by Margaret Way
Marigold cut in, bright-eyed. “Please! You can stop there, Melly. I find talk about gardens terribly boring.”
“You don’t know what you’re missing out on, Marigold,” Anthea said with a softening smile. “We can speak more about roses tomorrow, Amelia,” she promised. “I want you to meet our dear friend and my mentor, Vernon. Vernon lives in a bungalow in the grounds. He’s come to dinner countless times over the years, but he’s over eighty now and likes an early night.”
“I’d be delighted to meet him,” Amelia said. “Our mother is very keen on her garden. She, too, has her helper. He’s English. He once worked on an English estate. He’s an expert on roses, though he did put in a garden of marigolds in honour of Marigold here.”
“Marigolds are very common,” Marigold said.
“They look wonderful in a mass display.” Quick to read signals, Anthea had realized Marigold had conflicting feelings about her beautiful adopted sister. It was very unpleasant. Jealousy, of course. Probably the seeds had been sown in early childhood.
Jimmy, who had been unusually quiet, suddenly spoke up. The skin over his handsome face was drawn tight. “You totally lack Amelia’s artistic eye, don’t you, darling?” It was delivered with a smile, yet every word seemed heavy with something dangerously close to dislike.
Aaaah! The first crack in the façade, Amelia thought. She was now on tenterhooks. Should this marriage go ahead, pregnancy or not? Marigold seemed incapable of working out what it was to be gracious, but she did flush at Jimmy’s comment. Mercifully, Royce chose that exact moment to raise his champagne glass. “To Marigold and James,” he pronounced, his brilliant dark glance embracing them both. “Wisdom and happiness.”
Amelia was glad he had put it in that order. Wisdom first. Happiness to follow. She felt distressed, but she knew she couldn’t show it.
“We’re so sorry your parents aren’t able to attend the wedding,” Anthea addressed the bride-to-be, locking onto the possibility Mr. and Mrs. Boyd may not have been asked.
“Italy beckoned.” Marigold laughed, as though that explained everything. “I couldn’t compete with that. They adore the place.”
Without hesitation, Amelia rose in defence of her parents, who had been so kind and good to Marigold. “You left it far too late to tell them, didn’t you, Marigold?”
“Marigold’s idea,” said Jimmy.
“Come on, Jimmy!” Marigold scoffed. “You said as long as the two of us were together. That was all you wanted.”
Amelia badly wanted to explain their parents knew nothing about Marigold’s wedding, but she couldn’t predict what the outcome would be. Marigold was looking very flushed. She had always flushed up as a child when she was about to throw a tantrum.
“There will be other times,” Royce Stirling said, smoothly. “Italy has to be one of the great travel destinations. I made the grand tour of Europe the year after I graduated. I’d say Italy came out tops. For a trip totally different, Antarctica was right up there. It’s extremely worrying how the big glaciers of the world are melting. For the life of me, I can’t understand how anyone could reject climate change.”
The conversation continued for a little while in that vein.
* * *
Despite the swirling undercurrents, Amelia remained serene throughout an excellent dinner. There were three courses: sweet and sour prawns, spiced duck breast, and for dessert, a delicious lemon and coconut tart with melt-in-the-mouth pastry.
Beset by anxieties or not, she found she was hungry. Besides, it would have been nigh-on impossible not to enjoy such beautifully cooked and presented food from the Stirling home’s treasure, Pippa. The Stirlings were as appreciative as she. The only one to push her food around the plate was Marigold. Her tummy could well have been rejecting a full meal, Amelia would have thought, except for the fact Marigold was drinking too much, even taking the sauvignon blanc bottle out of the ice bucket and refilling her glass without waiting for their host to do so.
“Sweetheart, I think you’ve had enough,” Jimmy suggested, staring hard across the table.
“Anyway, it’s time for coffee,” Royce said. “We’ll take it in the drawing room.”
“Just when I was having a great time.” Marigold drained the last drop.
Jimmy was very quick to come to her, pulling back her chair and taking her arm. Marigold lurched, so he was forced to grab her around the waist. For some reason, this made Marigold laugh explosively. “Giddy-up!”
Amelia didn’t glance at anyone. Giddy up? An alternative to thank you? Marigold didn’t even like horses. Anger and a sense of humiliation began to boil in Amelia. Royce moved to hold back his aunt’s chair, then hers. She knew he was looking down at her, but she didn’t raise her head. She was mortified by Marigold’s behaviour, which was sadly on the vulgar side. Marigold had been raised to do better.
Yet Marigold was no fool, even if she were playing the fool. Was she punishing Jimmy for something? God knows. Marigold obviously felt no guilt over embarrassing Jimmy in front of his family, but then Marigold didn’t understand guilt like other people. She had embarrassed Amelia countless times in the past and never once apologized. Maybe she had been far too accepting? In which case, she was largely at fault. She had pointed out many times to Marigold how she offended people with her careless comments, but Marigold had always shrugged off all admonitions. Marigold was predictable in some ways. She always had an agenda of her own. The primary agenda had been marrying James Stirling. She didn’t love him, if indeed she understood love. In itself that was extraordinary. How did anyone enter into marriage with no love in the heart?
* * *
Royce Stirling led the conversation, both entertaining and stimulating over rich Italian coffee. Unfamiliar with some of the subjects, Marigold made little effort to conceal her boredom. Amelia knew the expression. Marigold felt trapped. It wasn’t surprising then when she excused herself, claiming to feel tired. Jimmy took her arm as he escorted her out of the drawing room into the hallway. If Marigold were not careful, she could lose Jimmy forever, baby or no baby. Amelia had no difficulty reading his pent-up emotions. She hoped to God an argument wouldn’t break out on the stairs. The family surely had seen happier brides and grooms.
Afterwards, when Royce and his aunt were discussing some item of family business, Amelia wandered out onto the wide veranda, admiring the white pillars wreathed in a blossoming lilac vine. Everything seemed utterly unreal to her. The splendid colonial mansion in the wilds. The way the Stirlings lived like royalty in such extraordinary isolation. It was like some fairy tale.
She lifted her head to the dazzling star-struck night sky. She had never seen so many stars in her life, all so brilliantly clear. It was easy to pick out the Southern Cross, a constellation very familiar to Australians and represented on the national flag.
She knew the stars figured largely in aboriginal legend. Australian aborigines, after all, were recognised as the world’s first astronomers. For tens of thousands of years, they used the stars to predict natural occurrences and to work out their calendar. Kooralya employed a good many aboriginal and part-aboriginal people in their workforce. Nomadic tribal people came and went freely on their travels across the station. It could not be forgotten Kooralya was once aboriginal land until the white man arrived.
She felt more than heard a presence behind her, a presence who had followed her out here. His shape was already forming in her mind. It wasn’t Royce Stirling. Her highly tuned senses would have recognized his approach. Her whole body would have quickened its pace. She turned, fully prepared to see Jimmy. He looked like a young man in pain, his nerves all but charred.
“Jimmy, what it is?” For a moment, she felt like picking up her long skirt and hurrying away from a problematic situation. She was acutely aware Jimmy was strongly attracted to her. Whatever the reason, it never ceased to amaze her. She had never given Jimmy the slightest hint of encouragement.
He came to stand very close to her, as if f
or comfort, but essentially invading her space. “I’ve a dilemma on my hands, Amelia.”
Thankfully, Jimmy had never called her either Mel or Melly. “Tell me.” Get it over.
“I should have told you before.” There was a silence, then it came in a rush, “Marigold is pregnant.” He let out a strangled breath. “Honest to God, I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Do, Jimmy?” Amelia had to lower her voice hurriedly. “When Marigold told you she was pregnant, you immediately offered to marry her.”
“Of course I did,” he agreed, as though he were two different people. “I was the one who got her pregnant, after all.”
“Then you’re something of an idealist, Jimmy. I know you love children, but what is the point of your marrying Marigold if neither of you is happy? Other arrangements, surely, could have been made? Can still be made.”
“What? On the eve of our wedding?” His face took on a tortured expression. “I really can’t change anything, Amelia. I can’t bring shame to my family.”
“There is no shame, Jimmy,” Amelia insisted, grasping his arm to give it a brisk shake.
Jimmy seized the moment, covering her hand with his. “You’re so beautiful,” he said in a voice that betrayed his intense, physical yearning.
Amelia had no course but to ignore the emotion so apparent in his voice. As gently as she could, she withdrew her hand. “Jimmy, your family aren’t rigid moralists. One mistake is rarely enough to alienate a loving family and they do love you. But if you don’t love Marigold and she doesn’t love you, it would be utterly wrong to go ahead with this wedding even if you have to call it off at the last minute.”
There was the glitter of tears in Jimmy’s eyes. “What, and watch Marigold play the innocent victim? The betrayed woman. She’s determined on this marriage, Amelia. She wants to be Mrs. James Stirling. Not my wife. Not even my child’s mother, I suspect. She told you she was pregnant? I know she tells you everything.”
“Indeed she doesn’t,” said Amelia bleakly. “I only found out this evening. If Marigold didn’t tell me, you should have, Jimmy. Seeing you so unhappy is hard to bear.”
“That tender heart of yours!” Jimmy said, struggling to keep his composure. “I have been feeling pretty grim.”
“It shows, I’m afraid.”
“Well, I don’t have Royce’s iron control. I know he’s worried about me.”
“With good reason.” It was good to know Royce Stirling did care deeply about his half-brother.
“I don’t suppose you could ever love me?” Jimmy asked, with no real hope.
“I do love you. As my friend.” Amelia faced him with anxious eyes.
“And that’s the nub of it. All the difference in the world.” Jimmy gave a twisted smile. “You’re miles too good for me. You’re the sort of woman a man only meets once in a lifetime. I could never have you. I’m a bloody coward anyway.”
Amelia searched for the right words to say. “You’re no such thing! I won’t accept that. If you decide to tell the family, I’ll stand by you. You acted in a way you thought honourable, but you’ve now realized that decision could have appalling consequences if there’s no love between you and Marigold.”
“I never did love her.” Jimmy spoke with a kind of despair. “I never told her I loved her. What I did was fuck her.” He broke off abruptly. “Sorry, Amelia,” he apologized. “I shouldn’t be so crude. Forgive me. I’ve met plenty of girls, but none like Marigold with her issues. She’s madly jealous of you, did you know? If you want to know why, I’ll tell you. You’re everything she’s not. My one criticism of you is you’re far too generous towards her. You should call her out as a conniving manipulator. I don’t relish the thought of marrying her, but marry her I will.”
The night wind picked up, blowing Amelia’s long hair around her face. She pushed it back with a shaky hand. “Jimmy, you simply can’t, not feeling as you do. There’s no depth of connection. You’re not even friends. A genuine friendship between lovers I would think absolutely essential. You’re allowing Marigold to blackmail you.”
“And isn’t she good at it,” Jimmy retorted, with blackest humour. “It’s okay, Amelia. The wedding date is set. Guests will be arriving tomorrow including my mother, my aunt, and uncle. Really nice people. Everyone is expecting a wedding. I should never have acted as I did in the first place. I’ve continued too long as the playboy. I’ve left everything to Royce, not that he needed my help, but I know he wanted me to be here by his side. I’m desperate for his approval, for the family’s approval. Everyone has been waiting for me to settle down.”
“Happily, Jimmy,” Amelia stressed, not believing the drama that had unfolded within a few short hours. “I urge you to speak up and get it over with. You will have to speak to Marigold first. This isn’t high treason. There’s nothing fixed in stone.”
Jimmy clasped her bare shoulders with his two hands, turning her towards him. “I’m not only in love with you as a beautiful woman, Amelia. I’m in love with your soul. Every man needs a good woman to take him in hand. Even Royce, who has everything. I’ve made my decision and it’s final. The wedding will take place just as a divorce will in due course. I can’t have Marigold moving away with my child. I have to protect my precious unborn baby. You know Marigold. You’ve seen her in action for years and years. I’d say she was wicked, only I don’t think she knows what she does. It’s as though something vital has been left out of her. The ability to make the right moral judgements.”
“Ah, Jimmy!” Tears sparkled in Amelia’s green eyes. Marigold always acted on what she considered her own best interests.
“The wonder of it is, I’ve come to know what love is,” Jimmy was saying gently. “I love you, Amelia. I know I shouldn’t, but once you fall in love, you can’t change course. The decision isn’t in your hands. Love can lift a man to the heavens or destroy him. May I kiss you? Just once,” he begged. “I’m going to miss you terribly.”
She couldn’t possibly agree to it. “Jimmy, this isn’t a good idea!” Her eyes flashed a warning.
“I know that,” he said, but still he lowered his head. “I want to take you into my heart, into my mind. I’m afraid I’m not going to have a happy life, Amelia.” His mouth was barely an inch from hers.
Amelia knew a sensation of precariousness. She should deny Jimmy the comfort he wanted, only she was transfixed by his very real anguish. For that moment in time, Jimmy’s emotions had kicked into over-drive.
“Jimmy, you can’t!” she whispered “You mustn’t do this. It’s crazy and totally inappropriate.”
“I know,” said Jimmy, like a man in agony.
* * *
Royce Stirling was forced into acting as witness. A man sees a woman. He wants her. There was no question Jimmy wanted his golden enchantress. Royce stood immobile, just inside the French doors leading onto the veranda that had been his destination. His shoulders momentarily slumped as though beneath a heavy burden.
How we keep our souls secret.
What he was watching was tremendously upsetting, yet it was also a blatant display of disloyalty. Infidelity on Jimmy’s part and on hers. He knew the image of the two of them locked together would forever haunt him. Jimmy and his blond enchantress. Her head was thrown back so far it had to be painful for her long graceful neck. She looked incredibly beautiful. Incredibly desirable. Fragile beside his brother’s tall frame. Jimmy had his arms locked around her as though he would never let her go. They could have been posing for a passionate love scene.
What the hell was Jimmy playing at?, he thought with a great spurt of helpless anger. Jimmy had deliberately chosen one woman when he was crazy for another. This wedding was no more than a mockery. It should be called off. Loving one woman and marrying another was a recipe for disaster.
And what was behind Amelia Boyd’s lovely face with its open expression? What was in her soul? He felt strongly he should call a halt to this illicit love scene. He didn’t see himself as someone lurk
ing in the background, a stalker. He was horrified. He wrenched back the long filmy curtain that was floating in the breeze, only to see her break away, her beauty in full bloom from that passionate kiss. She was running down the veranda to the short flight of steps that led into the garden.
His brother didn’t go after her. Instead James began to walk, head down, back into the house.
He stepped out to confront him. “What the hell was that all about?” he asked angrily, turning his brother back onto the veranda and forcing him down to the shadowed end.
James gave a discordant laugh, but he didn’t pull away. Royce was taller and far stronger than he was in all departments. “I’ve been desperate to kiss Amelia ever since I met her,” he confided, striving for his usual flippant tone, but only succeeding in sounding wretched. “That was my only opportunity before I become a married man.”
“Are you crazy?” For a second, Royce’s voice boomed. “I saw you. You’re madly in love with her.”
“Infatuated, certainly,” James confessed. “Yes, indeed. I’ll get over it. Amelia doesn’t share my feelings. I’m about to marry her sister. My sweet little Marigold.”
“God knows why,” Royce shot back, lowering his tone. It was just as effective near-soft. “You definitely don’t love her.”
“I do too,” James maintained. “Well, in my fashion. Marigold suits me. I don’t want a superior woman like Amelia who would always be challenging me. Marigold enjoys the same things I do. Like me, she’s not encumbered with a full set of brains.”
“Why do you always sell yourself so short?” Royce was sick of this sort of thing. James had been studying architecture. He had shown a considerable aptitude for it before abandoning his course.
“Maybe because our father christened me useless,” James suggested, with a bitter laugh. “I’m not a complete person like you, Royce. You’re the most complete person I have ever known. You experienced Dad at his worst, but you pulled through. You had stature even as a boy. I love you. Damn it, I revere you.”
“Jimmy, please stop,” Royce begged, with great patience and infinite sadness. He was painfully aware of his half-brother’s lonely soul. Damn it, he was lonely in his own fashion. Their father’s harsh nature had affected them both.
