by K E Osborn
My chest constricts and it’s hard to breathe as I watch Hudson cry at my scathing words.
“Does this change things between us?” he asks and I close my eyes as my breathing becomes faster.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how…” I stop mid-sentence and start to cry again.
Hudson sniffs and wipes his face. “Vee, I love you, and I want us to have this baby. I want us to have a family. I want you to live a happy life, but if I don’t make you happy then…”
I look up at him suddenly panic ripping through me. “No, you make me happy. I just… I don’t know how to deal with this, Hudson. I don’t know how to act or how to feel. I never wanted another child after I lost my Caiden, I can’t even …” I stop talking because I don’t know how to finish that sentence.
“If I make you happy then why wouldn’t you want me for comfort instead of Danny? How can I compete with your husband if he’s still the one you want to run to?” Hudson asks.
I slump over.
I feel sick.
“I’m so sorry I said that. I love you. I want you. It’s just Danny was always there whenever someone died, and then he died and I don’t know how to cope with this. I didn’t cope when they died and now replacing my son feels like I’m completely losing the plot. Danny wouldn’t want this for me. He wouldn’t want me to be like this! A whore and a—”
“Stop right there! You are not a whore. Having a baby with another man doesn’t make you a whore, Vee. Not when you’re in love with him, and your husband has been gone for six years. It’s okay to move on. Danny wouldn’t want you to be stuck in a never ending world of guilt and depression over him and your son—”
“Don’t pretend to know what Danny would want—”
“Vee, if he was the man you told me about, the man who I think he was, then he wouldn’t want this for you. He loved you. Just like I love you, with every fibre of my being and, baby if it were me that died and you had a chance of being happy and living a normal life with someone who made you happy, who made you laugh, who made you smile, who you loved and they loved you back, then Vee, I would want that for you. Not to wallow because you feel like you shouldn’t forget them. You have to remember that you will never forget Danny and Caiden. I won’t let you. And having another baby doesn’t ruin their memory. It just means that you can remember them and still be happy. You deserve to be happy, Vee, and I know you have that with me. I know how scary this is… starting over. You had this whole other life and you lost it. But I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens to you again. I will never leave you, and our baby will always be protected. After everything we’ve been through, you should know how much I love you, and how much I want to make you the happiest you’ve ever been, or at least on par with how happy you were before your life changed six years ago. Let me give you that chance at being yourself again, Violet. Choose to live!” Hudson says the last words and it’s like they are being said by Danny himself. I look up at Hudson and silently cry.
“I love you, Vee, and I love what’s happening inside of you. I couldn’t be more ecstatic about it. I just wish you could see the amazing thing that’s happening to you, to us, because sweetheart I want this baby. I want you. I want a family with you, Violet Dyson. I want to marry you,” he says.
I look up at him and blink. He pulls out a ring box. I gasp and stare at the box taking in what it represents. I swallow hard and get off his lap standing up trying to gather myself. My heart is racing so fast and in all the grief, all the pain that I’m going through right now and with all the terrible emotions flowing over me – the feeling of undeniable love surges through it all and fills my dark soul with the brightest light I’ve ever felt. He moves so he’s kneeling on one knee as he holds the ring box up to me while I stand here in the middle of a hallway, in a hospital, with staff and patients all watching us.
He takes my hands in his and looks up at me with the most brilliant smile, which only makes the gold in his green eye and the grey in his blue stand out strikingly as they stare right into my brightly lit soul.
“Violet, ever since I saw you sitting miserable and alone in an empty bar, I knew I had to get to know you. Our relationship hasn’t been long, and in the time we’ve known each other we’ve lied, we’ve both been injured to the point of near death, and we’ve dealt with past loves – yours and mine, but we’ve fought through it all to end up here… together, in love and with our own child on the way. Vee, I can’t imagine a better way to start our lives together than to have a piece of me and a piece of you joining us together as a family. I want this baby. I want you, and I want to have many more babies in the future with you as my wife. Violet Dyson, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in the world—”
“More than Midas?” I ask making him smile and laugh.
“More than Midas, Vee. Will you have my baby and be my wife?” he asks, placing his hands on my hips and leaning in kissing my stomach, and even though I still feel like we would be replacing Caiden, the thought of having a baby with Hudson with every second that ticks past, makes me want this a tiny bit more. I can’t seem to say anything, so I simply nod.
He smiles brightly and stands up in line with me. “So is that a yes to both things? Having our baby and marrying me?” he asks and I smile as he wipes away the tears from my face.
“Yes Hudson, I will have our baby and marry you, not necessarily in that order,” I say and he laughs and wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace. I finally smile, the tension and grief, the anger and the despair all seeming to dissipate, and I’m now being filled with happiness and contentment.
“You really want to marry me? I’m a bit of a nut case?” I ask as he pulls back from me and looks into my eyes as I wrap my arms around his neck.
“I’ve wanted to marry from the moment you first called me a freak,” he replies smiling, then leans in and kisses me passionately. His tongue slides into my mouth, mine dances with his for the first time since the cabin. I run my fingers through his hair and he pulls my body in line with his as I become aware of the people clapping and cheering around us.
I pull back from Hudson, who’s a little breathless, as am I from the intense kiss we just shared after so long apart. I look into his eyes and smile knowing that even though I went to a really dark place, it’s nice to know that Hudson can be the one to pull me back into the light. He is my light and I plan to bask in his glow for the rest of our lives, together.
As a family.
Hudson and I walk slowly back to the hospital bay I was in before my freak show. I hold his hand and cuddle into his side as we make the short trip back as slowly as possible so we can both catch our breath and recover from the hideous low which has been followed by the outstanding high.
“Oh wait, I haven’t seen the ring?” I turn to face Hudson.
He winces and bites his bottom lip.
“What?” I ask and he chuckles.
“Well, there’s this small thing,” he says and I look at him confused. “I haven’t actually bought you a ring, yet,” he says gauging my reaction.
“So you proposed to me with an empty box?”
“Umm… if I say yes, will you still marry me?” he asks and I smile brightly and nod.
“Of course, I’ll still marry you, but you owe me a ring mister,” I say and he chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to his side.
“Don’t worry baby, you’ll get the best looking ring in town… in all Australia, I promise,” he says and kisses my head.
“Wait, so why were you carrying around an empty ring box?”
“Well, I liked the box, so I’ve been carrying it around in case I found a ring that’s good enough for you. I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time, Vee. I know we weren’t together for long, but before we raided Cupiditas, that day I started ring shopping, and well it kind of fell through after that, but the ring box was always in my pocket,” he says and I nod in understand
ing.
“Well, even without the ring it was the best proposal I could have asked for. I’m sorry I fell apart.”
He stops walking and turns me to face him. “Don’t be sorry for how you feel. I love that you can be honest with me, about everything. Our relationship lacked honesty. Now I want you to always tell me how you're feeling, even if the truth hurts. And I plan to be here for every late night, every craving and every foot rub you need, because Vee, nothing will make me happier than to have a baby with you,” he says and leans in kissing me again. “I love you, Violet, I always have.”
“I love you too, fiancé,” I reply and his eyes shine brightly as he smiles widely and then leans in to kiss me again in the middle of the emergency ward.
We make our way back to the bay I was in, in the emergency ward and the nurse looks at me and Hudson as I walk back in and sit on the bed.
“Is everything okay?” she asks and I look at Hudson and he nods.
“She’s okay, just needed a moment to wrap her head around everything,” he replies taking my hand while he sits down in the seat next to my bed.
“Okay, shall I get the doctor to finish your consult?” she asks and we both nod. “I’ll be right back.”
I look at Hudson and suddenly the memories of the brutal torture I went through come back into my mind and I feel the colour drain from my face.
“You okay? You look pale?” Hudson asks watching me intently.
“I was tortured, Hudson. What if the baby isn’t okay?” I ask and his mouth opens slightly and then he rubs the back of his neck.
“It’s okay. The doctors will check everything out for us. Our baby will be fine, Vee, and if it’s not then we’ll look after it the best way we can,” he says tightening his grip on my hand. I nod and the doctor comes back in.
“Is everything okay, Ms. Dyson?” the doctor asks and I nod.
“Yes, sorry for running out like that. I had a son and I lost him nearly six years ago, so I panicked, that’s all. I’m okay now,” I explain even though he really didn’t ask for specifics.
“I’m very sorry to hear that. Would you like to have an ultrasound or would you like some more time to take in the information?” he asks and I look at Hudson, who’s trying to hide his smile.
“We’d like an ultrasound, please. I was recently injured and was admitted the Flinders Medical Centre for a while, where I was on lots of pain medication. I guess I just want to make sure our baby is healthy and not damaged in any way.”
Hudson looks at me and smiles supportively.
“I’ll have your files transferred from Flinders so I know all the risk factors. We can certainly do some extensive testing for you to make sure everything is okay, but I’m sure if something was really wrong the baby would have self-terminated, but regardless we’ll do the appropriate testing, including date of conception and possible due date,” he says and suddenly the realisation hits me harder than before.
I am going to be a mum… again.
I take a deep breath and shake my head.
“I’ll make the arrangements for the ultrasound now and as soon as a room is free I’ll get you and Hudson up there,” the doctor says and we both nod.
“Thanks doc,” Hudson says while I lay on the bed in utter shock.
Now that I think back, the pregnancy signs were all there. I’d just forgotten what to look for. Feeling sick, the dizziness, the heightened emotional state, I’d had all that with Caiden but it was so long ago, I’d forgotten about it.
The doctor nods and walks out of the room while the nurse hooks me back up to the monitor.
“How are you doing, baby?” Hudson asks as I rest back down and relax into the bed.
“I’m okay, just trying to wrap my head around it. I want this baby, but I don’t as well, and that thought terrifies me, Hudson. What if I’m not a good mum to this one? What if I resent it or something?” I ask and he shakes his head and leans in kissing my temple.
“You could never be a bad mum, Vee, I’ve seen your nurturing side. You love and care more for people than you realise, but I see it, I see you. I know you could never resent our baby. So don’t even think about it, okay?”
“You’re too good to me,” I say and he raises an eyebrow and shakes his head.
“No baby, I was an arsehole to you. I thought my job status was more important than you, and I honestly don’t know how you’ve forgiven me for that. I don’t know why I was so blinded by my job. I love you so much and that’s all that should matter. I’m so glad I came to my senses and that you’re willing to have me back. Because I know how much I hurt you by me refusing for us to be together. Maybe it was Cassie’s influence or something, but just know I regret every second I spent away from you or pushing you away. I never should have gotten your love back. I’m not worthy of it. But I’m so glad you have given me a second chance and I will spend forever making it up to you.”
“I love you Hudson, and even though at one stage there I was sure you wouldn’t take me back, I continued to hold out hope. Even through my pain and rejection from you, I kept praying that you’d love me enough to fight for me.”
“I’m sorry it took the Dogs to make me realise what a prick I was being. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Vee, and when I was faced with that reality it made everything click back into place. I stopped being stubborn and knew I needed you with me. And now we have a little one on the way to love as well. Well, honestly I don’t think I could feel happier than I do right now. You’re safe, the Dogs are gone and we’re having a baby. Life doesn’t get better than this,” he says making me tear up. “I love you, so much,” he whispers as he rests his cheek on top of my tummy. “And I love you too, little bean,” he says then kisses my tummy.
I hold back my tears as I gently caress his hair as he rests his head on my stomach. I’m so glad he’s happy about this baby. We honestly haven’t been together long and this could have gone completely the other way. But now I’m engaged and having his baby. I’ll be moving all my things in when we’re both able to, and I honestly don’t know how I would cope if my life were any different. I feel like everything is coming full circle and the happiness, I've been denied for six years, is finally on its way. I will be happy with Hudson, ecstatic even, and I really can’t wait to make everything official.
“When do you want to get married?” I ask out of the blue.
He looks up at me and smiles. “As soon as you want to. You can have anything you want, big, small… we can elope. I just want you to have the perfect day, and for me my perfect day is watching you be happy. So whatever and whenever you want to,” he says leaning up and gently kissing my lips. I kiss him back gently and the doctor comes back in.
“Sorry to interrupt, but there’s an ultrasound room free now. Are you ready to go up and see your baby?”
I smile brightly and nod my head while Hudson grins as widely as humanly possible.
“Right, let’s go then,” he says and detaches me from everything and I get down from the bed. Hudson is by my side in an instant and he takes my hand.
“Are you okay to walk or would you like a wheelchair?” the doctor asks.
“No wheelchair, I’ve been in one recently and I’d prefer to walk. We just have to take it slowly,” I say and the doctor nods.
We arrive at the room for the ultrasound and they look a lot more hi-tech than when I was pregnant with Caiden. Hudson tightens his grip on my hand as we walk in and I sit down on the bed.
“Please lay down on your back and lift your shirt up,” the doctor asks and I nod and lay down. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming amount of nerves run through my body. I feel like I’m shaking, but I don’t think I am otherwise Hudson would notice it as he’s holding my hand. “Okay, this gel is a little cold,” he tells me and then he squirts it over my stomach. I flinch slightly and Hudson grips my hand tighter while he sits down next to me facing the monitor.
“Right, you ready guys?” he asks and I look at Hudson who smiles at
me brightly.
“You okay, Vee?” he asks and I look into his multi-coloured, calming eyes and it settles my nerves instantly.
“Yep, let’s see our little baby,” I reply and Hudson leans down kissing my forehead.
The doctor smiles and grabs a little handheld device and puts it to my stomach. He uses a firm pressure and starts to move it over my abdomen which now that I look at it seems a tiny bit bloated, well I guess it’s the baby not actual bloating.
I hear a whooshing sound and then a constant beating as Hudson holds onto my hand so tightly it’s hurting, but I don’t care.
“What’s that sound, doc?” Hudson asks and I smile because I know what it is.
“It’s the baby’s heartbeat. It sounds very healthy and strong,” he says.
“Oh wow,” Hudson whispers under his breath.
“And that, right there,” he points to the blob on the screen, “that’s your little baby,” he says making my heart flutter at the sight of the little smudge on the screen.
“Holy shit,” Hudson says as his hand tenses in mine.
I turn to look at him and his eyes are watering, which melts my heart. He looks ridiculously happy, which in turn makes me want to jump for joy. Only minutes ago I was feeling like having this baby was the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen, but now looking at it on the screen and seeing the adoration and excitement in Hudson’s eyes, well that makes all the hurt and anguish one hundred percent worth it.
“Is it a boy or a girl, doc?” Hudson asks as he wipes a tear from his cheek.
The doctor chuckles as I look at Hudson, and the excitement emanating from him right now is palpable.
“It’s a little too early to tell right now. When Violet is eighteen to twenty weeks, you can have another scan and we will ascertain gender, but for now by the size of the baby, I’m estimating that you’re around thirteen weeks pregnant, just over three months,” he says and I exhale and bite my bottom lip.
