by A. m Madden
The sight of Rupert being handcuffed and removed on a gurney boiled my blood. It was so much better than he deserved. He should have been removed in a body bag. Infuriated by how close I just came to losing everything at the hand of that fucker, my shock quickly turned into rage.
Our eyes met on his way out. His eyes cold as ice, void of any emotion, made him unrecognizable from the man I knew so well. My returning glare was no different.
As I stood in a daze, David came to stand beside me. I felt his eyes on me, watching as I pulled in one deep breath after another.
“You okay?”
“No, not really. You?”
“I’m numb to shit that threatens my life.” I glanced his way to see the same blank expression his face had worn since the moment I walked in here earlier. From the outside it looked like nothing fazed him in the least, but I knew his type. And I knew beneath the surface a storm was raging, needing to be let out.
“Did you have a plan, Cavello?” I asked, only half kidding.
“Nope.”
“Great.”
“Hey, it worked out, though.” An exhausted laugh escaped me. His tone more appropriately suited if our plans to see a movie together had fallen through, than surviving being held at gunpoint by my boss.
I looked away, but his gaze stayed on my face. “I wish you’d killed him,” I admitted unapologetically. Slowly, I met his stare after an awkward silence stretched between us.
“Yeah, I’m beginning to regret letting him live.” David nodded, quickly becoming lost in his own thoughts. It’d been a long morning, and all I wanted to do was see my wife and son.
“Your sister’s probably frantic. I better call her. Afterward, are you ready to come home?”
“Yeah. I’m fucking ready. I just need to grab my stuff.”
“I’ll be outside.”
Just as I was about to leave, George walked in with Parks and another agent. “Jesus Christ, Nick.” His fair complexion looked grayer than normal, practically matching the color of his hair. “I can’t believe this. Director Pagan is on his way up from Washington. He wants to see you.”
“Not today.” With a firm grip on his shoulder, I looked him square in the eye and pointed to Rob. “Withers will fill you in. Take care of it, George.”
A simple nod was all I got, but I knew he understood what I needed today.
I hadn’t realized how stifling it was in that apartment until I got out on the street. The cool damp air immediately soothed my pounding head and helped me to gain some sense of the control I lacked upstairs.
There were cops everywhere, both uniformed and plainclothes. I flashed my badge and walked around the activity to escape the noise. With my phone in my hand, I opened a picture of Angela holding Nicholas. I came dangerously close to breaking my promise to her today. My chest tightened at the thought of disappointing her in any way, or causing her any pain. The pain intensified at the thought of my son growing up without me.
Needing to hear her voice, I dialed and waited anxiously for her to answer.
“Nick.”
“I’m okay, baby. I’m fine.”
“Oh my God, Nick. I’ve been terrified.” Her words of relief, combined with her sobs, made my insides ache. I wished I were there to hold her through them.
Not wanting to waste one more second being apart from her, I said, “I’m coming home, Angela…with David.”
Her crying prevented her from forming coherent words. The lump in my throat prevented me from the same.
—
The moment I hung up with Angela, I called Ella as promised to let her know Ben was fine and where they’d taken him. It felt like an eternity passed from the time I hung up with her to the time I parked my car near the apartment. A few agents and cops all needed to confirm some facts with us before we left the scene.
The entire time I felt robotic, detached, until I got home almost an hour later.
From a block away, David and I saw her waiting for us in front of our apartment building. She wore one of my hoodies, trying to hide from the misty cold rain that had begun to fall. The way it swallowed her perfect body and hid her curves only made her that much sexier.
She hadn’t seen us yet, her anxiety evident in the way she nervously shook her hands while pacing back and forth. I watched her unguarded gorgeousness from afar. The moments when she had no idea I was watching her were when she looked the most beautiful.
As if she felt my gaze, her head turned our way and a smile spread over her face. Not wanting to wait the extra twenty seconds it would have taken for me to reach her, instead she ran toward us causing me to laugh at her enthusiasm.
I caught her midair, lifting her in a bone-crushing embrace. I felt every bit of the stress literally leave my body from just holding her in my arms. Desire quickly replaced my angst when I crushed my lips to hers.
“Do you two want me to get lost for a while?” David’s voice interrupted our moment. She pulled away, embarrassed that she’d forgotten he was standing beside us. I released her and she immediately flew into his arms.
“David, don’t you ever do that to us again!”
I’d just spent hours with the man and never saw him show any sort of emotion. Yet when his sister threw her arms around his neck, a genuine smile spread across his lips. Our eyes met as he looked at me over her shoulder. “Sorry, sis. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Well, you did. You’re lucky that I love you!”
“No, you don’t.” He gripped her arms, peeling them away from his neck. “What you do is annoy me.”
Through her tears, she fought the grin that lifted the corners of her mouth. Smacking his chest before throwing her arms around his neck once again, they held each other tightly for a few long minutes.
I waited for their reunion to settle before asking, “Where’s Nicholas?”
She hooked an arm through each of ours, walking us toward our building. “He’s still in daycare. I was useless as a mother this morning.”
“Okay.” I tried to hide my disappointment, just as I ached to see her, to hold her, I also ached for him.
She looked at me understanding the meaning behind my single word response. “Just give me some time to enjoy you two, then we’ll go get him.”
The three of us held our conversation until we were in the apartment. Once the door slammed shut behind us, she demanded that we tell her every detail of what we faced together.
“Feed me first,” David said as he plopped down on the couch.
“I’m sorry, you guys must be starving.” Angela eyed him suspiciously. “You’ve lost weight.”
“You’d think the food at the five-star hotel I stayed at would have been better.”
Shaking her head, she fixed us a sandwich all while drilling David on his whereabouts for the past few weeks. He joked for her benefit, lying that he felt guilty living in such luxury. I let David do most of the talking, the mental exhaustion making it hard for me to participate.
She sat beside me while we ate, intermittently asking questions during our recap. All the color drained from her face at hearing Rupert’s involvement. Her hand shook when she reached for mine.
“Nick, you trusted him. He could have killed you both today.”
“I know, baby, but he didn’t.”
That was the hardest part. Rupert completely fooled me, and the insecurities I felt because of it were hard to ignore. I’ve always depended on my judgment, on my ability to read people. I worried how this case would affect my job performance going forward. Too many factors altered the person I used to be…correction, the FBI agent I used to be.
My personal life and professional lives had changed so completely that I no longer knew who Nick Farley really was. At the moment, the old me was hard to channel. For the first time in my adult life I felt disconnected from that man. The man who’d go into a case and within minutes be able to pick out suspicious players or envision probable scenarios without feeling any emotion whatsoever.
Having said that, I still wouldn’t have changed any of what happened to me up until then, except for maybe my career choice. That should’ve terrified me, yet it didn’t.
I was lost in my own thoughts as David and Angela caught up, him sharing details of his life while hiding, and her sharing details of what Nicholas had been up to lately.
When conversation became redundant, David stood and stretched.
“You want to lie down?” Angela asked with a concerned look. She glanced my way and ran her hand through my hair. “You both look exhausted.”
“Nah, I’m going to pay a visit to Mom and Dad.”
“You sure you don’t want to nap before that?” Her tone of voice teased, but her face clearly showed her worry.
“No. I gotta get this over with, maybe stay with them a few days until I decide what to do with myself.”
“What were you doing? Before you went into hiding?”
David cut his eyes to mine. “A little of this, a little of that.”
“Was this and that legal?”
“There’s a fine line between legal and illegal.”
“Humor me.”
“Then legal, of course.”
“Ugh.” Angela shook her head, before adding, “Go, before I have Nick arrest you to be sure you’re safe and sound.”
“Ah, come on, sis. You know a few iron bars can’t contain me.” He came over to kiss her cheek. “Kiss the monkey for me. I’ll see him soon.”
His eyes found mine, and he extended his hand. “Welcome to the family, bro.”
I shook his hand with a nod. “Thank you for everything.”
“All I did was protect what I loved.” His eyes moved to Angela before turning back to mine.
“Stay reachable. We will need you.”
He pulled his hand away to offer me a formal salute. “Yes, sir.”
Without another word, he grabbed his bag and left.
Chapter 40
Nick
The Nick Farley Guide to De-stressing:
One beautiful woman in a black bikini.
One adorable toddler covered in sand.
One pink sand beach in Bermuda.
One ice cold beer.
Mix well until blended…and until you are so fucking relaxed you can’t move.
Today marked one month since she stepped back into my life. One month ago today, the sight of her sitting in that cold interrogation room caused my heart to flip violently in my chest. Not much had changed in a month regarding my reaction toward her. My heart still flipped every time I looked at her, except now it flipped because she wore my ring, bore my name, gave me a son. Watching her run around the surf giggling and laughing with my son close behind caused my heart to also burst with love.
What did change tremendously in a month was my attitude toward my career. Where then it was all I could think about, now my job and all its responsibilities lay millions of miles away. Now, I no longer lived for my work, but instead lived for them…my family, my wife, and my son.
Angela Cavello was now Angela Farley. Nicholas David Cavello was now Nicholas David Farley. Nick Farley was now a husband and a father. Nick Farley now lived and breathed for them.
Most anyone who’s had a gun pointed at their head with little to no hope of surviving would claim it was the most poignant moment of their life. A moment when you were forced to reflect on your past in the little time you had left. That near-death experience altered every part of you.
For me, my poignant moment didn’t come as I stared at Rupert wondering if he’d end it all at any moment. It actually occurred hours later, after I got home. I realized I was no longer the same man. I honestly can’t say my transformation happened all at once. Over the weeks that passed between that first day Angela and I reconnected, to the day we caught Rupert, little by little I’d been morphing into this other person. The final transformation happened later that night when I lay in bed holding my wife in one arm while my son slept in the other, and realizing I could quit the FBI without a second thought.
I didn’t, of course, but realizing I could and not miss it is what changed me. So, when I went into headquarters the next day to talk to anyone and everyone regarding all I knew and all I didn’t on Rupert, for the first time in my life it was just a job and not my life.
The days after Rupert’s arrest were spent going back and forth to headquarters for endless questioning. James Pagan, director of the FBI, interviewed David and me personally. A few months ago, his praise would’ve fueled my job performance for months. The day he thanked David and me for our help in apprehending Rupert, he also offered me a promotion.
As Rupert’s replacement, I’d be taking on the role of deputy director of criminal investigations, with a huge pay increase and the best corner office at the New York headquarters.
That day, he also offered David a position, stating his military background made him perfect FBI material. David thanked him, but said he needed to consider what it was he wanted to do. I thanked him, accepting the promotion he dangled yet not feeling excited about it in any way.
My first order of business would be to find every fucking agent who’d worked with Rupert. I planned on cleaning house, and surrounding myself with men I cleared and trusted. I had DC headquarters backing me in this investigation. It would be the hardest case I ever handled, because those men were supposed to be my brothers.
Where my thoughts should have been on my job and what it entailed, instead all I could think about was where I should take Angela and my son on a much-needed vacation.
Bermuda…that was where.
“Dada!”
The sound of his voice calling my name jolted me out of that lounger and sent me running toward him. His face was a combination of excitement and terror as I growled and pretended to be a bear.
“Dada, no bear!” He thrust his tiny hand in an attempt to halt my attack. I stopped abruptly, and when I dropped to my knees turning into a barking dog instead, he giggled adorably.
“Mama!” he called, his tiny feet kicking up sand as he ran away. “Dada doggie!” Even though he was much steadier on his feet these days, running on sand still had him wobbling back and forth as if in a drunken stupor.
Angela snatched him up, screaming along with him while pretending to run away from me. When the distance between us grew, I quickly stood and caught up in a few long strides.
Easily lifting them both, I carried them into the ocean, turning his squeals into another fit of giggles. Sandwiched between Angela and me, we took turns kissing him and each other.
“Dada whim.”
“You want me to swim, little man?” Droplets of water rolled over his cheeks as he nodded furiously. I bent to kiss them away one by one. “Okay, hold on tight.” Angela placed him on my back, circling his arms around my neck in preparation for the ride. I gripped his wrists securely and asked, “Ready, dude?”
“Ya.”
My wife watched as I took my son for a swim around the shallow waters, her smile a vision of beauty. Her bikini-clad body was hot enough to bring the Pope to his knees. Each time we completed a lap back to her, she’d bend to kiss his head and then my lips.
“Nicholas, isn’t Mommy pretty?”
“Ya,” he repeated, before he kicked his legs impatiently on my back. “More whim.”
“Okay, more swim coming up.”
Since arriving, I’d been determined to mentally catalog every new memory between the three of us. His first time on a plane, his first time in the ocean, the first time he and I napped together in the same bed may all be tiny inconsequential things to some, but to me they meant so much more.
The warm turquoise sea surrounding us became a metaphor for what I felt deep inside my heart. The best word to describe what I was feeling would have to be “buoyant.”
—
“You literally conked him out.” Angela came into our room, closing the door behind her.
After we had dinner, we both bathed him, read to him, and put hi
m down for the night in the white wooden crib the resort supplied. The junior suite we spent the last seven nights in became our little haven here in paradise, and I was going to miss it.
I looked up from my book, taking in every inch of my gorgeous wife. With her hair still damp from her shower, I could smell her vanilla shampoo as the fragrance filled the air around me. She smiled shyly at my heated gaze and a light blush tinged her cheeks. “What?”
“You look stunning.”
She looked down at the FBI T-shirt she had on. “You got too much sun.” She smirked, not believing what I just said. “When we get home I need to get some new sexy pajamas. Your shirts aren’t very sexy.”
“Baby, a sack would look sexy on you. I like you in my clothes.”
My T-shirt that served as a nightgown rode up when she slid into bed beside me. Like a magnet to metal, my hands instantly found bare skin and held on without a conscious thought.
“I wish we could stay here forever.” With her head on my naked chest, the feel of her lips moving against my skin when she spoke was an instant turn-on.
“Me, too,” I agreed, squeezing her closer to kiss the top of her head. My fingers played with the chestnut curls that lay on her back, distracted by memories of our time here. It had been a great vacation and it was going to be hard to leave it all, but I was ready to start the next chapter of our lives.
“I guess come Monday, it’s back to reality for us. We’ll just have to start planning our next vacation to have something to look forward to.”
“Maybe Disney World.” She laughed at my groan. “Okay, okay. We can probably wait a few years for that.” After a pause she asked, “Nick, are you going to be okay?”
“I’m more than okay. I’ve never been happier.”
“Not with us, with work. That promotion puts you behind the desk more, and I worry you accepted it to make me feel better. I also worry you’ll regret it. Being in the field is what you love.”
