“Are you all right?” he asked tentatively lest he reignite her anger and send it hurling toward him.
Her smile widened. “I’m fine.” He raised his eyebrows skeptically. “Really.” Shrugging, she added, “What can I say? I’m Greek. I tend to be a hot reactor and I don’t like my ex sniffing around my business, sticking his nose in my business.”
Judging it safe to do so, Sean sauntered up and clasped her shoulders in his hands. He grinned down at her. “I know you’re Greek. That was kind of the point Polonarkis was making.” When she looked at him in confusion, he explained, “He warned me we would never last because I’m not Greek and you are in a major way.”
“Ugh!” She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into his body. The feel of her was, as always, amazing. “He’s such an idiot. He doesn’t understand why I was unhappy. He couldn’t see how his self-absorption and relentless effort to climb the social ladder was what killed my love for him. It was easier to blame it on my ethnocentricity.”
He hugged her closer, almost afraid to press her on the issue. “So my not being Greek isn’t a problem?”
She tipped her head back to look at him. “If it were, I wouldn’t have dated you in the first place. My time is precious. I don’t want to waste it with someone who is an automatic dead-end for me.” She snuggled up to him, rubbing her face on his chest in an uncharacteristic show of affection given where they were and the number of people around. “I hope my outburst didn’t weird you out.”
Knowing how much worse shit he put her through from time-to-time with his nightmares, he couldn’t believe she worried about his reaction to a little tongue-lashing. “Nah, I’m just glad you weren’t angry with me. You were kind of awesome to behold,” he answered her truthfully. He dared to plant a kiss on the top of her head. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what you said?”
She shook her head. “Not in a million years. A boy your age shouldn’t hear such naughty words.”
He chuckled because he knew she wanted him to, but he wondered and he worried a little bit that she was still hung up on their age difference.
* * * * *
Zoë burst out laughing when Sean pulled her onto his lap. Flush from a round of line dancing, she had intended merely to sit beside him on the picnic bench but he had other ideas. In front of her extended family members and long-time friends, he made his claim. His arms encircled her waist and he nuzzled one side of her sweaty neck. “Stop,” she protested. “I’m a mess.” Belying her words, however, she clasped her hands behind his neck and hugged him back.
“I love you all hot and wet, you know that,” he teased in a low voice.
She laughed again, happy and carefree in a way she hadn’t known in a long time. These last few months with Sean had been wonderful. It felt good and right to have him with her out in the open, sharing a simple yet common event in her life. “So what do you think of your first Greek picnic?”
“It’s great. The food, the music, everyone having so much fun. I’m glad you brought me,” he added with a quick kiss to her lips.
She was glad too. Even though Sean had attracted a lot of attention, everyone staring at him, assessing his worthiness as her boyfriend, he had held up well. He smiled and answered some frankly rude questions with good grace. He was a sweet boy. No, she shouldn’t think of him that way. He was a man, her man, and she was proud to be sitting on his lap. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the line dancers. They ranged from children to elderly women, good to just enthusiastic in their skill.
Sean chuckled. “Look at those little kids go. How can they keep up those intricate steps at that age?”
“We teach them young.”
“I bet you were awesome as a little girl.”
“Of course. I’ve always loved to dance. When the rhythm grabs you, it’s like you’re flying.”
He grinned up at her. “I bet you were cute as hell too.” When she rolled her eyes in response, his smile widened. “Did you look like that?” he asked, jutting his chin at a girl whirling by them with long black hair and a seersucker dress. “She’s adorable.”
Zoë shifted her gaze from the child to Sean’s face. His delight was obvious. Something tightened inside her. A thought she hadn’t allowed herself to have before suddenly made itself known. “You like kids.” It wasn’t really a question.
He answered her anyway. “Sure. What’s not to like?” He looked at her. “What? You look kind of serious there.”
She tried to shake off the feeling of unease. With a shrug, she said, “Nothing.”
“Zoë?” he persisted.
She sighed inwardly and pasted a smile on her face. “I was just thinking you must want to have kids of your own someday.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it much. I’m not sure a lot of guys my age do unless they’re in a relationship.” The penny dropped noticeably in his head. “Oh, I get it. You’re done raising kids and you think we’re doomed because I must want them.”
“We-ell,” she hemmed.
He tightened his grip. “Honestly, sweetheart, kids are not on my radar screen. I’ve got nothing against fatherhood or anything, but I can barely take care of myself, let alone a child.”
“Now, yes. Things will change. You’re going to want to get married someday and have a little girl like that or a boy like you. Even my son talks about having kids and he hasn’t yet finished college.”
He shook his head. “Maybe. I’m not sure I could handle the stress and worry of raising a family. Not everyone is cut out for it, you know.”
“I know,” she said quietly, her finger tracing a line along his jaw. He was so damn sexy. She could easily picture him in her bed for the rest of her life, which, of course, was going to end a lot sooner than his. What if he stuck with her and regretted not having the kind of family most people created in their lives?
He nudged her chin with his own. “Zoë? You’re thinking too much again.”
“I suppose,” she reluctantly agreed with a sigh, except she didn’t really think so.
Later in the night, with Sean’s body wrapped around her, his softening cock still inside her, the worry came back. This time Sean wasn’t awake to argue her out of it.
* * * * *
A week later, the concerns she had raised at the picnic still pricked at her conscience. She hadn’t brought it up again with Sean, knowing he would dismiss them again and fuck her into forgetting her doubts for a while. So she kept quiet and tried to ignore them and enjoy their time together. Diego was back to work, although still not completely healed. Summer was drawing to a close. Sean would soon not be needed in the dishwashing room and although she would gladly keep him on, she knew he wouldn’t let her. He didn’t want what he would see as charity from anyone, let alone his girlfriend. Besides, he would start a class in a few weeks for truck engine repair. He would be on his way to restarting his life in a long-term fashion.
Working behind the counter in between the lunch and dinner rush, she looked up when she heard someone enter. The middle-aged man in jeans, t-shirt and scuffed boots was an older version of Sean. He was obviously Sean’s father and the sight of the man coming into her diner sent nerves fluttering in her stomach. She had asked to meet his parents a few times and Sean had put her off with vague promises. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was embarrassed by her or them. Probably a little of each, especially as it was obvious that his father at least was only a few years older than Zoë. They must have started pretty young, just as she had.
She nudged Joanne, one of her waitresses, aside in order to greet the man herself. “Hi, welcome to Pavlia,” she said with as much cheer as she could. “What can I get you?” Okay, maybe she should have copped to knowing who he was right off the bat, but she felt a little cowardly.
The older Conroy leaned his elbows on the counter without taking a seat. He had an envelope in his hands. “Ah, thanks, but I’m not here to eat.” He took
a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m Sean’s father, actually. I was hoping to see him.”
Zoë eyed the envelope before responding. God, she hoped there was no bad news inside it. “Oh hi,” she said with more false cheer. “I’m Zoë Contos, the owner. I guess I should have recognized you. Sean takes after you quite a bit.”
The man ducked his head shyly in perfect imitation of his son before he raised his gaze to her again. He looked pensive and wary. “Oh sure. Sean’s talked about you.” He cleared his throat nervously. “His mother and I really appreciate your giving him this job. It was kind of you.”
Zoë waved her hand, dismissing the compliment. “I needed a dishwasher and Sean’s done a great job. I hate to lose him, actually.”
“Yeah, well, he has plans, you know.” Holding the envelope up, he added, “He’s starting class soon to become a mechanic. This came in the mail and I thought maybe he should see it right away. I’m working a site not too far from here.” His voice trailed off and he dropped his gaze again.
Okay, that was odd. What could possibly be so important that it came in the mail? In these days of the internet, surely Sean had done his application and other correspondence online. Did his father really think he needed to rush paperwork over to the diner? Probably not. The more likely scenario was his father had grabbed an excuse to come over and check her out. And that’s what he was doing. It wasn’t too blatant, but he stared at her out from under his eyelashes. Fine, have a good look at the older woman bagging your son. Which was a mean thing to think, but she couldn’t help it. Part of her irritation was at herself because she was older and really not the right woman for a guy still trying to get his shit together. If Nick had been dating an older woman, Zoë would have found a way to check her out too.
Conroy had a right to be worried about his son, in particular given the events of the last year. Sean had said his father wasn’t much for showing emotion. That didn’t mean he didn’t love his son and worry about him. He probably still saw the fragile young man who had threatened to kill himself and not the strong, confident man she saw more and more every day. The least she could do was give him some reassurance. She pasted a smile on her face and said, “Sean’s a really great guy. I know he’s excited to go back to school.”
“Yeah, he is. It’s good to see him planning his future again. He’s had a hard year, as I’m sure you know.” When she simply nodded, he continued. It was clear he wanted to convey some message. “But the thing is, he has his whole life ahead of him. His mother and I can imagine for the first time in a long time that he’s on the right path. He’ll get trained, get a real job, maybe settle down. You know, get married, have a family.”
Ah yes, she knew. Hadn’t she been thinking and worrying about the same things the last several days? She wasn’t sure if Sean had told his parents that he was dating his boss. The look in his father’s eye confirmed that the older man at least suspected she was the woman his son spent so much time with. And she was decidedly not the right woman for his boy in his mind. She couldn’t fault his feelings. He was right when all was said and done. Part of her had always known it.
She had allowed herself to get caught up in the thrill of a guy she couldn’t keep her hands off of and who couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Grace and Mark’s relationship had made it easy to justify what she was doing. It was different for them though. Grace was younger than she and planning to give motherhood a try. Mark understood the risks that it might not work biologically and was okay with adopting. None of that, however, applied to her and Sean. She didn’t want more children by any means. Been there, done that. She had her eye on grandchildren, although not too soon.
With a smile she knew didn’t look very genuine, she waved him toward the back. “I understand how you feel. It’s the same with me and my children. You want them to be happy, to get all the things in life they want. Please feel free to go in the back and give Sean the letter. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.”
He nodded his thanks, relief clear in his eyes. He had delivered his message and she had received it. She watched him saunter into the back and tried very hard not to show how badly her heart hurt. She had to let Sean go and the sooner the better. Waiting would only make it worse.
Chapter Seven
Sean knew trouble was brewing the moment Zoë’s gaze met his across her office. The diner was closed, most everyone gone. He had come to see her the way he always did at the end of the day, hoping to spend time with her even though they hadn’t made plans. The look in her eyes told him he was going to be disappointed in a major way. He saw nervousness, sadness and a pinch of his old favorite look—pity.
Fuck!
“Hi,” she said in a soft, motherly voice, and man wasn’t that weird? “Come in and shut the door please.”
He did as she asked and leaned against the closed door, not willing to get too close to her until he knew what was going on. “Is there a problem?” he asked in a voice rough with worry. God, he hated to sound needy.
She took a noticeably deep breath before saying, “Not exactly. I just think we need to talk.”
“Shit.” He couldn’t keep the curse from popping out of his mouth. He looked away with a grimace. Talking in woman-speak was synonymous with dumping, as in she was about to dump him.
“Please sit down, Sean.”
Her voice was so soft and soothing it made him want to scream. He could tell she was trying to let him down easy, afraid he’d shatter into a million pieces, no doubt. It wasn’t a crazy concern considering he’d recently been a guest of a psychiatric hospital. The hell of it was he should have known this was coming. She’d been acting a little tense and even distant in the last week. He should have tackled her unease right from the start to help squash whatever was bothering her. He figured it had something to do with kids given that he noticed a change in her after the picnic. He had thought he could address it the next Monday when they both had the day off. With a week left of working at the diner, he figured he had time to cajole her out of her funk. Damn, what had caused her to do this now? And then he knew.
Pushing back from the door, he walked to the chair in front of her desk and clasped the back of it. “What did my father say to you?” he demanded in a harsher voice than he intended.
Zoë leaned back, away from him, shaking her head, eyes wary. “Nothing.”
He wanted to yell that her answer was a goddamn lie, but he reined in his temper because Christ, he didn’t want to scare her. His sudden anger was with his father, not her. He had known as soon as the old man had approached him with the bullshit excuse of bringing something that could clearly have waited until he got home that it was all a ploy to check out Zoë. Shit, he should have been more careful about what he’d said regarding his social life. His father might not be the smartest guy around, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out his older woman was someone at work.
“He must have said something to make you dump me like this,” he said with as calm a voice as he could manage given the riot of emotions writhing within him.
Zoë shook her head. “I’m not dumping you exactly. I just think it’s time we face reality.”
Sean rolled his eyes. “Which reality is that, Zoë, the one where we have a great time together in and out of bed, or the one where you think you’re too old for me and I’m too young and fucked up to know my own mind?”
She frowned back at him. “That’s not being fair to either of us when you put it that way.” She sighed and leaned on her desk with folded arms. “Look, in a week, your job here is finished and a few weeks from then, you’ll be in school. We’ve had a great time together, and although we could try to keep this going, you and I both know we’ll see less and less of each other. We’ll drift apart.” She shrugged. “I’d rather end on a high note than have things peter out.”
He shook his head. “You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”
“The benefit of having lived longer than you have.”
“Bullshit. This is about kids, isn’t it? You’ve got it in your head that I’ll want them one day and resent your not giving them to me. You’re wrong about that. I’m fine not being a father.”
“You can’t know that for sure, not yet. You may not see it now, but you will meet other people, other women. Women who are in the same stage of their lives as you who want kids, and chances are you’ll change your mind. You’re too young to settle down.”
“You settled down a lot younger.”
Zoë snorted. “Yeah, I did and look where I am. I’m a middle-aged divorced woman fighting empty-nest syndrome.”
“Who’s kicking to the curb a guy who’s crazy about her. Don’t do it, Zoë, please.” He hated how he was reduced to begging, yet the thought of losing her brought him as close to a panic attack as he had come in many months.
Tears welled up in her eyes, the sight almost more than he could bear. “This is hard for me too, Sean. I’m doing this for myself as much as for you. I don’t want to lose you by inches as you pull away.” When he shook his head in denial, she continued with a shaky voice. “Please just go, okay? You mean the world to me, but I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I’m sorry.”
He wanted to argue. He wanted to grab her up and hold her tight and show her how much he loved her. Shit, yeah, he did. He loved her. He wished to God he had said it to himself before now and to her, although she wouldn’t have believed him. He knew that for a certainty, and he knew she wasn’t in the mood to listen to anything more he had to say this night. He had a week—more, really, because he could keep coming back even after the job ended. He needed to play it cool, play it smart. He wasn’t ready to give up Zoë Contos, but he understood the benefit of a strategic retreat. So he nodded.
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