“This is a lot of hard work you’ve put in here.”
“Not just me, Tris too. In fact, that whole wall of shelving over there,” she pointed, “that’s all made by her hand.”
“Hmm. So what do you prefer? Hand stitching or sewing machine?”
“Oh, ask me how many times I’ve sewn my thumb into a seam.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I really dig the simple, monotonous in and out of a good old fashioned hand stich.”
He watched her hands as she continued the needle work with the red and white yarn. She repaid the notion and caught herself staring at how strong his fingers looked just sitting there holding a piece of fabric.
“I’m sure you know a thing or two about sore fingers. I’ve heard it’s a special kind of pain playing guitar all the time.”
“Nah, you build up callous and get used to it,” he shared in a humble tone.
What a moment for them. It felt like any old regular day between two completely normal people. Good and boring, sometimes those were perfectly fine days to have.
“Hey helper, can you do me a favor and grab the hand lotion out of my bag over there? The green tote. Thank you,” she asked nicely.
Although her hands had lost their moisture to the constant handling of the yarn, she really just wanted to watch his tight butt while he walked away from her in those ripped jeans. They’d been at the shop for four hours now and her mouth watered with each step he took. On his way back, she noticed he had more than just her lotion in hand.
“Lily, sorry for prying, but what’s this about, baby?”
Oh no.
“Please give me that.”
She got up from her station and held out her hand. It wasn’t shaking yet but she could feel her blood turning jumpy and it was just a matter of time. She’d forgotten about hiding that stupid picture from Tom in her bag so that no one at home would find it. And now Jaxon had seen it and she felt humiliated.
“Sure, here.” He made no games about handing it over to which she was thankful. “But can we talk about it? Why you’re carrying it around?”
There went her perfectly boring day.
“This is going to be short and to the point, Jaxon. And then I have to get back to work.”
“Sure, no problem. I understand.”
“My ex-husband is very unhappy that our divorce has finally gone through and this is just part of his campaign to let me know. If you’ve wondered why I’m like a hawk at the mailbox first thing every day, that’s why. Now I’m not just waiting for the final judgment papers to show up but also anymore of his special packages. This one came yesterday.”
“Shit Lily. That came to your house?”
“No, just here.”
“So he knows where you work?”
She nodded.
“You seem pretty calm about that. Why haven’t you said anything, baby? This is harassment.”
“Ouch,” she squawked after stabbing herself with the thick needle. “It’s Christmas, Jaxon. My first Christmas here with my family.”
“And you don’t want to ruin it.”
“I guess we both know a little something about that,” she said. “I should rip that up right now.”
He walked back over to meet her at her station. “As much as I hate to say it, you might want to hold onto it as proof.”
All she could do in answer to that suggestion was shake her head side to side.
“Hey, how about this—if any more of these show up, will you promise to give them to me? I’ll take care of it.”
Oh, thank God for that offer. She had no idea what she was going to do if it was more than just this one. But did she really want Jaxon seeing her like that? Naked and posed so obscenely over her ex-husband?
“Promise me you won’t look at it anymore. Please swear it, Jaxon.”
“I promise.” He touched her hair gently. “But did the picture show up alone?”
“You’re wondering if he sent a note.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m concerned about,” Jaxon said chewing the inside of his cheek.
“Nope, just the disgusting picture.”
“Okay. If you receive anymore, I’ll just hold onto them for you. They’ll stay hidden in my luggage. And if it becomes anything more than a guy milking his wounded pride, I’ll help you figure out what to do next. Okay, baby?”
“I didn’t know how much I needed you to take this from me, Jaxon.”
“Well, I’m just glad you were so desperate to see me swish my ass that you sent me over to fetch your lotion.”
“How do you do that? Make everything melt away just with a smile and a sexy strut?”
“I’m a fucking rock star, baby.” He winked. “It’s just my nature.”
She hadn’t thought of him as the leader of Sin Pointe in quite some time. Not since he’d become very real to her and very close. If she could keep him, Maryella and Benny, she would. Her network of yarn had become tangled so she worked out the kinks and started in again on doggy sweater number three.
* * * *
“Not very many of you rock stars walking around Bugscuffle. Maryella seems to like it here.”
“Maryellie loves it here. But don’t do that. That’s not fair. I have to go back.” Lily. Lovely little Lily. I wish I could stay for you baby. Fuck this hurt more than he’d guessed it would.
“That’s not what I meant, I mean, I was just being stupid and talking you know. I guess just the whole picture thing had me out of my head a little. I’d never ask you to do anything like that. Um...yeah, sorry for the ridiculous suggestion.”
He shook his head, knowing he was in deep with her, and had sent her into a non-sensical rant. “Lily, why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You told me I sell myself short, but you’re the woman who took a bus out to find me and bring me here. You have every right to ask me what my plans are. Don’t sell yourself short.” What exactly was he saying though? That he’d leave California if she asked him to? The fantasy where he stole her away to his seaside villa had crumbled when he’d seen first-hand the connection she so desperately was rebuilding with Trissy.
“That whole crazy trip was for Tris. That was important. She and Maryella needed you here for Christmas.”
He didn’t want to interrupt her knitting rhythm but her tender cheek called out to his hand. Stroking her gently, he couldn’t stop wondering what it was that she wanted and needed. She’d proven to be the type who never asked anything for herself but moved mountains for others.
But how did he just up and leave Cali and everyone he owed in it?
“Jaxon, how…how did you love, Tris?” she asked him out of left field.
“Too much, not nearly enough.” Pause. “But not like that, Lily. Never like that.”
“As a sister, then.”
“Yes, very much like that.”
He waited to see if she’d ask what his feelings were for her, but she didn’t.
“You’re a brave young woman, Lily. I admire that about you, more than you’ll ever
know.”
“How am I brave? Remember, you’re not the scary guy in this situation.”
“You’re right. I used to be though.”
“I don’t think you’ve told me exactly how old you are, Jaxon.”
“Okay. Forty-four.”
“Forty-four,” she repeated. Maybe she found him too old for her now.
“I’ve been wondering if you have a problem with our age difference.”
“Mmm, no. Not at all.” She blushed, her fingers working furiously but with a gorgeous rhythm he coveted. “You’re…a grown man.”
“Yes, I am.” He came closer, sensing her nerves, wanting to ease them as well as explore them. Where were they coming from? “Thank you for noticing. I appreciate that.” He took another step toward her. “Lily, am I making it so you can’t get your work done? Should I go back to my post over there?”
She shook her head no, i
mpressing him with her ability to keep on knitting and not have to watch her fingers. It was the first time he’d missed his guitars since he’d been here.
“You know how sweet you look doing that?” he asked.
She bit her lip and then edged back away from him, taking her doggy sweater with her. “I know you think I’m too sweet. Sometimes I wish I was grittier, like Tris.” She shrugged her shoulders like she’d just come in second and he saw her confidence fade. It would have been one of those instances he should have taken advantage of. To step away. Leave her be. But he couldn’t. More than anything, he wanted to be good for her. And somehow, he knew he could be, eventually. Now, be good for her now. But what was good and what was bad? He was clean, sober. Hadn’t touched liquor in twenty-five months. That was the good part.
The bad?
Maybe the way he’d completely given up on finding Vangie. Shouldn’t he be trying to help the mother of his child? Or was it better for Maryellie that he’d given up? Vangie had never listened to him. Not once. Lily would though, like no other he’d been with ever had. She would be so good for him.
“You’re a beautiful, sweet woman, Lily. One who I want and don’t care to share with anyone else.” It was a huge admittance to make out loud but it was the truth.
Her mouth swirled into an “oh” and her lips looked like they wanted to ask how he could possibly want that. She paused her handiwork because she’d made a mistake with one of her loops. Fussing over it was only appearing to make it worse.
He’d have to show her. Later when she finished her work. For now he’d be good, walk back to his corner, let her enjoy the view of his retreat.
* * * *
Lily couldn’t help it. Not with the private show Jaxon was treating her to with that strut. Crazy that she came to this decision as he walked away.
She trusted him.
She wanted him.
If he turned around, stalked back to her and told her he was going to make love to her there in the dress shop, her simple answer would have been, “Yes.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
They were finally home from the last delivery and Jaxon wanted Lily. Badly.
He held the front door open and let her step inside first. Ready to relegate himself to the spare couch, his pulse exploded when she reached for his hand and tugged him down the hall toward her room. Man, it had been a long night. Maybe she was so exhausted, she didn’t care what anyone in the house would think. But Benny was snoring, so was Maryellie through her open door, and the light was off in the master bedroom.
Oh shit, Lily was in trouble. He would devastate her body if she pulled him any further.
At least as much as she could handle. Which he honestly couldn’t guess. The damn image of the picture he’d stashed for her in his luggage pounded at his brain. She looked so sad in it, so dejected. That asshole ex-husband of hers who’d taken it had obviously left her broken. And that didn’t even come close to the fears he still had of the things her father may have done to her.
She’d denied it, but he’d heard of repressed memories. Thank God he could at least say he’d been there to work through some of those with Trissy.
His worries over her reaction to that embarrassing photo he now had were lost to the lust he felt as he trailed her to her room. She opened the door. The blanket pallet was still there on the floor. He stepped inside but let her close the door behind them.
When he heard the click of the lock, he knew it meant she was willing to give herself to him. But what if something he asked of Lily triggered blanked out memories in some horrible way? Vangie had told him on numerous occasions that his requests were perverted. He’d thought of them as direct.
Lesson four lingered hesitantly on his tongue as he followed her to the edge of her bed. She sat down and pulled him with her. They would have tumbled onto the small mattress but he held himself up. There was something he had to know first.
“Lily, have you experimented with sex much?” He hated having to ask her so boldly but it was the only way he knew to be sure. Scaring her with something unexpected was not an option.
She paused before answering. “I’m not sure what you’re asking, Jaxon.” Her face fired up into a cherry red blush. “God, am I that pathetic? I was married, remember?”
“Not pathetic.” Scrambling for something to make up for his butchered question, he said, “You’re way too beautiful not to have had boyfriends. And there’s no way in hell those boys didn’t do their best to be with you.” He wouldn’t bring up her marriage. That bastard wasn’t getting any credit, ever. The seduction soaked his mouth and tongue, making him need hers. He could hear it in his words. “So I’d be bananas to think you hadn’t had men before. I just wondered what you were open to.”
He decided it was time to let her answer and rubbed a small circle around her chin, just so he could be in the zone with her.
“Well, you’ve seen enough to know I’m no saint. But there was only my ex.”
“I really hate that asshole.”
She smiled. “Me too.”
“Good.” His voice sounded incredibly thick. Much like Stefan’s when he sang. She had to hear that desperation blasting its way through their quiet space.
“You’re nothing like him, Jaxon. You talk to me. You listen. And you seem interested.”
Good girl. She had noticed that, then. “I’m very interested in you, baby. Tell me, are you interested in…”
“Yes.”
“How do you know what I was going to say?” he asked.
“Well, I’m not as innocent as you think.”
At that, he tugged on the bottom of his t-shirt. “It’s hot.” It’s the dead of winter. What a horrible lie she would see through in a second. He smiled and hoped she would enjoy his attempt to seduce her. But it was still a surprise when she tried yanking her sweater over her head before he could do much with his own. His heart warmed to see that she wore a flannel top underneath that. It didn’t matter if she’d slept with one man or one hundred. She was exactly that inexperienced. “Hey Lily, let me be in charge of that, okay?”
“Oh, okay. Jaxon?”
“Hmm?”
“Your shoulders are…nice.”
“Would you like to feel them?”
She nodded and puckered up her lips like she was about to blow him a kiss.
Yes, she had just given him the okay he needed. He couldn’t swear on it, but in her own sweet way, he was sure she was trying to say she wanted him too. For the first time ever, he worried about being too forward but still took her hand in his and placed it on his lap and then pulled his shirt up and over his head. He then moved her fingers to his shoulder. His muscles were too big and dwarfed her hand but it didn’t tremble as he’d expected. Instead, her palm did its best to hold on.
“Hey, Lily. Look at me.” He waited for her eyes to make their way inch by inch up his chest. Her gaze appeared to be stuck on his tattoos. Sensing her curiosity, he moved her one hand to touch his ink. “We can do this. I want to do this. But the same way you need complete honesty, I need complete openness from you. You have to trust me.”
“I do.” Pause. “I just don’t want to disappoint you,” she let out.
He took her hand, wrapped it around to his back, and guided her fingers to his waistband. “You would never disappoint me.” He kissed her knuckles. “Touch me, Lily.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Have you changed your mind?”
“No. But you make my stomach flip around. A lot.”
That made him smile. “But you want to be here, doing this with me, now?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Tell me what you want to see next.”
“Really?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Okay, um, there is one thing I’ve been checking out.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He slowly undid his pants and let them fall to the ground. Standing there barefoot and bare-assed na
ked had never felt better. Aside from the fact he was cold as fuck, Jaxon realized he could fall in love with the adoring look in her eyes. Until she closed them and turned away with a big breath.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Maybe his thickness wasn’t what she wanted to see. “Will you rub my back if I lay down?”
“Yes. Your backside is very nice.”
“Thank you, baby. Maybe when you’re ready, you’ll let me see yours.”
“Oh. Oh. Okay.”
“Sorry. You think I’m perverted right?”
“No, not at all. It’s just that you said you wanted to take care of undressing me, that’s why I stopped earlier.”
Fuck. She was right. She had him off his game. God, she was beautiful. If he took her clothes off, he was going to plunder her hard and fast. He pulled one of her quilts over his lap.
“Jaxon, what’s wrong? What did I say?”
He wanted her more than he’d wanted any other female, ever. But he couldn’t be sweet with her. If he was going to take pleasure from her, it had to be on familiar terms. Lily was nowhere near being ready for that. His plan to get her there started in earnest now. No more vocabulary lessons. This was very real preparation he would uphold for her sake. Their hourglass had been tipped and the sand was draining fast.
“Sit like that, just like that. Now, let your head relax and fall back.”
* * * *
Lily tried to follow the specifics Jaxon had just given her on how he wanted her to sit. Unexpectedly, she flashed back to a night when Tom had insisted she do things his way, holding awkward positions which made her feel dirty, so he could film them. Then he’d played the video back, taunting her to watch, as he made faces without even trying to conceal them. There was just a certain way a person looked when they were disappointed. And a very obvious way when they were disgusted. Yeah, that one was impossible to mask. What if she turned out not to be as sexy as Jaxon believed? She had a choice to make now. Either trust Jaxon or admit she didn’t have it in her to do this with him.
The look in his eyes now as he waited patiently for her to comply to his request made her dig for that confidence. She closed her eyes and pictured herself with flaming red hair.
“I can help you. Here, like this, baby,” he said, pulling her over to the chair in her room.
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