by Tia Siren
What she’d said about Dalton dying all over again was accurate, except I felt like that every day I didn’t find out who had killed him. I tortured myself by wondering what I could have done to save him, and I was paranoid about saving Alexa now.
I had to meet Sam and find out what he knew so that I could avenge Dalton’s death, so that I could make it all right again. It would never bring him back, but it would give me peace.
Because, fuck, I never had peace. All I had was the reminder, every day, that I had lost my friend and that someone had taken his life away from him when they’d had no right to do that. When someone died due to violence or aggression, it wasn’t the same as losing them to illness or in a car crash. When there was a motive behind it, resentment was born, and that could fester until it became so toxic, it changed you.
I had to find out what the hell was happening before it changed me. They didn’t get to win that way, and Alexa didn’t deserve that either.
Chapter 16
Alexa
Sometimes the pain and the grief got so bad that I couldn’t breathe. All I wanted to do was forget what had happened to Dalton and move on. But then there were people like Sam who kept bringing back the memories, and I was smothered by a panic attack all over again.
I knew what Luke was trying to do. I didn’t blame him. I knew he was trying to tie up all the loose ends and give us some kind of closure so we could move forward. It just made it all that much harder.
But Luke made it better, too. When he held me the way he held me now, I felt like nothing could touch me. In Luke’s arms, I was safe. He had come straight away when I’d called him about the note, and he’d been making sure I was safe and taking care of me since Dalton had passed away.
Luke’s arms were so thick and strong. They reminded me of Hunter’s arms. He had wrapped them around my body like I had been so delicate, so petite.
Guilt swirled in the pit of my stomach, and I suddenly felt bad that I’d been with a stranger.
But that was absurd. I didn’t owe Luke anything other than returned friendship and support when he needed it. My love life—or sex life rather—belonged to me, and he had his own. There was no reason for me to worry about what I’d done.
I was just in a bad place emotionally. I felt the way I did because Luke was there for me when I was falling apart.
We’d just found out that someone who had been close to Dalton knew exactly what had happened to him. We were so close to knowing that the story about the mugging had been a lie. It was throwing me off, making me paranoid about everything in my life, and that was why I doubted what had happened in the private room at Blush with a man who had given me exactly what I’d wanted.
Almost.
I finally pulled away from Luke and wiped my cheeks with the bottom of my shirt.
“Sorry,” I said.
Luke shook his head. “Don’t be sorry,” he said. “This is hard for everyone.”
I nodded. “What are we going to do?” I asked.
“I told you,” Luke said. “I’ll go see Sam tomorrow at noon, like I promised, and hear what he has to say.”
I shook my head. “Just like that? What if something goes wrong?”
“I think it will be okay,” he said. “I trust Sam. He really cared about Dalton, too. He won’t lead me into a trap.”
Luke sounded confident, but I wasn’t sure.
“We should go to the police” I said.
“What? No.” Luke sounded adamant. “We can’t do that.”
“Why not? This is about a murder, Luke. The police are the best people for the job.”
Luke shook his head. “Sam is in trouble because of this. If we get the police involved, he might die, too. Plus, we have nothing concrete to tell the cops. We don’t know anything for sure yet.”
“So what then? You go in there, guns blazing, with no backup? What if something happens to you, too?”
I realized I was terrified of that. I couldn’t afford to lose more people I cared about.
“Please, Luke,” I pleaded. “Let’s just call the cops.”
Luke shook his head. “I can’t do that, Lex. I can’t put him in danger. He deserves me being loyal to him.”
I blinked at Luke. “Loyal?” I asked. “What’s loyal about knowing that Dalton was killed over something and not getting the police involved?”
Luke shook his head. “I know you’re upset, but you know it’s not about that. Dalton was like a brother to me, but I can’t sacrifice Sam just because I want to get this over and done with.”
I was angry, and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t be angry with Luke because he was making sense. I was the one who wasn’t making sense. I was a fraction away from being hysterical. We sat together in silence for a while. I tried to pull myself together.
Something occurred to me. “Do you think the note ties into this?” I asked.
Luke looked at me with his icy blue eyes. “I don’t know,” he said.
“That wasn’t a no,” I said.
“And it wasn’t a yes.”
“But it wasn’t a no,” I repeated, and I felt panic creeping up on me again. “Luke, what the hell am I going to do? What if they come after me?”
I was losing it. Luke pulled me closer to him again.
“It’s going to be okay, Lex. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I’m going to take care of you, protect you.”
I heard his words, and they should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. I felt like he was hiding something from me. I didn’t know what, and that scared me even more. I didn’t want to keep pushing. I didn’t want to sound like a crazy person who couldn’t keep it together because she’d lost her brother.
Besides, Luke had lost Dalton, too. They’d grown up together. He’d been as close to Dalton as I’d been, perhaps even closer. I couldn’t expect him to keep it together all the time when I was falling apart and add accusations to it, too.
The rest of the day dragged by slowly. After we cleared up the uneaten doughnuts and the cold coffee, I told Luke he could watch television while I took a shower.
In the shower, I turned the heat up as high as I could manage. The water hit my skin like searing needles, pushing everything away so that I was numb and the only pain I felt was on my skin.
I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold, then got out and wrapped a towel around my body and another around my hair. When I looked in the mirror, I looked different. It was still me, but my skin looked too pale and my eyes seemed larger than they should have been. I pulled my hair out of the towel, and that dark mass was a stark contrast to the white of the bathroom, the white towels, and my pasty skin. I had circles under my eyes, as if I hadn’t slept in a while.
I touched my lips, and for a moment I flashed back to the sensation I’d felt when I’d been with Hunter. It had only been last night, but it felt like it was part of a different life now.
When I was dressed, I walked back into the living room. Luke lay on the couch, watching sports. His arms were folded over his chest, his eyes fixed on the screen, and it looked like he was only using the television to zone out. He wasn’t paying attention to what was happening on the screen.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
Luke turned his eyes to me, unfolded his arms, and nodded.
“Yeah. I was just thinking.”
“About what?” I asked. “Sam?”
Luke nodded. “I’m just trying to figure out what he wants to talk to me about. He said he had information about Dalton. It’s nerve-racking.”
“Why?” I asked, sitting next to him.
“Because I know I’m mad about what happened to Dalton, and I don’t like that I don’t even know what it was, but there’s safety in not knowing—physically, as I’m starting to see with these gangs, and emotionally.”
I blinked at him, not sure what he was saying.
“I’m worried about what I’ll find out, that I won’t like what I hear. Don’t you think that some
times it’s better not to know?”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
Chapter 17
Luke
I wanted to make sure Alexa was safe. No matter what happened to me, no matter where all of this went with Sam, I wanted her as far away from danger as possible.
I was in my SUV, driving toward Garvey Park. It was a playground and picnic spot with a community center and the last place I would have thought about to meet someone to talk about murder—which was probably why Sam had named it.
I’d checked in with Alexa three times already today. I was aware that I was a bit overprotective, but I wanted to be sure she was out of harm’s way and that she wouldn’t do anything stupid. I’d talked her out of the idea of coming with me and convinced her that going to the police would be a bad idea. I hoped Ariel would reinforce that for me.
I couldn’t stand the idea of anything happening to Alexa because of my involvement with this. Finding out what had happened to Dalton wasn’t nearly as important as making sure Alexa was all right.
When I arrived at Garvey Park, it was quiet. I’d expected it to be busy with mothers and children, the picnic spots full. It was strangely deserted instead. A breeze picked up, and I was getting chilly despite it being the middle of the day. Maybe it was my nerves.
I was stressed about meeting Sam. He’d looked over his shoulder so many times the last two times we’d met, and I was starting to wonder if I should be looking over my shoulder, too. And with this place being as quiet as it was, if something happened to me, there would be no witnesses.
I pushed the thoughts away. I was being paranoid now. There was no reason for anything to happen to me. I was a nobody, and Sam wouldn’t put me in harm’s way. I knew that.
When I arrived at the spot he’d asked me to meet him, I checked my phone. I was a little early. I waited. At first I kept my eyes open for any unusual people who might walk by or any movement that seemed out of place. When nothing popped up and the excess adrenaline wore off, I played a stupid little game on my phone to pass the time.
Sam should have been here by now. Maybe something had gone wrong. Maybe he was being followed and he’d made plans to lose his tail first. He’d done that the other time he’d been late.
I waited for him, watching the entrance to the park, willing him to appear at any moment.
I glanced at the time on my phone. It was just after noon. He had to arrive soon. I considered calling him but decided to give the guy a break. Five minutes late wasn’t going to kill me. I could wait.
The time ticked by. When he was half an hour late, I called the burner number. I hoped everything was all right.
I held the phone against my ear and waited for the calling tone.
It didn’t come. The call ended with no voice message box having been set up.
I put my phone back in my pocket and waited a bit longer. Maybe he was being held up. He was leaving after this. I didn’t want to be a dick about it and leave because he couldn’t make it on time. Sam was risking a lot to come and see me. I could wait for him so that he could drop off the radar knowing he’d done what he wanted to do.
I tried to call him another time when he was an hour late. I hoped his phone would be on, but I didn’t expect it to be. Just like before, the call just cut off. I wondered if I should try his normal number, but Sam had gotten a burner phone for a reason. I wouldn’t put him in more danger if I could help it. I felt like it didn’t matter what I did now. Unless I followed Sam’s instructions, I would get him into trouble.
That was the last thing I wanted.
I waited another thirty minutes before I tried his phone one more time. The same happened—the call cut off—and I hung up. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t wait around for someone who might not come. I had that feeling of foreboding again, and I wanted to get out of here. I felt like someone was watching me. I felt like I had to look over my shoulder again, and I hated it. How had Dalton lived like this? He’d been involved in this for a long time, and he’d told me that his life had become different than mine.
Even though he’d told me the stories, I hadn’t understood it fully. I didn’t think I understood it completely now, either, but I had more insight than I’d had before.
I got into my car and pulled out of the parking space and onto the main road, and only then did I feel like I could breathe again.
Whatever had happened to Sam, I hoped he was safe. I hoped he had run away to wherever he’d set up for himself and that something hadn’t happened to him.
I had to go to Alexa. I had to see her. She was with Ariel, and I was sure she was safe, but after Sam hadn’t arrived and I’d felt like someone had been watching me, I wanted to be sure.
Besides, I’d promised her I would tell her everything that had happened. There wasn’t much to tell now, but I would follow up and let her know.
When I pulled up in front of Ariel’s place, the door opened and Alexa came out.
“Were you waiting for me?” I asked.
She smiled and hugged me, a hug where she wrapped her arms around my waist and put her head on my chest. I wrapped my hands around her shoulders, and we stood together like that, holding on to each other.
“When you took this long, I started to wonder if something was wrong,” she said. She let me go and looked up at me. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and it made her eyes look bigger and brighter.
“Can we go inside?” I asked.
Alexa nodded, and we walked into the apartment. Ariel was more of an artist. Her apartment had a make-love-not-war feel to it with colorful throws on the couches, abstract art on the walls, and plants everywhere.
“Where’s Ariel?” I asked.
“She had to buy groceries. I didn’t go with her. I wanted to wait for you.”
I nodded. She’d been alone, but at least not at her own place.
“So?” Alexa asked, sitting down on one of the colorful couches. “What did he say? You guys talked for a long time.”
I shook my head. “He didn’t come. I waited an hour and a half before I left.”
Alexa frowned. “He didn’t come?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what happened, but he’s not answering his phone and he didn’t show up.”
Alexa blinked, and I could see the questions on her face. “Do you think something happened to him?”
I sighed. I couldn’t answer that. I couldn’t tell her that Sam was okay because I didn’t know. “I hope not,” I said.
“We should get to the bottom of this,” Alexa said. “We should figure out what happened.”
I shook my head. “We’re not going to go there, Lex,” I said. “It’s dangerous. I don’t want you involved.”
She rolled her eyes at me. It was cheeky, and for a moment I thought about doing something to her—pulling her onto my lap and spanking her or something. But now wasn’t the place or the time, and I was being dirty when my friend might be in trouble.
Another one.
“Don’t do this, Lex,” I said. “Please, stay out of it.”
“I want to help,” she said.
“And I want you safe.”
She was getting angry with me. She had no idea what this was about. How could she? Dalton had kept it all far away from his family, and with good reason, to keep them safe.
“Please, Alexa,” I said, using her full name. She noticed. “I don’t want something happening to you. I can’t lose you, too.”
I felt a lot more vulnerable than I’d meant to be when I said it, and Alexa’s face changed when I did. She reached for my cheek, and I leaned into her touch.
“You won’t,” she said.
I knew she couldn’t say that for sure, but it was reassuring to hear it anyway.
“Let me make us coffee,” Alexa said, as if she felt uncomfortable. She got up and walked to the kitchen.
I leaned back on the couch and sighed. I sincerely hoped Sam was okay. He’d had information about Dalton for m
e, something he had thought was important enough to share. I had a feeling it had to do with Alexa, too. It had involved Dalton, and Alexa had gotten that note.
Now Sam was gone, I hoped to his cabin with his new identity, but I was scared that wasn’t the case, that something had happened to him. I couldn’t stand the thought that he’d put himself in danger for me. I wished he’d been able to tell me what was going on. Right now I knew nothing, and more and more people were in the line of fire. Sam. Alexa. Maybe even me.
God, what if I lost Alexa? What if I couldn’t make good on my promise to Dalton and I couldn’t keep her safe? I couldn’t stand the idea of losing her. Not just because I’d promised him, but because I cared for her, a lot deeper than I cared to admit.
I pored over what Sam had said to me before. The last thing he’d told me was that he’d seen Koby Mason and the VP of the Mavericks passing information and money. I was almost sure that Mason was involved with whatever was going on and whatever had happened to Dalton.
I just had no proof. I couldn’t do anything without proof. All I knew was that I had to keep Alexa safe.
She came back from the kitchen with two cups of coffee and handed me mine.
“Thanks,” I said. I watched her walk around the coffee table and sit down. She was as graceful as ever. She wore a skirt, a long one. I flashed to the skirt she’d worn the other night, the one I’d pulled up around her waist. It had been so fucking hot.
“Lex,” I started.
She looked up at me with eyes that were drowning deep.
“Will you come stay with me tonight?”
She didn’t hesitate before she nodded.
“Okay,” she said. She said it exactly the way she had when I’d told her to come to the private room with me. If we were closer, if she were more to me than she was now, I would have kissed her.
But I couldn’t. I had to make do with a smile and the knowledge that she would be safe, that when I’d asked her to spend the night with me, she had said yes.
