She also knew that carbon monoxide could make a person’s face turn red. Maybe it stopped being red when they passed on. That was what Grandma called it, passing on. Sometimes just “passed.” He couldn’t have done that already. She refused to accept it.
She felt his wrist. It had no pulse. At times, she couldn’t find her own pulse, but knew she had one.
The throat. The carotid artery. Was that a tiny flutter, or her imagination?
What was she doing? Get him out of the truck, stupid.
She tried to lift him. He was heavy. She swung his legs out, then put her arms around him and dragged him through the door. He felt so big and solid. Would he be this substantial if he weren’t alive?
When she slid him out, a long white envelope tumbled to the ground. He landed on top of it.
“Ben!” She bent down to see if she could feel his breath. She slapped his face. It worked in the movies but she didn’t want to hurt him.
She held him in her arms, rested her cheek against his forehead. “Ben. Wake up. Please.”
“Huh?” His eyes stayed closed.
“Wake up!” He might not want to.
“It’s Cree. You saved my life, remember? You said you’re responsible for me, so wake up and be responsible.”
What did he care about her? Or about anything but leaving the world that despised him?
His eyes opened, a deeper chocolate than ever. He looked briefly at her face, then past it.
His voice came out a croak. “What are you doing here?”
Did he know where he was?
“I was just cruising around on Fremont, looking at things. I never expected this. I’m glad I found you.” He might not be glad, but she was.
He rubbed his forehead and tried to sit up. “I feel sick.”
“Go ahead. I don’t mind.”
“Not that kind of sick.” He looked away, embarrassed. “I must have hit my head on something. Passed out. I was trying to do some work. On the car. Cracked my head.”
She pretended to believe him. She thought Aspies didn’t lie. Maybe that was why his story was full of holes, because he wasn’t good at it.
When he sat up, it uncovered the envelope.
She handed it to him. “This fell out when you did.”
He stuffed it into his jacket. She caught a glimpse of the return address, embossed lettering and an ampersand in the name. Something & Something. Like a law firm.
Maddie said they were bringing charges. Was that what happened? What could they charge him with to make him do a thing like this? It must have been worse than anyone thought.
Until she knew more, she had to play along. “It just goes to show, when you’re working on your car, especially inside it, you should turn off the engine.” He might take the hint that she was onto him, even if she didn’t remind him that all the doors were locked, the windows closed, and there wasn’t much to work on in the back seat.
He shook his head, trying to clear it. Then sat back and stared into space. In her mind, she replayed lifting him out of the truck with her arms around him. Holding him until he woke.
He took a few breaths. “You must have guessed that’s not what happened.”
Always honest, he couldn’t stick to his own story. She said, “It’s none of my business.”
He patted his jacket where he had put the envelope. It crackled. “I don’t know why I brought this with me.”
He wouldn’t know that she guessed what it was. She couldn’t guess the actual content.
“I was afraid somebody’d find it,” he said. “And they will, as long as it exists. I should have burned it.”
“Maybe, but I don’t think this is the answer.” She was desperately afraid he would try it again.
“I didn’t want my folks to know.”
“They’d have found out anyway if you had it with you.” She was stabbing in the dark. “And then you wouldn’t have a chance to explain.”
The stab must have hit something, because he agreed. “I wasn’t thinking. If I had, I’d have seen that it all needs cleaning up. I can’t just leave it.”
“Stay and fight!” She felt like a cheerleader trying to convince him.
“It’s just that—” He raked through the leaves, maybe looking for a stalk of grass to chew on. “You see, I’m adopted. I always wanted to make them proud of me. It’s bad enough that I have this—” He tapped his head. He must have meant the Asperger’s. But that was who he was and it was nothing to be ashamed of. No one in their right mind—which Kelsey and the Lakeside School clearly were not—could hold it against him.
“Ben, of course they’re proud of you. There’s a lot to be proud of and they love you. I don’t know your parents, but I do know Maddie. She loves you so much, she’s taking this as a personal fight.”
Maddie would be furious that she told him. He might be, too. She couldn’t look at him.
“As for this thing—” She tapped her own head. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to know about the Asperger’s, but he as much as told her that time at the stone wall. He just didn’t put a name to it.
“In a lot of ways,” she said, “it’s an asset. People don’t realize that. Anyhow, your family knows it’s not your fault, or anybody’s. Even if you were their natural born son, you could have the same thing. A lot of people do. As my grandma would say, life is a crapshoot. I think that’s a gambling term.”
He gazed out at the road and said nothing. She wondered if he could see through the bushes to her orange car. She could, and kept an eye out to be sure nobody stopped and messed with it.
Meanwhile she talked on, trying to make her point. “But this, right now—I know you didn’t bump your head. Think how they’d feel if you went through with it.”
His face showed nothing.
“So think about it,” she said, before remembering that Aspies had trouble putting themselves in someone else’s shoes.
“I’m trying.” He didn’t look as if he was trying anything.
“The thing is,” she went on, “even if it’s hard for you to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings—”
“You seem to know a lot about me.”
“Well, your sister has a big mouth. After she told me, I looked it up on the Internet. So even if it’s hard, you have to remember that other people do have thoughts and feelings, just as you have. Your family would be destroyed if anything happened to you.”
“It already happened,” he said.
“I mean anything final. As long as it’s not final, you can get through it and your family is with you all the way.”
She thought of adding that she was, too, but he might not want her interfering.
He made the envelope crackle again. “You don’t know what’s in this.”
“No, but it’s only part of the picture. It could be all lies, or a big misunderstanding. Give yourself a chance.”
It was hard to know how he took that. All he did was stare at the road. Two cars went by. She hoped he was giving some thought to what she said.
He muttered, “Let’s get out of here.”
She helped him up. “Can you walk? I have a car right over there.”
“I can’t leave my truck. I’ll drive slowly and you can follow me. Honk if I start to drift.”
With her help, he slid into the driver’s seat. “I hope Maddie isn’t home yet,” he said.
“If she is, we’ll think of something.” She wished she could stop him from driving.
He turned on the engine and opened a window. Checked his gas gauge. She wondered if it would have run out before he actually succumbed. He’d have been careful to fill his tank.
He drove slowly and didn’t drift. They reached his house with no sign of Maddie.
She hesitated, not wanting to leave him alone, although he might have preferred it. He probably should go to a hospital, but she knew he would refuse.
He surprised her. “How about coming in before the long drive home? Maddie could show up any time.�
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Did he really want her?
She looked to see where the sun was. Still a ways off from setting.
The kitchen dazzled her. It must have been newly done over, with marble countertops, two built-in ovens, one a microwave, and a built-in niche that held a small TV. Ben sat down at the table and shook his head.
“Still woozy?” she asked. “I could make you some coffee if you tell me where the things are.”
He showed her, and she wished she hadn’t offered. She knew the basics of coffee-making but not much else.
“I’m not very good at this. My grandma makes it at home and I hardly ever drink it.”
“Cree—when you see Maddie, don’t tell her what happened. I don’t mean the charges, they’ll find that out anyway. I mean about today.”
“I won’t say a word, but please don’t try it again, okay? Your whole family’s on your side and so am I. And my grandmother, too, if that helps.” Grandma knew nothing about it, but she admired his looks. She wouldn’t want anything to happen to them.
When he didn’t reply, she tried again. “You don’t want to leave it as your legacy that you went down in defeat.”
He stayed silent, but he seemed to perk up. She supposed every male had some macho pride.
She poured the coffee. It looked like mud.
He took a sip and choked. “If you’re trying to wake me up, this should do it.”
“Oh Ben, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ll have my wits back before the folks get home. I might even have enough nerve to talk to my dad. He’s really a nice guy. It’s not him I’m afraid of, it’s my situation.”
“Your dad’s an attorney, right?”
“Yes, but he doesn’t handle this sort of problem. He does real estate. He might even know your mom.”
“That’s so cool, all of us being connected.”
What a stupid thing to say. She mustn’t be stupid with Ben.
She poured him another cup, washed the pot, and tried to overcome her stupidity. “Actually, the whole world is connected, so why can’t we all be nicer to each other? I remember you saying something like that.”
“Yeah, I did.” He picked up his coffee and blew on it. “But it’s not going to happen any time soon. I know that much about the world.”
She pushed aside the curtain. The treetops were touched with orange, which meant the sun was still up, but barely.
“I’d better go,” she said. “This is the first time I borrowed Grandma’s car and I don’t want to screw up.”
By the time she reached home, the sun had set. There was still plenty of light but Grandma stood on the steps, looking grim. “What happened? Your first solo trip. You had me so scared I was about to call the cops.”
“That would really freak me out, getting chased by cops. I’d have an accident for sure.”
Grandma checked the car for damage, then followed her inside. Cree petted Jasper and started up the stairs. Grandma was right behind her.
“I really am okay,” said Cree. “So is the car. I don’t think I got any scratches on it.” Though she might have if she had parked in the lilacs as planned.
“Uh—honey. There’s something you gotta know. You’ll find out anyway soon enough.”
A dizziness grabbed her. She still hadn’t recovered from Ben. Was it Mom this time? An accident? Her dad, in Borneo. They had tsunamis there.
Grandma beckoned her into the living room. “They found some stuff.”
Drugs. They found drugs where? Not here.
Grandma steered her to the sofa. It definitely wasn’t good, if she had to be sitting down.
Chapter Twenty-one
Grandma sat next to her and took her hand. “That little woods at the end of the block?”
“Grandma, don’t.”
“They said they looked through it real good and I believe that. But today they found—” Grandma stopped and cleared her throat.
Cree’s head felt light with all the blood washed out. Her ears buzzed. She scarcely heard the voice that talked on.
“They found some clothes,” Grandma said. “Some little overalls he had on when he went missing. It was torn and raggedy and blood on it. A lot of blood.”
Cree remembered that day at the newspaper office, the way the rain came down. How could there still be blood?
Blood was sticky. It didn’t wash off easily. “What are you saying?”
Grandma had trouble with her throat and cleared it again. “I’m saying what they found. That was it, the overalls. Nothing else. I heard there was a coyote sighting. Or a dog could have gotten loose.”
Cree fought a wave of sickness. “Why only now? They looked there. It’s just a tiny place. Why that one thing?”
“They said it was half buried.”
“Half buried? The police had dogs. They should have found it.”
“I don’t know, honey. Could be the rain uncovered it. That’s all they got. They ID’d it from Olive’s description, little plaid overalls. They said the blood would be ID’d, too, but it takes a while. I thought you should know.”
She didn’t want to know. There had always been a chance it could end like this, but that chance never seemed real. Died in the woods? How could he walk that far? And why was there blood?
Where was—he? Why had nobody found anything before?
She had to call Maddie. And Maddie had to be there. Even Grandma’s Pecan Sandies didn’t help with this.
She got Maddie’s voicemail. She wanted Maddie in person, and called her home. There, too, a machine said to leave a message. The hopelessness of it made her cry. For Kip. For Davy. For herself.
She tried to speak, and then she heard Ben.
“That you, Cree? Everything okay?”
That voice. She gulped down her tears. “No, it’s not. Did Maddie ever get there?”
“She came home and went out again. I didn’t ask. What’s going on?”
Cree told him. “They looked in the woods. I don’t understand it. Unless it happened somewhere else and some animal dragged those overalls and tried to bury it.”
“Why would an animal do that?” said Ben. “How is it nobody found anything else? Your neighborhood is fairly well built up except for the woods. They must have combed it.”
“They did. Or said they did, and there was nothing. I don’t understand.”
“That’s all they found, that one piece of clothing? No, uh—body parts? Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m dealing with it.” She wasn’t, but had to try. “According to my grandmother, that was all they found. She usually gets her facts straight. She keeps asking until they’re straight.”
“Seems to me,” said Ben, “it could be a plant.”
“A plant?” She pictured ferns in the woods. “Oh, a plant.”
“A false clue. I’m not saying it is, that could be my conspiracy mania, but—hang on. Maddie just got home.”
Cree missed his calming voice as Maddie came on, all excited.
“Finally!” she said before Cree could tell her anything. “It took them long enough. They found other stuff and they maxed out my credit card, but now we’re back in business. I’ll pick you up for school and we can make our plans.”
“Did Ben tell you why I called?” Cree gave her the news.
“Oh, no! Oh Cree, I can’t believe it!”
“Neither can I. I don’t even want to know what happened. And Davy. They’ll blame him all over again and it’s really Olive’s fault and—and mine.”
Maddie made comforting noises and then her excitement returned. “Are you on for tomorrow? It could help get your mind off, um—things. I have some new ideas. Can you make it? After school?”
For Ben. Kip was beyond help. It was Ben who needed it now, before he tried anything else.
“You’ll have to look professional,” Maddie said. “Like a tweed suit, or something.”
“I don’t have a tweed suit. Why can’t I be who I was with Velda?”
“We’re taking this one more step. We’re professionals. She might not talk otherwise. Do the best you can, but no jeans.”
For Ben, Cree told herself again. She had saved his life and it wasn’t going to be for nothing. Now she had to save him from Kelsey.
Grandma had an old suit she was willing to lend. It was bright purple with a too-short skirt.
“What’s wrong with short?” Grandma said. “Looks better on you than me. What is this, some kind of Halloween thing?”
“It’s not for school, it’s later. And it’s not Halloween yet.”
That was a bad move. It would only pique Grandma’s interest. “Okay, maybe sort of Halloween.”
She updated the suit with a white scoop-neck tee and a string of Venetian glass beads. She packed her good pumps and her one pair of pantyhose and hoped they wouldn’t be ruined.
The news about Kip hadn’t hit The Chronicle yet. She knew she ought to go and see Olive but there wasn’t time in the morning. Maybe this afternoon.
Maddie spent the day refining her plans. “We can change at my house. I’ll need a disguise, too. She knows me. We’ll have to finish before her parents get home.”
At last, school was out and they started the trip to Lake Road. Cree asked, “Shouldn’t we call first? That’s what people like us would do. What if she’s not home?”
“We’ll have to take our chances on that. If we announce ourselves, she’ll panic. Don’t worry about a thing. You’re a great actress.”
Cree was only a wannabe actress and onstage it was easier. You had your lines all written and memorized, and your cues. You knew where you were going.
Maddie had borrowed a pinstriped suit from her mother. “It has to be something Kelsey’s never seen, and I’ll need a wig.”
She had three wigs in different colors.
“They’re Rhoda’s. She had chemo and her hair fell out. She’s going to donate them but I asked if I could use them first. What do you think of me as a blond?”
“It’s nice with the suit.” Cree could barely speak. The butterflies choked her and kept hatching more butterflies.
Maddie fussed with her disguise, adding sunglasses, although the day was cloudy, and more makeup.
Cree said, “Shouldn’t we get going?”
Twenty Minutes Late Page 16
