“I know what you mean. She does whatever she’s asked to do, but doesn’t say hardly anything. Libby’s taking care of the twins more and more. It seems to have helped Libby recover from her loss, but Lucy… I don’t know. I think I’ll ask Noah to come and speak with her.” Laura handed the clean plate to Blanche.
“That’s a good idea. I know he talked with her before and after the funeral, but a visit now might be in order.”
They worked silently beside each other for a while then Blanche said, “What about you, Laura? How are you doing?”
“Why do you ask?” Laura kept her tone impassive.
“You just don’t seem very happy. You don’t act like a bride normally acts. You don’t seem eager to get married.”
Laura wiped out the pan she was washing. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m just sort of numb. I thought accepting a proposal would bring peace and security to my life. Instead, I’m just anxious and nervous. The other day I didn’t hear Red come down the hall. He always calls as he comes to alert me. When he came into the room, I nearly hit him with my wash paddle.” She giggled. “You should have seen the look on his face. I apologized so much. I don’t know why I’m so jumpy.”
Blanche looked at her. “It’s none of my business, but I have a question for you.”
Laura paled. She didn’t want to be asked if she really wanted to marry Red.
“Did you pray about Red’s courting you and about whether you should accept his proposal?”
Laura’s jaw dropped. It hadn’t occurred to her, but she’d left God totally out of her decisions regarding the matter.
“Oh, Blanche, no, I didn’t. How could I not have done so?”
“You want security and a husband. There’s nothing wrong with that. Red’s a believer, so thinking he was the right man or an acceptable man for you was understandable. God doesn’t tell us who to marry, only that we are to marry a believer.
“But what if God has something better for you. Someone he chose for you and your boys? Remember when Pastor talked about the desires of our hearts. One thing stuck in my head. Maybe we have some learning to do so we can appreciate the desires of our hearts more. That maybe we need to wait on Him and His time to bless us.
“All I know is that you don’t have peace, any kind of peace, let alone the peace that passes understanding. You may need to spend some time on your knees in order to get it.”
~~~~~
Laura set the night candle on the dresser and opened the top drawer. Taking her Bible out, she gathered the candle and set it on the nightstand. She opened the Bible to Psalm thirty-seven. Trust in the Lord, and do good;
so you will live in the land, and enjoy security.
Take delight in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him, and He will act.
Laura remembered the sermon Noah had preached on the passage. Trust in the Lord. Delight in the Lord. Commit to the Lord. The concept was to put God first. Want what He wants. Focus on Him. He has plans for you, plans for your good. That was a verse in Jeremiah. She’d have to find it.
She’d been so lonely and scared after Alan died. Nugget Nate and Sanctuary Place had given her a safe place to live for five years. Then the opportunity to come to Stones Creek and maybe find a new relationship arose, and with it the possibility for a new husband and the security that comes with it. Yes, Laura liked her independence, but the workload of the business and the boys and the House was a heavy burden. Even with the other ladies in the House, she was alone.
It is not good that man should be alone. That went for women too. Not only did she miss the security and companionship marriage provided, but she also missed the physical intimacy. Sometimes she ached with the lack. She’d hoped to develop a physical desire for Red, but it wasn’t happening. Laura didn’t think Red was burning with passionate desire either. At least his kisses didn’t seem very hungry.
Setting the Bible on the nightstand, she stood and began to undress. She contemplated as she folded her garments away. Once she was in her nightgown, her hair braided and hanging down her back, she sank to her knees.
Tears streamed down her face as she poured out her sorrow at looking for security in someone besides her Savior. Warmth flooded her soul. Assurance of forgiveness filled her. She laid her torso across the bed and wept with thanksgiving. Peace began a gentle rain on her spirit.
When her tears ended, Laura humbly approached the throne, seeking confirmation that God’s will for her was to marry Red Dickerson. Clarity is what she asked for. To know without a doubt. Either way, Laura was going to accept what God’s plan for her was.
She thanked Him for the answer He was going to reveal to her and slowly got up. Drawing back the covers, Laura slipped into bed and snuggled into the warmth.
She slept more soundly than she had in weeks.
~~~~~
It was Saturday morning, and Laura was folding the last of Hank’s towels. She was going to get ready for an outing with Red and the boys after dropping them off at the barbershop. He was coming to town to take them all out to the ranch.
Laura supposed it was about time, too. They hadn’t been out there yet, nor had she met Hawk Connor, Red’s boss.
No confirmation from the Lord had come yet either. Laura was trying to be patient and wait until He chose to let her know for sure whether she should continue with her betrothal or not. What she did know was that He would answer, in His time, and whatever it was would be the best thing for her.
She picked up the bag containing the towels and went through the gun shop, heading toward the boardwalk in front of the shops lining the block.
“Morning, Pastor.” Laura set the bag on the counter, lifted the hinged section, went through, twirled around to close it again, and grabbed the bag.
“Morning, Laura. You seem chipper this morning.” Noah was sorting small boxes of bullets in the corner.
“I am. It’s a lovely day out.”
“I’m glad to see you feeling happy. I was concerned about you there for a while.”
Laura paused as she headed for the door. She turned and looked at Noah. “I was struggling there for a bit. I finally took my problem to the Lord and laid it at His feet. Now I’m just waiting for the answer so I can do what He wants me to do.”
“Very good plan.”
She exited the gun shop and went next door to the barbershop. She opened the door and heard arguing. In the hall leading to the bathing rooms, Hank and Red’s voices were raised in anger.
“I thought you were my friend, but you’re undermining my chances with Eddie.”
“I am your friend, but I’m his too. He’s not had a father for a long time.”
“That’s the role I’m supposed to be taking.”
“I’m only mentoring the boy. He enjoys learning about barbering. I’m sure it will wain once he gets out on the ranch, and you get him a horse.”
“That’s just it. I went to talk with him this morning, hoping to spark his interest in our trip to the ranch today. You know what he said? Eddie told me he wasn’t going to move to the ranch with us. He was going to stay in town and live with you. That you’d said he could.”
“What? Well…”
“That’s what he said. I’m telling you, Hank. I’ll cut him off entirely from you if you don’t back off. He’s going to live with us, and I’ll keep him from coming to town at all.”
“What does Laura say about this?”
“I don’t care what she has to say about it. I’m the man. What I say goes.”
Laura couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Red was taking over control of her sons? He didn’t have the right, at least not yet. Even once they were married, she still had the final say in what happened with them. That Red thought he could make such decisions without even consulting her was appalling.
She flung the bag of towels onto the barber chair and stalked down the hallway, right up to Red, sm
acking him on the chest.
“Well, sir, you may not think I have any say in the matter, but let me tell you. I do! I’m still their mother, and I’ve been raising them alone for neigh on six years. I don’t need you thinking you know what’s best for my sons, especially without consulting me.
“Looks like I’m going to be continuing raising them alone, because any man who thinks I don’t have any say in raising my sons doesn’t deserve the right to do so. Mr. Dickerson, I hereby break our betrothal.”
She wheeled around and stabbed Hank with her finger. “And you, telling Eddie he could come and live with you. How dare you say such a thing, or even imply it? He’s a little boy. He believes everything you say. You know he’s been struggling with the move. You know. I trusted that you would support and help him adjust.
“I’d like to say Eddie can’t come and see you anymore but that would be punishing him for your stupidity.” Laura stepped back and looked at both of them. “Humph, now I have to go and tell both my sons that not only are we not going to the ranch today, but we won’t be going at all. That you,” she pointed at Red. “And I aren’t getting married.” Next, she pointed at Hank. “And you are otherwise engaged for the next week. In that time, you’d better come up with a good way of telling Eddie you were just plain stupid to tell him he could come and live with you.
“I’m ready to chuck you both in the washtub and scrub that foolishness right out.”
Flipping her skirts behind her, Laura turned away from them, marched down the hall and out the back door, closing it with a resounding slam.
Hank and Red looked at each other.
“She’s madder than an old wet hen,” Red said.
“That she is. And she gave you the mitten,” Hank replied.
“That she did. Think I have any chance of winning her back.”
“Doubt it. That was a mite knuckle-headed thing to think, let alone say, even if you didn’t know she was there.”
“Yeah, I know. I got a mad on, and it fell out of my mouth without passing through my brain.” Red ran his fingers through his hair. “You were fairly mush-headed, too. Telling the boy he could come live with you.”
“It wasn’t quite like that, but I can see how he might take it that way. I told him he could come and stay sometimes. I meant overnight, maybe on a Saturday. You’d be coming on Sunday for service and could take him home after.”
“He told me you wanted him to come and live with you.”
“Guess I wasn’t quite clear enough.” Hank rubbed the back of his neck.
“Laura’s pretty mad at both of us.”
“Yeah, she is.”
~~~~~
Once again, Laura gathered the boys on either side of her on the bed. This time wasn’t any easier than the others. She wrapped an arm around each of their shoulders. She didn’t know which bit of news to tell first. That she was no longer betrothed, or that Eddie wasn’t going to see Hank for a week and that he wasn’t going to go live with him.
“What’s going on, Ma?” Eddie asked searching her face intently. “Mr. Red came today, and we talked about moving to the ranch. Then, he got mad and left real quick like.”
“Did you tell him you were going to live with Mr. Hank?”
Eddie turned red and looked down. He picked at the quilt they were sitting on. “He told me I could. He told me I could come and stay whenever I wanted.”
“And you thought that meant forever?”
“Well, maybe not forever, but lots.”
“I see.”
Laura was silent for a while. What she was going to say next would make one son happy and devastate the other. Mark truly liked Red and was excited at the prospect of moving to the ranch and having a horse. That wasn’t going to happen now.
She tried to think of a way to salvage the situation, but there just didn’t seem to be one. Lord, help her explain in a way that didn’t reflect badly on Red. He wasn’t a bad man, just chuckleheaded. When she thought about it, she knew he really didn’t mean what he’d said. But that didn’t mean she wanted him back.
“I’ve got some news that’s basically sad. Mr. Red and I decided it was best if we don’t get married.”
“What?” Both boys said the word at the same time. One tone was stricken, the other delighted.
“We decided we simply didn’t suit and that it was best to cancel the betrothal and go our separate ways.”
“But why? Doesn’t Mr. Red like me or want me?” Mark’s small, sad questions broke Laura’s heart.
“Mr. Red likes you real good. It’s not you. It’s between him and me. We just don’t think we’ll get along well enough to get married. I’m hoping we can still be friends.”
Mark was silent. Laura leaned up a little so she could see his downturned face. Tears were streaming down his small cheeks. “I hope so too. Maybe then I could still go to the ranch and ride a horse.”
“Maybe.”
Laura looked at Eddie. There was a pensive look on his face. She patted his leg. “What are you thinking?”
“Is it ‘cause I told him I was going to live with Mr. Hank?”
“You didn’t cause this. What happened was God’s way of saying He has something better planned for us. We just have to be faithful and believe that, and wait until He reveals it to us.”
~~~~~
Red walked slowly up the walk to the porch of the House. He couldn’t leave town without talking to Mark, especially, as well as Eddie and Laura. He had a lot of thinking to do. But he needed to clean up his mess first.
He knocked on the door. The young woman he’d seen crossing the street from the hotel answered. He’d been introduced to her the day he and Laura had announced their engagement. She was very pretty, young, with pale blonde hair and her blue eyes had an intriguing slant. He couldn’t remember her name. Was it Jenny? Her last name was something he’d never be able to pronounce. Volko-something.
“Zdravstvujtye, greetings. You are here see Laura, yes?” She pulled the door wide to allow him entrance. “Come, in here.” She pointed to the parlor.
Red went in and sat down while she went upstairs. The patter of youthful footsteps came running down the stairs. Mark flew around the corner and leaped into his lap. When he turned his face up, Red could see he’d been crying. His thoughtless comment had resulted in him hurting the boy.
“Ma said you and her aren’t getting married.”
Red could tell Mark was hoping he’d deny it. “That’s right. We’ve decided it was best that we don’t.”
“That’s what she said. Was it something I did?”
Red pulled Mark to him in a hug. “No, son. You did everything right. Sometimes adults think things are supposed to go one way when, really, God wants them to go another. That’s what happened here.”
“Can I still be your friend?”
“Of course, you’re my partner, my buddy.”
“But you won’t teach me to ride or give me a horse.” Disappointment about this was more evident than about the lack of the marriage. Red gave a half grin. “I can’t give you a horse but, if your ma approves, I might be able to teach you to ride.”
Mark pulled back and looked up into Red’s face. “Really?”
“Really, but not for a while. I’m going to be heading into the hills on the back part of Hawk’s Wing. I need to see if there are any cows that wandered that far in the winter.”
“But it’s still winter.”
“Yeah, it is, but spring’s coming real soon.”
Eddie came into the room and stood next to the door.
“Mark, you go on now so I can talk with your brother a bit.” Red set Mark on his feet and patted his back. “Go on.” Mark ran off, and Red stood.
“Eddie, I’m hoping we can still be friends. Or maybe become friends.” Red took a step but stopped when Eddie leaned back.
“Are you mad at me?” Eddie asked.
“Nothing to be mad at you for. Everything is between me and your ma. She’s a mighty fine
woman, and you need to listen to her and obey.”
“I will.”
“You take good care of her. Even though we aren’t getting married, I think right highly of your mother. I’d hate to hear you were giving her heartache.”
“I won’t.”
“Good. Um, is your mother going to come and talk with me or should I just go?” Red asked.
“She’s coming. Wanted to freshen up some.”
They both heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Go on now, Eddie. I want to talk with your ma in private.”
Eddie nodded and headed out the door just as Laura entered.
She stood in the corner looking at him.
“Laura, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I was mad and jealous of Hank’s relationship with Eddie. I should have been glad Eddie has a man who cares so much about him.”
She nodded but didn’t speak.
“I’ve done just a bit of thinking before I came over. Hank let me sit in your old washroom. We’re friends again, by the way. Shared moments of mutton-headedness does that between men. Puts us back on common ground.”
Laura smiled a little.
“I’m not here to ask you to take me back. I realized it’s most likely best we don’t. I’m not saying you aren’t a woman any man wouldn’t be proud to have as a wife, but I… Well, this is for the best.”
She nodded.
“I’m hoping we can be friends. I count you as one. And, I’d like to keep up with Mark. I’d like to teach him to ride. He really wants to. I could take him some on my days off.”
“That’s fine. You are an honorable man. One who will be a good example for Mark. I appreciate you wanting to stay in his life. He’ll love learning to ride with you.”
“Thanks. Laura, I only want the best for you. I realize that I’m not it.”
“I’m not the best for you either, and I only want the best for you. I hope we can be friends.”
“I don’t see why not.” Red walked to her and bent down to kiss her cheek. “I told Mark I’m heading up to the back part of the ranch to look for strays. It’s true. I’m going to. I need time to think. Hawk will let me go for a while. It’s something that needs to be done.”
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