Gracie and I could likely have fun together. The kind of fun that made the newspaper the next day. The kind of fun that I was growing ever closer to getting too old for.
“There,” she announced, pulling a bobby pin out from between her teeth and securing my hair with it. “Chris seems like a ponytail kind of guy.”
“He is,” I confirmed, “or was. I’m not sure anymore.”
She squeezed my shoulder. “They pretty much all are. I’m certain he hasn’t changed. Why do you think it’s my go-to style?”
As though I was looking at her through new eyes, I studied her reflection in my mirror. Her dark, impossibly shiny hair was slicked back into a severe version of my current style. Though her hair hung midway down her back, my eyes were drawn to hers, studying their large brown depths and surrounding delicate features.
Then I remembered that she’d admittedly never had a serious relationship before. I wondered if she took a page out of my bed them and leave them playbook or if she was just a giant tease. Whatever the case, she seemed a hell of a lot less conflicted than I was.
“So, are we ready to blow this hot dog stand?” she asked.
I hesitated.
“Yes, we are,” she answered, coaching me. “Say it.”
“Yes, Gracie, let’s go.”
“I’ll drive. So you don’t chicken out or something. We kind of need you there for the whole thing since this is your vision. Without you, we might as well just have them elope.”
“Sometimes I wonder if that’s not what they’d rather have,” I mused as I rounded the back of her late model Ford Taurus. Not exactly the kind of ride that I’d expect someone as opinionated and vocal as her to drive, but economical. And boring.
“Nah,” she said, unaffected, “they need the whole experience. It makes the happily ever after part that much better.”
I directed her to the hotel, nestled in the revitalized part of downtown Fort Wayne. More and more people were foregoing the traditional church wedding and opting for a reception hall vibe, and this venue was one of the most popular. Booking it for a quickie wedding was a major coup, especially since I was working with a less than ideal time frame. But with my connections - which resulted from me bedding the current manager a couple of years ago, one of my few hookups where I actually gave my real identity - I’d been able to name my date and make it happen. After our dalliance, we’d remained okay friends, though never anything more. He’d been surprised to hear from me and eager to cater to my every whim. Perhaps waiting for an invitation for another night of fun, but maybe not.
Whatever the case, we were the first of our party to arrive and as I’d expected, manager Mike was waiting for me to walk through the sliding glass doors. He attempted to make it look like he was deep in supervisor mode, hovering around the front desk all serious, but the smile that broke out across his face was instantaneous. He hadn’t been eyeball deep in reports or coaching.
“Well, well,” he boomed across the lobby as we entered, “look who the cat dragged in.”
His act would have been more humorous had we not met up less than a month ago to finalize dates and times, but I gave him credit for his attempt. Certainly better than Dan of the infamous night at the bar. Perhaps a bit cuter, too. Of anyone that I’d ever been with since Chris, Mike had likely been the one with the most potential, but it simply wasn’t enough.
“Good to see you, too, Mike.” My tone of voice was ultimate professional; hopefully he’d get the message. As he moved around the reception area to meet us in the lobby, I helped to close the distance between us. I extended my hand for a business-like shake. He grasped my fingers in his, lingering slightly longer than appropriate.
I cleared my throat and pulled away, nodding over to my sidekick. “Mike, this is Gracie Alexander, the maid of honor. Gracie, this is Mike Benson, the hotel manager.”
“Nice to meet you, Mike,” Gracie said, jutting out her hand and taking the lead.
Mike regained his composure quickly at my rebuff, turning on his fake charm. He shook her hand, though with nowhere as much enthusiasm as he had mine. “The pleasure’s all mine.”
“So, why don’t you lead us to where we’re going to set up?” I asked, trying my best to push things along. Even as I spoke, I continued walking, knowing full well the layout of the place and exactly what it was that I’d rented. I’d had a hand in decorating the hotel when it first opened, hence meeting Mike and our eventual one night stand.
“Of course,” Mike allowed, walking slightly faster than me so that he could at least pretend he was escorting us there. Upon reaching our destination, he said a few brief words of introduction to the amenities, then quickly retreated.
“So how was Mike in the sack?” Gracie asked with a devilish grin the second he’d left us alone.
Lauren had always told me that Gracie was incredibly perceptive. I was willing to add blunt to the description.
“Okay, I suppose.” I shrugged. “It was a couple years ago. During a weak moment.”
“Mmm hmm. Looks like it was more memorable for him than you.”
“Oh stop it. We’re not here to talk about my love life. Or lack thereof.”
She folded her arms across her chest, pouting. “Why not? You’re fun.”
“Gee, thanks.”
I set her to work; eager to get her mind off of my problems and on to the task at hand. We’d brought a few items with us: the unity candle, the guestbook and pen, things I could easily throw in my bag. I handed them over and instructed her on placement.
This meeting room was almost permanently set up for weddings at this point, complete with rows of chairs already divided down the middle to make a bride’s side and a groom’s side. With that use in mind, the space itself was fairly non-descript, painted in a neutral off-white so as not to interfere with color selections. Early tomorrow morning, the flowers would arrive and be distributed according to my precise orders. If I wasn’t in the wedding party, I’d likely have done it myself. It was a major leap to trust someone else to do it - one I hoped I didn’t regret. As it was, I knew I’d still be on site either later tonight or tomorrow before we were set to get our hair and makeup done to supervise. The Trailblazer was loaded down with items for the reception, which would be held in the adjoining ballroom.
Matthew and Lauren arrived soon after. I was secretly glad that they’d not been here to witness my interaction with Mike and Gracie’s subsequent big reveal. No need for them to know that I’d scored this place with sexual favors. Though Matthew had been every bit the man whore in a previous life, he now looked down on those kind of actions. Maybe it hurt him too much to know that his baby sister was repeating some of his mistakes.
Pregnancy looked good on Lauren. She was one of those people that wore it well, gaining just the right amount of weight. The baby bump was on full display, but straight in front of her. Unless you met her head on or from the side, she didn’t look any bigger than usual. Her once short hair had grown out almost to her shoulders, falling in soft, silky brown waves around her face. And that face, well it just glowed.
I hugged her first, just because she was closer. She responded in kind, by now used to the familiar ritual. Matthew and I were huggers; she was part of our family now.
“Nervous yet?” I asked as we embraced.
She chuckled. “Not one bit.” She pulled away with such a radiant smile on her face that I was positive she wasn’t lying.
“Good. Because tomorrow you and I will be sisters.”
Her hazel eyes filled briefly with emotion. Being an only child, she’d admitted that she’d always longed for a sibling. She’d told Matthew more than once that she envied us, the easy relationship that we had with one another. I’d only disclosed bits and pieces of how we’d gotten to that point, but I’d always been willing to walk through fire to save him and she knew that much.
She turned to investigate what Gracie was doing as I stepped over to my brother and wrapped my arms around him.
“Hey, dork,” I responded automatically, resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes. “You’re almost there. Twenty-four hours from now, you’ll be a married man. Who’d have thunk it?”
“Certainly not me,” he verified.
We held each other for a moment, a sort of conversation in itself. When my eyes fluttered open, my body went rigid. Matthew turned slightly to see what had made me tense up.
Chris stood in the doorway, as much of a deer in headlights look on his face as must have been on mine. He’d obviously not expected me to be here yet. He’d undoubtedly scanned the parking lot for either my truck or convertible and found neither one here. Gracie driving me over hadn’t felt like a covert operation until just now.
We were both being childish. There was no question that we’d be in each other’s sights today; so why did we feel like we were owed an announcement when one or the other showed up? I stared back at him, drinking him in like I’d done on Thanksgiving night. Then I pulled away from my brother and pretended to have something to attend to over by the girls.
Even after Will, Lauren’s dad and the minister showed up and we began running through tomorrow’s big event, the tension didn’t disburse. We pretended to ignore one another, though there might as well have been a giant neon sign pointing to the elephant in the room. For months and months during the planning phases of the wedding, I’d insisted that we could be grown ups and play nice with each other. I’d never considered the reality of how hard that would be.
“You okay?” Will whispered as he took my arm to lead me down the aisle.
I nodded, hoping I looked convincing. He seemed to be genuinely concerned, though why would he be? He was Chris’s friend; I’d never met him before tonight. Of course he’d probably heard some ugly things about me, and he didn’t know half the truth. While Matthew had to play both sides carefully, Will could be fully on Chris’s side. Instead, he looked at me with sympathy.
Will gave my arm a discreet squeeze as we parted ways at the end of the aisle. I stood on the bridesmaid’s side; he fell in line on the groomsmen’s. Of course, there wasn’t much of a wedding party and I kind of liked it that way. But I was so glad that Lauren had given Gracie the maid of honor position so that she would have to deal with Chris. We couldn’t even look at each other, let alone be pleasant and cheerful while he escorted me to my position.
I barely paid attention to the rest of the rehearsal, focusing instead on the lack of attention that I received from my ex. I really had no idea why the distance between us was so difficult for me to swallow. I was the one that had put it there. I was the one who had lurked in shadows once Matthew had gotten out of jail and returned home; the one who locked myself in my bedroom when Chris would come over to visit or made certain that I wasn’t there at all.
Yet the Thanksgiving visit - now nearly a year ago - had awakened the desire to have him back in my life. It had always been there, lingering just under the surface, but the pangs of guilt had returned full strength that night. A not so secret part of me had longed for us to make amends, even as I slammed the door in his face.
I’d wanted him to stop me from fighting him. I’d wanted him to do what he hadn’t all those years ago - to stand up to me, to take me in his arms and force me to listen. I wanted him to save me from myself. Yet again, he’d failed on all accounts.
Or maybe the failure was my own.
Chapter Twenty
“You are absolutely beautiful,” I whispered into Lauren’s ear as I came up behind her.
She was staring into the mirror, looking for something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The reflection in front of her didn’t quite do my interpretation justice. Clad in maternity denim shorts and a very loose fitting tank, she was fresh from the salon and perfect bride-to-be material from the neck up. Her makeup was impeccable, brilliant hazel eyes peering out from a smoky backdrop. Her brunette hair was styled half up, half down in ringlets that framed her face and grazed her shoulders. The veil that she had chosen to match her dress was expertly pinned in place.
“Thanks. You look nice, too.”
I laughed, realizing that I stood beside her in much the same state.
“Today’s not about me,” I admitted, as much to myself as to her.
It was true. Today was her day, my brother’s day - but most definitely not mine. Whatever feelings were stirring around in my stomach needed to be pushed down and forgotten, at least for now. I’d repeated my pledge to them so many times; now it was time to make it a reality. Chris and I would play nice together. Cold shoulder or not, I wasn’t going to do anything to ruin the wedding.
“You okay?” I asked as she remained frozen in place, suspended in her own disbelief.
“Yeah.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head slightly, as if to clear the cobwebs from her brain. “It just doesn’t seem real yet.”
“That’s the point, right? This is your own personal fairy tale.”
We both turned as we heard the hotel room door latch unlock. Mike had outdone himself and offered up two suites for the bridal party to use to get ready. The guys were on the floor above us; we were nearer to where the festivities were taking place.
Provided we planned it right, Matthew wouldn’t see Lauren until the moment she took her father’s arm and walked down the aisle. Though they had bucked tradition up to this point, that was one thing they’d wanted to preserve. So much so that they’d spent last night apart, with Matthew retreating back to his place alone after the rehearsal dinner, while Lauren, Gracie and Doug had stayed at her house. I’d spent the night alone, tossing and turning restlessly until finally conceding defeat at five this morning and climbing out of bed. Thank goodness for concealer - I’d needed my fair share of the stuff to look presentable.
Gracie breezed into the room, Lauren’s wedding dress and her own bridesmaid’s gown draped over her arm. She threw open the closet doors and hung both garment bags inside.
“I’m here!” she announced with a flourish. “Dresses are ready to go, flowers are on their way up, both rooms look absolutely fabulous, guests will be coming any time, I dropped the rings off to Chris. I think my job is almost done.”
She unzipped the bag containing Lauren’s dress, coaxing it gently off of the hanger. “Get undressed, woman, it’s time to get you hitched.”
The briefest hesitation flashed in Lauren’s eyes as she worked to remove her shirt. I averted my eyes to allow her privacy, while Gracie bounced right over, undeterred.
“Lauren?” she asked, “What’s wrong?”
“He’s here, right?”
She paused briefly as we worked to digest that question.
“Matthew,” she clarified. “He’s here, right?”
My heart almost broke for her. She still carried scars from her previous relationship. Left behind by Eric so many times before, she was trained to think of herself as an afterthought.
Gracie flashed me a look that very clearly read that she had no idea what to say. She obviously hadn’t seen him in person when she’d handed over the rings to Chris. The two of us knew without a doubt that my brother was somewhere in the building, but how to relay that to Lauren?
“Of course, hon,” Gracie said.
“Did you see him?”
“Well, no, but he’s here.” In the end, Gracie couldn’t lie any more than I could.
“I’ll go confirm it,” I volunteered. “I promise I won’t come back until I’ve seen him with my own two eyes. Besides, I need to report to your dad that you’re almost ready.”
The look Lauren gave me was full of gratitude.
“Just finish getting dressed so that you’re decent.”
“What about you?” Gracie asked.
I looked down at myself, decked out in my t-shirt and white linen shorts from this morning. With an exaggerated sigh, I stripped down and dressed into my own bridesmaid’s gown in record time. Sliding on my shoes as I made
my way to the door, I looked back at the two of them.
“I’ll be right back.”
I hopped onto the elevator that was conveniently located right across the hall from our hotel room and worked to strap the buckle on my sandal as it took me up to the next floor. The layout of the hotel was such that one floor mirrored the other, so when the doors reopened, I was standing right outside the room where the guys were getting ready.
I strode over and knocked on the door, refusing to wait patiently. “It’s Blake,” I announced, “I need to talk to my brother.”
The door clicked open and thankfully Will stood before me. If it wasn’t going to be Matthew that greeted me, Will was my next choice. Lauren’s dad would have been okay, too, I reasoned. A housekeeper, even. Just anyone but Chris.
“Everything okay?” Will asked with concern.
“Just a nervous bride. Wants someone to make eye contact with the groom before she passes out.”
He snickered at that, then led me into what appeared to be an empty room.
“Where is everybody?” I asked, confused.
“Out on the balcony.” He pointed in its general direction.
“Okay, and why aren’t you there, too?”
He shrugged. “Didn’t want to be a fourth wheel, I guess. I mean, it’s your brother, his best friend and his future father-in-law out there. I’m just the cop that pulled Lauren over. The best friend’s friend. Didn’t really feel like my presence was needed.”
“I need you,” I said suddenly.
He raised an eyebrow.
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