by Alex Brown
Sensing something was amiss, Jude crouched down to the letterbox at the bottom of the door and lifted it open, but it was too low for her to actually see inside. Lulu went berserk and started howling and barking, in between pawing at Jude’s legs now, as if trying to communicate something to her. Jude stepped across the path to the little window that looked into the hallway and, after pressing her hands up to the sides of her head, she peered through the glass. The house was in total darkness. But something wasn’t right. Jude just knew it. And where was Chrissie? It really was unlike her not to be here.
Jude looped the handle of Lulu’s lead over a nearby fence post to prevent her from running off, and then dashed over to Tony’s car, where he was still savouring his rollie.
‘Dad, can you pass me your torch from the glove box, please?’ she said as soon as he wound down the window.
‘Here you go, love.’ He handed the torch to her. ‘Is something up?’
‘I’m not sure. But I’m going to find out.’ And she ran back to the house and peered again through the little window, this time with the torch on full beam. Her hunch was right! Well … thanks to Lulu realising that something was up, and then actually having the gumption to alert her, which was a blessing in itself as Lulu was usually quite pathetic when it came to galvanising herself into action and behaving like a proper dog.
Holly was lying on the floor at the far end of the hall with a kitchen chair on top of her legs.
Jude quickly found her handbag and was just about to rummage inside it when she was swiftly pushed aside from behind.
SMASH.
Tony had booted in the front door, making the bevelled glass mirror on the wall behind it fall and shatter everywhere.
‘DAD! What are you doing?’ Jude hissed, horrified.
Holly was moving now and trying to stand up. Tony grabbed the chair off her back and swiftly stood it upright. Then carefully steered the young girl towards it.
‘There now, sweetheart. You just sit still for a minute. You’ve had a fall by the looks of it.’ And he patted Holly’s arm before turning to Jude. ‘We couldn’t just leave her lying there, what if she was having a hypo? Diabetic comas can be fatal!’ he said by way of explanation for the now-broken door lock and splintered wood frame. He tried the hallway light switch, and turned it on and off again to no effect.
‘I have a key! That’s what I was looking for in my handbag. Chrissie gave me one years ago … for emergencies,’ she quickly explained, making big eyes and lifting it to show him in the torchlight, before dumping the key and the handbag on the stairs and crouching down in front of Holly. ‘What happened, darling? Are you OK?’ She rubbed the tops of Holly’s arms to comfort her. Holly nodded and stared back, her eyes wide with shock and fright, but she seemed to be OK, no bumps or bruises that Jude could see.
Seconds later, the lights came on.
‘There we go. It was just a trip. All fixed now,’ Tony said, closing the fuse box and turning his attentions to the front door; then, after muttering something about getting his tool bag, headed towards his van.
Holly was crying now, fiddling with the hem of her Katy Perry tour T-shirt and refusing to look Jude in the eye.
‘It’s OK, Holly,’ Jude soothed, sensing there was more to this than her goddaughter simply standing on a chair and then toppling off it. It was unlike Holly to be so distraught, she usually seemed quite resilient, but now she was almost choking on her sobs. ‘Come on, sweetie, surely it’s not that bad …’
‘Mum is going to go mental,’ Holly sobbed in a stilted, breathy voice. ‘I thought it was her ringing the doorbell. That she had forgotten her door key again. She’d go mad if she saw me climbing on a chair. And she already hates me!’ The young girl put her head in her hands and sobbed some more, as if she had the weight of the whole world on her shoulders.
‘No she doesn’t,’ Jude said instinctively, taken aback, followed by, ‘why on earth would you think that?’ But before Holly could say anything more, Chrissie came hurtling through the open front door, her blonde hair flying out in the backdraught and her face full of horror.
‘Oh God, what’s happened?’ she gasped, dropping to her knees next to Jude. ‘Holly, are you OK? Can you hear me? Is it a hypo?’ she shouted, panicking and lifting Holly’s chin so she could look into her eyes.
‘No, Mum. It’s not. I’m all right. Not everything is about the diabetes, you know. Stop making it a big deal.’ Holly lifted her feet up onto the chair and, with her knees under her chin, she clasped her arms around her legs, shrinking away from Chrissie.
‘Your mum just cares, sweetheart,’ Jude said, seeing the look of hurt flicker across Chrissie’s face.
‘I fell off the chair trying to fix the fuse, that was all,’ Holly mumbled into herself.
Chrissie’s eyebrows shot up into her forehead. ‘You were doing what?’
‘I was just trying to help!’ Holly looked up, her chin wobbled as her bottom lip quivered.
‘But why wasn’t Dad here with you?’
‘He dropped me off just a few minutes ago.’ Holly knew that she was going to get her dad into big trouble, but she couldn’t tell the truth about what had really happened – what would become of her Get Mum and Dad Back Together in Time for My Birthday plan then? Chrissie tutted and sighed, shaking her head in frustration.
‘Don’t blame Dad, just like you always do!’ Holly was practically shouting now.
‘Don’t take that tone with me, Holly. I come home to find my daughter lying on the floor, looking very upset, and it’s not a big deal?’ Chrissie and Holly eyeballed each other for a moment – both of them furious with the other, before Chrissie crumbled and wrapped herself around her daughter in a relieved hug. Holly started off on a fresh round of sniffles, but hugged her mum tightly in return.
Jude smiled. Holly might be thirteen years old and as headstrong as anything, but at times like these she was still just a little girl who needed her mummy.
‘Look, I’d better call Dr Ben right away, I need to make sure that you haven’t actually brained yourself.’ And Chrissie leapt up and darted into the kitchen to grab the landline phone from the holster. Jude could tell that Chrissie was really upset, but was trying not to show it in front of Holly.
‘Go on, love.’ Tony was back with his tool bag. ‘Check she’s all right,’ he instructed when Jude glanced up at him. ‘Holly and I will be fine, won’t we girl?’ He gave Holly a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she buried her face back into her knees. ‘Let’s go and put the telly on in the family room. I can fix the door later, no problem,’ he suggested cheerfully, at which Holly looked up and managed a weak smile as she nodded her head and rubbed her tears away on the back of her sleeve.
Jude dashed after Chrissie.
‘She seems fine, Chrissie. It doesn’t look as if she’s done anything worse than given herself a bit of a fright. I don’t think she actually knocked herself out. She was checking the fuse box. A power cut,’ Jude explained, quickly bringing her friend up to speed. She put her hand on Chrissie’s arm, concerned at the grim set of her jaw and the spark of anger in her eyes. She was pacing around the kitchen now with a thunderous look on her face.
‘Power cut? Fuse box? But what was she even doing standing on a chair? Where the hell was Sam?’ Chrissie said through gritted teeth, holding the phone in mid-air.
‘I don’t know. But he wouldn’t have left her on her own without good reason,’ Jude said desperately, not sure what Sam had been thinking, but wondering what Holly had told him. And she didn’t want to get Holly into even more trouble than she already seemed to be. Plus, Holly’s comment was bothering her … why on earth would Holly think Chrissie hated her? Chrissie and Holly had always had a bit of a fiery relationship. They clashed. Because Chrissie could be strict, driven by routine and rules, and Holly was headstrong and typically a child who pushed the boundaries. In fact, Holly reminded Jude quite a lot of how Chrissie had been as a teenager. Spirited and fun too; she knew
her own mind. Holly idolised Sam to the point where she had cast Chrissie as the demon, blaming her for her dad not being around, for being the reason for her mum and dad’s separation – Chrissie had told Jude all about it during their Skype sessions when she was in LA; how Holly had never so much as once uttered a bad word about her dad. Even when he didn’t show up for her thirteenth birthday weekend.
‘It’s not Dad’s fault he’s busy working to pay for everything,’ was what Holly had said to her mum, absolutely delighted with the expensive new laptop that Sam had delivered to her as a birthday present. Along with the two hundred pounds he put in her bank account so she could treat herself to some new clothes. Not that Chrissie wanted Holly to hate her dad, but it did seem unfair for her to get all the blame because she was the boring one, as far as Holly was concerned. The one who made her do her homework. The one who made her pick up her clothes instead of leaving them on the floor. The one who made her make her bed. And so on. But then Sam was always the easy-going one. The one who let Holly do pretty much what she liked. The one who thought material things made up for missing special occasions. So no wonder Chrissie was desperate to pull back some control. Jude imagined her friend felt as if everything was slipping away from her. But in her desperation to hold on, she was inadvertently pushing Holly, and possibly her husband, away. It was a mess.
‘Bloody typical.’ Chrissie was still fuming. ‘Why the hell was she even here on her own? I never leave her home alone. She was supposed to be at Dolly’s house visiting Sam. And he was supposed to drop her home after I got back. He could have at least waited with her … No, this shouldn’t have happened.’
‘Look, why don’t we just call Dr Ben on his out-of-hours number,’ Jude suggested, in the hope that reassurance from a medical professional might defuse Chrissie’s concerns. ‘Let’s see what he says and then get Holly to bed. She’s had a fright falling off the chair and could probably do with a bit of TLC.’
Chrissie sighed, deep in thought, as if mulling over what to do for the best. Then, ‘You’re right, Jude. First things first; we can talk about this later,’ she decided.
*
Chrissie had left Dr Ben a message and he had called her straight back. Jude saw that his lilting Irish brogue had soothed her friend’s anxieties, her shoulders relaxing as she told him what had happened. He’d also talked to Holly to gauge how she was feeling, and Holly told him that she was absolutely fine. She hadn’t even blacked out. She was just shocked when she fell off the chair.
‘Holly sounds like she has come out of the episode unscathed,’ he had reassured. ‘But make sure you monitor her for signs of concussion – headaches, vomiting, confusion … anything out of the ordinary. I’ll text you the full list, and please don’t hesitate to ring me back. Or you can call 999 if you have any indicators at all, OK?’
Later, feeling reassured but watchful, Chrissie had put Holly to bed. She had tucked her in like she had done when Holly was a young child. All the while she had listened to Holly grumble and fret about Sam and how she shouldn’t upset Dad or ‘he might go away again.’
Jude had waited downstairs, pulling out her bag of goodies and hoping that something of their Lykke evening could be salvaged. It looked to Jude like Chrissie needed to offload her feelings more than she had realised.
‘I’d better only have a very small cocktail. I need to keep my wits about me,’ Chrissie said when she came downstairs and into the lounge to join her friend. She had found Holly’s old video baby monitor in a cupboard, and plugged it in and set it up on the coffee table in front of them. ‘I can keep an eye on her tonight for peace of mind.’
‘Good idea. But all seems well,’ Jude said, looking at the little screen on the monitor. Holly was snuggled up in bed reading a book.
‘Thankfully,’ Chrissie sighed. ‘I know it’s late for her to still be awake. But, tonight I’d rather she was alert and reading. That way I know she’s OK.’
‘Sure, and it’s a Saturday evening, so it’s not like she has school tomorrow. Now, sit back and take a sip of this,’ Jude smiled, handing her friend the Prosecco cocktail and hoping she’d try to relax.
Chrissie settled back on the sofa, sinking into the deep cushions.
‘Mmm, I really need this.’ She took a mouthful. ‘You should come around more often if you’re going to make me cocktails like this.’
Jude laughed, ‘I intend to.’
‘But I’m really sorry about all this.’ Chrissie shook her head.
‘What do you mean?’ Jude tucked her legs up on the sofa and turned her head sideways to look at her friend.
‘You know, being thrown into my marriage breakdown. I feel like it’s got in the way of my excitement at having my best mate back. I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh don’t be daft, I just want to be here for you, to try and help you and Sam – and Holly – figure things out.’ Jude gave Chrissie’s arm a comforting stroke.
‘I know.’ Chrissie smiled gratefully. ‘And thank you. It’s just …’ She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.
‘Just what?’ Jude coaxed, taking a sip of her drink.
‘Sam! He’s so infuriating. You know, when he came here the other day – after all this time – actually standing here in his own house, I just wanted to wish away the last year and pretend it didn’t happen. Take him back, right there on the spot. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, Jude, to send him away like that. When all I wanted was for him to hold me and make it all better.’
‘Then why didn’t you?’ Jude offered the bowl of Twiglets to Chrissie.
‘Thanks.’ She took a handful and popped one into her mouth. ‘Because I still don’t get why he wants to be there – Singapore or wherever the latest contract is – when he could be here.’
‘But he’s back now,’ Jude pointed out.
‘Yes, but for how long? He might say he’s here for good, but what if he changes his mind? He could be gone again in a few weeks. And then where does that leave Holly, and me?’
‘Well, he does drive himself quite hard, Chrissie. And he’s never thought he was good enough for you … so maybe all the high-earning jobs have been so he could provide. You know … to prove himself, perhaps,’ Jude suggested.
‘Hmm,’ Chrissie replied, pondering Jude’s words. ‘When has he said that? About not thinking he’s good enough?’
‘Oh loads of times, back in the day. Don’t you remember? It was usually when he’d had four pints of Tindledale’s finest cider down at the Duck & Puddle.’
‘You’ve never told me that before.’
‘I thought it was just drunk talk, or self-indulgence – he is quite emotional.’ They both laughed.
‘True. He did cry at Finding Nemo when he watched it with Holly when she was little,’ Chrissie said.
‘Well, there you go!’ Jude grinned and finished her drink.
‘And those big soulful eyes of his welled up at Holly’s Harvest Festival when she and her classmates took to the stage and sang “All Things Bright and Beautiful”.’ They sat in silence for a little while and Jude could see that Chrissie was deep in thought about Sam.
‘I remember once,’ Jude broke the moment. ‘I think it was at Holly’s christening. He was so proud. The happiest I’d ever seen him, and he was buying everyone drinks and seemed to be really revelling in all the slaps on the back. But later on, he said to me, “Jude, what have I done to deserve this? How could someone like me have ended up with Chrissie and Holly? One day I think I’m going to wake up and it will all be gone.”’
‘Really?’ Chrissie stared at the bottom of her glass, swilling the liquid around.
‘Yes, really.’ Jude nibbled on a few more Twiglets.
‘That mother of his has got a lot to answer for.’ Chrissie shook her head. ‘She starved him of affection and love. I guess that eroded his sense of self-worth and value. Bound to, isn’t it?’
‘I guess so,’ Jude nodded.
‘But he’s a grown-up now, Jude,�
�� Chrissie replied more firmly this time. ‘And that means you have to take responsibility for yourself, doesn’t it?’
‘I think he’s trying.’ Jude topped up her glass.
‘How? Look at what happened the other night. He turned up again, like he’d just popped out for a takeaway ten minutes earlier. Months and months he’s been gone, without so much as a fortnight off to see me, or Holly – he knew how I felt, what I’d said, how high the stakes were, but still he didn’t come home. Then thinking he can make it all right with a bunch of blooming flowers when he does deign to come back. Pink lilies delivered today … I ask you!’ Chrissie shook her head, her eyes glowing and fiery now. ‘He knows they’re my favourites, but still, you’d think after everything it would warrant more than a bunch of flowers.’
‘He wanted you and Holly to come and live with him in Singapore, didn’t he?’ Jude intervened delicately, not wanting to antagonise Chrissie further, as she could see she was getting wound up and that was the last thing Jude had wanted this evening to be. Lykke was all about happiness and calm. Not frustration and angst.
‘That was never going to be practical – it was too disruptive for Holly and she’d just been diagnosed,’ Chrissie snapped. Jude stared at the fluffy rug underneath the coffee table. She’d never seen Chrissie this upset before. ‘And then, to cap it all, I’m still so worried about Holly. She’s been having all these tests. She keeps going low, and the hospital and Dr Ben have all mentioned the pressure it’s putting her kidneys under. I can’t bear to think about what could happen if they can’t sort things out … she’s been through so much already. I feel wretched about it. Utterly helpless and miserable and a failure that I can’t do anything for my child. Then Sam turns up muddling things up in my mind when I just need to be focusing on her—’
‘Oh come on, Chrissie,’ Jude jumped in, keen to pull things back and salvage something of the evening for her friend, ‘Sam’s here to help. He wants to make things right, I’m convinced of it. And he loves you both. I don’t know the real reasons why he has been avoiding facing up to things before now, but you need to listen to him at least. To let him try. If not for you, then for Holly.’ Jude knew it was a horrible situation: a daughter they adored who had this awful condition. ‘You’re taking on too much by yourself – let Sam in.’
