sat with Chloe in a waiting room when her daughter had been running a fever. It had turned out to be chickenpox. Ryan had gone mad, at first blaming her for taking Chloe to school. At the time, chickenpox had been doing the rounds in Chloe’s class. Carla had thought that Chloe had missed that bout, but still, she couldn’t keep her from attending school.
Chloe had come down with flu-like symptoms so it was hard to see what was really wrong with her until the morning she awoke covered in blisters. It had been dreadful to see her itch her way through it. The scabs had been everywhere.
Carla looked at the little girl beside her. She would give anything to be able to turn back the clock. She missed Chloe more and more each year.
‘Carla Gregory?’ someone called.
Ten minutes later, she was out with a prescription. She fastened up her coat against the elements and left the surgery. It was pouring down outside so she dashed across to her car. By the time she’d got inside, she was soaking. Her hair hung down, her fringe dripping. She groaned as she caught her bedraggled reflection in the mirror.
She switched on the engine. As the wiper came on automatically and cleared the windscreen, a man walked past her car. His head was tucked in against the rain, his black coat buttoned up.
It was Ryan.
Carla let out a sob and slid down further into her seat, flipping the lock on the door. It wasn�
��t until he was fully out of view of her side mirror that she realised it hadn’t been him. Her imagination was playing tricks with her.
She let go of the breath she was holding and gave a huge sigh. But tears fell anyway. In that split second, all her fear had come back. Damn Vic White for unsettling her. She could never stop looking over her shoulder because she knew Ryan was out there and could get to her whenever he wanted.
She wondered what was the better option. Waiting for him to find her, to show himself, or getting it over and done with. She felt trapped. Moving around hadn’t worked, and in that moment she wondered if there was any point in trying again.
Nineteen Years Ago
Over the years, once we were married, Ryan became so controlling. He’d lose his temper constantly, shouting and complaining at the slightest thing. Once he’d calmed down, he’d be so loving, and I’d be lured back into a false sense of security before it happened again.
He gave me money every week, which I had to manage and account for. It wasn’t so much the control; I could cope with that. It was the verbal abuse that ground me down. Being told you’re useless at everything you do, well, eventually you start believing it. I burn the toast slightly – I’m a useless cook. Being told I looked at someone the wrong way when he took me out – I’m a slag. Being found drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine – I was a slob. Being told this by someone who was seething with rage and standing an inch from my face at the time, I didn’t really know what to do.
You see, people like Ryan, they get under your skin. You don’t see it coming. They manipulate you, they smother you with love and affection, making out you’re the only thing that matters in their lives, and by the time you realise who they really are, it’s too late.
They have you.
