by Harper Sloan
I hear another door slam, and I throw the door open and move to the window in my parents’ room just in time to see Ember running to her car and jumping in. It’s gotten darker out, but her dome light is illuminating her, and the second I see her swipe at her eyes, I kick my own ass.
If I could just get her to talk to me, without it turning into whatever just happened in the bathroom, I could fix this. We could go back to the way things were. With my mind made up, I rush out of the room and down the stairs, taking them two at a time. I open the front door just as she turns the engine over.
“Ember!” I yell and race down the driveway.
Before I can reach her car, she’s backing out so fast that her tires protest against the speed.
“Ember!” I bellow, running down the driveway trying to catch her. A feeling of pure helplessness starts to crawl up my throat when she looks over at me with tear-filled eyes before gunning the gas and taking off. “Em,” I whisper, pleading with her taillights for what, I have no idea.
“Figure it out yet?” I hear behind me but don’t look until the glow of her taillights is completely gone.
When I turn, Maddox is standing at the end of the driveway, arms crossed over his chest, stoic mask in place.
“Not even a little,” I tell him honestly, hoping that he’s going to be more of a voice of reason and not a pissed off father right now.
“You aren’t a stupid man, Nathaniel, so it really shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll help you out because I love my little girl and her happiness means more to me than kicking your fucking ass right now, but you best believe that moment is coming and I’ll be nice enough to give you time to prepare for it.”
A normal man would probably shit himself right now, but I match Maddox in size, and if anything, I’m bigger than he is, so if I’m looking at a beating to come, I’m fairly sure I could hold my own. I think.
“You know I respect the hell out of you, Maddox, but I’m not sure what I’ve done to earn that anger from you.”
“You aren’t now, but you will be and I suspect that you’ll come willingly when I tell you it’s time for that fight.”
Cryptic motherfucker.
“My little girl’s had a crush on you for way too long. I didn’t mind when she was younger because I knew you had too much respect for her—and me—to cross that line, even though you wanted to. However, my baby isn’t a baby anymore and those feelings she has for you still run deep.”
I open my mouth to say something, fuck if I know, but close it when his eyes narrow.
“Don’t insult my intelligence by denying that, Nate. You might act like a little shit, but you have a good head on your shoulders. You fucked up, so what are you going to do about it?”
“Can I talk now?” I ask him after a moment of silence, my head spinning.
He doesn’t speak. I watch as his jaw ticks and his eyes grow harder.
“I’m pretty sure she doesn’t, um … have those kind of feelings for me,” I hedge.
“I told you not to insult me.”
“Right.” I sigh, dropping my head and looking down at my booted feet. “Are you saying you don’t have an issue with your twenty, almost twenty-one-year-old daughter crushing on a man who is almost thirty?”
“Didn’t say that, did I?” he growls at me. He uncrosses his arms and steps up until he’s in my face, and I brace, thinking he’s changed his mind about that ass kicking. “What I said was my little girl’s happiness means more to me than kicking your ass. Seeing her smile is the reason I fucking live, so when I see the reason for her smile runs hand in hand with her feelings toward you, I’m willing to put my own feelings aside, for now, to get that back on her face where it belongs.”
“I respect you there, Maddox, I do, but what I’m asking you isn’t about her smile.”
“You want my little girl.”
His response is enough to shock me stupid. The venom in his voice says enough. He knows my ‘want’ is a fucking lot more complicated than that. I fucking crave her.
“I’m going to ask you again because I would really like to not have any surprises here. You do understand what you’re saying … right?”
Again, he doesn’t talk. His eyes don’t even blink as he continues to level me with those black orbs of intimidation.
“I’ve been in love with her since before it was legal to feel that way,” I tell him honestly, voicing my feelings for her for the first time out loud.
One eye twitches, and on the opposite side of his face, I see his jaw tick.
“She hates me.”
That gets him, and he steps up until we’re chest to chest. “She doesn’t hate you, you clueless fuck. She’s hurt because you fucked up major. That’s my baby girl, so I really don’t like talking about this shit, but she’s a woman and I’m not stupid. Remember. Think really fucking hard, Nate, and remember your sister’s reception. Fix this shit and bring back that smile, but I warn you … the next time you call my daughter babe, you’re going to know how she felt that night before she ran off and her smile died.”
What. The. Fuck.
No. That’s not possible.
My breath stills in my throat when his implication hits the mark. Vivid images of that night—that dream night—hit my brain, only this time I know the same thing that’s kept me up night after night has also been keeping her up, but for different reasons.
And as if that wasn’t enough, I know now that her very overprotective father knows I fucked his baby girl without realizing whom I had in my arms.
“Oh fuck,” I grumble.
“Yeah, oh fuck is right. You fix this and me and you … we aren’t done with this shit,” he tells me with another intimidating look before turning and walking back into my parents’ house.
PLACING THE LAST BRUSH BACK in its designated drawer, I look over at the sunrise landscape that I had been working on for the last two days. I study it with a critical eye and a deep exhale.
It’s beautiful, stunning even, but looking at it just causes me to feel nothing but sadness when it should inflict the exact opposite.
I started with the tall maple trees lining each side of the canvas and the center focusing on the rising sun. The sun is and should be the spotlight, but for me, the grassy field that takes up the whole bottom half is. The sun’s rays hitting the empty field cast an entrancing effect, as each blade appears to be glowing.
I’ve always had a talent at making my work look as if it was a picture rather than a painting, and this one is no different. My fingers itch to reach out and see if I could feel the light sheen of dew covering the valley between the trees.
The bright green blades look just like Nate Reid’s eyes.
I know exactly why I escaped to my art after the family dinner two nights ago. Painting has always been the only thing, other than being near him, that made me feel like I was complete. An outlet that I can channel to express the feelings I never know how to separate in my jumbled thoughts. I’ve never been the type of girl who wants to go out every night and party.
To me, art is something I can understand when people never have been. I don’t need to pretend to be someone else to get some sort of approval when I get lost in an introvert’s heaven. But because of that, a loneliness I just can’t shake always lingers.
I hate the knowledge that the only other time I’ve felt safe enough to be me outside of my painting was when things were normal between Nate and me. I never had the feeling of judgment from him. He never looked at me as if he had no clue how to deal with the shy, quiet, awkward girl.
Some people might think I’m insecure, but I’m not, even though it has taken me a while to realize that. Getting past the fear of being accepted as the weird artsy girl will probably always be with me, but I’m ready. I’m just lonesome. A little lost maybe, but I know something needs to change. I need to learn not to care what people think and live my life for me, no one else.
It doesn’t take me long to tidy up my workspace now that my brushe
s are clean and stored in the large wooden storage chest that my dad had made for me. I’m meticulous in the order of that chest. Each paint pot, tube, and brush is stored in its labeled spot before I leave the room. When I push the last drawer closed, I run my hand across the bright teal of my name inscribed on the top of the white painted box. It’s the only purposely-placed color in this whole room, aside from my canvases that is.
Of course, that chest is the only thing that’s neat and tidy in this room. I deliberately decorated this room in all whites from the ceiling to the floor including every piece of furniture in here; that way, if paint spilled or transferred from me as I moved around, the room would take on a life of its own. My own little piece of living art. Little smudges on the couch, chair, and table. Splatters dance across the floor in random successions. Even a huge smear of bright red graces the center of my ceiling courtesy of a very overeager new tube of paint exploding when I tried to open a jammed top.
I can’t wait until the day that this whole room is a collage of my career.
With a smile on my face, I move over to the sink and wash my hands before picking up my phone and turning it on. A few notifications start popping on the screen as the signal wakes up. I give them a quick glance, reminding myself to open the Uno with Friends app I’ve been obsessed with lately so I don’t lose my daily accumulative rewards.
A few messages from Levi come, letting me know what time he’s picking up Nikki and Seth before coming for me, but before I can open his message to reply, another one pops up.
Nate: Call me, Ember. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, but I need you to work with me. Call me, text me, just do something other than continue to ignore me. Please.
Yeah, no.
After the family dinner and a pity party I’m not proud of, I decided no more stupid thoughts of something that will never be. I should have moved on and I had done a good job of that after my graduation night … until his sister’s wedding and one too many drinks.
Inhibitions and fears went out the window as old feelings and dreams started trying to mend my broken heart that night. I had been coming around the side of the house, laughing to myself about getting lost on the way back from the bathroom, when I found myself colliding with a hard body. I’m still not really sure how things progressed from there; all I knew was that my panties were on the ground and I was burning from the inside out.
Then, of course, there was the figurative bath of cold water when I realized Nate had no idea who he was pushing his hard dick inside. The next thing I knew, I was no longer in his arms as I rushed from the darkened corner blindly.
Not even wanting to think about everything that followed, I ignore his message and go to Levi’s text.
Ember: Sounds good. ;) I’ll be ready in an hour. See you soon!
I don’t get a reply, but I didn’t think I would since Levi is the worst at responding. I shoot Nikki a similar message while walking to the back door and letting an overexcited Bam in from his run in the backyard. I leave my back room to head to my bedroom and get ready for a double date night.
I look across the table at Levi and try to focus on the conversation around me. He and Seth have been going on and on about some new training program they’ve been on to ‘bulk up.’ Whatever the hell that means. Something about their muscles getting bigger … or was it sharper? More defined? I don’t know.
Nikki nudges my foot under the table, taking a sip of her beer, and rolls her eyes.
“I hit the gym twice yesterday, man. My veins looked like they were going to pop through my skin by the time I finished.”
“So, Levi,” Nikki interrupts him and turns her attention to the man next to me. “How are things at the fire department?”
“Good,” he says, giving her a small glance before looking back across the table to Seth. “So I told Allen I would be there at six in the morning tomorrow to work my legs some more. Since I’m working a double this weekend, no gym time until Monday.”
Nikki gives me a shrug, not really caring that she was dismissed, and we both continue to eat.
The look of displeasure that I got from Levi when I ordered pasta almost made me regret my decision, but I’ve never been one to shy away from a hearty Italian dish. Just because he’s a health nut doesn’t mean I have to be. I should be annoyed that he tries to control what I eat, but I don’t really care. I’m not going to become someone else just to make him happy, even if my knee-jerk reaction is to do just that. I’m not a skinny girl, but I’m also not big. I’m just me, soft in all the right places.
“Are you sure you can’t get someone to take your shift?” I ask him before taking another big bite and smiling at him when he frowns at me. He gives me one of his devastatingly handsome grins when the noodle slurps loudly, just shaking his head at me. After two months, I might still get the looks and a few comments, but he knows I’ll be the last one who starts to worry about what goes in my mouth.
“Sorry, babe,” he responds, and I succeed in hiding my grimace at the pet name. “I tried to get Trenton to switch, but his little sister is getting married so it was a no go.”
“I can’t believe you’re letting her go party on her twenty-first,” Seth chimes in.
“Letting her go?” Nikki questions with a harsh tone.
“Yeah, letting, Nic. I remember how wild things got at mine. Fuck, dude, there were strippers that—”
“I probably wouldn’t finish that sentence.” Levi laughs.
“No, please … tell me all about the strippers, Seth,” Nikki sarcastically drawls, leaning back in her seat after placing her fork down and crossing her arms over her chest.
“Seriously? What’s the big deal?” Seth looks clueless as to why his girlfriend is pissed, which is sad.
“The big deal is that you probably shouldn’t be talking about the strippers you had that night when your very pissed girlfriend, the same girlfriend you had three years ago during said birthday full of skank happened, is sitting next to you.”
Levi and I burst out laughing at Nikki’s smartass response. They continue to fight and I soak up Levi’s attention as he gives me a soft, chaste kiss before returning to his meal.
Nikki pushed me toward Levi almost two months ago. I’m not sure what made me say yes, but I knew it was largely in part to the loneliness I was sick of feeling. Our first date was great. We had dinner at a local Mexican place before following that up with a movie. He left me a few hours later with my first front porch kiss experience. He was easy to be with and the relationship progressed from there.
I say relationship loosely because lately, he’s been acting so weird. I think the only thing that Levi really cares about having a relationship with is his gym membership. A few other little things lately have also been making me question if being with him is the best thing for me.
Nikki and Seth continue to bicker, and I look over at Levi as my thoughts darken. He doesn’t notice my attention, which is also something I’ve noticed a lot of lately.
He looks like such the boy next door. All-American type with the looks that could probably put him as the front cover model for J. Crew or something, but underneath is a simmering anger I’ve only recently been privy to. He wasn’t always like this. When we first met, he was amazing, and I really had high hopes that he would be someone worth exploring a relationship with. But I’m not sure what to do with this new easily angered and controlling side of him.
“Are you excited to hit up Nate’s place?” Nikki asks me, clearly done fighting with her boyfriend since she’s now taking a big forkful of her own pasta with a look of pure pleasure. She doesn’t notice that her question has now caused a dark cloud to settle over my side of the table.
“Who is Nate?” Levi asks her in a hard tone. His question might be directed at Nikki, but the anger is all for me.
“A friend,” I tell him, ignoring him much like he’s been ignoring me for most of the evening.
“What kind of friend?” His words come out sharp and f
orcefully.
I shrug and keep chewing. I look up when I see Nikki stop her fork’s upward path to her mouth; the utensil paused halfway to her mouth as she looks at him with wide eyes, not used to seeing this side of him.
I take a fortifying breath for patience and turn so that I’m looking at him. He’s so handsome, even when he’s pissed. His blond hair is cut short, but long on the top. His blue eyes are narrowed, but that just makes the sharp edges of his facial features stand out more. Add the tan that I’m pretty sure he gets with the help of a tanning bed, and he really should be making my heart beat with desire.
But it doesn’t.
Because it only does that for the man I can’t have.
Yet another reason I can’t keep dragging this on with him. It’s very clear that I’m just not feeling like a girl should when she’s in a relationship with one man, but still in love with another.
A cold flash of rage flickers in his eyes when I continue my silence and I shake off the chill that skirts down my spine.
What the hell was that?
“I grew up with him,” I finally say, feeling the goose bumps pebble across my skin. “He’s a childhood friend and nothing more,” I assure him.
“Let’s hope so,” he says through thin lips. “How come I haven’t met this friend before?” he adds.
I look back at Nikki, her fork still in the middle of its journey to her mouth; only now, half of her fettuccini is hanging off. Her eyes say it all, but then she mouths creepy, and I can’t even deny it.
“We aren’t that close anymore, Lev. I see him once a month during the family dinner.”
“If he’s close enough to attend the infamous family dinner, I would say he’s someone I should have met by now,” he growls through clenched teeth.
I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile, not interested in having to deal with his one of his ‘dark moods’ when we’re in public.
