Shape of My Heart

by LuAnn McLane

  Jimmy inhaled a deep breath, drawing strength from her declaration. “I love you too, Maggie. And I want to go with you,” he added, unable to keep the desperation out of his voice.

  “You’re needed here. I’ll be fine.” She clutched his shoulders and somehow managed to smile.

  Jimmy gave her another tender, lingering kiss, but as he watched her walk away, he fisted his hands at his sides, wondering when he’d see her again.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  I WANNA GO HOME

  “Get me the hell outta here,” Granny Mags protested gruffly.

  “We’re working on it,” Maggie said, but she felt a sizzle of fear when she looked at her beloved grandmother, who appeared frail and small in the hospital bed.

  “Well, work harder!”

  “Granny Mags, they have to run more tests,” Maggie said gently, looking over to her mother, who nodded her support.

  “Did you sneak me that shot of Jameson?” Granny Mags asked in a loud whisper.

  “No! I can’t do that.” Maggie laughed with a shake of her head. “Listen, we’ll celebrate when we get you home.” Maggie poured ice water from a pink plastic pitcher into a tall glass. “This will have to do for now.”

  Granny Mags pulled a face. “I feel right as rain. Just a wee bit of pain and Jane insisted I come here.” Granny Mags narrowed her eyes at Maggie’s mother.

  “Ma, you know I did the right thing,” Maggie’s mother said firmly.

  “Humph.” Granny Mags crossed her arms, pouting, but then patted the narrow space on the bed. “Come on over here and tell me what’s going on in your life, Maggie May. We haven’t heard from you much lately, lovey.”

  Maggie felt another pang of guilt. “I just finished up a new book and I’m working on an outline for something new. Maybe even some fiction,” she said with a false brightness that failed to get past her sage grandmother.

  “What else is botherin’ you, Maggie May? Don’t deny it, I can see it in your lovely green eyes. Talk to Granny.”

  Maggie put her hand over her grandmother’s, astonished at how cold and fragile her hand felt, like the bones of a small bird. Maggie shrugged.

  “Out with it,” Granny Mags pushed.

  “Okay, well, you know how I always thought I’d love Florida, living by the beach?”

  “You said that the first time we went to Florida.” Granny Mags nodded slowly, and her mother sucked in an audible breath before sitting down in a vinyl chair. “You don’t like it there?”

  “Well, it’s just not all it’s cracked up to be.”

  “But you bought a home there,” her mother said. “What will you do?”

  “That won’t be a problem.” Maggie looked over at her mom. “I can sell it or rent it out and keep the investment,” Maggie said, trying not to think of Jimmy but failing. She waved a dismissive hand through the air. “No big deal,” she said, desperately trying to keep the sorrow out of her voice.

  “You seem so upset,” Granny Mags said. “Are you sure you want to move back?” Maggie could hear the hope in her grandmother’s voice.

  Maggie had thought about moving back home on the flight, trying to come up with different scenarios … part-time here and part-time there, but as soon as she laid eyes on her grandmother, hooked up to tubes and whirring machines, she made her heartbreaking decision. “I’m upset about you being in the hospital, that’s all.”

  Granny Mags nodded but didn’t seem completely convinced. “A lot of worry for nothing. You wait and see. I’m a tough old bird.”

  Maggie leaned in and kissed her grandmother on her soft, papery cheek. “You’re probably right, but I’m glad to be here by your side,” she said, and gave her mother a glance, trying to discern the seriousness of her grandmother’s condition.

  Granny Mags yawned and laid back against the pillows. “I’ll admit you’re a sight for sore eyes,” she said in a voice laced with fatigue.

  “You should get some sleep, Mags,” Jane said, giving Maggie a we-should-leave look.

  “Well, it’s getting late and Trixie is home all alone,” Maggie said. “We’ll be back first thing in the morning. You get some rest, okay?”

  “In this noisy place? And they poke and prod just when I fall asleep. Now why in the Sam Hill do I need my blood pressure taken in the middle of the night?”

  “Well, Ma, you’re feisty, so that’s a good sign,” said Maggie’s mother. She walked over and kissed Granny Mags. “Do try and rest, please.”

  “The Jameson would have done the trick,” Granny Mags grumbled, giving Maggie a look.

  Maggie had to chuckle, but her smile faded when she walked out the door and into the bright hallway. “Mom, what more do you know about her condition? Please don’t hold anything back from me.”

  “Unfortunately, not a whole lot. Tests and more tests are needed,” Jane said, sounding tired as well. When they reached the elevator, she asked, “Are you really moving back?”

  Maggie nodded but looked away so her mother couldn’t see the sadness lurking in her eyes.

  “And did seeing your grandmother here scare you into this sudden decision?”

  “Yes, and … yes.”

  “Oh, Maggie, that’s not fair to you.”

  They stepped into the elevator and the doors closed behind them with a soft whoosh. “Mom, I think we both know way too well that life isn’t always about being fair. But I’m doing the right thing. I’ve felt guilty about moving for a while now.”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  “But I do.”

  “We’ll talk more about this when we have pizza and wine in front of us.”

  “Sounds good.” Maggie smiled at her petite mother, thinking she was so pretty, but there were lines of worry etched on her face that Maggie wanted to erase.

  They walked across the parking lot to her mother’s modest light-blue sedan, and something twisted in Maggie’s heart as she slid into the passenger seat. Now that Maggie had felt the joy of love, she suddenly wondered if her mother ever wanted to date. She was only in her mid-fifties, but she wore clothes more suited to someone older.

  “Now why are you staring at me, sweet pea?”

  “I’m sorry, I’ve just missed you, that’s all.”

  “It goes without saying that I’ve missed you too. But the day you left for college, I knew I had to let you spread your wings.” She smiled over at Maggie and then put the car in gear. “And you sure learned to soar. I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Mom. You and Granny Mags raised me well.” Maggie turned to gaze out the side window as they drove through the city, past familiar landmarks from her childhood. While this would always be home, Maggie knew she would always pine for the beach. A hot lump formed in her throat, and so she stayed quiet during the short ride to the suburbs to her mother’s house.

  “Neat as a pin, as always,” Maggie said once they were inside the small brick ranch. Trixie came trotting their way.

  “Hello there, little cutie,” Jane cooed, bending over to pet Trixie.

  The house smelled of cinnamon and vanilla, cozy and warm. Maggie had only lived in the small home a couple of years after her big publishing break, and then she had moved to an apartment before buying the condo in Florida.

  “Well, there’s so much more storage space than in the apartment. You know I adore this house, Maggie.”

  Maggie smiled. “I do.”

  “My garden’s doing so well. After all those years in the city, I finally developed a green thumb.”

  “You have to show me later,” Maggie said, thinking she needed to text Jimmy and remind him to water the plants on her balcony.

  “Hey, if you want to get into comfy clothes, I’ll order pizza. I have plenty of wine,” Jane added with a wink.

  “Good, I haven’t eaten since breakfast this morning,” Maggie said, hoping she’d packed some sweatpants. She’d sent Jimmy a text earlier that she’d landed safely, and she longed to hear his voice, but she was afraid she’d break down a
nd sob. The last thing she wanted to do was to have him bail on the concert, so she refrained from calling, even though she knew he wanted to hear from her.

  Maggie entered her old bedroom, where she’d hastily dumped her stuff and Trixie before heading to the hospital with her mother. She opened the suitcase perched on the double bed and located a pair of gray sweatpants and a Cleveland Indians T-shirt. Trixie hopped up onto the bed, did the doggie circle a few times, and then settled in for a nap.

  A Jack-and-Jill bathroom connected to her mother’s bedroom. Maggie put her toiletries on her side of the sink and blew out a sigh. The scent of Irish Spring soap made Maggie smile, but then she hugged the edge of the smooth, cool sink and swallowed back tears. This was her past, not her future … God, what had she just done? But she couldn’t go back on her promise to her grandmother. The words had just tumbled out of her mouth.

  “Maggie?” her mother called. “I just poured the wine.”

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” she said, wishing that Jimmy’s arms were around her, giving her strength and support. The thought of losing her grandmother made her stomach twist into tight knots. But Maggie inhaled a deep breath and headed into the cozy kitchen to join her mother.

  “Here, sweetie,” her mother said, handing her a glass of chardonnay.

  “Oh, thanks.” Maggie sat down at the Formica table. She ran her hand over the speckled top. “Your furniture is so retro that it’s become cool.”

  “I don’t think I could part with any of it, anyway.” Jane grinned, tucking a lock of auburn hair behind her ear. “You’re looking at me so seriously again.”

  “We’ve got a serious situation on our hands,” Maggie said, and then took a sip of the cold wine.

  “Of course I’m concerned, but I have a feeling Granny Mags is going to be fine. I keep telling myself that, anyway.” Jane closed her eyes briefly.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “It’s more than that,” Jane said, playing with the stem of her glass. “Talk to me.”

  Maggie frowned. “This is a rather odd time to have this discussion, but, Mom, have you ever considered … uh, dating?”

  “What?” Jane’s eyebrows shot up and she leaned back in her chair. “Wow, that came out of left field.”

  Maggie tilted her head. “You’re still so young. Maybe we can go shopping …” A bit embarrassed, Maggie lifted one shoulder slightly. “It would just be fun. I just, I don’t know, I think …”

  “Stop beating around the bush. You want to give your mother a makeover.”

  “Yeah, kinda.”

  “I think that would be a blast,” Jane said, much to Maggie’s surprise. “But what’s behind this sudden I-need-to-date idea?” she asked, and then her mouth formed an O. “Maggie May Murphy, is there a man in your life you haven’t told me about?”

  Maggie felt heat creep into her cheeks. “Um … yeah,” she said softly.

  “Oh, baby, are you in love?”

  Maggie nodded.

  “Then how on God’s green earth can you move back here?” Jane shook her head. “No, you can’t,” she answered her own question, but was interrupted by the bing-bong of the doorbell. “Pizza’s here! I’ll be right back and we’ll continue this discussion.”

  Maggie took a sip of her wine while her mother paid for their dinner.

  “Oh wow, that smells heavenly,” Maggie said, inhaling the garlicky aroma when her mother entered the kitchen with a big pizza box. “I don’t indulge in pizza very often, so this is a real treat.” She opened the box and put a big slice on a paper plate, and then fixed another one for her mother.

  Maggie chewed a big bite and then dabbed sauce from the corner of her mouth. “Mmm, Frankie’s is still my favorite pizza.”

  “Oh, I know, but now tell me about your boyfriend. I’m trying not to be pissed that I didn’t already know this juicy bit of information.”

  “I was going to tell you, invite you and Granny Mags to come down and meet him, and then I got the news about the heart trouble.” Maggie picked up her wineglass. “Mom … what am I going to do?”

  “There’s got to be an answer. But first things first: tell me about him.”

  “If you weren’t already sitting down, you’d have to be for this one.” Maggie inhaled a deep breath. “I’m dating Jimmy Heart.”

  “Jimmy Heart …”

  Maggie raised her eyebrows.

  “Why is that name … Jimmy Heart? From Heartbeat? The boy band that you loved!?”

  Maggie nodded slowly. “He lives in the condo next to mine.”

  Jane blinked at her. “Wow.”

  “I know … right? He offered to come with me, but Heartbeat has a benefit concert this weekend, so I wouldn’t let him come.”

  “Oh, I’m so happy … Maggie, you can’t move back to Cleveland. Mags will understand.”

  “No, I’ve already said it and I’m not going to disappoint her. She’s had enough disappointment in her life.” Maggie shook her head. “I should never have moved away to begin with. Me and my stupid list of lofty goals. I was so driven to become successful that I left out anything to do with emotion. Living at the beach is awesome, but I didn’t factor in how much I would miss you and Granny Mags.”

  “Sweetie, you need to be on your own. Live your life where you want to. I knew that after you graduated from high school.”

  Maggie took a sip of her wine.

  “You wouldn’t have met Jimmy if you’d stayed here. Some things are meant to be.” Jane reached over and covered Maggie’s hand with hers. “You deserve to be happy.”

  “And so do you, Mom.”

  Jane glanced away for a moment. “Mags saved us after your father left. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”

  “And so you’re devoted to her. I understand. I love her so much. When you called, I become consumed with fear.”

  “Of course you did, sweetie.” Jane smiled softly. “Let’s just take this one day at a time until we know more.”

  “Okay.”

  “Mags used to always say, ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way.’ ”

  Maggie nodded. She gave her mother a small smile, but she couldn’t think of a single solution. Even if Granny Mags turned out to be perfectly fine, how could she leave? Go back on her word? Worry all the time?

  God …

  “Maggie, remove that frown from your pretty face and tell me all about Jimmy Heart.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  I DO

  “Hey, think fast,” Jesse said, tossing Jimmy a beer.

  Jimmy barely caught the can before getting smacked in the face. While he was enjoying sitting around Jesse’s swimming pool with his brothers, his mind kept drifting to Maggie. She’d been gone for more than a week, and Jimmy missed her more than he’d thought possible.

  “Any word of Maggie’s grandmother’s condition?” Grady asked from his float in the middle of the water.

  Jimmy sat on the edge of the pool and cracked the beer open. “Apparently, she suffered a very mild heart attack, and other than medication, she doesn’t need any surgery or anything like that. Maggie said it was more of a scare than anything.”

  “That’s good news.” Oliver took a seat beside him. “So does that mean Maggie will be coming back soon?”

  Jimmy swirled his toe through the water. “She hasn’t mentioned coming back anytime soon.”

  “But she will, surely,” Oliver said.

  “I don’t know,” Jimmy answered bluntly. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, I want her here, but if her family needs her … how can I ask her to come back? Oliver, when Belinda went home to Tennessee, you were pretty strung out. What the hell should I do?”

  “Well, you know what I did. I ended up changing the genre I sing in and moved from here to Tennessee. Upended my life. And I don’t regret a damned thing. Without Belinda in my life”—Oliver shrugged—“I’d be lost.”

  “Florida is my home. I do my writing out on my balcon
y overlooking the sea.”

  “And how’s that workin’ for you right about now?” Oliver asked.

  “It’s not.” Jimmy took a long pull from his beer. “So are you suggesting I move to Cleveland if that’s where Maggie wants to live?”

  “I’m suggesting that you follow your heart where it leads you,” Oliver said. “Look, I love my cabin in the Smoky Mountains, but I’d live in a damned igloo if need be, and I told Belinda so. I love her that much.”

  Jimmy chuckled softly.

  “What?”

  “I was picturing you and Belinda living in an igloo,” Jimmy said, but then sighed.

  “I didn’t say I wouldn’t bitch about it. Belinda thinks it’s funny that I’m cold when she’s walking around the cabin in a T-shirt. But Jimmy, maybe you should just head to Cleveland?”

  “I can’t just show up. I’ve gotta have a reason. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Are you stupid?” Oliver sputtered. “For someone who writes love songs, you’re pretty clueless.”

  “I’m so glad I asked for your advice,” Jimmy said with a shake of his head, but his pulse picked up speed. “Look, you had a solid plan when you headed to Tennessee. You’re a planner, so don’t give me that bullshit.”

  “I don’t know about the solid part, but yeah.”

  “Did someone say ‘plan’?” Jesse asked, paddling his float over toward Jimmy and Oliver. “I’m here to give my input.”

  “This will be easy,” Oliver said. “Whatever Jesse says, do the opposite.”

  Jesse sent water flying their way and then Grady joined them.

  “What’s going on over here?” Grady asked.

  “Jimmy wants to go to Cleveland, and he wants a solid plan of action,” Oliver replied. “Got any big-brother advice?”

  Grady slid off his raft and stood in the pool. “Yeah, I do. I let Arabella walk out of my life. My stupid pride nearly cost me losing her forever. Damn, you guys had to lock us up in the studio before we could come to our senses. Jimmy, just get the address and … go.”

  “I’m telling you, I need a prop, a reason for showing up on her doorstep … Wait, oh wow.” He blinked at them. “I think I’ve got an idea.”