by Chloe Cole
The words took a while to penetrate through the nerves buzzing in her ears, but when they did, they gave her pause.
Could that possibly be right? Could what he was saying even remotely explain what she’d seen? She’d grown up in Montana her whole life. Wolves were a part of the culture, albeit in an abstract way for her. Some nights, when the moon was out, she’d hear them howling their mournful songs off in the distance, but she’d sure as shit never seen one in her backyard before.
“The warden believes that, due to the particularly harsh winter, they were pushed closer to residential areas to hunt,” he said, answering her next question before she’d even asked it. He took a swig of his beer and then continued. “Since the temperatures have risen a little, and the lakes are starting the thaw, the wolves have headed back deeper into the forest. I don’t think the public is in any danger, but you might want to keep an eye out until spring has sprung.”
If that were all true, it still didn’t explain why she’d seen it when Billy and his friends hadn’t, even though they’d been far closer than she had.
And…
“I saw you-” she broke off, unable to make her mouth form the rest of the words.
I saw you turn into a wolf.
She would sound like a babbling idiot, the way she likely had that night. She let her mouth snap closed and turned her gaze toward the fireplace, tears of confusion stinging her eyes. How long was she going to feel this way? Like she was standing in a dark room by herself with no exit in sight.
“Why didn’t you let me call the police that night?” she asked dully.
“We handled it ourselves, that’s why. And the less you know about that, the safer you’ll be. But I can promise you, Tobias won’t be able to hurt anyone else ever again. And I can promise you whatever happened to him was well-deserved and necessary. I need you to trust me on that.”
Billy blew out a sigh and stood.
“And I need you to trust me on this. Amber, after what you went through, I don’t think it’s any surprise that wires might have gotten crossed in your head in some form of PTSD. It’s hard to get your head around everything that happened. But I believe you saw wolves.”
He held out a hand and drew her to her feet, his beautiful emerald eyes solemn as he spoke.
“That’s why I made the effort to go and check it out myself. Now you have to give yourself a break on the details. It was dark, you’d been tied up and traumatized, looking on from afar. No one is blaming you for questioning what was real and what was a trick of light and shadow. But you’ve got to let this go. Forgive yourself for the thing with Chandra and move on.”
She wasn’t sure if it was the genuine expression on his face, or the gentle way he spoke to her, cradling her hand in his, but something had her leaning in. Moving closer to soak in his warmth and breathe in the masculine scent of his skin. He seemed to hesitate for just a beat before closing the last of the distance between them.
“Amber…” His voice was half-whisper, half-groan, and it gave her the courage to roll up onto her tiptoes and press a soft kiss to his jaw.
“I want to let it go, Billy. Help me forget. Just for a little while.” It was like being caught in a whirlpool. The closer she got, the less able she was to escape him. The pull was that strong. The desire to be close to him, that deep.
He slipped his arms around her shoulders, his eyes flashing with a raw need that had her head spinning. “This is a bad idea.”
She didn’t have a chance to argue with him on that score, because a second later, his mouth was on hers. If her goal was to forget, it was a rousing success. He was everywhere, his scent clouding her mind, his tongue addling her senses. She curled her arms around his neck and flattened herself, flush against him.
God, he was huge. His hard body was like a wall of muscle against her soft one, and she wished she could climb up and hold on for dear life. He’d either read her mind or shared her need to get closer, because he bent at the knees, gripped her hips in his hands and lifted her off the ground in one, smooth motion.
Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, lining up her pelvis with the thick ridge in his jeans. Her pulse skittered wildly as heat pooled between her thighs in a wet rush.
“Fuck,” he growled against her mouth, fingers flexing to anchor her more tightly against him. “Jesus, you feel good.”
She nipped his bottom lip in response and instantly flushed hot. What had gotten into her? It was like he had her under a spell. She put on her little persona on stage, but in her private life, she was a total introvert. She’d had exactly two lovers, and had never been the aggressor. Now, here she was practically throwing herself at this near stranger.
And biting him? Maybe she really had snapped that night.
She pulled away, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”
“Hurt me?” His low, pained laugh reverberated through his chest. “Shorty, you could hit me with a crowbar right now and it wouldn’t hurt me.”
It was like the devil took hold of her, because his words, followed by that pull low in her belly, had her arching her hips, grinding against his erection. She gasped as the sensation rocketed through her, spiking her nipples against his muscular chest.
“Oh, my,” she whispered, letting her eyelids drift closed. “That does feel…” She didn’t let herself think about it. She just did it again, crushing her pelvis against his.
“Amber.”
Her name shot through the room like a whip-crack and her eyes flew open.
Billy’s face was tight with need as his hot gaze locked with hers. “You’ve got to stop.”
“But I don’t want to stop,” she murmured, clutching him tighter. Already, the icy tendrils of fear began to tease at her consciousness again. She needed this so badly. A break from reality, just for a little while.
“Please.”
“It’s not right.” He shook his head slowly and released her hips, lifting his hands to tug her arms away from his neck. “You’re still confused. And I want to help you, but I’m only a man.” He disengaged her legs from his waist and set her gently back on her feet. “If we keep this up, we’re going to find ourselves naked in a sweaty tangle, too far gone to remember our own names.”
She stared up at him blankly. Was that supposed to be a deterrent? That was exactly what she wanted right now. She found herself leaning into him again and his low, sensual groan sent a shiver through her.
“You’re not making this easy.” He raked a hand through his hair and took a step back. “I’m not doing this for me. Hell, nothing would make me happier right now than to take you to bed and lick and touch you all night. Believe that.” His eyes blazed with a heady mix of lust and sincerity. “But you would regret it. And you’ve been through enough without some asshole who thinks you’re the sexiest woman he’s ever seen taking advantage of you.”
It was a sweet rejection, but a rejection just the same and all the anticipation and adrenaline buzzing inside her faded away as the stark reality hit her. He was going to send her home and she would be alone.
Again.
Sure, she’d see friends at work and at her yoga class, but none of them would understand what she’d been through. None of them would make her feel safe.
None of them would be Billy.
She refused to think about why that suddenly mattered so much.
CHAPTER FOUR
By the time Billy got back to the compound the next morning, he was even more confused than when he’d left. After he’d dropped Amber at her car along with his business card and instructions to call if she needed him, he’d gone back to his apartment in town to think.
Turned out to be a shit idea, because the whole place still smelled like her skin, and he’d wound up having dreams that would’ve made Satan himself blush.
Not conducive to clear thinking.
And then there was the guilt…
He squeezed his eyes closed and groaned inwardly. An image of Amber sta
ring up at him with those big blue eyes pleading for the truth ran through his head. It had taken every last shred of his self-discipline not to spill his guts. If he’d been a lone wolf, he would have. But he had his packmates to consider, and it wasn’t just his secret to tell. So he’d lied. Albeit more successfully than the last time. In fact, he suspected his story was just believable enough to get her to buy in. Now all he had to do was wait and see if she stopped her research and fell into line.
Either way, he’d know soon enough. He’d planted a bug in her purse when she’d gone to the bathroom before he’d taken her back to her car.
Another icy blast of guilt swept over him. God, he felt like a fucking heel.
With a growl, he stalked across the kitchen to the fridge and tugged it open. Once he ate, he’d go for another long run, clear his head some.
"How's things with you?"
He looked over his shoulder with a start to see Chandra standing behind him, a smile wreathing her pretty face.
“Good, you?” he asked, and then focused back on the contents of the refrigerator, opting for a carton of orange juice. More to buy time than anything, he popped open the carton, held it to his lips and started to drink. If Chandra got wind of his agitation, she’d press for details he didn’t want to give.
"You're the grossest. Seriously," she said with a long-suffering sigh. "I won't miss living with this many boys when we move."
He turned to face her, frowning. "Move? What are you talking about?"
"Jax, Ryan, and I. We're going to build a new house on the grounds in the spring. Over by Spencer’s place."
Her moss green eyes went dreamy as she talked, and she strolled toward him, tugging the carton from his grasp to take a slug from it. She wiped a hand over her mouth before putting it back in the fridge and closing the door.
"It's going to be awesome. We'll be close enough to see each other all the time, but we'll also be able to make some family time." That smile tugged at her lips again and he stared at her with dawning awareness.
"Holy shit. You're knocked up." It was a statement, not a question.
He didn't know how he'd missed it until now. Thinking back, she'd been acting super weird. Alternately weepy and then almost euphoric the past couple weeks. Getting up early to pack her stepson, Ryan, a lunch before he left for school, but then going back to bed. Rushing from the weekend brunch table as soon as the bacon platter made an appearance.
Most of all, though, he could smell it on her. She smelled almost exactly like Jax now, her own more delicate scent overpowered by her mate’s essence and the baby--definitely male--that she was carrying.
Now, as he looked at her, happy tears filled her eyes. "Yep. Only a few weeks along, but we're so excited, we couldn't wait to tell everyone."
He'd been so preoccupied with the Amber situation, he hadn't been tuned in to his own pack enough to realize.
"Am I the last to know?"
"Everyone else guessed about a week ago. I figured you had a lot on your mind, but Jax and I wanted to talk to you about maybe being the godfather?"
A warmth spread over his chest and he nodded. "I'd love that. I'll be the best godfather around. I'll teach him to hunt and to fish and to pick up the ladies." He grinned as she winced and held up a hand.
"Take it easy there, Romeo, he's not even born yet. The ladies are going to have to wait."
They chatted for a few more minutes about possible names and what she and Jax had planned for the new house before she gestured to the kitchen table, her expression growing solemn.
"Can we sit for a second? I actually wanted to talk to you about something else, too."
His excitement over the big news faded as he strode over to the rectangular table and pulled out chairs for each of them to sit on.
"Shoot.”
He had the distinct feeling he knew exactly what part two of their little heart-to-heart was going to be about, but after the tension with Jax the day before, he didn’t want to rock the boat more than he already had.
"What's the deal with Amber?"
Annnd, bullseye in one.
He slung his arm over the back of the chair and tried to look casual. "There is no deal. I'm watching her. Taking care of things like I said I would."
"You care about her." With her intense gaze drilling into his, he couldn't bring himself to lie.
He tipped his head in a clipped nod and shifted his gaze to the big picture window. "I know it's dumb or whatever. I know she's human, and I know what she did to you and Jax. I'm sorry if it feels like a betrayal, but I swear, I won't do anything to jeopardize this pack. I have no intention of acting on my feelings.”
It was the truth—at least, not any more than he already had—but he couldn’t deny the stab of guilt he felt as he locked eyes with the mother of his godson in utero. His pack was his life. It would serve him well to remember that.
“My plan is to make sure she's all right, and then walk away.” A renewed sense of determination settled over him. “The rest, I'll work through afterward."
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't work through your feelings or shove them aside." She leaned in closer, the intense expression on her face sending a stab of unease through him. "If you like her? If you feel like she's a person you could fall in love with? Don't throw that chance away because of me or Jax or anyone."
"Fall in love with her?” He drew back and barked out a laugh, ignoring the buzzing sensation in his head. “I hardly know her. I think she’s a good person who fell into a bad situation, and I care what happens to her. That’s nothing like what I feel for you guys. The pack is everything to me."
"We shouldn't be,” she said softly. “We are your family and we always will be. But we’re not supposed to be your everything. I learned that when I left the Big Sky Canyon pack. We all have to follow our hearts, Billy. We might live longer than most humans, but we’re not like cats with eight more lives if we blow this one. Don’t squander it."
"You’re jumping the gun. I already told you, I don't know her that well and-"
"But some things just are, you know? Like with Jax.” She settled against the back of her chair again and shrugged. “I knew, the second I saw him after Sara died, that he was my mate. Could I find someone else, live a life of contentment, and move on? Maybe. But he was the one for me. It was like my soul knew his before we even really spoke. If you even think that you could have a connection like that with Amber, you owe it to yourself it explore it.”
There was no point in arguing with her. She saw what she saw, and nothing he could say was going to get her to believe any differently. Especially when he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling himself. Better to focus on the facts.
"The rules are clear, Chan. Weres mating with humans is forbidden. It's not like it's my decision, even if I wanted it to be."
"We have free will. Everything is our own decision. Things have a way of working out if you want them badly enough. Look at Liam and Amalie. Their love was as forbidden as it gets, and they made it work because he was willing to fight for her. And we were willing to fight for him."
"A move which we all know has cost us allies, and nearly cost Amalie her life," he reminded her gently.
"But it didn't. Don't focus on the ‘what if's’. Focus on what you know and what your gut is telling you. We'll get through it. This pack is too strong to let something like this get between us."
He wasn’t so sure about that. "Jax hates her."
Her auburn brows wrinkled and she shook her head. "No. Jax hates what she did, and that wasn’t even really her fault. He doesn't know the real Amber. But if you make her your own, he'll get to know her and he'll forgive her soon enough. I have.” She took his hand and squeezed. “Times are changing, my brother. We can't stay stuck in the past forcing our people to live under rules that were created before streetlamps were invented. It's time to re-evaluate. That's what Liam is always saying. Be strong. Be brave. And know this. If the time
comes, I will fight for you."
She let his hand go and pushed back her chair to stand. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to see a man about a horse. I’m finding that the pup isn’t a big fan of orange juice.” She gave him a wan smile before covering her mouth and dashing from the room.
"Good talk," he called after her, “thanks.”
Poor Chan. She had another few months of that to look forward to. Then, if she was anything like the other pregnancies in the pack, it would be smooth sailing.
He stared out the window and reflected on her words, wondering if she had any idea how much they’d meant to him. He still had no idea what to do with them. The magnitude of what she'd suggested--an echo of what his wolf heart told him from the start--was so staggering, he couldn't get his head around it fully yet. But the fact that she'd taken the time to let him know she had his back was everything. It meant he had at least one person in his corner.
And he was sure as shit going to need it, because it hadn’t even been twelve hours and he was already trying to figure out how to spend more time with Amber Jansen.
* * *
“SO, who was the guy last night?”
Amber spun around, hand held to her now-knocking heart. “Jesus, Mila, you scared the shit out of me.”
Her friend and co-worker tossed her mane of black hair over her shoulder and smiled. “I clomped in here on these platform heels as loud as a Clydesdale. If you didn’t hear me, it was because you’re clearly preoccupied.”
Amber had just finished her afternoon shift at the club and was sitting at the bar waiting to get paid when Mila had come up behind her. She couldn’t argue, though. She had been deep in thought. Ever since Billy had dropped her back off at her car the night before, he’d been front and center in her mind.
That voice. That face. That body.
That kiss.
She barely suppressed a shiver and forced a smile for her friend.
