by Dawn Martens
I was able to finally forgive myself, which wasn’t an easy thing to do. Don’t get me wrong- I’m still very much an asshole. Sometimes I think I can still feel Hilary with me. Fuck, maybe she is. I hope she would be proud of me and the way I’ve turned my life around for the better. I also hope she would be happy with my choice in a wife. Letting Moira in was hard, and at times I pushed her even further away because she reminded me of Hilary in some ways. But they are so different too.
It took a long time to admit that I had feelings for Moira. One thing she never let me do was keep Hilary locked away. She spoke of her often, finding her diaries and listening to the women talk about her. She kept Hilary alive in our home. She also told stories about Hilary to my son. Of course, all the stories were of what she heard from Eden and Lilly.
Moira and I have two other children, Grayson and Olivia. I give Zippo shit all the time. I tell him that one day Rose and Elizabeth will be fighting over Hunter. He doesn’t find that nearly as funny as I do. Who would have thought- me, the biggest prick on the planet, would have so much love to give.
I thank Hilary for that. She showed me how to love. And through everything, she gave me more love than she will ever know. She gave me the courage and strength I needed to un-break this heart.
Part Two
Cleaning up after supper, I move to the living room and watch Vinny playing with our girls. God, he’s beautiful. Sometimes, it’s hard looking at Rose, because she looks so much like Kayla. But at the same time, I love knowing that she’ll be brought up in a loving home and not a split one. One day, we’ll have to tell the girls the truth that they are half-sisters, and that will open the flood gates for all sorts of things, but we’ll deal with it as it happens. Everywhere we take them, people always assume they are twins. They both share Vinny’s dark hair and his nose. And, God help me, they both love to wear hats.
We ended up giving Kayla a small funeral; it was the least we could do for her. Although it wasn’t a happy day, we made sure to make the funeral a lively one. At least, it was until her parents showed up with Vinny’s mom and tried causing problems, blaming me and saying it was all my fault, then started in on Vinny for it all too.
Vinny’s mother hasn’t been back around since that day, and once Kayla’s parents heard our side of the story, they came around. At first, they wanted nothing to do with Vinny because of how he treated Kayla for all those years, but now we’re all close. They even have Elizabeth calling them Grampa and Gramma.
I walk upstairs to get a bath ready for them and stop in front of my wedding picture. Vinny and I finally married four years ago; it wasn’t anything fancy, just a court house marriage. We wasted enough time fighting with each other, so we did it fast. He planned for us to get married the next day, after the kidnapping, but Hilary’s shooting caused us to delay. I wanted to wait, in hopes that Hilary pulled out okay, but she never did. About two months after the machines were pulled on her, we finally tied the knot.
After the guys saved us from the shit we were in, we wasted no time in getting back together. We still work hard at it every day; sometimes I still throw the Kayla stuff in his face because it still hurts. But life is short. Being in that situation that I was in with Eden and Hilary puts things into perspective. But in the end, I love my life and our family. Everything worked out as it should.
Then I think about Hilary, and how we lost her. Once we were all safe, telling the guys about Trent was forgotten, and both Eden and I feel guilty about that because if we had said something, maybe she’d still be alive. Losing Hilary was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. She was my rock, other than Eden. I’m still very tight with Eden; we see each other almost daily. I couldn’t imagine my life any other way, except with Hilary in it. She would have been the best mom.
The only somewhat of a good thing that came out of this in the end, is how Mason changed. He devoted his whole world, his whole life, to their son, Hunter. He eventually was able to move on with Moira, the nurse that worked in the NICU.
The girl was different from Hilary, but at the same time, a lot like her too. She had a mix of myself and Hilary in her, and it was an even balance. Mason and Vinny have grown closer. The two always have me laughing. When the two of them are together, they are worse than school girls—always giving each other shit.
Vinny and I never had any more children. The way Eden kept popping them out, and then Mason having a few more, I was happy with just having babysitting duties. My two little girls were more than enough for me.
Vinny comes into the bathroom with our screaming little monkeys and helps me get them in the tub. He really is the best dad. He wraps his arms around me as they splish and splash, washing their dolls’ hair instead of their own. “Damn, I’m a lucky man.”
“Yes, you are.” I kiss his cheek. I can’t wait to get the girls to bed and get some alone time in. And in case you were wondering, the beanie was retired, but Vinny being Vinny, he soon replaced it with another one.
True to Jasper’s word, we got married. It wasn’t as soon as he had planned, but it did happen. We ended up having a small wedding in my backyard, with just close friends and family about three months after the kidnapping. A week after that, Jasper made an appointment with a local doctor, and I was scheduled to get the clamps out.
Jasper and I had struggled over the Monica issue for a few weeks after all was safe, mainly because he wanted a funeral for her. I was upset; why couldn’t he leave that up to her family to do? I didn’t get it. But once I had a talk with Lilly, since she and Vinny just had a funeral for Kayla, I gave in. I figured if it made Jasper happy, then let’s do it. It was hard for me being there while both Jasper and Lilly spoke about the friendship they built up with Monica over the years. Feelings of betrayal came at me full force, but I had to get rid of those feelings. I wasn’t around, so I couldn’t blame them both for moving on. The way they talked about the changed Monica made me feel like shit. I only knew Monica as Roni’s side kick, a nasty piece of work. I hate that she was brought down in the mess of what we went through; she didn’t deserve to die the way she did.
Over the years, I never had to worry about Jasper still being angry with me about keeping the children from him. There was a period after Hilary’s death that he really broke down, saying that maybe I should have just stayed away with the kids a while longer. The twins took her passing really hard. They loved her so much; she was like a second mom to them. I never got to repay her for taking such good care of my babies, but I have this feeling that she knows how much it meant to me.
We all held some deep guilt over losing Hilary, especially me, but I know she’s up there, watching down on us all, probably scolding us for the guilt we all carry. She is probably laughing her ass off every time Moira bitches Mason out. She’s been good for him, very good. And she’s become one of us.
I put up more resistance than Mason, though. I tried running her off a few times; it’s not that I didn’t like her- I just hated the thought of Hilary being replaced. But I also knew that little Hunter needed a mother, and Mason finally seemed happy again.
I also know he’s still not over Hilary. He’ll always love her, but seeing him with Moira makes me wonder if Hilary did end up living if they would have been together in the long run. There was too much bad between the two of them.
I hear loud laughter, followed by Jessica and Glenna screaming. “Mom! Hilary got into our make-up!” Jasper and I ended up having two more children. Of course, when we found out we were having a little girl, we named her Hilary. I wanted to have a piece of her with me always.
Our youngest is a boy. We named him Harley. Jasper said he always wanted to name a kid after his bike, and Harley wasn’t too strange of a name, so I gave in.
A year after we lost Hilary, we also lost Mrs. Shepard.
I went over to visit with her one afternoon, noticing she wasn’t in her garden that morning. Walking into her home, I called out for her.
“Mrs. Shepard?”
I called out.
I heard nothing in response. That wasn’t the norm, so I walked around the house to see where she was at. When I got to her bedroom, I saw her, lying in bed with a smile on her face, her body already turning a shade of blue.
Running over, I screamed. “No, Mrs. Shepard!” I checked her pulse.
I dialed 911 and was told someone would be there right away. There was nothing I could do for her since she’d already gone, so I called up Jasper and told him the news. He promised to call Lilly and the others to fill them in.
I sat and waited and looked around the house. I saw pictures of my children, myself, and everyone else that I love littered on her walls and dresser. She might have been a firecracker, but I loved her. She was always so good to me and my kids.
The coroner said that Mrs. Shepard died of natural causes, that it was just her time. I like that she died with a smile on her face.
I miss her every day. She was so amazing; she’s also someone I strive to be when I get to be her age.
Glenna now calls Jasper and I Mom and Dad. Not long after we married, we started adoption papers to make it more official, and once that happened, she came to us asking if she could call us Mom and Dad. Of course I cried, and Jasper gruffly said ‘of course’.
And after everything, I deserve this, and as weird as it sounds, everything that happened has shaped us into the loving tight-knit family we are now. The past is behind me; everything with my dad, all of it. Tomorrow will be bittersweet; it’s my mom’s birthday. Her remains were finally found, buried behind the old warehouse the club used to own. It’s also the day I will let Jasper know we’re about to have another child. We haven’t been trying; we figured since we currently have five kids, we were done, but I swear the man must have super sperm. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I tell him we’re having another girl. Yay us.
This family, everything, has been a blessing, but I have to say, this is the last of it, because I don’t care how much he fights me, I’m getting fixed for good this time.
It’s kind of fun, being a ghost and shit, but at the same time, it hurts. I watch from my spot in the clouds at my beautiful little boy Hunter running at the park with his daddy and his step mom. I watched for months as my family and my friends all came, day after day, all hoping something would change.
But nothing did.
They took my son from my body when I was seven months pregnant, and Mason waited still. Two months later, he finally switched off my machines. I watched as everyone stood around, hoping for a miracle, hoping that I would pull out of the coma, but then a while later I was gone from earth for good.
My son was taken to the NICU and watched over by a very stubborn, bossy woman named Moira. She wasn’t afraid of putting Mason in his place, even when he would start shouting out demands at her or another nurse that was around.
Over the years, I watched their love bloom; of course, I played a part in it. As ghost, I can’t do much, but I pushed when I could. Mason was a stubborn fuck, of course he was, but eventually they got married and had two more children of their own.
I decide to look down at Lilly and Vinny, and I smile.
For a small little while, I wasn’t quite sure if Vinny and Lilly would make it, especially when I noticed a certain cop always around. With the attention he was showing Lilly, I thought maybe she would have given up her Vinny dream, but she didn’t. She held strong—those two really made it work.
I hope Officer Thrane finds himself someone, and fast, because that man is going through more women than Jasper, Vinny, and Reaper ever did combined.
Next, I visit and look in on Eden and Jasper.
Eden and Jasper, well, they were just kids when they got together, and they spent more years apart than together. It really was all Eden’s fault; if she had just opened her damn mouth and told Jasper about everything, they possibly could have been together all that time. But maybe those two needed this. Jasper went through a lot while she was gone, same as she did. And together, now as adults, they’re better for each other.
I’m so happy those four stopped being so stupid and are now living their dream together. They deserve it more than anyone. I only wish I was able to get mine.
But, that wasn’t in the cards for me. After being up here, in this beautiful place in the sky, I’ve learned so much. I was never going to be with Mason in the long run. I was that statistic—high school sweethearts, getting divorced in the end. As I was looking at the future we would have had, I saw more of a repeat of the past—abuse and cheating. Mason and I didn’t suit each other. It would have been years from now, but it would have happened with our son being split between the two of us. I even saw how he would have met Moira if I had been alive. Seeing myself in the midst of the divorce, I was one of those women.
Seeing the future of what would have happened to us, I’m glad that this was my happily ever after. Though it might not be ideal to most, it is to me. This way, I’m able to watch my family with no hurt, no anger, nothing between us—just a happy family.
I peek in at my mom and dad; I was surprised to see them back together. About a year after my death, they got married. My dad also left the church, saying that he felt too guilty for being in that line of work after what he did with his own marriage. I smile at seeing my parents cuddled up on the couch, watching some old movie.
I go back to Mason and Moira. She has my son on her lap, and she’s quietly singing to him, and he’s lit right up.
“I love you, Mom,” Hunter says.
Moira smiles. “And I love you, handsome,” she says, kissing him on the head.
He gets off her lap and runs over to Mason and his siblings, laughing and playing around. I hope Mason realizes that, even though we spent so much time apart, I am eternally grateful for all of the good times we shared. I wouldn’t trade giving him Hunter for anything in this world.
Looking at Moira, I notice she has her eyes closed. “Thank you, Hilary! I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but thank you for bringing those two men into my life. I hope I do you proud,” she whispers.
With tears flowing down my ghostly face, I smile. I hope she knows that I love her too; she’s been what Mason needed. I couldn’t have asked for a better woman to take care of my family.
“You’re welcome,” I whisper back.
The End.
This won’t be the last time you hear from the Angels Warriors. Since all of my solo works are based in Canada, everyone will be seen in all the books I write!
I have so many things coming, and I’m so damn excited. At times, I wish I could turn my brain off.
Next up on my list (later 2015/early 2016) is a new story, with new characters. HOWEVER, the Angels will be in it. You’ll be able to see more of how they protect kids and all that awesome stuff.
T-Bags will eventually get his own book, followed by Hangman from the Untamed Angels.
My beta readers all flocked to me about the hottie biker at the barn scene, and needed a book about him. My answer – yes, he will eventually have a story too.
Also had lots of requests for Officer Thrane’s story, since he obviously has the hots for Lilly – the answer to that, possibly.
Bryce, Vinny’s brother, he will also have a book.
Let’s not forget Kellie and Jaxon from It’s Just Love Not A Time Bomb!
And that’s not all! Ha, my brain is on overload! There will be so much more! I can promise you all that.
As for the Renegades – I know you are all dying to know – and to be honest, I’m really not into them anymore. I don’t know Emily’s feelings on them, but I’m sure she will eventually work on them. But for myself, I’m afraid that my journey with them is over. I know fans will be disappointed – and for that, I’m sorry, folks.
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