by Celia Imrie
The door opened and in came the steward who, under Arturo’s spell, had helped them get into Appenzell’s cabin. He pushed a wheelchair bearing Amanda.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Amanda firmly. ‘I am quite able to walk unaided, but the doctor insisted.’
Once positioned beside them both, Amanda spoke. ‘Thank you, you two. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!’
‘We’re all going to be thanking one another for a long time,’ said Suzy.
‘Why are we gathered in the middle of the room?’ Jason stood. ‘If we want to see anything we need to be by the windows.
He wheeled Amanda’s chair to a spot where she’d have a better view. He then pushed two more chairs either side so that he, Suzy and Amanda could sit together.
‘We’ll have the best view on the ship from here,’ said Suzy. ‘What a trip! We were an unwitting team. All three of us unintentionally connected with that vile man.’
‘What happened to him? Does anybody know?’ asked Amanda.
‘They winched him off the ship,’ said Jason. ‘He’s been taken straight to some penitentiary in New York for questioning by Interpol.’
‘Good riddance,’ said Suzy. ‘I hope they bang him up for a very long time.’
‘What is that land mass?’ asked Amanda, pointing through the window to rows of orange lights.
‘That’ll be Staten Island.’ Suzy found the sight of the first onshore lights they had seen since passing Land’s End strangely unsettling. ‘Look beyond, you can see the planes circling over Newark Airport.’
‘Which means we’re about to sail under the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge, everyone,’ cried Jason, cupping his hands to peer through the glass. ‘Quick! Look up!’
They all gazed at the red and white lights of the massive bridge. They could hear cars and lorries hooting, welcoming the huge ship into the harbour.
They watched the ship’s funnel seem to skim under the wide span, appearing to miss it by a mere few inches.
‘Welcome to New York!’ Jason raised an empty glass. ‘We must open that bottle.’
After a few moments’ silence Amanda put out her hand to touch the large arrangement of roses, lilies and gypsophila on a console table near her chair. ‘Look at those gorgeous flowers! One of the marvellous things about this ship is their constant use of beautiful floral displays. I’ve never worked out how they manage to keep them all so fresh.’
‘Barbara sent me a bouquet, Suze,’ Jason said quietly.
‘Yes. Me too. Thank God for her.’ Suzy turned towards Amanda. ‘Barbara was our stage manager in Zurich,’ she explained. ‘She is the last link in the chain. It was Barbara who alerted the police. She had received an email from me. But it was Barbara who put two and two together and phoned Scotland Yard. Then the boys in blue sent for the New York City harbour police to board the ship.’
‘You’d think they might have waited those few hours till we dock,’ said Jason.
‘I supposed they feared that, unless they picked up that swine Appenzell straight away, by the time we reached dry land there might be a few more dead bodies onboard,’ suggested Amanda.
‘There nearly were.’ Suzy fought back tears as she reached out once more to hold hands with Amanda and Jason. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jason. Arise from your semi-recumbent position and pop that bloody bottle. We need to celebrate.’
There was a knock on the door and Liliane peeped inside. ‘Do you mind if we join you? Ze Captain invited us.’
She entered, tailed by Arturo, Myriam and Tyger.
‘I’ll look after that,’ said Arturo, taking the champagne bottle from Jason, who had removed the foil and the cage. He held the bottle aloft in one hand. Then he glared at the bottle and clicked the fingers of his other hand.
The cork flew up and hit the ceiling.
He handed the open bottle back to Jason.
‘Please do the honours, Mr Scott.’
While Jason poured, the door opened again and Melanie, the social hostess, came in bearing a large tray of sandwiches.
‘You poor things. You’ve all been through so much,’ she said, then turned to Jason and Suzy. ‘And as your talks on The Importance of Being Earnest were so well-received, I thought a tray of these might be just the thing.’
Amanda, Jason and Suzy took a finger sandwich each.
‘Cucumber,’ said Suzy.
‘Cucumber sandwiches?’ said Jason. ‘ “Why such reckless extravagance in one so young?” ’
Despite their attempts to lighten the atmosphere, there was still a pall of depression over the room.
Myriam piped up. ‘I forgot to tell you! I finally went to that ghastly Dorothy’s party. I just turned up uninvited in the Seahorse Lounge after tea, wearing my best party dress, and do you know what? The woman was a no-show! At her own party! However, I made so many new friends. Such nice young men. Extremely funny, and all so very beautifully turned out.’
No one said anything.
After a brief lull, Melanie asked Suzy, ‘Will you be leaving us today?’
‘I think so,’ Suzy replied. ‘Blake didn’t seem to want to keep me on. So yes, I’ll be leaving.’
‘Really?’ Melanie gave Suzy a puzzled look. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway – goodbye, then, in case we don’t bump into one another again.’
She left the room.
‘Thinking about Appenzell …’ said Jason, staring down at his sandwich.
‘Must we?’ Arturo hissed and held his fingers up in his familiar protective gesture against the evil eye.
‘It simply occurred to me that we had the vital clue in The Importance of Being Earnest,’ said Jason. ‘Appenzell was a Bunburyist. In order to get his own way, and deceive others, he lived under multiple aliases.’
‘He was a Bunburyist in the most dangerous fashion,’ added Suzy.
‘He was a monster!’ Myriam took a sandwich and a napkin, with which she fanned herself as she sank sedately on to the sofa. ‘And please don’t think that man took me in for one moment. I always knew he was simply a wolf in cheap clothing.’ She turned to Tyger who was taking a full glass of champagne from Jason. ‘Tyger, you’re too young to drink liquor on either side of the Atlantic. But … well, just one small glass.’
Tyger picked up the wire cage from the floor. ‘This is called a muselet. It’s the French word for muzzle.’
Liliane laughed. ‘Pity we did not ’ave a real muselet for that diabolical man.’
Amanda gazed out at the New Jersey coastline. Everything was resolved. Mark had been released with no charge. She was shaken but fine. But she couldn’t help feeling blue. She could see planes taking off, their lights throwing long beams into the black sky. She imagined herself getting off the ship in a few hours and flying home to London.
Then what?
Where would she go?
Her only possible home would be the flat where Appenzell had run his nasty operations and got up to God knows what else. Despite being in this room full of people, she felt alone and very dejected. Sitting in the wheelchair as the doctor had suggested wasn’t making her feel better. Quite the opposite. She called across to Jason.
‘Would you be a sweetheart?’ she asked him. ‘I hate this damned chair. Please get me out of it.’
Jason and Suzy stood either side of Amanda, their arms around her waist, and helped her to her feet.
The three, linked together, stared out of the window.
‘Well, we have certainly had a time of it, wouldn’t you say?’ Suzy sighed. She wasn’t sure whether they were experiencing some syndrome or other, but she felt emotionally bound to Amanda and Jason, and wanted to remain in their company, united against a common evil.
Suzy also felt desolate that the job had come to such an abrupt end, and that she had failed. Clearly, as far as Blake was concerned, nothing she had done onboard had been good enough. He was obviously glad to see the back of her. She felt like crying.
There was a knock on the door, and the Captai
n entered with Blake and another man. After a few pleasantries, they excused themselves to the others and went across to Jason, Amanda and Suzy.
The Captain introduced the third man as the ship’s hotel manager, Rob Ritchie.
‘I know I said we would provide you all with a flight home today, but my colleague, Mr Ritchie, has just suggested another proposition.’ The Captain paused, and left the hotel manager to continue.
Rob spoke with a charming Scottish burr. ‘First, we completely understand if you want to leave the ship in New York,’ he said. ‘But if any of you would like to remain onboard, we’d be delighted to offer the three of you the same cabins you are now in, along with first-class dining, for the journey back to England.’
‘Compliments of the company.’ The Captain turned and spoke directly to Amanda. ‘You’ve probably had quite enough of us and want to get back, but I just thought I’d offer you the choice.’
‘Could I add something, sir?’ Blake interrupted. ‘Suzy, I apologise if I gave you a false impression. You see, we have all been more than happy with your classes and talks, and particularly with the way you coped during innumerable unforeseen onstage disasters. So, if you would like to stay on the team, giving your talks and classes all the way up the coast and back to Southampton, I would love it.’ Blake smiled at Jason. ‘You too, Jason, have acquitted yourself admirably, always doing more than you were asked, never being seen on the decks without a smile on your face. But, as you know, you are way too young to qualify for the position of a gentleman host.’
Suzy’s heart plunged as she realised Jason was about to be booted off the team.
‘I wondered,’ Blake went on, ‘whether you would be interested in taking on some entertainment duties, hosting quizzes, helping Suzy in the acting classes and lectures, and also staying with us, travelling back to the UK?’
The Captain surveyed the group. ‘I’ll leave you all a little time to think about it.’
‘I don’t need to think about it, Captain,’ Amanda blurted out. ‘I’m going to instruct an estate agent to sell that awful man’s flat. And in the meanwhile, it would be lovely to have somewhere to stay, if only for the ten days back to England. And I love this boat.’
‘Ship,’ corrected the Captain, closing one eye tight. ‘Aaargh!’
Amanda laughed.
Suzy felt the way actors felt after a first night – exhausted but exhilarated and hyped up with adrenalin. She didn’t want to climb on a plane home in a couple of hours. Back to dreary London in December, with nothing to do, and no one to do it with. The ship was bright, cheery and busy and offered her everything that she loved. Work, company and glamour.
‘Please can I stay aboard too?’ Suzy asked. ‘In spite of everything, I love this ship.’
‘Don’t leave me out of this,’ said Jason. ‘If they’re staying, I have to stay as well.’ He paused and asked, ‘I do get the fancy-cabin offer too, don’t I?’
‘Of course,’ replied the hotel manager.
‘Let’s do it!’ Jason turned to Suzy and Amanda. ‘I won’t be an official dancing partner any more, but I hope you’ll both still join me for the odd cha-cha-cha.’
Suzy, Amanda and Jason clinked their glasses together.
‘Happy to hear it,’ said the Captain. ‘I shall look forward to seeing you all one night at my table. Oh, and Melanie, we could do with another couple of bottles of champagne. Could you please phone down?’
‘Quick! Quick! Everybody!’ Myriam, face pressed to the port-side window, waved her hands up and down. ‘Look! Come, come, come! Quickly, quickly, quickly!’
The Captain, who knew perfectly well what had caught Myriam’s eye, took the moment to slip away, leaving Amanda, Suzy and Jason to join the gaggle gathered at the window.
‘Lady Liberty!’ said Suzy, looking out at the floodlit Statue of Liberty standing proudly on Liberty Island in a golden haze, her lamp and crown glowing orange in the morning mist. ‘What a beauty she is.’
‘ “Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” ’ recited Amanda. ‘ “The homeless, tempest-tost.” That’s us all right.’
‘I don’t know about lifting my lamp,’ said Suzy. ‘But, if we’re talking about lifting our glasses, I could do with a top-up.’
‘You get the wish!’ Arturo poured the last of the champagne into Suzy’s glass.
Suzy closed her eyes as she made that wish.
‘We’ve come a long way since those auditions in Palmers Green. Haven’t we, Jason.’
‘Not to mention since the grim rehearsals next door to that cemetery!’ Jason put his arm around her waist. ‘Thank you, Suze.’ He shrugged and smiled. ‘Thank you for being such a sport, for saving my life, for everything.’
He looked across at the others, all staring out at the Statue of Liberty.
‘What more do you want?’ he asked, gesturing towards Eiffel’s famous copper-green statue. ‘Liberty enlightening the world.’
‘Oscar said it better,’ said Suzy. ‘ “The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily …” ’ Once more she quoted from The Importance of Being Earnest.
‘ “That is what Fiction means,” ’ she added, as Jason spoke in unison with her.
‘And that is, hopefully, what real life means too!’
Suzy raised her glass.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thank you:
To the commodores, captains, hotel managers, entertainment managers, social hostesses, waiters, gentleman hosts, dancers, singers, musicians, entertainers, lecturers, technical teams, stewards and crew who have always given me such a good time while crossing the Atlantic in their magnificent ship, the Queen Mary 2 – which bears only the slightest resemblance to the Blue Mermaid ! In particular, thanks to Bernard, Kevin, Christopher, Jamie, David, Robbie, Paul, Jo, Cat, Amanda, Tommi and Cheryl for making me laugh, come hell AND high water!
I still say it’s the ONLY way to travel.
To my friends at La Civette, Le Safari and Les Jardins du Capitole: JF, Sebastien, Charles, Raymond, Gilbert, Daniel, Fabrizio and Gianni. Issa Nissa! Allez Nice!
To Lina, merci tellement.
To Alexandra, Robert, for encouraging me to write this book.
To all my pals at the Regal Cinema Club for our jolly afternoons watching those camp and wonderful films. ‘Hey! That horse looked at the camera!’
To Fidelis, who first coaxed me on to the Queen Mary 2, and whose research into the world of cruising and sea travel, and enthusiasm for and knowledge of the sea and transatlantic liners, really helped this book take shape. Ahoy there – Cap’n M!
A NOTE ON THE AUTHOR
Celia Imrie is an Olivier award-winning and Screen Actors Guild-nominated actress. She is known for her film roles in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Calendar Girls and Nanny McPhee. Celia has recently starred in the major films Bridget Jones’s Baby, Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie, Year by the Sea and A Cure for Wellness. In 2016 she also appeared in FX’s new comedy series Better Things, and returned to the stage in King Lear at The Old Vic. She will co-star with Imelda Staunton, Timothy Spall and Joanna Lumley in the upcoming Finding Your Feet. Celia Imrie is also the author of an autobiography, The Happy Hoofer, and two top ten Sunday Times bestselling novels, Not Quite Nice and Nice Work (If You Can Get It).
www.celiaimrie.info
@CeliaImrie
Also available by Celia Imrie
Not Quite Nice
Sunday Times Bestseller
Theresa is desperate for a change. Forced into early retirement, tired of babysitting her bossy daughter’s obnoxious children, she sells her house and moves to a picture-perfect town, just outside Nice.
Once the hideaway of artists and writers, Bellevue-Sur-Mer is now home to the odd movie star and, as Theresa discovers, a close-knit set of expats. Settling to the gentle rhythm of the seaside, Theresa embraces her new-found friendships and freedom. But life is never as simple as it seems
, and when skeletons fall out of several closets, Theresa starts to wonder if life on the French Riviera is quite as nice as it first appeared …
‘A shaft of early summer sunshine, a funny, spirited read’ Daily Mail
‘A comic caper’
Observer
‘A delicious piece of entertainment’
The Times
Click here to order
Nice Work (If You Can Get It)
Tucked between glitzy Monte Carlo and the red carpets of Cannes, Bellevue-Sur-Mer seems like the perfect place for an enterprising band of inhabitants to open a restaurant. Happily exiled from demanding families, they have found peace and Provençal cooking in the cobbled streets and azure vistas of their new home. But all is not as rosy as it seems, for it soon becomes clear that someone is trying to sabotage their project.
Meanwhile, the Cannes Film Festival is in full swing. Celebrities are flying in, luxury yachts arriving. As the excitement spills over into Bellevue-Sur-Mer, the residents realise they are embroiled in something much murkier than they could have imagined – and the race is on to get the restaurant open in time…
‘Her work has definite joie de vivre and a sunny, good-natured feel’
Wendy Holden, Daily Mail
‘With its lively plot and eccentric characters, this is a light-hearted, fun read’
Daily Express
‘A pacy, light-hearted romp around the Riviera … Imrie is on a roll with her Nice stories: they’re sharp, witty, with a nice plot twist and, like her recipes, leave you with an appetite for more’ Scotland on Sunday
Click here to order
http://www.bloomsbury.com/author/celia-imrie
First published in Great Britain 2018
This electronic edition published in 2018 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc
© Celia Imrie, 2018
Celia Imrie has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as Author of this work.
This is a work of fiction. Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
