by A. m Madden
Chapter 15
Nick
OCTOBER 2015
“After I found out I was pregnant, I begged Eve to keep it to herself. The last person I wanted knowing was Ronnie. He’d be back in Chicago any day, and I was hoping Luca would have found something out by then.”
“Had you told Eve about us yet?”
“No. I was going to, but every time I meant to, something else would happen. Eve still thought what we shared was a one-night stand. It’s the only reason she backed off when I said I needed time to figure things out. She thought I would’ve wanted to terminate the pregnancy, even though I never voiced that out loud…and I kind of let her continue to think that way.”
“Were you considering it?”
“Never,” she responded adamantly. She glanced down at the picture of Nicholas and skimmed a fingertip across his smiling face. “There hasn’t been a day since he arrived that I regretted what we did, Nick. Not one. He is the joy of my life.”
Her life.
Resentment took hold as I thought about all I missed because she decided to hide him from me. I never really considered when I would be a father, but I knew I would be.
“When I said I’d fight the devil himself to protect those I loved, I wasn’t exaggerating. I did fight the devil himself in the only way I knew how.”
“I’m FBI, you should have told me. I could have helped you.”
“At the time I had no idea you were. Being with me put you in danger, and I needed to protect you, too.”
“By lying?”
“Yes. I lied to so many people to protect them; you weren’t the only one. But by hiding and by praying, I did what I had to. Those people are dangerous. I know I don’t have to tell you that.”
It scared the fuck out of me that she and my son were involved with “those people.”
“Where is he now?”
“With Eve.”
“Eve is here?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes. She and Jase are both here. They moved when I did.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you contact me!” She jumped, immediately looking around to see who was watching. The café had since become very quiet, most of the patrons long gone, making my outburst even louder than I intended. I lowered my voice, and spit out with contempt, “Thirteen months, Angela! That’s how much time I missed with my son…three hundred and…”
“Ninety-five days,” she finished my sentence. In a very controlled voice, she added, “Don’t you think I’ve been consumed with that every day since the day he was born? I did try to contact you. I purposely didn’t call you because I was afraid you’d hang up on me. I decided to come see you in person. The day I did I saw you leaving your apartment with a woman.”
“What?” What the fuck was she talking about? Stacie rarely stayed at my place. Her schedule only allowed for brief hookups whenever she was passing through New York. “Blonde?” I asked anyway.
Angela’s face contorted with disgust. “Brunette…a pregnant brunette.”
“Oh.” It occurred to me who it must have been. “She’s a friend…the wife of a good friend. You should have approached me anyway.”
“Really, Nick?” She leaned in closer and hissed, “You’re serious? What was I supposed to say, ‘Oh, hey there. I haven’t seen or spoken to you, but oh by the way, you have a son, and it’s really nice to meet your pregnant wife?’ Every fucking time I decided to follow my heart, something happened to stop it. The universe was clearly telling me to forget you.” She composed herself and sat back in her chair. We watched each other seethe with emotion. “The problem was I couldn’t forget you.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” I scrubbed a hand down my face, completely frustrated with being in the dark. I was always the one who knew everything. I felt my control slipping away with every tidbit she threw at me. I was suddenly exhausted, and I knew this was only the beginning. I glanced at my watch and was surprised to see how late it was. I had so many more questions, and so much more I needed to know.
“I need to meet him.” I nodded toward her phone that sat on the table.
“I know, and he needs to meet you. I’ve told him about you every day since he’s been born. He may not consciously know you yet, but he most definitely knows of you.”
Her words did little to comfort me.
Angela
FEBRUARY 2014
Convincing Eve that I needed time to decide what I wanted to do regarding my new situation wasn’t an easy task. For obvious reasons, she wanted me to find Nick. For equally obvious reasons, I was terrified to tell him that I was pregnant.
Our situation, although promising, was still just a guy and a girl who met, connected, and decided to date. To complicate things, we hadn’t even had our first date yet, and I was already knocked up. What guy would sign up for a lifetime of commitment after just one night?
Cut away the bullshit, cut away the romance—hell, even cut away the electricity that consumed us whenever we were within ten feet of each other—the bottom line was that our relationship was a one-night stand. That’s a whole hell of a lot different from two people who were committed and then accidentally got pregnant.
Even so, he still deserved to know and make the decision for himself. It wouldn’t be fair of me to decide that for him…it had to be his call. I needed to go to New York and talk to him.
Easier said than done. Between fighting morning sickness, the aftereffects of pneumonia, my family mourning, and my nerves wreaking havoc on my insides, I couldn’t keep anything down. I had no appetite, and worried when the scale showed a weight loss instead of a gain.
At my first obstetric visit my doctor assured me that could sometimes happen during the first trimester. She said to keep taking my vitamins, try to eat small meals frequently throughout the day, and with time I should feel better.
Nick and I would Skype with each other whenever we could. Seeing him over my laptop screen both helped and worsened our situation. It was always so great seeing his gorgeous face smiling back at me as we caught up with each other. On the other hand, having him so far away made ending that call complete and utter torture every single time.
It had been a while between my uncle’s passing and my getting sick. When we finally scheduled a call, he took one look at me and frowned. “Baby, you look awful.”
I laughed self-consciously. “Gee, thanks.”
He quickly backpedaled. “I didn’t mean it like that. You look so pale, and you’ve lost weight.” His hand reached toward the screen, as if he could actually feel my skin under his touch. “I miss you.”
“Me, too.” God, I really did. So much so, it hurt inside. “I’m sorry we couldn’t Skype on Valentine’s Day, but thank you for the gorgeous flowers. They made me feel better seeing them.”
“You’re welcome. When are you coming?” His sad smile spoke volumes. It was times like that moment when I felt all would be fine and he would absolutely welcome a child into his life, a child with me.
“How’s next week?”
“Really?” His face lit up, effectively breaking my heart. He thought I was finally following through with what I’d promised, when it was actually for a new set of unforeseen reasons.
“Really.” I nodded, smiling at his enthusiasm, but internally I felt nothing but doubt and fear. “How’s your week been?” I decided to change the subject.
“Fucking awful,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck.
“Work?”
“Yeah, it’s crazy right now, but to top it all off someone slashed my tires yesterday.”
“Oh no. Your new car?”
“Yeah! I was so angry. There was a rash of vandalism in the neighborhood that night. My poor baby wasn’t immune.”
“I’m sorry.” I heard Eve coming through the front door downstairs. “Shit, Eve’s home. I’ll text you my flight details.”
“Angela, are you telling her soon?”
“Before I leave.”
My response seemed to appease
him. “Okay. I can’t wait to hold you.”
My eyes immediately welled with tears. His eyes stared right into my soul, I felt so vulnerable and exposed to his gaze. “I can’t wait, either,” I said with a sad smile. He winked and disconnected the call, leaving me literally aching from head to toe.
Eve and I were finally into our normal routine. I’d open the store, our shifts would overlap, and she’d close in the evening. As her assistant manager, I took care of the crap she hated, like payroll and bookkeeping, and she appreciated it.
Eve loved spending her time buying the product, merchandising the store, and working on the aesthetics and displays. The boutique was thriving, and business couldn’t have been better. For a girl her age to own one of the most successful clothing stores in Chicago was a huge accomplishment. She may have received help from her daddy to get started, but the rest was all her. It had everything to do with her incredible taste.
“I’m going to go grab us lunch,” she said. “Would you mind sorting the mail?”
I reached for the pile that sat beneath the counter, tossing the junk, opening the bills, all very routine until I saw a small manila envelope addressed to me. With shaky hands, I opened it and pulled out a few pictures of a sleek black Mustang with two of its tires slashed. My blood chilled when I saw the license plate was from New York State.
I told the salesgirls I needed to make a call in case they needed me. Grabbing my cell, I dialed my cousin Luca while Eve was still out. Luca answered almost immediately.
“I was going to call you later when you got off work.” The tone of his voice instantly put me on edge.
“Have you found anything out yet?”
“Ang, he’s bad news. I need to talk to you, not over the phone.”
“I know that Eve is going to Jase’s tonight.”
“I’ll be there at eight.”
Chapter 16
Nick
OCTOBER 2015
The drive to Angela’s apartment was awkward and tense. My mind still spun with everything I was dying to know. I wanted to demand that I walk in with her to meet my son, and force her to tell me the rest of what she’d been hiding and holding back. But on the same note, I feared once I heard the truth I’d never be the same man again. What if my ignorance was the only thing keeping me tethered to her? What would happen after I knew everything?
“What happens next?” she asked hesitantly while I idled at the curb in front of her building.
“You’ll most likely be brought in for more questioning. You need to cooperate with them and be transparent with everything you just told me.”
“Them?”
“I’m sure I’ll be pulled from the case based on our past.” She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth as she became emotional. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or him, Angela,” I said quietly, reading her thoughts.
She pulled in a shaky breath and nodded. “Who’s going to protect you, Nick?”
“I can take care of myself.” The shadow from the streetlamp darkened most of her face, making it hard for me to see what she was thinking.
“I know it’s late, but if you need to hear more now, I’d be willing to tell you.”
My heart sped up realizing what she was proposing. At my silence, she cleared her throat and added, “Otherwise, we can do it in the morning. Eve has Nicholas at her place and is dropping him off on her way in to the store. I’m off tomorrow so I don’t have to rush him to daycare. If you wanted, you could come back in the morning to see him before you went to work.”
The accelerated rate in which her chest rose and fell with each breath told me she was nervous. Ironically, my chest rose and fell in the same frantic way. Knowing my racing thoughts would prevent sleep of any kind once I got home, I decided I needed more answers now.
“I’ll come in with you.” Her eyes widened in surprise when I nodded to her suggestion. I wasn’t sure if she expected me to say yes, but now that I had, she regretted offering.
Wordlessly, I circled her street until I found a parking spot half a block away. We exited my car and walked the short distance to her building while still in complete silence. In spite of the cooler temperatures common for an October night in New York, I could still feel sweat beginning to bead on the back of my neck.
She lived in a well-kept building in a nice neighborhood. I wondered if she was financially doing well, or if Eve also owned this place. After unlocking the outer door, we crossed the foyer before taking an elevator to the fourth floor. I followed her out, searching the hallway for security cameras and finding one mounted in each corner. The building was fairly large with five floors each having six apartments, a good deterrent for robberies.
She disengaged the alarm on her door, immediately dead-bolting it behind us. Her apartment was small and comforting. She waited by the door as I slowly scanned the room, my eyes taking it all in.
“Can I take your jacket?”
I silently removed it, and her eyes focused on my holstered gun. Wordlessly, she hung my jacket on a coatrack as I continued with my perusal. A high chair sat in the corner of her tiny kitchen, a basket full of toys sat neatly in the living room, and pictures filled the bookcase that held a modest sized TV. The futon bed that served as a couch faced the bookcase, indicating it was probably a one-bedroom. The only other furniture in the room were two oversized club chairs, and a tiny table that sat between them in front of the windowed wall.
“How long have you lived here?” I asked, without making eye contact.
“Since we arrived in April.” She walked to a closed door and opened it adding, “This is Nicholas’s room.”
I could smell baby powder the minute I stepped inside. From the baseball themed bedding on the crib to the bright blue paint on the walls, it screamed that a boy lived there. The hutch above the changing table held more shelves with more pictures of what I could only assume were Angela’s family. A framed shot of Angela smiling as she held Nicholas on her lap completely stole my breath. Her unguarded smile slammed my thoughts back to the day I first saw her walking out of The Dump. Nicholas had on a birthday hat, and cake frosting covered most of his face.
But it was the picture beside it that caused my heart to beat frantically in my chest. Sitting in a silver frame was a shot of Angela and me playing darts. My one hand held her waist, and my other held her hand stretched out before us ready to throw the dart. Her gorgeous smile spread across her face as I leaned in close behind her.
Since our separation, there were so many times that I wished I had a picture instead of relying on my memory to remember her face, her body. With time details had faded, and the only part of her that I could see as clear as day, whether in my thoughts or dreams, were her emerald green eyes. I robotically picked the photo up, stunned that it was sitting on a shelf in my son’s room.
She walked up beside me, close enough for me to smell her vanilla scent, yet far enough away to avoid any contact.
“Eve took it, and I had no idea that she had. It’s the only picture I have of you. I tried to crop me out of it, but it was impossible. Every day I show the picture to Nicholas and tell him that’s his daddy.”
My hand shook when I replaced the picture, continuing to stare at it in awe. “I am so angry at you right now.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“I know, and you have every right to be.” Her hand touched my arm, causing an involuntary flinch. She ignored it and continued, saying, “After you know everything, I hope you’ll forgive me one day.”
“Why, Angela?” I viciously spun to face her, gripping both her arms tightly. “Tell me why! Tell me why you ended it, why you kept him from me! Tell me why I should forgive you!”
Tears welled in her eyes before they spilled down her face. She watched me wide-eyed, waiting for me to calm.
“Because I love you, Nick. I fell in love with you the night we were together, and except for Nicholas, I love no one else like I love you. I did it to protect you
and our son. I did it for all of us.”
I released her arms and whispered, “I need answers, now.”
She nodded, led me to the living room, and sat beside me on the couch.
Angela
JANUARY 2014
I was waiting for my cousin Luca to come by when a New York number I didn’t recognize flashed on my cellphone. Initially I thought that maybe Nick was calling from work, until I heard Ronnie’s voice on the other end.
“How’s my favorite girl?”
My blood chilled in my veins…that phone call left no doubt who’d sent me those pictures of Nick’s tires. “Leave me alone, Ronnie. We’re over. Stop bothering me.”
“We’re not over until I say we’re over.” He laughed cynically. All I could hear was my own heart pounding in my chest as I waited for him to continue. “Anything new?”
“No.”
“All is boring on the home front?” he taunted. “Well, I’ll be home soon, and I miss you so much. We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“We’ll see. Have you told anyone about our last conversation?”
“No,” I whispered. I lied, even knowing it would make matters worse.
“Somehow, I don’t believe you, Ang. Your parents are back safe and sound in Jersey?”
My hand began shaking as I held the phone to my ear. Ronnie and my parents got along beautifully. Not only had he fooled me into thinking he was a great guy, my parents bought his act hook, line, and sinker.
When I refused to acknowledge his question, he laughed again and said, “I’ll take that as a yes?”
“What do you want, Ronnie?”
“You.”
“Why? You can have anyone you want, why would you want me knowing I don’t love you anymore?”
“My list is long, Ang. What can I say? You’re the perfect package, and I just knew when we met that our love affair would be epic.” He hung up without a goodbye, leaving me staring at the phone in my hand until Luca arrived.
