There was a gentle knock at the door and as it opened, Alex stepped inside.
"Joshua has regained consciousness," he said, but he still looked stricken so she did not think the news as good as it sounded.
Susannah pulled away and moved to get off the bed, but Alex stopped her and took her hands.
"He is awake," he said, "and he is coherent. But the physician thinks his back is broken. He will likely never walk again."
CHAPTER THIRTY
When they first brought Joshua back to the house and laid him in the chamber next to the main doors, his wife was sure he was dead. She could see no other reason why they would put him there instead of in his own bed, but apparently it was closer to the door and easier for them. No other reason.
All the time he was unconscious she was so worried, quite sure he was going to die. Her imagination was working overtime and she was so pleased to see Estelle when she arrived to take her mind off things.
The knock that brought forth Alex sent her heart racing, as she wondered if he was going to tell her she was a widow.
"Joshua is awake," he said, but stopped her when she moved to go to him. "He is coherent, but the physician thinks his back is broken. He may never walk again."
The physician gave his opinion to Alex, of course, not to Susannah and not even to Lady Summerville. He likely did not think a mere woman would understand what he was saying and she felt offended by that; she knew her mother would never have tolerated that attitude.
"Is he sure?"
"He says there is no feeling anywhere below his waist. He is quite certain, yes, but that is no reason not to send to London for a second opinion. I wanted you to know before you went in."
"Does Joshua know?" Susannah asked him. He nodded.
When she went in to see Joshua, she had no idea how to talk to him. What was there to say? Should she pretend he would recover, that all would be well? Should she assure him that it was only temporary, whilst knowing it was not?
No; he would be angry if she lied to him, even if it was to spare him pain. He would find it patronising. She had to be brave for his sake.
She went into the chamber and sat on the bed, took his hand and kissed it and watched his mother leave them alone and close the door behind her.
"Sweetheart," she said soothingly. "I am so relieved. I thought you were dead."
"It would have been better if I were," he replied.
"No! You must never say that."
His eyes met hers and she could see the bitterness in them, the coldness, but it was not directed at her. It was directed at fate, at God.
"What use am I like this?" He said. "I can feel nothing, Susannah, nothing. I cannot even give you the love you need. It would have been better if I had been killed. That at least would have freed you to love another man."
"I do not want another man!" She cried angrily. She had never raised her voice to him before, even when they argued, but now she was angry with him, and she could not help it. "You talk as though that was all there was to you, to us. I thought we were much more than that to each other."
"We are, but even so…"
"Even so, what?" She interrupted him, her voice still angry. "We can still love, we can find other ways to be together."
"I can give you no more children," he said remorsefully.
"No, you cannot. And I will not pretend that does not matter, because you would know I was lying and you would be angry with me. It is tragic, but we will still have little Joanna and we will still have each other. Alex's son can inherit the title and the estates."
He raised an eyebrow and she was relieved to see a little half smile trying to show itself.
"Charlotte's son?" He asked.
"Yes, Charlotte's son." She moved up to lie down beside him, put her arms around him and kissed his mouth passionately. "We still have this."
He forced a smile.
“Are you saying that for my benefit? Or are you learning how to be a Summerville at last?”
“I realised just how little it matters,” she answered. “When I thought you were dead, all I could think about was how I would live without you. Nothing is as important to me as you.”
She shared his bed that night and after a few days she arranged for him to be moved back into their own chamber. It was a long, hard and heartbreaking trial before he could do a few simple things for himself, move from the bed to the chair for instance, dress his own upper body. He was angry and bitter, but she refused to allow that bitterness to take over his life, to replace the happiness they had known.
Estelle came to visit him after a few days. She too was feeling awkward, not knowing what to say to the brother she had always been close to. What was there to say to a strong, virile young man who had suddenly lost the use of his legs.
She sat on the bed and took his hand.
“How did it happen, Joshua?” She asked. “You are a brilliant horseman.”
“Geese.”
“Geese?”
"Yes,” he said. “They came out of one of the yards and chased the horse. Scared the life out of him.”
Her heart went out to him and she felt the futility of something so stupid as a flock of geese causing a freak accident. She threw her arms around his neck, then stepped back rapidly.
"Forgive me," she said. "I hope I did not hurt you?"
He laughed derisively.
"Nothing can hurt me," he said. "I am dead down there. Ask my wife if you do not believe me."
The bitterness and self mockery made his wife hold back tears and Estelle took a step away from the bed.
"Forgive me, Estelle," he said quickly. "Sometimes it all comes rushing back and I cannot stop myself. I have wondered how Father would have dealt with this, if this had ever happened to him."
"He could have done no better than you," she told him. "He would have been proud of you."
***
Estelle believed that parting with Simon had been the hardest thing she had ever done, but watching her strong and handsome brother struggling with himself was almost as bad. He could sit up in bed, he could sit in a chair with help from the servants, but his legs would not move and he had no feeling below his waist. That meant no privacy for him and no hope for another son to succeed him.
He was very bitter, but Susannah was there to nurse him and she did her best to comfort him.
He could no longer ride, nor tend to estate business. All he could do was keep the accounts and the paperwork, which was one job he had hoped to pass on to Alex. Instead of that, Alex had become the Earl in all but name. He was the one who had to do all the legwork, since Joshua had no legs that worked, but between them they managed to keep things running smoothly, just as their father had.
Estelle did her best to help Susannah, if only to give her support, but her mother spent less time with her eldest son, gradually retreating to her own chamber where she swore Richard was still waiting for her.
It was almost a year since that awful morning when they had opened the door to their private place and found their father, stiff and cold in her arms, but still she had made no attempt to return to the real world, to look forward instead of back.
Before his accident, Joshua had given Thomas permission to leave their service and help his wife with the boys from the orphan home. He was not allowed to sleep there, although even Rachel could have found nothing against him, but they all thought it best for the older boys to have a proper male role model in their lives. The handling of the finances had passed to Joshua on his father's death, and now it gave him something else useful to do so he did not feel quite such a burden.
After the accident, Thomas decided to divide his time between looking after the boys and looking after Joshua. He did not think it right for anyone else to help with his private habits, and for that they were all grateful.
The first snow had fallen when Alex came to his brother's apartments, a concerned frown on his face.
"I was hoping Mother might be here," he sai
d. "She seems to have disappeared."
"She is not in her bedchamber?" Estelle asked the question, knowing that would have been the first place he looked.
"It seems no one has seen her for hours," he replied. "We all believed she was in her chamber; that is where she usually is."
The sound of hooves made them look out of the window to see Thomas riding toward them on Magic. Richard had left the animal to him in his will; he knew he would care for him and he said it was for past loyalties. He drew rein and jumped down from the horse.
"My Lord," he said with a bow, addressing Alex who had opened the window. "A vagrant has just come to our door. He has found Lady Summerville near the old church."
***
Bethany’s family thought she was losing her mind, but only she knew the truth. Richard was still here, still in their chamber; she could feel his arms around her, feel his breath on her neck, feel his lips on hers. She had longed for months to join him, but Joshua’s accident had kept her from leaving. Now he was recovering slowly and he had his wife and his brother to help him; now she could leave, she could go to join the love of her life and there was only one place to do it.
She pulled on her leather boots and her heavy fur cloak; she did not intend suicide, and she had no wish to freeze to death, but the first snow fell that day and she needed to meet Richard in their special place before the weather got worse, before the snow settled and showed her footsteps, leading everyone to her before he came for her.
She sat down on the frozen ground and rested her back against the oak tree, the carving just above her head, then she closed her eyes and tried to recapture that first day of being Lady Summerville, when a handsome stranger sat here with his arms around her, tilted her lips to meet his and made her fall in love with him.
Oh, and how she had loved him! How she had welcomed him into her arms each night and how afraid she had been when he went away to fight for the Papist hag. How she had bled inside when Anthony told her he was living at the palace with his mistress, presenting her as his wife and abandoning Bethany to a life of loneliness.
She forced her thoughts away from that time and to the death of Mary, when he came back, when he held her in his arms and told her he loved her.
The cold from the frosty ground seeped through her cloak and she shivered, opened her eyes and looked out at the misty landscape of Summerville. She was tired, weary into her bones, hoping he would not be long. Then he was there, approaching her from out of the mist and looking as he had the day she first saw him at her sister’s twelfth night ball. His hair was glossy black, his black eyes danced and he held out his hand as he gave her that playful smile.
“Is it time?” She asked him. “Please say it is time.”
He took her hand in his and pulled her to her feet.
“Yes,” he said. “It is time.”
***
Estelle knew at once where her mother had been found. She hardly ever went there now and since the church had been opened up for the poor to use as shelter, it was no longer a safe place for a woman alone, but it seemed the right place for her to find her final peace.
Estelle followed Alex from the house to where he had left his horse, and she climbed up behind him. They followed Thomas to the little clearing in the forest where Bethany had told Estelle some of her secrets.
Alex and Estelle dismounted, while Thomas stayed on his horse, giving them privacy.
There she lie, looking as though she merely slept. She wore a blue velvet cloak, lined with fur, wrapped around herself. She was thin and pale, but there was a small smile on her beautiful face. Above her head, carved into the old oak tree, were the words: Richard Loves Bethany, and clutched in her hands were three rolls of parchment, one bearing Alex's name, one Joshua's and one bearing Estelle’s.
"She has left letters, Alex," she grabbed his wrist, horrified. "Does that mean she is a suicide?"
The idea made her shudder. She had to be buried with her husband, the love of her life. There was no other end for her, but if she had taken her own life the church would never allow it.
"Forgive me, My Lady," Thomas said from behind them. "I do not think we can assume anything. She has been weak for a long time."
"That is true," Alex agreed. "She has not been eating, but was that deliberate to try to hurry her end, or just because she could not eat? And does it matter? It is just between the three of us and I know I can rely on you, Thomas, to keep her secret."
"Certainly, My Lord," he said quickly.
"Why here, I wonder," Alex said.
"This was their place," Estelle told him. "This is where they had their first time together, where they consummated their marriage, where they fell in love. And what a love it turned out to be."
***
Estelle returned to the house, to her own bedchamber and eventually found the courage to break her mother’s seal and unroll the parchment, her fingers trembling.
My dear Estelle, it read, Fear not, I will not have taken my own life. Richard would never forgive me for that, he would not be there to meet me had I done that. I have had to wait until he told me it was time and it has been torture.
I know you loved Simon, and I am sorry you were hurt. You asked me how I could allow your father to weep on my bosom for another woman; well, it was hard. I knew there was nothing between him and Rachel, but that was her choice not his. Knowing that made it very difficult to bear, but I could still understand that he loved her too. If it is of any comfort, I have to tell you if you cannot understand that, if you would not have done the same for Simon, then you did not love him enough. You will get over him.
Be happy, my dear, and try to love again. It is the most important thing life has to offer.
She was sobbing when she finished reading, although she had not realised it. She could only pray they were together now, as in life. As to finding love again, she thought that very unlikely.
She found her brothers in Joshua's apartments. Alex looked up from his own letter as she approached and smiled at her, then he handed it to her to read.
My dearest Alex, your brother may now never have an heir to succeed him, which means your son will inherit the title and the estates. There will be another Lord Richard Summerville and he will be Charlotte's son, Anthony's grandson.
I never told you before because your father was ashamed of his cousin, but he was Charlotte's father and he betrayed us both when he schemed to destroy our marriage so that he could inherit Summerville himself. It seems he will win in the end, for his grandson will have that privilege.
Be sure, my dear, that you raise your young Richard to be like your father, not hers.
So Charlotte was a Summerville after all and that is what their father had meant about her being entitled to a dowry from him.
"Will you tell her?" She asked Alex. "Will you tell Charlotte she is a Summerville?"
"I am not sure. There must be a reason Caroline has kept it from her so I think it would be wise to ask her first."
"Do you think they had a love affair, Caroline and this Anthony Summerville?"
"Not if he was anything like Father. To take advantage of a servant was against his most important principles. Besides, that would be no reason to keep it a secret. I think there was more to it, and if I am right, I am not sure that Charlotte is not better off not knowing.
Joshua's letter contained no secrets. It was a fond farewell to her firstborn, a wish for happiness despite his injury, an assurance that she had not taken her own life.
"I feel I am the fortunate one of us," he remarked. "There are no secrets in my letter, no dramatic revelations or forgiveness."
“What is wrong, Alex?” Estelle asked. “You looked concerned.”
“I am just wondering what sort of funeral to give her. She was a Protestant, her own sister gave her life for that faith. Yet she must be buried with Father.”
“Of course she must. I do not think it matters that the vault is in a Catholic church, not now. All that matter
s is that they stay together.”
***
On the morning of the funeral the family set out to lead the servants to the village church and later to the Summerville vault below the disused Catholic church. There would be no Catholic service there, just the burial, and everyone was dreading the experience.
They had decided to open Lord Summerville’s coffin. It did not seem right that she should sleep anywhere other than in his arms, where she spent all her nights. They removed the tiny skeleton of Joshua’s baby son and gave him his own coffin.
The atmosphere was heavy with sadness, the snow falling in large, slow flakes as Estelle waited with Alex and Charlotte for Susannah to wheel Joshua out in the chair they had had adapted for him.
But when the door to the east wing opened the sight which met their eyes lifted their spirits, even on this dismal day.
Joshua stood, leaning on two bamboo canes, supported on one side by Thomas, by his wife on the other.
EPILOGUE
Estelle's Journal
Looking back on that time, I still feel the love for Simon, even after all these years, but I also feel the truth of what my mother told me in that last letter.
We buried her in the same coffin with my father, lying in his arms as she had been when we found him that dreadful morning. We put a brass plaque on the coffin: Death could not divide them. We thought she would like that and Joshua's little baby son was laid to rest in a small coffin of his own.
Joshua made the right noises about finding me a husband, until eventually I gave in and allowed him to hold a court at Summerville Hall. It reminded me of that other gathering, when my father had thrown out a prospective match, that other court where my brother had met and fallen in love with Susannah.
The man I met when I went to London that time, still heartbroken about Simon, became quite dear to me. He had been married, had lost his wife in childbirth, so we were both trying to recover from broken hearts.
Joshua and Susannah, the Earl and Countess of Summerville, took over the main house, while I moved into the east wing in Summerville Hall with my new husband.
HOLY POISON: Boxed Set: The Complete Series 1-6 Page 103
