by C. S. Lakin
Della felt smug. Everything was playing in her favor. Davis’s performance kept Lila completely unsuspecting. But she had her own secret plan to pop Lila’s bubble just before opening night. She would tell Lila the truth about Davis. Lila would be so upset she wouldn’t be able to face him. She would run and hide and the understudy would have to step in—Della herself. No one else knew her plan and no one would find out. Lila would probably leave school, run back to her parent’s house to hide. So, to hell with school policies. Della would play the part that was meant to be hers. And she would give the school a performance they’d talk about for years.
The night before the show, and the last night of the bet, Davis invited Lila out to a restaurant in Shelton. Stage one was a “fait accompli.” He knew Lila believed he was in love with her. That was the easy part. Now for the tough one. He didn’t want to take the chance of running into anyone from Evergreen. After an expensive dinner and a bottle of Chardonnay, Davis took Lila’s hand and led her to his car. He could tell she had taken extra care in dressing that evening, and probably stood in front of the mirror for an hour, changing her clothes and hair style to find just the right look. He put his arms around her and kissed her deeply.
He felt her tense up and resist.
“Let’s go back to my house, Li,” he whispered in her ear.
“I can’t. Tomorrow’s the show. I better get my rest. I wouldn’t want to look puffy. . . ”
He kissed the words away. “Just for a little while. Then I’ll take you home. We can listen to some music and make a nice fire. There’s so much I want to say to you.”
He gazed into her face and coaxed a smile. She nodded but her eyes belied her willingness. He would have to do some pretty sweet talking.
When they entered his house, Lila moved nervously about, exclaiming how lucky Davis was to have his own place. She skittered around the living room, touching the furniture and drapes.
He took her hand and led her to the fireplace, then lowered her to the rug. As he built up the fire, he sensed her staring. He turned and pulled off his shirt, exposing his chest. Lila’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. He kept a straight face but wanted to laugh. Poor, sheltered Lila. He bet she never even sat on a beach and looked at men in their swim trunks. Boy, was she in for a surprise.
The fire blazed and crackled. Davis dropped down beside her and slowly unbuttoned her dress.
She pushed his hand away with shaky fingers. “I can’t. You said . . . we were just going to talk.”
His mouth nuzzled her ear as he whispered to her. “I am talking to you, darling.”
“Oh, Davis, I want to. I really do, but I can’t.”
Davis, bored by the effort, pondered taking her home and not wasting his whole evening. What did it matter, anyway? He could lie to the others and say she went to bed with him.
He lay back on the rug and stared at the ceiling. But if they learned the truth, he’d never hear the end of it. Lila would tell Millie and Millie would tell Dick. They’d all know. Besides, this was a matter of pride. No woman had ever turned him down. So, it was now or never.
He sat up and kissed Lila, gently with passion. He pulled back before she did.
“Lila, I’m really crazy about you. I know how you feel and I respect you. Maybe you just don’t understand my feelings, what’s really going on inside me.”
Lila stared at him, confused. Davis stammered, trying to find the right words. “All these years, girls always threw themselves at me. It doesn’t mean anything, you know? No one ever really wants to know me, the real me. They just want sex. No one ever says, ‘Davis, you have a good heart, you’re a kind person, you make me laugh . . .’ ”
Lila jumped in as Davis expected. “I do.”
“That’s right, Li. You’re the only woman I’ve ever known who really sees me. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Davis pulled away from Lila and put on his best puppy-dog pout. “This is so hard for me . . .”
“What is?”
“Explaining this. I feel so stupid.”
Lila draped her arm around him. “You’re not stupid.” She sighed. “Just as lonely and misunderstood as me. We’re a lot alike, that way.”
“Yeah,” Davis said. He paused the right length of time and stared into her eyes. Now for the slide into home plate. “I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but would you ever consider marrying a guy like me?”
Lila gasped. She questioned the honesty in his gaze but Davis never flinched. Tears filled her eyes. Davis cradled her in his arms.
“There, there, it’s all right,” he said. “Come on, I’ll take you home now.” He kissed her cheeks and wiped the tears off her face with the back of his hand.
“I don’t want to go,” she whispered.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I want this night to last forever.”
“Then let’s do that. Make it last forever. Let’s have a night we’ll never forget as long as we live. As the poets say—the night I pledged my troth to you.”
He lowered her down onto the rug. He lay beside her and explored her body through her clothes. When Lila tensed, Davis backed off. He poured her a glass of brandy.
He watched her sip for awhile, then took the glass away and began again.
“I’m so fat,” she blurted out.
“No, you’re beautiful. I like women with meat on their bones. Oh, Lila, your skin is so soft.”
“Please, go slow . . .”
“I’m in no hurry, darling.” With the gentleness of a mother washing a baby, he took her dress off. Her arms quickly covered her breasts. He took her hands away.
“Please, let me look at you. You have such beautiful skin.” He reached behind her and fumbled with the clasp of her bra. He felt her heart pound through his fingertips. He caressed the outline of her breasts with a soft touch that made her gasp. Then he reached for her nipples and squeezed. Her body squirmed into his, wanting more with every fiber of her being.
Then his fingers moved deftly along the rim of her underpants. She stiffened, then caught her breath. He lay down the length of her: he, with most of his clothes still on and she, totally naked and vulnerable. The image amused him. Without further hesitation, he sought out her mouth and felt her body fall against him, unresisting.
She threw her arms around the man she loved and gave herself completely to him.
Chapter 27
Lila was in a frenzy all through dress rehearsal. Surely everyone knew by the expression on her face. Couldn’t they tell she’d been to bed with him? Every time she looked over at him, blood pounded her ears and her face washed hot. Davis was amazing. Such a complete professional. He behaved as if nothing had changed. But when he knew no one was looking, he winked at her, or gave her hand a squeeze.
She surprised herself. Somehow she remembered all her lines, yet last night’s affair, in his arms, replayed again and again, overlaying the mundane lines of script she recited. She never imagined intimacy could be so fantastic, as scared as she had been. Yet Davis had been so gentle. All her prior fears proved unfounded. Davis understood everything. How scared she was. How inexperienced. Each time he touched her, her body responded with such passion, she astonished herself. She had no idea of the depth of her desire. He made her feel beautiful for the first time in her life. She wanted to scream out to the world — he loves me! But everyone would know soon enough. Davis suggested they wait until after opening night’s performance to share their feelings. Now they needed to concentrate on the performance.
When she got home last night, she wanted to pour out her excitement to Millie, but her roommate was asleep, and in the morning they’d both had to race out to class. She would just have to tell her along with everyone else tonight.
At the end of rehearsal, Jonathan admonished the group with last minute notes and warnings. Lila hoped Davis would walk out with her, but as she gathered up her things, Jonathan called Della, Dick, and Davis to stay behind.
As she a
nd Millie pushed through the Comm. building doors into the blustery spring day, Lila stopped abruptly.
“What’s the matter?” Millie asked.
“I forgot my coat.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you at the cafeteria.”
Lila hurried back inside. The crew was turning off lights and replacing props as Lila walked backstage to her locker. As she opened the door and pulled out her coat, she heard a familiar laugh that struck her heart. Davis!
She closed her locker door and snuck over to the wings of the stage. She wanted to drink him in, soak up his every word.
She saw the four friends lounging on the set. Della sidled up next to Jon, and Dick straddled a chair. All eyes were on Davis. Then she heard her name mentioned. She leaned her head to hear better.
“I can just picture her.” Dick spoke with a raised pitch. “Oh Davis, I can’t. I promised my dear old daddy I’d stay a virgin until I died.”
“So go on,” Jonathan urged.
Davis cleared his throat. “So, I gave her the bit about how much she meant to me and then the old sob story. How no one understands poor Davis; they all want his body and don’t appreciate his mind. . . ”
A spatter of laughter erupted. Davis continued: “She fell for it, easy as falling off a chair.”
“Poor Davis, no one understands him,” Jonathan said, shaking his head.
Lila’s body went rigid. It took a moment for Davis’s words to sink in. She shook her head, trying to shake away the truth that rammed her heart. A voice in her head screamed at her. Get out of here. But she couldn’t move. She was riveted, paralyzed and horrified.
Della turned to Davis. “Come on, Davis. Let’s have all the gory details. What’s fatso look like without her clothes on?”
“Fat!”
They all roared.
“Hey, we all know she’s nuts about you,” Dick said, “but how did you get her into the sack?”
Davis grinned. “Piece of cake. I told you no woman can resist my charms.”
Della seemed unconvinced. “Just like that?”
“All I had to do was say ‘please.’ She was a pushover.”
Waves of nausea roiled in Lila’s stomach. Her vision darkened and her head grew woozy. No, dear God, no!
“Well, you’re a better actor than I guessed. I would have bet you five hundred that you couldn’t get her to bed by opening night,” Jonathan said.
Davis laughed, and instead of filling Lila with joy, his mirth made her gag. “A good thing you only risked fifty,” she heard him say in between his chortling.
“Well, you won,” Dick said. “The least we can do is buy you a drink.”
“That sounds great. Let’s get the hell out of here,” Davis said.
Lila shook herself out of her stupor. They were coming her way. Move, move! She raced across the recessed stage and out the door.
Sobbing in hysterics, she ran across campus not caring that people stared at her. Oh please God, just let me die!
She flung open her dorm room door. Without thinking, she stuffed clothes into her suitcase, then snatched her toiletries out of the bathroom. Her hands shook as she grabbed bottles out of the medicine cabinet. She popped two aspirins into her mouth, then noticed a prescription bottle of Valium belonging to Millie. After swallowing two, she glanced at the pile of textbooks on her desk. They looked oddly foreign, out of place against the glaring reality of her life. She took a last look at her room: her bed, her dresser, Millie’s things. This room, once her sanctuary, now felt a prison.
College was over. Her life was over.
Lila boarded the first city bus that came by, not caring what direction she went. She watched the campus fade behind her, like a curtain lowering down. Curtain. The curtain would go up on “Picnic” in four hours, but that no longer concerned her. Someone would have to fill her shoes last minute and she knew it’d be Della. She thought about Della on stage with Davis. That’s what the whole joke was all about, wasn’t it? They planned this to make sure Della would play the lead—the lead she wanted from the beginning. Lila’s eyelids grew heavy and her thoughts crumbled into pieces. She tried to imagine Della playing her part, Davis holding Della in his arms.
Davis, why did you do this to me? How could you?
All of them in it together. Laughing at her every day behind her back. Davis and Della. And Jonathan and Dick. All of them, plotting against her.
Millie? Did she know? All those times Millie avoided her, her face unreadable these last few weeks. She was Dick’s girl. She wanted a husband and would do anything to get Dick. Oh yes, Millie knew, too.
She could see her father’s scowling face. “I warned you. You put yourself in Satan’s hands and now you’re reaping what you’ve sown.” As the bus headed downtown, her father’s voice plagued her. A magnet pulled her back toward her parents’ house in Tumwater, but she would not crawl back and beg for help. No way. Home was out of the question.
Lila stumbled off the bus on the west side of Olympia and searched the street. A seedy bar with dark windows sat on the corner. She needed time to think. The pain in her heart spread through her body like penetrating poison. In a daze, she slid into a stall in the back of the smoke-filled room and ordered a vodka straight, glad the darkness masked her age. She had never tasted hard liquor before, but she downed it without reservation. The pain in her heart began to subside. Signaling the bartender, she ordered another. The thoughts that lay shattered in her mind now dissolved into hazy obscurity. Why was she here? Just where was she?
Hours passed, and by the time she exited the bar, a dark, starless night greeted her. She struggled to keep her eyes open. A warm rain splattered her face as she tried to get her bearings. Nothing looked familiar. She searched her mind and the image of Davis formed like a diaphanous ghost. Hot tears poured down her cheeks as she trudged along the sidewalk. What could she do with all this pain? Her wet clothes stuck to her skin and strands of dripping hair flopped in her eyes.
By now the play would have started. She was supposed to be up on the stage, under the lights in her first starring role—the pinnacle of her life. Instead, this. She had an urge to burst into the theater and scream, embarrass the whole lot of them. She sobbed and stared at her feet, one step lifting and setting down in front of the other, leading nowhere. She was a weak, gullible fool and her “friends” would laugh at poor, pitiful Lila. Their laughing faces trailed behind her, breathing down her neck.
Headlights flew past as she braced herself to cross the street. She had a hard time distinguishing the distances of the cars. Color and sounds all merged in a vague pattern, splattering red and yellow lights against the sidewalk. As she staggered to the other side, cars honked and splashed up water around her ankles. Then she remembered she left her suitcase in the bar. She spun around on the pavement and headed back across the street. A screech erupted in her ears and she felt a heavy thud against her leg. The last thing she remembered was her head smacking concrete and a sharp pain shooting up her neck.
When she awoke, her mother was leaning over her. She strained to lift her head, but a jolt of pain shot up her spine. It took a few moments to recognize she lay elevated in a hospital bed. A glance down her arm stopped at the IV needle taped to the back of her hand, the plastic tube trailing up to a pouch of clear liquid.
“Father, she’s awake,” Darla Carmichael whispered.
Lila was aware of her father’s shape alongside her, although the image was fuzzy. His voice rang like tin in her ears as he bent over her bed.
“Well, young lady, you should thank your merciful God you’re alive. What with all the alcohol in your blood.”
Darla patted Lila’s hand. “Now, George, she’s supposed to rest. You can speak to her when we get her home.”
Lila managed to open her mouth. Her lips felt like jelly and her words lodged in her throat. “I don’t want to go home . . .”
“I’m afraid you have no choice,” her father said. “You need serious care. You were hit by a c
ar, for God’s sake. You certainly aren’t going back to that school!”
Lila sighed and let her heavy eyelids close. She was in no condition to fight her father. She would take her bitter medicine, helpless before his mercy. She deserved it. No punishment was too great for her sin. Her sin of stupidity.
Her parents fixed her up in her old room and, for a week, fed her soup and bread and Bible Scripture. Her father pounded her night and day with admonitions about her behavior, reminding her she got what she deserved.
“You went out into the world, not like Jesus ordered—as a messenger of God, a light in the dark—but to delve into the evil ways of the ungodly.” The Reverend sighed deeply and raised his hands to heaven. “ ‘O that thou hadst harkened to my commandments. Then had thy peace been as a river and thy righteousness as the waves of the sea.’ ”
Lila never told her parents what happened to her and they never asked. Her depression and pain told them all they needed to know. After making little improvement the first week, they decided harsher measures were needed to rescue their only child from Satan’s clutches. Her father prayed over her each day and forced Lila to go on a fast to cleanse out the filth. Not that it mattered; she had lost her appetite anyway. After a few days without food, she was so dizzy she couldn’t stand. Her father grilled her to recite Bible verses and screamed at her when she faltered. He allowed her only water. What they didn’t realize was she didn’t care—she only wanted to die. What was there to live for? She could waste away on her bed until she lost consciousness forever.
The days passed endlessly. She stared at a picture of Jesus on her wall and asked him why it was taking so long to die. When her parents weren’t home, the only sound she heard was the clock ticking. Like waiting in limbo, or Purgatory.
One afternoon, her father lost his temper. “Get down on your knees, you Jezebel!”
