“Goodbye, Alexa.” The finality of that cold dismissal chilled her soul. And then he stalked down the hall and turned the corner, out of sight.
Alexa crossed her arms tight and choked on a sob. That stubborn man! Why wouldn’t he listen to reason? And where was he going?
She ran to her room and cried until she ached.
As soon as she had calmed down a little, Alexa called her sister. She needed a shoulder to cry on. Now she felt as angry with Jamison for not hearing her explanation as she did with herself for not handling things right.
“I hate him, Beth! And I hate myself,” Alexa’s voice broke. “I’ve messed everything up.”
“What happened?” Her sister didn’t even ask which man she was talking about.
“Jamison hates me. He saw Colin kiss me, and thinks I was kissing him back.”
“Were you?” She heard curiosity in her sister’s voice.
“Of course not! I don’t love Colin. I told Jamison that, and I’ve told you that, too.”
“So tell him again.”
“He packed up and marched out of here. He doesn’t want to speak to me. I think he’s gone.” Her voice caught.
“Gone where?”
“I don’t know!”
“You’ve got to tell him the truth, Alexa. Call him, if you have to.”
“Even if I did, how would it make any difference? I’m flying home in five days.”
“Maybe you could work something out.”
Alexa closed her eyes. “It’s impossible, Beth.”
“You can’t leave without telling him the truth. It’s not fair to either of you.” Her sister sounded uncharacteristically stern. “Do the right thing, Alexa.”
Beth was right. She couldn’t leave with a misunderstanding between them. It would be stupid, and immature, too. “Okay. I’ll tell him. I promise.” If she ever saw him again. If he answered her phone calls.
“Good.” Her sister sounded gentler now. “What can I do?”
“I think I’m going to be a mess when I come home.” Alexa’s voice wavered. “Can I stay with you for a few days?”
“You don’t even need to ask. I’ll make up the guest room for you. And I’ll tell Ted you need another week off.”
“Thank you, Beth. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Her sister laughed, but it sounded sad, too. “I told you not to leave your heart with a man in Europe.”
Alexa didn’t have the strength to deny it. All she wanted to do was cry.
That night, she sat across from Colin in a small, intimate restaurant. A candle burned on the table, reminding her of the meals she had shared with Jamison.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Colin said. He had drunk none of the wine before him and sampled none of the bread. Much like Alexa.
She took a fortifying breath. “Colin, I need to tell you something.”
“You have no romantic feelings for me.”
Surprised, she said, “You know?”
“I guessed, after what happened today.”
“I’m sorry, Colin. You’re a wonderful man. In fact, I thought you might be the perfect one for me.”
“And I thought you could be the woman for me.”
“I’m so sorry. I should have told you sooner. I finally realized the truth in Rome.”
“It’s all right.” He smiled, and his hand curled over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We’re still friends, though?”
She pressed his hand in return. “Always.”
Colin’s sharp eyes watched her. “When did you and Jamison stop fighting?”
“We haven’t. Everything’s such a mess.” Alexa swallowed the lump in her throat, and picked up her water glass.
“I messed things up with you two, didn’t I?”
“No. I did that. I wasn’t honest with him, you, or myself about my feelings. And now it’s too late. Where did he go?”
“Home.”
“Italy?” Despair licked at her.
“Yes.”
Would she see him again before she left for home? “Is he coming back to London?”
“Yes. Late Wednesday night.”
She left on Thursday morning. Alexa bit her lip and held back tears. Nothing was turning out like she had hoped. And it was all her fault. Fear had stopped her from saying “yes” to Jamison.
On the other hand, why had he run off? Why hadn’t he given her a chance to explain? She stared down into her water glass, eyes blurring.
Because she had never given him a reason to stay.
Their salads arrived. After a few bites, Colin said, “I have a question for you. This afternoon you told Eve, ‘he’s all yours.’ Why did you say that?”
She looked at Colin’s familiar features. He was a sharp, intelligent man. How couldn’t he know? “She’s in love with you.”
Colin stopped chewing altogether. “What?”
“She loves you,” she said gently.
Colin swallowed and took a breath. Slowly, the muscles in his jaw went tight and he put his head in his hands. “Why?” he said through his teeth. “Why did it have to happen like this?”
Concerned, Alexa said, “What do you mean?”
Colin raked his fingers down his face. “I don’t want to lose Eve.”
“Then don’t.”
“How can I trust her?”
“Remember, she did help save my life. Eve made a mistake, but she was in an intolerable position, Colin. You can choose to forgive her. I’m sure she’ll never make the same mistake again.”
“I don’t know.”
Alexa touched his hand. “Pray about it, Colin. And follow your heart. We all need forgiveness. Eve does, too.”
He finally nodded. “I’ll talk to her.”
The next few days passed in a fog of pain for Alexa. It was fitting that they landed to low, gray clouds and drizzle in London on Monday afternoon. Monday night she finished the book and printed a draft for Colin to read.
Although she didn’t much feel like it, on Tuesday Alexa spent most of the day sightseeing more of London. It was a gray, drizzly day, which matched her mood exactly. She first toured the Tower of London, since her guidebook said to get there early, and she enjoyed seeing the Crown Jewels the most. Then she found the place where the River Thames tour started, and descended the steps to the dock to wait for the next boat to arrive. She especially loved seeing London Bridge, the Houses of Parliament, and the Clock Tower, which was nicknamed Big Ben. She was surprised to learn that Big Ben referred to the fourteen ton bell inside the tower. After that, she took the tube to Harrods, but she wasn’t in a shopping mood, and soon decided to return home.
On Wednesday, she set to work incorporating all of the changes Colin had made to the manuscript the day before. Late that night, she printed two copies. One for Colin, and one for the publisher in New York.
Jamison was supposed to be back late that night. More than once, she had flipped open her cell phone and stared at his number that she had input after that horrible Saturday afternoon. But she didn’t call. She still wanted to speak to him in person. Alexa missed Jamison desperately. Everything about him. His smile. Him calling her “princess.” Life without him was empty and bleak.
Thursday morning, after she had packed up, Alexa brought the boxed manuscript for the publishers down to Colin’s office. Still no Jamison. Had he come back? Would she ever see him again? Despair bit through her.
She found Eve in Colin’s office. Colin had not fired his secretary, but Alexa knew little more than that. “This goes to the publisher. Will you see that it’s sent?”
“Of course.” Eve took it and then paused, about to turn away. “By the way, thank you.” For the first time, the secretary looked hesitant and uncertain.
“For what?”
“For talking to Colin for me. If it wasn’t for you, I’m sure I would be fired.”
“He told you
that?”
“Yes. I was so wrong about you. I’m sorry…for every horrible thing I said to you.”
Alexa smiled. “I’m glad we can finally be friends.”
Eve smiled, too. “I’m sure we’ll see each other on the book tour.”
Colin appeared and put a casual arm around Eve’s shoulders. With a blush, the secretary looked up at him and offered a shy smile. He said, “I’m glad my best girls are getting along now.”
“We’ve made peace,” Alexa said. “And I see you two have, too.”
Colin looked down at Eve. “We’re working things out.”
Eve blushed again, and tugged away. “I need to get to work.”
Colin planted a kiss in her hair and let go. “Alexa.” He turned to her. “It’s been fun. I’ll miss you.”
Alexa hugged him. “I’ll miss you, too. Thank you, Colin, for everything. I had an amazing time on your tour.”
“I’ll be in touch.” Colin’s eyes focused on a point behind her. “Your ride to the airport has arrived.” The pleased, self-satisfied note in his voice made Alexa spin.
Jamison. Unsmiling, but there in the flesh. Hungrily, her eyes feasted upon him. He wore his inimitable black; black jeans and black zipped jacket. Expressionless black eyes met hers. “Are you ready?”
Alexa licked suddenly dry lips. She didn’t know what to say to him, or how to say all the things she needed to say. He seemed like a remote stranger. “Um…my things are upstairs.”
“I’ll get them. The car is in the driveway.”
“I’ll get my purse and laptop.”
He headed for the stairs as if he hadn’t heard her. Upstairs, if she had hoped for a moment alone with him, she was disappointed. He gathered up her two suitcases and swiftly exited the room. Frustration and misery ached through her.
That ornery man. She would find a way to speak to him before she flew home. And she wouldn’t allow him to escape until she did.
Outside, Jamison had already deposited her bags into the trunk. When she appeared, he opened the car door and let her into the backseat. His features still looked stiff. Only his actions were courteous. Reluctantly, Alexa slipped inside. This reminded her of when she had arrived in London—only then, she had chosen to sit in the back, and this time he had directed her to do so.
New hurt burned Alexa, and she looked quickly away, allowing him to shut the door. During the entire ride to the airport, she silently stared out the window, seeing nothing. But she rehearsed what she would say when they stopped.
Jamison made no effort to speak to her, either.
At the airport, he pulled her bags from the car and followed her inside. The long line to the check-in counter spilled outside the delineated walkways. He set down the bags and glanced at her, clearly about to tell her arrivederci. Before he could say a word, Alexa blurted, “You never let me tell you what happened.”
Jamison’s jaw tensed and he looked away, clearly wishing to be elsewhere.
“I am going to tell you,” she asserted. “Whether you want to hear it or not, you obstinate man!”
Jamison’s eyes flashed fire. “Tell me, then. Whatever’s so important.”
Alexa heaved a calming breath. “I am not in love with Colin. I told you that before. When he kissed me, it caught me by surprise. And then all those other things happened. I ate dinner with him that night so I could tell him the truth.”
Unsmiling antagonism simmering in his dark gaze. “And he took it well.”
“Colin’s fine. I have a feeling Eve will comfort him. I also think he feels more for her than he realizes yet.”
“And what does any of this mean to me?”
His antagonism was starting to rub on her nerves. Clearly, he didn’t possess any feelings for her at all, except for anger. “I’m sorry, Jamison. But please know I never lied to you.”
The line suddenly moved forward ten feet.
Unsmiling, he said, “Need help with your bags?”
“Yes, please.” Alexa was about to say goodbye to him forever, and she couldn’t stand it. She wanted to keep him with her one more second, and then another, and another.
Jamison moved her bags forward and unzipped his black jacket, obviously warm. He turned to her. “You can take it from here.” He said it as a statement, but Alexa heard the faint question in his voice. Chivalrous to the end.
Her gaze dropped, and she noticed the white letters of the T-shirt he wore. “eligro” Peligroso. He wore the shirt she had given him. Today, of all days. It must mean something. She raised her eyes. “You’re wearing the shirt.”
The black gaze held hers for a fathomless minute.
“Why am I a danger to you, Alexa?”
He had been a danger to her heart from the beginning. And now it pulsed, raw and bleeding, inside of her. She bit her lip when the truth dawned on her.
He did not intend to stop her from leaving. Alexa had to accept that they would never have a future together. Deep, visceral pain ripped through her.
She whispered, “You still like it, then?”
He watched her, his dark eyes bleak. “I’ll wear it until it’s old and worn out, like the one my sister gave me.”
“At least you’ll remember me.”
“I will never forget you, Alexa,” he said, unsmiling. “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.” Alexa couldn’t help herself; she impulsively leaned forward and hugged him. His arms closed around her, fierce and hard, but swiftly released her. Tears seared her eyes, and she quickly stepped back.
She whispered, “Goodbye, Jamison.” After the briefest pause, he turned and walked away. A strong, solid man, all in black. She watched his wavy head until it disappeared through the doors and he was outside, lost to her forever. She couldn’t stop the tears then. Alexa didn’t care who saw her. Pain burned like an unquenchable fire through her soul.
Chapter Nineteen
“You’ve been moping around here for a week,” Beth said, swiping dust off the coffee table.
Alexa sat curled in a fetal position in the recliner. After flying home from London, she had found refuge in her sister’s house. Her heart still felt ripped in two bloody halves, but Alexa knew herself well enough to know that she couldn’t be alone or she would wallow in misery. Not that she hadn’t done the same here, but at least there were people here who loved her.
She looked down and realized she still held the pictures of Jamison that she had printed from her digital camera. The ones in Spain, with colorful Las Ramblas in the background. Hastily, she shoved them into the chair.
“What are you hiding?”
“You’re too much a mom.”
“Give them up.” Beth wiggled her fingers.
Reluctantly, Alexa pulled out the three photos. Beth leaned over her shoulder. “That’s Jamison?”
“Yes.”
Beth snatched them out of her hand and looked them over carefully. “He’s cute, Alexa,” she said softly. “Even with all the scowling you made him do. I see you brought out the best in him.”
Alexa’s eyes filled with tears. With a compassionate look, Beth hugged her. “Call him, sis.” She handed the pictures back.
Alexa gazed at the top photo. Jamison was scowling because she had just insinuated he was a dwarf, she remembered. A big fat tear plopped onto it. Hastily, she swiped it off, so it wouldn’t be ruined.
“I can’t. What would I say?”
“Tell him how you feel.”
“I can’t! I can’t, Beth.”
“Why not?”
“Because he doesn’t want me!” Alexa choked on a sob and hugged her arms tightly against herself.
“Did he say that?”
“Not exactly. He didn’t have to. He told me goodbye, and he didn’t look back.”
“I think you’ve got some crossed wires.”
“No! We don’t,” Alexa said fiercely. “One thing that’s always been clear between Jamison and me is that we are all wrong for each other.”
“You had
a fight before you left,” Beth guessed.
“Of course! That’s all we ever do.”
“You mean like Mom and Dad?”
“No. Never like that,” Alexa realized. “It was lighter…prickly. A way to protect my heart from him. He’s a wonderful man, Beth. He’s gentle and kind. He’d never hurt me on purpose.” With anguish, she finished, “But it was all just a fairy tale, like I thought from the beginning. None of it was real.”
“But I thought Colin was Prince Charming.”
“No.” Crazy as it was, Jamison had become her knight in shining armor. How had the man she had deemed an elf so long ago morph from being one of the most irritating, incorrigible men she had ever known, into the most irresistible?
She gazed at the picture again. Beth was right, and Alexa had admitted the partial truth to Jamison in Switzerland. He was nice looking. In fact, he was the most handsome man she had ever seen. Colin couldn’t hold a candle to him. And how had she ever thought he looked like an elf? It was just self-protection, from the very beginning. He wasn’t elf-like at all.
She studied his features, thirsty to memorize every detail. He had a straight nose, with that tiny bump, straight dark brows. Well-cut mouth. Thick, wavy hair—crisp and soft to the touch, she remembered. Straight, even white teeth. Not to mention his hard, muscular body, and his square, well-cut hands that could engulf her own, and hold her so gently.
But more than all the superficialities was the man inside. A man of integrity, honesty, faith, courage…and vulnerability, too. She had never met anyone like him before, and knew she never would again.
Alexa struggled to hold back the burning tears.
Beth said, “You love him, don’t you?”
A tear slipped down her face. “Yes.” For the first time, Alexa admitted it aloud. “He’s not at all what I thought I was looking for in a man.” Her thumb brushed his face in the picture. She remembered the texture of his skin. His smile. The heavy-lidded, smoky look in his eyes when he had fed her the chocolate. The burning fire when he kissed her.
“You’ll regret it forever if you don’t tell him. I’ll leave you alone to think.” Her sister retreated to the kitchen.
Her Reluctant Bodyguard Page 31
