Matt made a face. “And I suppose we’re paying for her ticket too?”
Maddie frowned back. “Would you rather he fly all by himself?”
“I guess not,” Matt sighed.
“We’ve gone over this, Matt,” she scolded. “You’ve got less than a month to change your attitude.” She shook her head and continued reading.
“Did you talk to Kim?” he asked after another minute or so.
“Kim is definitely going to heaven,” Maddie said. “She is more than happy to watch him while we’re both at work.”
“More like she’s too nice to say no. She can’t like watching my mist—”
“Matt!” Maddie interrupted. “He is your son. Ten years from now he will still be your son. When he has children of his own, you will be their grandfather, and someday you will have to give an account for your role in his life. I hope you’ll have something to say that will work in your favor.”
Matt looked over at her and said, “Can I ask you something?”
Maddie creased her brow and nodded.
“Why is it you can accept this so well?”
“So well might be too strong,” Maddie said. She smiled, although there was sadness in her expression, and reached over, putting her hand over his. “He’s your son, Matt. A part of you. I wanted so badly for us . . .” Her voice quieted and shook. She took a deep breath and went on, “ . . . to have children, in part so that I could love even more of you.” Matt’s eyes filled, but he didn’t move them from her face. “It isn’t the way I wanted it,” she said, “but I got my wish, and I expect to make the most of this opportunity.”
“And Sonja?” Matt managed to ask after another few moments.
“Is his mother,” Maddie said. “That’s all that matters now.”
Matt nodded, “I’ll try harder.”
Maddie smiled and patted his hand. “Good. That’s all I ask.”
Maddie put the papers into the folder and stood up to stretch. Coming around the table, she kissed him on the cheek. “I also can’t help but wonder why God would send us other children if we refuse to care for the one you already have.” She kissed him again and went into their room.
Chapter 28
Anna poked her head through the front door. “Walter?” she said in a loud whisper. He was playing his Game Boy and craned his neck so he could see around the new entertainment center Sonja had bought with the first child-support payment. Anna had the front door open a few inches but was still standing outside.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Is your mom here?”
“No—I don’t know where she is.”
Anna grinned. “Good,” she said. She disappeared for a moment, then came inside carrying a big box under one arm.
“What’s in it?” Walter said, pausing his game and standing up. Anna was excited, and when she got excited he had no choice but to become excited too.
“I don’t know, but it’s addressed to you and it came a few days ago. I hid it under the trailer ’cause your mom was home, and you know how funny she gets sometimes.”
“I think she’s back with José again,” Walter said, kneeling down to inspect the box Anna had put on the floor. He’d never received a package before and didn’t know what to expect.
“It’s from your dad,” Anna said as she put her backpack on a kitchen chair.
It took a minute for Walter to realize that she meant Matt and not Garrett. His dad must like him if he had sent him a present. Inside the box they found pictures, a denim jacket, and some bags of candy. There were also some plastic animals, markers, and paper.
“This is so cool,” Walter said as he put on the jacket. It was too big, but he loved it. It was still cold enough at night that he could wear it sometimes. His cheeks were starting to ache from smiling so hard.
Anna was looking at the pictures. “They sure seem nice,” she said with a smile. She handed him the picture, and he looked at the white man and woman. They looked really nice to him too. “Aren’t you glad you decided to go?”
Walter was more excited than ever. “I still wish you could come,” he said.
Anna laughed. “You’ll love being rid of me.”
But he still wished she was coming. Maybe he could ask his dad when he got there.
Walter gave Anna some Hershey’s Kisses. “They really want me to come, don’t they?”
“Sure looks that way,” Anna said. She pulled Walter into a hug, which he quickly pulled out of. He’d told her quite often that he was too old for hugs and kisses. “Now, we better hide this stuff so your mom doesn’t see it.”
Chapter 29
Three Mondays later, the day before Walter was to arrive, Matt was surprised to come home and find Maddie waiting. Matt’s stomach had been in knots all day. Finding his wife at home helped to lighten his mood. Though the progress in their relationship had been rocky at times, there had been progress, and he was grateful for it. They’d both worked hard, and worked together, to recapture what they’d once had. It hadn’t been until things started getting better that either of them realized how bad it had been.
“You’re home early,” he said as she met him at the door for a hello kiss.
“I played sick,” she said with a guilty grin that made his heart thump. “I figured we ought to make the most of our last night alone.”
Matt liked the sound of that and said, raising his eyebrows, “How so?”
“Well, I thought first we could catch a movie,” she suggested, putting her arms around his neck. “Then I thought we’d get something to eat, then we should come home, light a couple of candles, snuggle up together, and . . . see where the evening takes us.”
Matt chuckled and bent down to nuzzle her neck. “Can we skip the movie and dinner part?” he whispered.
“No, it might be our last chance to go out for a while,” she giggled in response, as his hand slid up the back of her shirt.
“Well, all right,” Matt said with feigned disappointment—time with Maddie was all he wanted tonight. With a little luck he could forget all about the little boy coming in from New Mexico in the morning. “If you insist.”
The evening was perfect, but later that night, staring at the ceiling, Matt couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow was the day he would come face to face with what he’d done. He marveled at Maddie’s acceptance, and envied it, though he didn’t understand. At some point she had realized that this was their life, yet he still rebelled against it. Part of him hoped Walter would be horrible and miserable and ask to go home early. Yet he knew he was wrong to think that. But still . . . he couldn’t talk himself out of his anxiety. It seemed redundant to say it, even to himself, but once again his life was about to change, and once again he didn’t feel ready for it.
****
The next day Matt and Maddie stood beside the baggage carrier and waited for Walter and Grandmother to come down the escalator. Matt took his wife’s hand and gave it a squeeze as they looked past the heads of the people for a glimpse. But it didn’t do them any good. The airport was so packed they could barely discern one face from another. Matt felt sick and shook his head in disbelief. On the heels of this feeling came everything Maddie had been helping him to understand, and he resolved again to make the best of it. Thank goodness she was here and was so supportive. He knew he wouldn’t be up to this challenge without her.
“There he is!” Maddie said, interrupting his thoughts, and he followed her gaze up the elevator. Matt’s heart started thumping in his chest as he watched the little boy look around himself in amazement. In one hand he held a Spiderman backpack. The other hand was linked with the hand of a very old woman who was also looking around herself with a contented grin on her face. Matt and Maddie walked closer to the escalator and waited for the two arrivals to reach the bottom.
Walter was dressed in cutoff jeans and a faded T-shirt. His sneakers showed a great deal of wear, and he needed a haircut. His blue eyes were an interesting contrast to his dark skin and hair. The grandmo
ther wore a multicolored skirt and a purple velvet blouse. She had several silver and turquoise necklaces as well as large earrings, multiple rings, and bracelets. Her steel-gray hair was pulled back into a thick bun, and her features were darker than Walter’s, the lines in her face giving her skin the look of dark suede. The two of them stopped after stepping off the escalator, and Maddie pulled Matt along with her to greet them.
Walter saw them first and watched them suspiciously while Grandmother gave them a large smile that was missing several teeth. Maddie pushed Matt ahead when they reached the pair. For a few moments Matt looked down at the boy who was staring back at him. Then he cleared his throat. “Walter?” he asked.
Walter nodded and then lifted his hand with the palm facing Matt and said, “How.” Matt didn’t know what to say, and was relieved when Grandmother pushed Walter’s hand down.
Shaking her head, she said, “He loves to do that, but I tell him it is not very nice.” Walter broke into giggles, shaking his head at his joke, and Matt gave Maddie a look that said, “See what you’ve gotten us into?”
Maddie stepped up at that point and crouched down in front of the boy, giving him a smile that warmed Matt’s heart. Again he questioned how she could be so kind and open. “Hi, Walter, I’m Maddie,” she said, putting a hand on her chest and then motioning toward Matt, “and this is Matt, your dad.” Matt’s heart skipped at being called “dad,” but he managed a smile. “Did you have a good flight?” she asked.
“Yes,” Walter said with a sigh. “But we couldn’t see the Reservation.” Then his eyes lit up. “The mountains were cool.”
“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Why don’t we get your luggage, and then you can tell us all about it on the way home.”
Walter held up the backpack. “I already have my bag.”
“Didn’t you bring any other ones?” Maddie asked. He shook his head. Maddie smiled again. “Well, great then.” She turned to Grandmother and said, “I’m afraid I don’t remember what time you were flying back.”
The old woman smiled. “I will return home around eight o’clock. My chickens need me.” Matt and Maddie exchanged a brief look as Maddie stood. At five-foot-six, she looked very tall compared to Grandmother, who was almost a foot shorter.
“We can’t get to any of the restaurants here in the airport because of security, but would you like to come with us to get some lunch?” Matt asked, hoping she would refuse.
Grandmother smiled and said, “That would be wonderful. I had hoped I might see where Walter will be living also.”
“Um, sure,” Matt said.
Once they got on the freeway, they asked Walter and Grandmother what they would like to eat. Grandmother said a sandwich would suit her just fine. Matt had thought she might prefer something closer to her native foods. At the sandwich shop, Walter and Grandmother ordered the same thing—a turkey sandwich with cheese on white bread, no mayo. They all sat at a small, round table. The silence was a bit uncomfortable until Grandmother turned to Maddie. “Walter is a good boy. He will like it here.”
Walter smiled at Grandmother with a mouthful of food and then concentrated on his drink again. Matt watched Walter as if waiting for him to do something—though he didn’t know what.
Grandmother continued, “He knows how to work.”
Walter swallowed and looked at Matt. “Do you have chickens?” he asked.
“No, we don’t have any chickens.”
“Sheep?”
“No sheep either,” Matt replied.
Walter looked back at his food in disappointment. “Mama said you wouldn’t.”
Grandmother looked at him for a moment and then pulled a dollar from her bag. Pointing to a rack of candy at the front of the restaurant, she said, “Go there and buy a treat.”
Walter smiled and scurried away from the table. Before he left, he looked at Matt forcefully and said, “Don’t eat my food.”
Matt waved his arms a little and said, “Okay.” Walter nodded, grabbed the dollar, and ran to the counter.
After another moment of silence, Grandmother spoke. “Anna has been getting him excited and not letting him worry.”
“Anna?” Maddie asked. She looked at Matt, but he just shrugged.
“Anna is Walter’s little mother, Sonja’s sister. She cares very well for Walter. If not for Anna, I think Walter would have been too scared to come.”
“Well, we’ll have to thank her,” Maddie said. Matt was thinking things would have been better if Anna had kept her mouth shut, but he knew better than to dwell on it.
“He should call her tonight,” Grandmother said; then she turned to look at Matt. “It’s good you pay for the phone.”
He nodded and looked away, embarrassed by any praise. He’d expected some censure from this woman for the mess he’d helped make, but she was kind, and he didn’t know how to react.
“What does he like to do?” Maddie asked with a smile. “I’m afraid we don’t know much about little boys.”
“He likes what all boys like—to run, to eat, and to play. His mother lets him watch too much on the television and play too many video games, but he is strong and smart.” She tapped her head.
All three of them looked toward Walter as he stood before a candy rack. Looking back at Matt and Maddie, Grandmother asked, “You are Christian?”
Matt nodded but didn’t know whether it would be good to tell her they were Mormon. Grandmother nodded, and with one hand took hold of a silver cross hanging from her neck that Matt hadn’t noticed. “I am Christian too. I have taught Walter about God, the Holy One, but his mother has no belief in Him.” She looked at Matt, making direct eye contact for the first time. “It is good for Walter to come here.”
“We will do the best we can.” Matt found himself wanting to please her, and it confused him.
“You know I was a professor,” Grandmother said. She took a tiny bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly. “I sometimes miss the movement of big cities.” She swept her arm, as if encompassing the city outside the restaurant. “But I returned to the Reservation with greater respect for the four sacred mountains and the mother earth that cares for us. I ask that you help Walter to see the greatness in all of God’s earth, all his people. I don’t want him to hate the white man, but I don’t want him to hate his own people, as do many Navajo that leave the Reservation.”
Maddie reached over and squeezed Matt’s hand. “We want good things for him, I promise.”
Matt could only nod, feeling weighed down by the burden he now carried. He had no idea what Walter had been taught and felt heavy with the responsibility of sorting it out.
Grandmother looked at him with firmness. “He needs to be a man one day.”
So do I, Matt thought to himself, but he just nodded. One stupid moment didn’t mean he deserved to be a father. He wondered when someone would point that out.
Walter scampered back and showed everyone the LifeSavers he was able to buy. He ripped open the package and gave everyone two LifeSavers, putting his aside for later. They finished their meals without saying much more and then walked out of the café.
They drove to the apartment, and Grandmother seemed pleased, though Matt wondered how she would have reacted if she had disagreed with the arrangements. They showed Walter his room and then walked around the complex. It was awkward, and Matt wanted to push fast-forward and get the day over with. Finally it was time to take Grandmother back to the airport. When they pulled up to the curb, she spoke to Walter in what Matt assumed was Navajo, and Walter nodded in agreement. He gave her a kiss on the weathered cheek before she got out of the car with Matt’s assistance.
“Will you be able to find your terminal okay?” he asked.
She nodded and smiled up at him. “I will be fine, just as Walter will. Enjoy him.”
Matt nodded and got back into the car as she walked toward the terminal.
Then it was just the three of them.
Maddie told Walter to put on his seat belt. Matt
had thought he’d been wearing it before, but after a minute of trying, Walter admitted he didn’t know how it worked. So Maddie helped him with it. Matt let out a breath. It was going to be a long couple of months.
Chapter 30
Walter was cautious around them both at first, not volunteering much information and watching a lot of TV. A few hours after arriving, he asked to use the phone. Maddie listened to him talk to Anna, the aunt that Grandmother had told them about. He took the receiver from his ear and asked Maddie what their phone number was. Maddie wrote it on a piece of paper, and he said it into the phone. Not long after that he hung up.
“That was Anna?” Maddie asked. Walter eyed her warily and nodded. Maddie considered asking more questions but didn’t like the suspicious look, so she just smiled, and they all managed to make it through the awkward evening.
The next day, Maddie took Walter to Kim’s around eight-thirty, where Matt would pick him up on his way home. As soon as Maddie came in from work that night, Matt was out the door, heading to a dinner with clients. Maddie took advantage of the opportunity by attempting to make some progress with Walter. Her fear was that the tension would never go away. That would make for a very long two months.
“Would you like to help me make some cookies?” Maddie asked. Walter looked away from the TV, but seemed hesitant. She wondered if the TV helped him feel like he wasn’t here with them. It made her sad.
“I’ll let you eat as much dough as you want,” she tempted him.
“I don’t like raisins,” he said.
She scrunched up her nose. “Me neither. How about chocolate chips?”
“I don’t like nuts,” he added, still regarding her with suspicion.
“No nuts,” she said. That decided, Walter stood up and came into the kitchen, acting as if he were doing her a great favor. Maddie had him measure the ingredients and drop them into the bowl one by one, then she mixed everything together.
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