by N. J. Lysk
I saw the lord return and I was happy for it. He must know something, I thought and went down to the courtyard to talk to him. By then, I knew I could go anywhere I liked in the castle and nobody would say anything. He smiled when he saw me. A squire was getting his armour off him so he looked huge, bigger than usual. “Eliane,” he called me, and I went. It wasn’t my name, but so what? Nothing here was mine, not even I was mine. I could feel it every time I walked, the weight in me that meant I was his. He dropped his vambraces to the floor and brought me close to his body. He smelled like old sweat and horse and rain. Like soldiers smelled, like I had smelled. I tried to stop breathing till he let me step back. I didn’t mind the smell, I was no lady; I just hated remembering.
“Do you know anything?” I asked. I hated sounding so desperate in front of him, but I needed to know. It had been a long time and I still hadn’t helped my family. They were the only reason I had done this and…
“Not yet, my sweet,” he told me, looking like he really was sorry to say it. But I didn’t care if he was sorry. He had been sorry when he had fucked me, and then let the guards take their turn so he could breed me. “But we are very close to breaking their defences.”
“How close? Where…?”
He tsked reprovingly, and stepped out of his greaves, the last piece of the armour to go. “That is not woman’s talk, Eliane. We have talked about this. You have to trust me on this.”
I stared, desperate to know and not knowing how to justify it. Less than two months ago I had been in the battlefield and now I couldn’t even speak of it?! I had known the lord was no alright in his head when he had been sad about the guards and then he had told me it was his plan. “I’m really worried about them,” I said, hoping he would feel sad about that and tell me something real.
“Oh, Eliane,” he murmured and came over and put his arms around me. He still smelled like horse sweat, but this time he didn’t have a reason to pull back. “I know it’s hard for you. You are such a sweet girl, of course you are worried about your mother and your siblings.”
I tensed. He had told the servants to call me Mistress and he called me ‘Eliane’ but he had never called me girl before. I am not a girl! I wanted to shout at him, but I wanted to know about my family more. “Please tell me something,” I said into his chest. He was tall enough that my face was at his shoulder.
“Ah,” he sighed. “Very well; we have defeated the foot soldiers protecting the town, but the cavalry remains.”
“Are they all dead?” I asked. I couldn’t help myself, it was my people there. All the young men in town were foot soldiers. Nobody had no money for horses in my town. Well, maybe Kieran would have, but he…
“That’s your old life, sweety,” he told me. “You have to let it go, remember? You promised.”
I hadn’t promised shit. I had not said no because we had been talking about my family and I didn’t want him to get angry and said he was gonna stop looking for them. I was quiet. “So when you defeat the cavalry…”
“We will get to your family, yes.” He broke the embrace, and took me by the arm to lead me inside the castle.
When it was time to retire, my lord followed me to the bedroom. He looked around curiously and then turned to me. “You haven’t changed anything, sweetheart. I told you: you can change anything you like.”
I froze, unsure what to say. I didn’t care what the room looked like, but it looked heaps better than anywhere I had ever slept in my life anyways. “I like it,” I ended up saying. “It’s beautiful.”
That was the right thing to say because it got a smile, and I relaxed a little. But then he approached me, still smiling. “I think I can see you have grown,” he told me, and I was confused till his hands came down on my middle. I had been skinny before, real skinny because soldiers got good rations to help with all the running and training, but I always gave half of mine to my family. I was not so skinny anymore, at the castle I got to eat meat all the time, and eggs and everything, but he didn’t care about that, he cared about the way you could see it filling up my belly. I made myself stay still as he touched and caressed it. “I want to touch you,” he said, still looking down. I didn’t understand, I thought maybe he was talking to the baby. But then he said, “Turn around,” and helped me do just that. Then he pulled at the strings of the dress on my neck and I understood he was going to take my clothes off.
“I can get the maid…” I said.
He laughed behind me. “A maid? Can’t a man undress his wife now?”
I was quiet, and I felt the cold air on my back, the dress coming slowly open under his hands. He pulled it down my shoulders, and then stepped up against my back, his shirt soft and worn. He was warm against my chilled skin and that distracted me enough that I was surprised when his hands went around me and he started tugging at my sleeves. He did one and then the other and then lowered the dress down till I was bare from waist up. I shivered and he pulled me close against his chest, arms locking around mine for a moment before his hands slid lower and found the new roundness on my belly. He cupped it softly, like he thought it would break, and exhaled a breathy sigh next to my ear.
“You are showing,” he said with satisfaction. I shivered again and he pulled back. “Sorry, sweetheart, you are cold.” He went back to the laces of the dress and loosened them further, then pushed them down my hips. I stumbled, not having expected to get further undressed when he knew I was cold. The dress pooled on the floor and I was naked except for my shoes. The maids had wanted me to put women’s drawers on, but I had refused. “Oh,” he said, surprised. “You are so beautiful,” he murmured, stepping back.
“My gown is…” I started to turn towards the dresser but he put an arm around my waist and brought me against his chest again. I gasped, surprised. “Do not worry, I won’t let you be cold for long.”
“I…You said you wouldn’t…” I reminded him. It wasn’t like I was stupid or nothing, but it wasn’t like I had no more options, either. He turned me around in his arms easily, like even eating well every day and with a child in me, I weighted nothing for him.
“But you are well now. I know you are, I saw you running down the stairs earlier today,” he said this affectionately, like he thought it was funny. But I could tell there was some anger there, too, like he thought I was faking it.
“I… yes, but…” I started, and he interrupted me, hands going tight on my hips.
“Am I not a good husband to you?” he asked angrily. “I have been away all this time looking for your family and this is the welcome I receive?”
“I, no,” I said quickly. Nobody ever called me quick-witted but I could tell a threat when I heard one. “No, it’s just… I just,” I swallowed, trying to think of a reason. “It hurt,” I finally said. I was ashamed to say it, but he thought I was a woman now, and it was okay for women to say that. It didn’t matter, if it meant he wouldn’t stop looking for ma and the little ones...
“Oh, sweety,” he said, all his anger disappearing like the sun had just come up. “I forget you have never had a woman tell you what to expect.”
I nodded. I hadn’t even known that was a thing women did. I had learned about what happened between husband and wife from watching the dogs go at it, from the older boys laughing and joking with each other. And then I had learned about defeat, about what a man could do to me if I got captured. But I had never thought it would happen. Maybe if I had been a girl I would have thought to expect it because a woman would have told me to.
“I’m really cold,” I said quietly. He was rubbing my arms with his hands, but it wasn’t enough, I was shaking.
“Yes, of course, let’s get you to bed,” he readily agreed, and led me the few steps up to it, lifting the covers and giving me an encouraging push to get in. I slid under the blankets and shivered harder, trying to get warm. I didn’t have enough time, though, because he got rid of his own clothes and joined me under the covers, pressing his naked body against mine. I clenched my firsts
to keep from recoiling and he must have thought it was the cold because he rolled me onto my back and got on top of me. He was warm and not too heavy, he was keeping his arms folded not to crush me this time. Then I realised and almost laughed out loud: he wasn’t worried about crushing me, he was worried about the baby. I wondered if it could really be hurt that easily. Could I just fall down on my belly and it would be gone…?
I didn’t have time to think of that much, though, because his hand went down my body and between my legs. The lips weren’t wet now, but he didn’t get angry about it; he left them alone and took hold of what was left of my cock. It twitched in his warm grip and I felt my face getting warm, too. He had done this to me, and now he was going to do it again and I… I liked it.
He laughed warmly, clearly pleased at my reaction, and rubbed his thumb against the tip, making me shudder. I didn’t want to get hard, but that couldn’t be helped. I thought maybe I could think about a girl I had liked, and then I felt his cock pushing against my thigh. He was hard already and leaking. I gasped, getting scared again: it was going to hurt and I had to stay where I was, or he would just forget all about my family.
“Shhhh…” he soothed me. “Don’t worry, sweety, it won’t hurt this time.”
“What?” I said, without thinking.
“It only hurts a woman the first time,” he explained, still massaging my cock. I was fully hard now and so small I wasn’t even filling his hand. He let go and slid his hand lower till he found the opening, his hand was a little wet from my leaking, but I could feel it was wet and slick down there already. “That’s it, sweetheart,” he said, sliding his thumb in and rubbing softly in a way that made me squirm. “That’s what I like, when you are ready for me.”
I am not ready, I wanted to say, so I bit my lip instead and just stayed there, hoping he was telling the truth about it not hurting no more the second time. He took his finger out and I felt the soft head of his cock pushing into the opening under mine. It went in easy, even though it felt big, like it was made to fit there somehow. No, I thought, like I was made to take it. He had made me for this. He shifted and pushed it deeper and I tensed, afraid again, but it didn’t hurt, just felt tender and strange. He took my face in his hand kissed my mouth, licking my teeth and my tongue till it was hard to breathe, all without stopping pulling out and pushing in with his cock. It’s not that bad, I thought. It wasn’t, it was nothing like it had been in the cells. He took his hand off my face to bend my knee and that made his belly press against my dick. I shuddered, and had to pull my face away to gasp for breath. He laughed and his next thrust went deeper somehow and it felt… it felt good. Not again, I thought, but it was stupid. Of course he could do it again, he could hurt me again, and he could make it good again, and he could fill me up again as soon as I had the baby he had put in me already. He ground his hips down, touching that part inside me that was like my cock, and then my cock, too, by accident, and I clenched around him, feeling like it was too much. And then he did it again and I made a noise without meaning to. He liked that, and pushed one more time the same way, and I couldn’t stop it. I clenched harder and felt my dick twitching and getting everything wet between us. The lord groaned deep and happy and kept doing it. Again and again. It was too much but I couldn’t say, I only had to wait a moment and… It felt longer than a moment, but then it was over. He didn’t let himself fall on me, but dropped to the side and gathered me in his arms. He held me like I was something precious he thought someone would come to steal. But it wasn’t true; he had nothing to worry about. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
When I saw my mother’s face, I thought I had hit my head or was dreaming or something. It didn’t seem real. She didn’t look back at me, though, and then I realised it was real. She couldn’t tell it was me. I thought nobody could have, not even me. I swallowed and took a step closer. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter at all, if she was here, Milli holding her hand and Shan trying to look tough by her side, with Gali holding onto our old cart that now somehow had a horse to pull it.
“Ma,” I said, and she looked up because my voice hadn’t changed, but then she frowned and tried to look around me. I thought I would cry, and then Milli let go of her skirts and ran across the courtyard and threw herself onto mine. “Seeran!” she cried and it was so good to hear my name after such a long time.
“Hello, Milli,” I said quietly to her. I couldn’t pick her up like I wanted, not when my belly was so big I had had to stop twice getting down from my rooms. She looked up at me and smiled her toothy grin. “Are you o ISBN: 9781370360437
Title: Soldier On
Author: N. J. Lysk
Publisher: Smashwords, Inc.k?” I asked, taking hold of her hand.
“We have a horse!” she announced proudly.
“Milli,” my mother said then, sharply, like she was embarrassed. But then I looked up from Milli’s upturned face and our eyes met. She stumbled, but caught herself before I could help her. “What…?” She was staring at me, eyes wide and horrified, just like I had known she would. I looked away, I had to, or I would have cried. “Seeran?” she asked, uncertainly, and I almost cried anyway. I felt awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassed. She was my mother and she didn’t know me, so what did that mean? Was I even me? Or was I really Eliane now?
“Oh, by the Gods,” she cried out, “Seeran,” and she step up to me and took my hands, squeezing too hard. “Look at me,” she murmured, and I realised she understood I couldn’t show what I really felt. I looked up, swallowing, and she was my ma again. She looked sad, and tired, and angry. I recognized the anger, I had felt it, too, but it seemed like such a long time ago. “What happened?” she asked me quietly. “Milli, go look after the horse!”
Milli ran back, knowing the tone too well to argue, and I licked my lips and said, “Defeat.”
“But you are not…”
“It’s done,” I said firmly, “and what’s important now is that you are here. And you will never lack anything you need again.”
She frowned at me and I realised I sounded like the lord, because I was saying his words. I didn’t care. He hadn’t lied about this, so it didn’t matter if everything else was a lie. It didn’t matter he had tricked me, it didn’t matter what he did to me every night, it didn’t matter there was a baby inside me, or that he was always talking of more babies to come.
They were safe, and they would be cared for. That’s all I needed. “Come, mother,” I said, taking her arm in mine. I had never called her that in my life, but the lord got angry when I didn’t speak properly. “I will show you to your rooms.”
***
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Omega for the Pack – When Ray presents as an omega instead of an alpha, his life changes forever. As a male omega, he's expected to mate with a select group of alphas and start a pack of his own.
Excerpt:
Ray stepped forward and bowed. He didn't raise his gaze from the floor and he kept still, not giving away any of his nerves or impatience. Not that he could hide his scent, of course. Every alpha in the room knew he was scared, and he could smell them in turn: eager and hungry. For him. Because he was an omega, and he was ready to mate.
"Raymond," his uncle said almost gently. And only then did Ray look up, he only met his uncle's eyes briefly, to show he was paying attention, before focusing his gaze on the side of his stubbled cheek. "It's true. You've come into your own."
It was just about the politest way of putting what was happening to Ray's body: the changes had just started that would turn him from a beta --all children were betas-- into an omega. From a boy into... he'd never be a man now, omega males weren't men. In th
e old days, werewolves just used the animal term for them: bitches. But of course nobody would say that in public now. Now they were omegas, or breeding males, or mates for the alphas who took them or the pack that formed around them. Whatever you called people like Ray, one thing was true: they were rare. Most werewolves were born of females of the species and in his lifetime, Ray had heard of less than half a dozen adult male omegas.
One of them had had a mate, but the rest... well, Ray knew what alphas said: it was such a waste to let a fully grown man go to waste by breeding for a single alpha. That wasn't what male breeders were meant for, they argued, they were born strong and big so a new pack could form around them. Ray shivered, aware of the heavy gazes on him, aware that he was all of 6'2 and broader at the shoulders that some men older than him. It had always been an advantage to him before, keeping other wolves --notoriously rowdy-- from challenging him, but size wasn't an advantage to an omega male.
"I have decided to grant the request for a new pack," his uncle announced, and Ray felt his stomach drop. He was fully dressed --jeans and two shirts and his parka on top-- but he suddenly felt chilled to the bone and he had to lock his knees to keep himself upright. He had been hoping, he realised, stupidly he'd thought... But of course it didn't matter his uncle was Head Alpha, he couldn't give a healthy male omega to a single mate, no matter how much he might have wanted to protect him. In a pack as large as theirs, a split had become inevitable and many would argue Ray's new status was a direct result of the need for an omega to form a new pack. Once upon a time, when he’d been sure he’d come out of childhood an alpha, Ray had thought of forming a new pack himself. He'd never thought of what an omega might feel at the prospect. As far as he'd been told, omegas in heat needed an alpha to breed or they would go out of their mind with lust.
